Author: Aimee
Genre: Romance, AU, Humor
Warnings: Yaoi, Language
Disclaimer: No way, no how

An Arranged Marriage + Part 1

"Excuse me Prince, but your Lady mother requests an audience."

The addressed prince sighed loudly and rolled over, slamming his book loudly and drawing his face into a disgusted sneer, his displeasure evident. "What does she want?"

"I don't know, Prince. Your Lady mother-,"

"Oh shut up," the prince said irritably. "My name is Wufei not Prince and her name is not my Lady mother!"

"Sorry-,"

"I said shut up, you stupid woman!" Wufei glared at the girl and she promptly burst into tears, fleeing the room before they became too obvious. Wufei gazed at her retreating form, feeling the beginnings of remorse pecking away at him. Maybe he'd been too harsh with her...no, of course he hadn't. The little wretch was just over-sensitive. That was all. [1] Wufei glared at nothing before gently setting his book on his bookcase-the books were shelved alphabetically, for despite his shortcomings, one of Wufei's great virtues was his organizational skill. Or as he was called in loud whispers by his subjects, `a neat-freak'!

The prince sighed loudly and left the room reluctantly to meet with his mother in the requested audience.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Wufei! There you are darling! Finally!" Wufei groaned inwardly as his mother rose from her seat and enveloped him in her arms.

"You act as though I've been gone for weeks," Wufei muttered, escaping her embrace as quickly as possible.

His mother retreated a bit, smiling widely at him. "But you will be soon!"

"What?" Wufei gazed at her suspiciously, his eyes narrowing. "You're not shipping me off on another one of those peace alliance tour things are you?"

"No! Something better!"

"Tell me then," Wufei ordered.

His mother gazed at her son, her large blue eyes filling with tears of joy. Wufei sighed, rather loudly. < Women are so emotional. Always crying over one thing or another. Weaklings, all of them! > "A honeymoon! Wufei, my dear, you are to be married!"

Wufei gaped at her, "Why wasn't I informed of this?"

"Because it was just decided yesterday!" A happy little sob escaped her lips. "After you turned down all the fairest maidens and even some of the not-so-fairest maidens, we-well, your father actually-went ahead and made some other arrangements!"

Wufei rolled his eyes. "Who is it? Wait; let me guess. It's a beautiful mill-maid who can spin straw into gold and can sing like an angel. She's accomplished, sweet, a real lady despite her meager means and she's strong and hardy so she'll be perfect for bearing many children."

His mother shook her head. "Nope! Since we know how you the female population-expect for me-,"

< Especially you, you meddling old hag. >

"-we've found you something better!"

"Tell me for God's sake!" Wufei exploded, curiosity finally getting the best of him.'

"A boy!"

"What!"

"Yes! A very handsome, very friendly and affectionate young man!"

"WHAT?"

"His name is Duo Maxwell-and here's the best of it-his kingdom is right next to ours so once you're married and we turn the throne over to you and likewise by his parents-our kingdoms will be joined and everyone will have twice as much land and be twice as prosperous!"

Wufei stared at the cheerful woman he called mother. "Are you serious?"

"Of course! Here, let me get your father-," Wufei winced as his mother opened her mouth a shrieked in the ear-piercing voice that had become famous as their kingdom gained strength and recognition. "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Moments later, Wufei's father, the king stomped out his laboratory, a white lab coat messily buttoned over his kingly attire. Chocolate strands fell wildly over his face and a cobalt blaze fired through them in the infamous Yuy death glare. "What the *hell* do you want, woman?" Heero barked out. It was quite evident whom Wufei took after.

Relena smiled adoringly up at her husband, "I've just told our son the news of his marriage!"

"Yeah? What do you want me to do? We already had that stupid `birds-and-the-bees' talk!" Heero continued glaring down at his wife through chocolate strands.

"I want you to come down here and talk to him about the responsibilities marriage and fatherhood and kingly hood bring upon a young man!" Relena shouted back.

"He's marrying a boy for cripes sake, whaddaya mean fatherhood?"

"There's always adoption!"

Heero rolled his eyes but reluctantly turned back to the smoke that covered the entrance to his laboratory. "Trowa! Time for a family meeting!"

Relena frowned with distaste. "Why do you have to bring that stupid clown everywhere?"

"Because I'm the king and I say so. That's why."

"Oh." Relena seemed to be contemplating this as Heero and the afore-mentioned clown came down the stairs, Heero thumping against each step noisily while Trowa slunk along behind him, rather like a cat.

"What in heaven's name are you doing?" Relena asked as Heero jumped several times on the last step.

"I was positive I left a landmine on one of these steps,"

Heero said, looking vaguely disappointed. He shrugged it off though and whirled around to give his wife yet another glare. "This is a father-son moment, we need privacy!"

"No one here but the family. Proceed." Relena settled back into her chair and clasped her hands in her lap.

"Mother..." Wufei inhaled noisily, trying to remember to count to ten. "Father means for you to go away."

"Oh. I knew that," Relena said haughtily before stalking out of the room.

"Thank God that nightmare's gone," Heero said as soon as the door was tightly closed. Visible relief showed on his face as he dumped himself into Relena's recently vacated chair. "I need a drink." Instantly, Trowa was at his side, pressing the demanded beverage into Heero's hand. Heero took a long draught of it, smiled affectionately at the clown to his son's surprise before turning to face Wufei, sympathy etching the lines of his face. "So...you're getting married."

"Because you say so," Wufei glared.

