Genre: Romance, AU, Humor
Warnings: Yaoi, Language
Disclaimer: No way, no how
Arranged Marriage + Part
"Excuse me Prince, but your
Lady mother requests an audience."
The addressed prince sighed loudly and rolled over, slamming his book
loudly and drawing his face into a disgusted sneer, his displeasure evident.
"What does she want?"
"I don't know, Prince. Your Lady mother-,"
"Oh shut up," the prince said irritably. "My name is Wufei not
Prince and her name is not my Lady mother!"
"I said shut up, you stupid woman!" Wufei glared at the girl and she promptly
burst into tears, fleeing the room before they became too obvious. Wufei
gazed at her retreating form, feeling the beginnings of remorse pecking
away at him. Maybe he'd been too harsh with her...no, of course
he hadn't. The little wretch was just over-sensitive. That was all. 
Wufei glared at nothing before gently setting his book on his bookcase-the
books were shelved alphabetically, for despite his shortcomings, one of
Wufei's great virtues was his organizational skill. Or as he was called
in loud whispers by his subjects, `a neat-freak'!
The prince sighed loudly and left the room reluctantly to meet with his
mother in the requested audience.
"Wufei! There you are darling! Finally!" Wufei groaned inwardly as his
mother rose from her seat and enveloped him in her arms.
"You act as though I've been gone for weeks," Wufei muttered, escaping
her embrace as quickly as possible.
His mother retreated a bit, smiling widely at him. "But you will be soon!"
"What?" Wufei gazed at her suspiciously, his eyes narrowing. "You're not
shipping me off on another one of those peace alliance tour things are
"No! Something better!"
"Tell me then," Wufei ordered.
His mother gazed at her son, her large blue eyes filling with tears of
joy. Wufei sighed, rather loudly. < Women are so emotional. Always
crying over one thing or another. Weaklings, all of them! > "A honeymoon!
Wufei, my dear, you are to be married!"
Wufei gaped at her, "Why wasn't I informed of this?"
"Because it was just decided yesterday!" A happy little sob escaped her
lips. "After you turned down all the fairest maidens and even some of
the not-so-fairest maidens, we-well, your father actually-went ahead and
made some other arrangements!"
Wufei rolled his eyes. "Who is it? Wait; let me guess. It's a beautiful
mill-maid who can spin straw into gold and can sing like an angel. She's
accomplished, sweet, a real lady despite her meager means and she's strong
and hardy so she'll be perfect for bearing many children."
His mother shook her head. "Nope! Since we know how you the female population-expect
< Especially you, you meddling old hag. >
"-we've found you something better!"
"Tell me for God's sake!" Wufei exploded, curiosity finally getting the
best of him.'
"Yes! A very handsome, very friendly and affectionate young man!"
"His name is Duo Maxwell-and here's the best of it-his kingdom is right
next to ours so once you're married and we turn the throne over to you
and likewise by his parents-our kingdoms will be joined and everyone will
have twice as much land and be twice as prosperous!"
Wufei stared at the cheerful woman he called mother. "Are you serious?"
"Of course! Here, let me get your father-," Wufei winced as his mother
opened her mouth a shrieked in the ear-piercing voice that had become
famous as their kingdom gained strength and recognition. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"
Moments later, Wufei's father, the king stomped out his laboratory, a
white lab coat messily buttoned over his kingly attire. Chocolate strands
fell wildly over his face and a cobalt blaze fired through them in the
infamous Yuy death glare. "What the *hell* do you want, woman?" Heero
barked out. It was quite evident whom Wufei took after.
Relena smiled adoringly up at her husband, "I've just told our son the
news of his marriage!"
"Yeah? What do you want me to do? We already had that stupid `birds-and-the-bees'
talk!" Heero continued glaring down at his wife through chocolate strands.
"I want you to come down here and talk to him about the responsibilities
marriage and fatherhood and kingly hood bring upon a young man!" Relena
"He's marrying a boy for cripes sake, whaddaya mean fatherhood?"
"There's always adoption!"
Heero rolled his eyes but reluctantly turned back to the smoke that covered
the entrance to his laboratory. "Trowa! Time for a family meeting!"
Relena frowned with distaste. "Why do you have to bring that stupid clown
"Because I'm the king and I say so. That's why."
"Oh." Relena seemed to be contemplating this as Heero and the afore-mentioned
clown came down the stairs, Heero thumping against each step noisily while
Trowa slunk along behind him, rather like a cat.
"What in heaven's name are you doing?" Relena asked as Heero jumped several
times on the last step.
"I was positive I left a landmine on one of these steps,"
Heero said, looking vaguely disappointed. He shrugged it off though and
whirled around to give his wife yet another glare. "This is a father-son
moment, we need privacy!"
"No one here but the family. Proceed." Relena settled back into her chair
and clasped her hands in her lap.
"Mother..." Wufei inhaled noisily, trying to remember to count to ten.
"Father means for you to go away."
"Oh. I knew that," Relena said haughtily before stalking out of the room.
"Thank God that nightmare's gone," Heero said as soon as the door
was tightly closed. Visible relief showed on his face as he dumped himself
into Relena's recently vacated chair. "I need a drink." Instantly, Trowa
was at his side, pressing the demanded beverage into Heero's hand. Heero
took a long draught of it, smiled affectionately at the clown to his son's
surprise before turning to face Wufei, sympathy etching the lines of his
face. "So...you're getting married."
"Because you say so," Wufei glared.
