are owned by someone else.
Warnings: yaoi, death, angst
Notes: an answer to the fic challenge from elyndys lucid dreaming
A tinkling laugh reminiscent of someone's innocent childhood ebbed and
flowed within the boundaries of awareness. It was a sound that was not
quite near or far, but an encompassing audal wave that permeated deeply
into the mind. For a lack of a better description, it was more of an atmosphere
than a distinguishable sound.
Intertwined with the atmosphere was a landscape as fantastic as innocence.
A purple sky shot with golden streaks lay comfortingly over silver sands,
reflecting a myriad of gem colors into the surreal twilight. There were
no trees, just endless fields of silver sand dunes rising and falling
like waves, jutting their smooth peaks into the cloudless gold streaked
violet sky as if reaching for the tiny dots of stars glowing like diamonds.
In the midst of the strangely beautiful landscape stood a lone figure.
He looked out into the horizon, his right hand by his forehead to shade
his eyes from the mellow light of the golden streaks and the twinkling
stars. He stood looking into one specific point in the landscape, waiting.
He had been waiting for so long in this beautiful place, so long that
he was a part of this never changing silver and purple place infused with
sounds of childhood.
Then as he had done countless times before, he spoke the same phrase as
softly as the ghosting wind. If anyone else had occupied this place with
him, they might have heard a sigh of a sound escaping through his lips.
But there was no one but him here. Only the silver sands and the purple
sky heard his soft utterance. The constant sound quieted to a murmur in
deference to his only sound.
'I dream of you. I wait for you.'
Heero rubbed his bleary eyes and sat up. His alarm clock looked at him
balefully, telling him that it was certainly not its fault that he was
up late for work again. Heero shut off the incessant blipping noise his
clock emitted and stumbled towards the shower. He hadn't slept well in
more than thirty years. Not since..
Shaking his head at the long dead memories, Heero stepped into a lukewarm
spray of water and opened his eyes. He felt the sharp stinging sensation
as the water stabbed into his already sensitive eyeballs, but he didn't
really care. Pain was good at making him feel awake.
Heero dressed quickly but efficiently into his uniform and ran his fingers
through his hair. Even at fifty, his hair had not calmed down. It still
rebelled against styling and gravity, refusing to become tamed. Grimacing
at his helpless wild hair, Heero grabbed his briefcase and ran out of
his apartment just in time to meet Wufei.
"Morning, Heero. You look as pissed as usual. But still on time, of course."
Wufei's slightly sarcastic but friendly chit chat was received with a
careless shrug. Wufei had picked him up every morning for the last three
years, ever since he had been transferred back to the earth. Heero wondered
sometimes still why he had come back to earth when he had proclaimed that
he hated this planet. Heero let it slide, again. Wufei would tell him
when he felt like it.
"How are the wife and kids, Wufei?"
Wufei, the one man that every Preventer could admit to being afraid of,
smiled softly. His wife and kids still made him misty eyed.
"Sally's good. She's still sniffling from the wedding. Me, too, but don't
tell her that."
Heero smiled slightly. In their old age, Wufei and Sally had gotten sentimental
about their children. They had four of them, but their first, a daughter
Wufei had lovingly named Meiran, had gotten married only this past weekend.
Heero remembered her looking radiant, her curly hair ruthlessly tied down
into respectable braids and her dark eyes flashing with happiness. Her
husband had looked awestruck one moment and dizzy the next, but happy.
"Tell her once again, congratulations. That boy, he's a lucky man."
Wufei beamed. His children were his pride and joy, even the youngest son
who gave him nothing but trouble.
"Of course he's lucky! He's lucky I let her marry him. If he had made
even a small mistake.."
"Meiran would have eloped with him and you would've shot him, I know."
The two old friend looked at each other and smiled. They had wrinkles
around their eyes that crimped their faces, smile lines that seemed to
dig deeper with every passing year. But they had lived through the war.