Heero nodded. "I know. And my word is law until the day I hand over the throne and all it's miseries to you. So, therefore, you are getting married."

"But...why to another male?' Wufei asked in confusion.

Heero laughed, a short bitter sound. "Because I know who you are."

"What?"

"You're just like me." Heero smirked. "You like boys."

"No!"

"Oh please. I'm not as stupid as your mother," Heero finished his drink quickly at the mention of his wife. "I know you hate women."

"But that doesn't mean I want to marry a boy!"

Heero gazed at his son. "But you'd rather marry a male than a female, am I correct?"

Wufei's gaze shifted to the stolid clown standing behind his father's chair. Heero and Trowa both read the look and Trowa broke his usual silence to say, "You needn't worry about saying anything in front of me." He paused and looked down at Heero. The king nodded and Trowa continued, "I've been Heero's friend and lover for almost eighteen years now. You can trust me."

Wufei gazed at Heero. "Since before I was born?" Heero nodded, reaching up to grasp Trowa's hand, feeling comfortable in doing so now that his secret was revealed. "Does Mother know?"

"Of course not..." Heero sighed. "It's better she never knew, don't you think?"

"Yes...but why doesn't she object to me...?" Wufei was hopelessly lost.

Heero smirked, "I've got the woman tied around my finger. Anything I say is law with her...except my affair with Trowa. I think she might object to that." A smile twitched at Trowa's lips as he walked around the chair and squashed himself into the chair besides Heero.

"Then...why don't you just tell her I don't have to be married?" Wufei asked, his eyes looking hopeless and depressed.

"Because...I believe this Duo will be good for you." Heero shuddered, "Just be glad you're not being forced into marriage with someone like your mother."

"But..."

"But nothing. You're my son and what's more, I'm king. You do as I say and I say you marry Duo Maxwell!"

"But-," Wufei tried once more.

"I said you're marrying him!" Wufei glared at spat out some very nasty and un-princelike stuff at his father before turning on his heel and storming away, slamming the door forcibly behind him. Heero leaned back comfortably into Trowa's arms and said cheerily, "That went over quite well, don't you think?"

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I WILL NOT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"

"YES YOU WILL! AND I CAN TOO MAKE YOU!"

Mother and son stood on opposing sides of the room, heartily trying to drown the other out with their screams. Duo glared ferociously and bending over, swiftly starting hurling books at the wall. "I WILL NOT!" A book hit a lamp, shattering it. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" This time a picture frame broke. "AND YOU'RE JUST A STUPID HAG SO NYAH, NYAH!" This time, Duo stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at his mother while hurling books at the wall.

His mother glared back and started hurling various ornamental trinkets from the china cabinet at her son, screaming back in kind. "WELL YOU'RE JUST A SELFISH, SNOT-NOSED BRAT THAT I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH FOR SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS AND I WILL SO MAKE YOU MARRY HIM!!!!!!"

"Um..." Duo's father nervously tiptoed into the room. "Why don't we all just calm down and maybe discuss this calmly and rationally over a cup of tea?"

"Shut the hell up!" Mother and son bawled at him.

Quatre's eyes widened as he quickly exited the room. < What did I do to deserve this? >

Duo glared angrily at his mother, planting his hands on his hips. "How come I gotta marry him?"

"One, you're sixteen and the law states that any royal child must be either married or betrothed by sixteen."

"Change the stupid law."

Dorothy glared at him. "Two, they're the only family that will agree to having two member of the same sex get married."

"Not my fault I'm a queer."

Another dark glare. "And third of all, you're getting to be SUCH a brat and I wanna get rid of you!"

"The feelings mutual," Duo cried, nearly nose to nose with his mother as the two hotheads glared and stepped menacingly forward. Duo's face cracked into a slight smile as he said, "Your eyebrows look like they each got four prongs instead of two this way."

"You little bastard," Dorothy cried, swatting at him. But she was laughing and so was he as the two playfully continued arguing.[2]

Quatre stared at them, having slipped into the room unnoticed. < They're crazy! And people call me insane! >

Duo turned and smiled widely at his father. "Mom's converted me into the idea of marriage. She says you're the one who actually met my future husband. What does he look like?"

Quatre cleared his throat nervously as his wife threw a dangerous look at him. "Um...well I'm not the best judge on this, but I'd say he was good-looking."

"Translation please," Duo turned to his mother.

Dorothy smirked. "Means he's fucking gorgeous." [3]

"I knew you guys had good taste."

Quatre sweat-dropped noticeably as he slumped down in his chair. < I will never understand them! Never! >

"Hey, Pop, when do I get to meet him? Mom says she doesn't know."

"Day after tomorrow."

Duo gasped, "I have only two days to figure out how to seduce him?"

"DUO!" Quatre shrieked, color leaving his face.

Duo laughed, "Just kidding."

"Yeah, yeah, you always are," Quatre mumbled as he watched his wife and son cheerily sit down and begin arguing over wedding arrangements. Quieter, hoping no one would hear him, he added: "Thank Allah I'm getting one of you off my hands."

+

[1] Wufei's a jerk. Of course. ^_~ Now, to see if Duo can change him...
[2] Ah, parent-child relationships...of course if I ever said that to my mom I'd be grounded for life...but that's the beauty of fiction ^_~
[3] Term used by a friend to describe Heero Yuy, but I decided it fit Wufei better for all intensive purposes ^_^ So...is it even more warped than I think, or is it actually a good fic?

[part 2] [back to Singles a - k]