Heero nodded. "I know. And my word is law until the day I hand over the
throne and all it's miseries to you. So, therefore, you are getting married."
"But...why to another male?' Wufei asked in confusion.
Heero laughed, a short bitter sound. "Because I know who you are."
"You're just like me." Heero smirked. "You like boys."
"Oh please. I'm not as stupid as your mother," Heero finished his drink
quickly at the mention of his wife. "I know you hate women."
"But that doesn't mean I want to marry a boy!"
Heero gazed at his son. "But you'd rather marry a male than a female,
am I correct?"
Wufei's gaze shifted to the stolid clown standing behind his father's
chair. Heero and Trowa both read the look and Trowa broke his usual silence
to say, "You needn't worry about saying anything in front of me." He paused
and looked down at Heero. The king nodded and Trowa continued, "I've been
Heero's friend and lover for almost eighteen years now. You can trust
Wufei gazed at Heero. "Since before I was born?" Heero nodded, reaching
up to grasp Trowa's hand, feeling comfortable in doing so now that his
secret was revealed. "Does Mother know?"
"Of course not..." Heero sighed. "It's better she never knew, don't you
"Yes...but why doesn't she object to me...?" Wufei was hopelessly lost.
Heero smirked, "I've got the woman tied around my finger. Anything I say
is law with her...except my affair with Trowa. I think she might object
to that." A smile twitched at Trowa's lips as he walked around the chair
and squashed himself into the chair besides Heero.
"Then...why don't you just tell her I don't have to be married?" Wufei
asked, his eyes looking hopeless and depressed.
"Because...I believe this Duo will be good for you." Heero shuddered,
"Just be glad you're not being forced into marriage with someone like
"But nothing. You're my son and what's more, I'm king. You do as I say
and I say you marry Duo Maxwell!"
"But-," Wufei tried once more.
"I said you're marrying him!" Wufei glared at spat out some very nasty
and un-princelike stuff at his father before turning on his heel and storming
away, slamming the door forcibly behind him. Heero leaned back comfortably
into Trowa's arms and said cheerily, "That went over quite well, don't
"I WILL NOT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
"YES YOU WILL! AND I CAN TOO MAKE YOU!"
Mother and son stood on opposing sides of the room, heartily trying to
drown the other out with their screams. Duo glared ferociously and bending
over, swiftly starting hurling books at the wall. "I WILL NOT!" A book
hit a lamp, shattering it. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" This time a picture frame
broke. "AND YOU'RE JUST A STUPID HAG SO NYAH, NYAH!" This time, Duo stuck
out his tongue and blew a raspberry at his mother while hurling books
at the wall.
His mother glared back and started hurling various ornamental trinkets
from the china cabinet at her son, screaming back in kind. "WELL YOU'RE
JUST A SELFISH, SNOT-NOSED BRAT THAT I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH FOR SIXTEEN
FUCKING YEARS AND I WILL SO MAKE YOU MARRY HIM!!!!!!"
"Um..." Duo's father nervously tiptoed into the room. "Why don't we all
just calm down and maybe discuss this calmly and rationally over a cup
"Shut the hell up!" Mother and son bawled at him.
Quatre's eyes widened as he quickly exited the room. < What did I do
to deserve this? >
Duo glared angrily at his mother, planting his hands on his hips. "How
come I gotta marry him?"
"One, you're sixteen and the law states that any royal child must be either
married or betrothed by sixteen."
"Change the stupid law."
Dorothy glared at him. "Two, they're the only family that will agree to
having two member of the same sex get married."
"Not my fault I'm a queer."
Another dark glare. "And third of all, you're getting to be SUCH a brat
and I wanna get rid of you!"
"The feelings mutual," Duo cried, nearly nose to nose with his mother
as the two hotheads glared and stepped menacingly forward. Duo's face
cracked into a slight smile as he said, "Your eyebrows look like they
each got four prongs instead of two this way."
"You little bastard," Dorothy cried, swatting at him. But she was laughing
and so was he as the two playfully continued arguing.
Quatre stared at them, having slipped into the room unnoticed. < They're
crazy! And people call me insane! >
Duo turned and smiled widely at his father. "Mom's converted me into the
idea of marriage. She says you're the one who actually met my future
husband. What does he look like?"
Quatre cleared his throat nervously as his wife threw a dangerous look
at him. "Um...well I'm not the best judge on this, but I'd say he was
"Translation please," Duo turned to his mother.
Dorothy smirked. "Means he's fucking gorgeous." 
"I knew you guys had good taste."
Quatre sweat-dropped noticeably as he slumped down in his chair. <
I will never understand them! Never! >
"Hey, Pop, when do I get to meet him? Mom says she doesn't know."
"Day after tomorrow."
Duo gasped, "I have only two days to figure out how to seduce him?"
"DUO!" Quatre shrieked, color leaving his face.
Duo laughed, "Just kidding."
"Yeah, yeah, you always are," Quatre mumbled as he watched his wife and
son cheerily sit down and begin arguing over wedding arrangements. Quieter,
hoping no one would hear him, he added: "Thank Allah I'm getting
one of you off my hands."
 Wufei's a jerk. Of course. ^_~ Now, to see if Duo can change him...
 Ah, parent-child relationships...of course if I ever said that to
my mom I'd be grounded for life...but that's the beauty of fiction ^_~
 Term used by a friend to describe Heero Yuy, but I decided it fit
Wufei better for all intensive purposes ^_^ So...is it even more warped
than I think, or is it actually a good fic?
[part 2] [back to
Singles a - k]