They had made peace work. They had made sure the sacrifice had not been
The two drove into Preventer's headquarters situated on the Southeast
J.A.P. point. They were saluted and waved in with utmost courtesy. After
all, even a green rookie knew what would happen if they made either Earth
Forces Commander Yuy or Spaces Forces Commander Chang angry.
"Hey, Heero, the moon looks better from earth, don't you think?"
Duo chuckled at Heero's insistence at nonverbal communication.
"Heero, if you want to shut me up, all you have to do is talk back to
me. When you speak, I don't. Get it?"
Heero looked at Duo steadily by the moonlight. His brown hair was silvered
by the beams and his violet eyes had tiny pools of reflecting silver.
He was the most wondrous being Heero had seen.
"I could knock you senseless. You'd be quiet then."
Shaking his head, Duo raised himself up on his elbows. He glanced at Heero
and let out a wry laugh filled with irony and mockery.
"Sheesh, that's what I get for talking to a psychotically violent guy."
Duo stood and walked away. Heero watched him leave, almost yelling out
to him to stop. But he didn't. He let his protests die in his throat.
He merely looked into the sky, staring at the silver moon Duo had proclaimed
beautiful. One day, he would tell Duo what he felt. One day, when Duo
asked him something, said something, he would be able to talk back and
make him smile.
Relena held Heero in her arms, supporting his lax and tired body with
hers. All around her chaos ensued, but she focused on the unconscious
body in her arms, breathing shallowly but steadily. She buried her head
into his hair and stroked his neck with gentle touches, hoping against
hope that he would not wake from his sleep. The peace she preached was
hatching like a newborn chick right at this moment, but at what price?
He was the reason that her dreams were coming true, but he had no dreams
left. He had to stay asleep, dreaming about something that could not be.
A muffled sound drew her mind away from her desperate mental pleadings.
Heero opened his eyes, those inscrutable cobalt blue eyes that seemed
to hold the secrets to the human heart.
He gazed at her with those unblinking eyes, as if he did not know who
she was. Then he spoke.
She caressed his head slowly, the way her mother used to when she was
a frightened little girl. She already knew what he was going to ask. And
she did not want to tell him. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
Heero drank his unbearably hot coffee as he browsed through the reports
for the day. His immaculate office at the Preventer's Headquarters practically
gleamed from the constant polishing, each furniture piece a testament
to the tireless cleaning crew. The reports were always the same. Peace
reigned supreme. It should have made him happy, but there was a hollow
spot in his heart that prevented his true happiness.
His intercom buzzed and he pushed the button to turn on the vid-link to
his secretary. She was young, probably in her mid twenties, half his age.
She was an attractive and bright woman who showed absolutely no shame
while she flirted with the legendary Commander Yuy over the com-unit.
"Commander Yuy," she said in a breathy voice that Heero knew was a bit
contrived, "Mr. Winner is here to see you." "Send him in. Please, cancel
my appointments for the rest of the morning." Heero severed the connection
before his secretary could flirt with him some more. It wasn't that he
minded. It was always a bit flattering to have girls who could be your
daughters hit on you. But he had never been one for girls.
Quatre walked in and surrounded Heero in a steely hug. It had amazed all
of them that Quatre had grown the tallest, hitting his growth spurt late
in life and shooting to his current 6'4". It had surprised Trowa most
of all since he wasn't all that short himself.
"Heero, it's good to see you again."
Quatre's voice was a bit choked, but he had always been good at expressing
his emotions. He did it in a quiet way, quite unlike..
Heero shook his head clear again and smiled at Quatre. It had been quite
some time since they had last seen each other.
"So, Quatre, what brings you to earth?"
No gushy greetings, no tears, no apologies. That was the way with Heero.
"I heard that Wufei was here also. I haven't seen him since the last Space
Alliance conference. Can he join us? I'm here more to see friends than
to do business."
Few minutes later, the three old comrades and friends were sitting around
Heero's coffee table, talking and drinking coffee only edible to Heero.
They spoke of everything and anything, the past, the future, the present.
Except for one topic.
"So, Wufei, did Meiran like the wedding gift I got her?"
Quatre's question was met with more exuberance than he had expected.
"You spoiled her rotten! How could you buy her a HOUSE? On X-009932? That
colony is more expensive than.. Than.. I don't know what!"
Heero chuckled at Quatre's dumbfounded expression while Wufei continued
his rant on rising property taxes, value of colony plots and other various
things. It was good to be with them again.
"Anyway," Wufei said after he had concluded yelling at Quatre, "how are
your kids? Did you bring them with you?"
Wufei sounded overly eager but Quatre didn't mind. His oldest daughter,
Ariane was now twenty two. Wufei's oldest son Treize was also that age.
Wufei had planned on marrying off Treize to Ariane ever since their birth.
"No, I'm sorry Wufei. Trowa stayed on L4 with the kids. Ariane is just
finishing up her college thesis and Desia is grounded for running off
with Trowa's car last week. I'm afraid it's just me, Wufei."
So they talked, they laughed. Three veterans from the harshest war in
space and earth joked with each other and reminisced about the good old
days and the not so good old days. The morning disappeared all too quickly.
Heero angrily tied off the ends of the bandage, eliciting an undignified
yelp from his patient. He moved on to the next wound, cleaned it off with
alcohol and applied some salve to sooth the irritated and infected skin.
When his hands moved to bandage that wound, a pair of delicate but strong
hands halted him.
"Er, Heero, not that I don't appreciate you tending to my wounds, but
I want to live through the experience. Either be more gentle or I'm firing
you as my nurse."
Heero glared at the cheerfully grinning Deathscythe pilot. Duo had more
wounds and injuries than he cared to count, but he was smiling. Smiling
right through the pain and the blood. In silence, Heero gentled his motions,
nearly caressing Duo with his achingly gentle movements.
"You can be nice, you know that Heero? So nice that it makes me want to
Heero looked up from his ministrations at Duo. His eyelids were drooping,
a sure sign that the painkillers had kicked in. In more of a slurred mumble,
Duo continued to speak.
"I knew you were special.. from the beginning.. even if you can be a bastard..
you are so damned pure.."
Stunned, Heero ceased all movements. Pure? Him?
"Being in love with you.. is like.. loving.. fire.. so hot.. so pure..
so deadly.. so beautiful.."
Duo's body slumped lightly against his as he finally fell into sleep.
Heero held him as gratitude and ecstasy ran through his body. Love. Duo
said he was in love. With him. Thanking the God that Duo believed and
every other deity that had ever existed, Heero kissed Duo's forehead and
laid him down. He still had all those wounds to tend to.
Quatre looked into the vid-phone, wishing that it was more than an image.
His lover looked at him with longing in his incredible green eyes and
Quatre nearly jumped onto the next shuttle back to L4. But he had things
to take care of here.
"So, Wufei asked about Ariane again, in his little circumspect way. How
are the girls, Trowa?"
Laughing delightedly, Trowa proceeded to tell him about Ariane's progress
with her thesis, Desia's sulking ways and how Wufei should really ship
Treize out to meet Ariane again. Quatre absorbed Trowa's movements and
voice with his entire body. The boy who had been a stoic wall was now
an animated living man with fears, hopes and love etched onto his face.
None of them were young anymore, but they were more alive. Well, most
"So, Quatre, how is Heero doing? Does he seem okay?"
Trowa's concerned question made Quatre purse his lips in thought. Then
"He still hasn't let him go, Trowa. He doesn't think about him, he doesn't
talk about him, it is as if he never existed. But I can feel his pain,
the emptiness. It is as if he's waiting for him to come back, Trowa. It's
the most heart wrenching thing."
In sadness, Trowa and Quatre looked at each other over the vidlink, a
shallow glass and millions of miles separating them.
"How would I be now if it had been you, Quatre? Or you, if it had been
me? Would we be any different?"
In silence, Quatre let his eyes fill with the tears he had not shown Heero.
Yes, Trowa was right. But that did not make things any better for anyone.
Heero stared at his ceiling. His clock blinked at 3:30 a.m., telling him
that it was impossibly late, again. Without taking his eyes off the ceiling,
Heero reached over to his right side, patting down the bed from the pillow
to the midpoint. It was still empty.
Heero closed his eyes, hoping for a dreamless night. So far, all his nights
had been dreamless, except for one. That one dream.. He could only describe
it as lucid dreaming. It had been so incredibly clear and beautiful. It
had been so real. And he had been there, waiting for him.
But it had been a dream. The first night after Duo's death, he had had
that lucid dream. And then he had dreamt no more of him because it hurt
so unbearably. He would not do it again.
Not noticing the tears that leaked out from his closed eyelids, Heero
carefully buried all memories of Duo Maxwell into the depths of his mind.
There would be no more dreaming because all his dreams had died with Duo.
The clock blinked 3:40 a.m. It was a familiar sight.
Heero met Quatre and Wufei for lunch. They all had much work and busy
schedules, but Quatre would be going back to L4 tomorrow and they wanted
one last good time together. So they sat in a premier restaurant and enjoyed
good crab sandwiches and tangy crisp wine.
"Yes, I agree. Treize should come and stay with us on L4 for a while."
"Just promise that he will not be sold into slavery by Desia."
"My daughter wouldn't do a thing like that. You son, Xa-Min, however.."
Heero listened as Quatre and Wufei exchanged friendly insults and stories
about their children. His friends were ridiculously happy with their respective
spouses and numerous children. None of them had thought that they would
live through the war to have peace, let alone children. Watching his friends,
Heero realized how much he had wanted to have something to call his own
at one time. He had dreamed..
"Heero, are you coming?"
Heero looked up at Quatre who stared at him inquiringly.
"Coming? Where am I going?"
Shaking his head at Heero's unusual lack of attention, Quatre repeated
his previous question.
"Relena is throwing a banquet in three months on the new colony in the
L4 cluster. You are coming, right?"
Mutely, Heero nodded. He had received the invitation and had even replied
in the affirmative to it. He had just forgotten about it until now.
"Then I will see you and Trowa there?"
"You will see the girls, too. And Wufei said he'd bring Sally and his
entire, delinquent brood."
That began another round of wrangling between Quatre and Wufei, each arguing
the merits and the demerits of their children. Heero smiled wistfully.
"If we had kids, I wonder if they will be normal."
Duo always said the strangest things after they made love, but this was
"Duo, we're both males. We can't have kids."
Waving off the slight biological problem with nonchalance, Duo continued
"Just as a hypothetical. They will be damn good looking, of course. We
got some kick ass genes. They'll also be geniuses. Let's see.. They might
inherit your psychotic tendencies.."
"Or they might inherit your talking gene and get beaten up a lot."
Scrunching his nose, Duo let out an expletive.
"Please, Heero. Like our kids will EVER get beat up. Between you and me,
we have more deadly skills than the most highly trained Oz soldier."
They fell into a shallow silence. Heero traced Duo's graceful back with
his fingertips, smoothing his callused fingers over each vertebrae. Duo
laid on his stomach with his loose hair spread out beside him and just
enjoyed the loving touches.
"I love you, you know."
Heero had never told Duo he loved him. But Duo knew. Sometimes, words
were not needed, just wanted.
Heero danced with Relena to the stately waltz the orchestra was playing.
Even at fifty, Relena still maintained a girlish beauty polished with
a womanly dignity. Her blond hair had streaks of white now, gleaming in
the light every time they executed a turn. Her blue eyes no longer held
an unrealistic ideal she held dear, but a reality that she worked hard
to maintain. She had come a long way from a fearless fifteen year old
girl chasing a crazy pilot from outer space.
"Heero, I'm glad you made it."
"Me, too. I haven't seen you since your last speech at Preventer's Headquarters."
They talked about mundane, everyday things, polite chit chat littered
with small memories and future hopes. They talked easily, like two old
friends should. When the dance ended, Heero escorted Relena back to her
husband and they talked some more. Relena leaned into her husband of twenty
years, still head over heels in love with him. Soon, the little group
of three became a crowd of familiar and missed faces.
Trowa stood with Quatre, their daughters quite lovely in their evening
dresses. Ariane cast a sly and flirtatious wink at Treize who blushed
and nearly hid behind Wufei. Desia poked Xa-Min in the ribs in jest while
they plotted some practical joke or another. Sally stood next to Wufei,
making small talk with Relena and her husband. Relena's only child, Milliardo,
fidgeted in his evening suit, trying to figure out a way to start a conversation
with Kilara, Wufei's demure and beautiful daughter. Noin and Zechs talked
earnestly to Quatre about the finances of space and still managed to keep
their precocious daughter Lania from launching into a speech about that
Heero no longer talked, but watched everyone interact. His old friends,
some even old enemies, mingled and talked to each other. Their children
flirted with one another, made jokes with each other. He wanted to join
them with his kids, his love. But that was no longer possible. His crowd
of friends chatted easily, the friendly and heartwarming atmosphere enveloping
everyone around them. The evening seemed so perfect.
Heero saw a young face with wide, blue eyes. He was only about five feet
tall, about his height when he was a young terrorist.
"I am. And you are?"
The boy got very excited.
"Wow, it is you! Sir, I just joined the Preventers and I am honored to
meet you. I am Soldier First Class Duo Maxwell Schbeiker, at your service."
Heero nearly pitched forward in shock. As it was, he was barely hanging
on to his wine glass. The silence around him was thick.
"Sir, are you okay, Sir? Commander Yuy?"
The boy's concerned questions slid by his awareness. That name, the name
he had avoided, buried, even had forbade his friends from uttering..
After a hoarse and barely intelligible 'excuse me,' Heero practically
ran from the party. One name had brought it all back.
Heero ran his hand over the still face of his lover. It was still warm.
There were smudges all over him, his hair was partially unbound and his
clothes had seen better days. But what did that matter now?
He had refused to believe Relena. He had not paid any attention to Quatre.
He had steadily ignored Trowa. He had punched Wufei. They had all told
him something that was quite unreal. They were stupid, that was all. Duo
would not leave him. He wouldn't.
Heero smoothed the hair away from the too quiet face and leaned down.
His lips touched Duo's dryly, just a bare brush.
"I'm not letting you go, Duo."
It would take three gundam pilots, four shots of heavy duty tranquilizers
and a strategic hit to his head to tear him away from Duo.
And then Duo would never be mentioned again.
Heero looked around. It had been thirty four years since he had dreamed
last, but here he was. He remembered running from that banquet and stumbling
into his room to fall into bed. His thoughts had been jumbled and pained,
but one thing had been clear. Duo.
Heero walked in his dream. The purple sky was unusual, but it was the
same sky he had seen so long ago, in that lucidity. The sand shifted and
glittered, the silver of it contrasting with the golden streaks above
and mirroring the stars over his head. Heero walked on, remembering that
the dream had led him to someone.
In the distance, he could make out a figure, a lone figure dressed in
black with a thick, chestnut colored braid that snaked around his slim
body. He had his hand out towards him, beckoning to him. He still had
that cocky grin, the mischievously twinkling violet eyes. And he called
Heero walked faster and faster until he was running. When he got close
enough to the figure, he stopped and stood still. Only five feet separated
him from Duo.
"I dream of you. I wait for you."
Heero nearly broke down. The husky voice tinged with boyish charm rang
in his ears. The voice he had longed to hear for his entire life. The
boy he had loved more than everything in the world. Duo Maxwell stood
"Duo.. Duo.. I missed you."
After thirty four years, that was all Heero could say. Even in dreams,
Heero could not find the words to express his overwhelming feelings. He
felt as if he was going to explode.
"I've waited for you for an eternity, Heero. What took you so long to
Finally, the tears fell and Heero launched himself into Duo's arms. Then
he stepped back, horrified. Duo still looked like a fifteen year old boy.
What must he look like?
Duo let out a laugh and enveloped Heero in a hug that had been interrupted
by Heero's self consciousness.
"Heero, you look like the boy I remember. Wild hair, intense eyes, that
And he did, he realized. He was back in that green tank top and spandex.
He probably even had a gun tucked away somewhere in these spandex. Just
like it used to be.
"Why did it take you so long, Heero?"
Duo's voice was sad, the longing and the waiting evident.
"I didn't know you were here, Duo. I saw you here, so long ago, but I
thought it was just my fractured mind creating illusions for me. I'm sorry,
Duo. I'm sorry."
Duo rubbed his cheek against his and then turned his head to kiss him
fully on the lips. Heero knew that if he had died now, it would be okay.
He would die happy. He would be dying with Duo by his side, after tasting
his lips again.
"This is heaven, isn't it Duo? It has to be."
Duo shook his head as he gently separated his lips from Heero's.
"No. It's a dream. Not the normal kind. It's a Lucid Dream. I should have
moved on when I died, but you kept me here. Your thoughts, your love,
you kept me here, waiting for you. And you took an eternity to find me."
Heero touched his head to Duo's and whispered urgently, desperately.
"I'm sorry. I should have known the first night that this was not a normal
dream but I was stupid. I was scared. But I have you now. I will not let
"I know, Heero. That's why I'm still here. Because you did not let me
go. I've been in your dream, looking for you. I waited for you because
I knew one day you'd come for me."
They held each other, not wanting to ever let each other go.
"I don't want to wake, Duo. I'm not leaving you. I'm nothing out there.
Our friends, they have spouses, they have children. They have lives beyond
mine because I lost everything when you died. When I see them, I see what
I could have had with you. GOD, I missed you. I love you. I am not leaving
Heero's words came faster as he felt his dream lose its coherency.
"Heero, I'm not going anywhere. You will come for me. I'll wait for you."
"I don't want to wait. I don't want you to wait. I have waited for thirty
four years to see you again, Duo."
Duo looked into the sincere cobalt eyes that he had missed more than life.
Holding tightly onto Heero, Duo asked.
"Are you sure you want to come with me? You realize you'll be giving up
everything you have in life. All your friends, your life, everything."
"You are my life. You always were. You took my life with you when you
died. What I had after you died wasn't a life. It was an existence. I
want to live now, Duo."
"Then step out of the Lucidity with me, Heero. Let's begin again, let's
The purple skies changed, the golden streaks disappeared. The twinkling
stars phased out and the silver sands blew away. But the two lovers remained
constant, holding onto each other. Then they too disappeared.
It was only fitting that Heero got to rest eternally next to Duo. He had
bought that plot next to Duo's when Duo had been buried here all those
years ago. Quatre could only wonder why Heero had kept on living so long
and be grateful that he had. Everyone had come to pay respects, including
that one soldier named Duo Maxwell Schbeiker. Hilde had named him after
Duo to commemorate his life, but she had probably not known that it had
played a vital part in claiming Heero's last vestiges of will to live
It was okay, though. Quatre knew it was. His heart could no longer feel
the emptiness that was Heero. Somehow, his heart felt more at peace than
it had ever before, a calm contentment that radiated warmth throughout
his entire body. Heero and Duo, they were okay now. They were together.
Smiling, Quatre held Trowa's hand and placed final kisses on Heero and
Duo's tombstones. There were no tearing grief, no railing, and certainly
no tears. That had never been Heero's way.
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