okay. a few things.
this fic is not going to make sense. it's not clear cut, it's not structured
linearly. just warning you..
Title: As the road wandered through the silence
Genre: confusion galore, LEMON
warnings: tis a lemon. tis strange.
disclaimer: so i don't own gw... sue me..
notes: this is for caro, my muse who inspired me to write this, and for
chibi, my sugarbaby who wanted a 1x2 lemon. therefore, all complaints
should be sent to caro. heh heh heh.
The Road Wandered Through The Silence
--a dead end--
A kiss, a touch, a feel. The beginnings of an unraveling, the first steps
into a territory only charted by the most passionate, the most dedicated.
A path discovered too early, traveled too quickly, forgotten too late.
Yet those were the happiest memories of Heero Yuy.
He could still recall the resonating moan, the desperate panting and the
keening pleas that his lover made when he was close to release. He could
smell the tang of sweat, taste it in the air still, whenever he thought
of Duo Maxwell. His tongue remembered every contours of the soft yet hard,
lean body, his fingers itched with a burning memory of the translucent
skin. Every sense he had was steeped in his former lover, soaked in the
memory of his body and soul. It made his continued present ever more painful
and gray. It was the only thing that made him happy.
It had been years since he had seen Duo last. Years since Duo had given
him a smile, told him that he'd be back soon, and then disappeared off
the face of the universe. Years had passed since Heero had lost his lover,
yet still, the memories remained, as fresh as the day they were created,
as sharp as if it had just happened.
And as he had for years, Heero called for his lost lover with everything
in his heart and soul, praying for an answer that would not come.
'Where are you? How are you?'
'Are you alive?'
--a fork in the path--
A laughing face framed with hair that had a mind of its own. It was the
dearest one to Heero's heart.
Heero had been accused by many of being an emotionless tool of war, but
he knew differently. More than that, Duo knew differently. Duo had always
said to everyone that Heero's emotions were not for display, but for excavation.
It was that much more precious because it was not given freely, but because
one had to earn it. Heero could only smile at Duo as he joked around with
their friends, the former gundam pilots. He could see the others light
up at his presence, subconsciously giving into the joy that Duo seemed
to have around him. Heero felt the pleasant heat invade him as he continued
to watch his lover prance about. When the heat became nearly unbearable,
he walked over to his lover, grabbed him by his shoulders and gave him
a kiss that could have set the world on fire. They hardly noticed that
the others cleared out of the kitchen quickly.
The throaty moan Duo released into Heero's mouth sent his desire spiraling,
his tongue plunging deeper and sweeping wider within Duo's mouth. Duo
sucked on his invading tongue with his eager mouth, scraping lightly with
his teeth, urging it deeper, driving it into a frenzy. The arms that had
banded about Duo's waist began to wander up and down his back, the callused
palms and fingers grasping at the cloth of his shirt roughly. As a reply,
Duo buried his hands into Heero's hair, racing his fingers through the
thick mass with desperation.
Gasping for breath, the two broke apart. Staring at each other with burning
eyes, they undressed quickly, their fingers running over the buttons and
zippers with much practiced ease. Their shed clothing were thrown carelessly
on top of the kitchen counter, next to the remnants of their lunch. Neither
paid much attention to any of that, too intent on each other to care about
such trivial things.
The naked bodies met with a stunning force, the sound of flesh hitting
flesh reverberating through the thick air. Heero's lips traveled down
Duo's neck, his teeth nibbling with a gentle force, leaving light marks.
He traveled lower, seeking out the tender flesh of his collar bone, his
tongue and teeth teasing the his nipples, dancing around the navel. And
with each new location, Duo gasped, thrashed and moaned, his fingers tightening
in Heero's hair, almost to the point of pain. When Heero finally closed
his mouth over his waiting arousal, Duo nearly ripped Heero's hair out
and his voice rose to a scream.
Heero ran his tongue up and down Duo's erection, his hands clasped tightly
around Duo's bucking hips. He could feel the coldness of the tile beneath
his knees, but the burning flesh negated any feeling of cold anywhere
in his body. All Heero could feel was Duo in his mouth, in his hands.
He tasted the salt of Duo's body, the sweetness of his passion writhing
on his tongue, the intoxicating musk of desire flooding his nose. It was
all he could do to keep control over his excited body as he escalated
Duo's passions with his mouth and hands.
Duo leaned back into the kitchen counter, imprinting the flowery tile
shape onto his body. His head was thrown back, his breathing hitched,
and with every bob of Heero's head, his hips thrusted forward. Had the
stove been on at full power, the flames devouring his hair, Duo would
have never noticed. The heat within his body was hotter than anything
the kitchen could produce.
With every moan, every thrust, Heero knew that Duo was close. So close.
But not yet. Heero reluctantly released Duo from his mouth and stood,
only to kiss him senseless. His tongue sought out Duo's and they met in
a fierce duel. Their tongues fought for dominance, neither winning the
battle, but each satisfied with the results. The battle continued until
Heero pulled back to whisper into Duo's ear.
"Let me inside you."
And that was all it took. Duo spun, his braid nearly decapitating Heero
in its wake. Duo grabbed the counter with his unsteady hands and tipped
his hips towards Heero's waiting desire. Soon, all would be consummated,
their lusts and love meeting in one moment of clarity.
Heero could only stare at the perfection of Duo's buttocks, wriggling
so helplessly, so in need. Once again, Heero sank to his knees, wanting
to taste, to drive Duo mad with desire. Heero's tongue shot out delicately
as soon as his knees hit the cold tiles again, sinking into the heat that
was Duo. Heero explored every crevice, every turn and twist between Duo's
wanting hips, tasting, loving, exploring the depths that he was so familiar
with. When his tongue entered Duo's entrance, it was all he could do to
prevent his release as. Duo screamed his name with passion so evident
behind his voice. The sound only drove him deeper into the madness.
"Scream for me, beloved."
That was all that was needed before Duo screamed loudly enough to wake
the dead. Heero could only revel in the sound before he found the lube
tucked away discreetly in a drawer by Duo's writhing body. When he had
coated himself and Duo enough for the pain of passage to be negligible,
he could only whisper into Duo's awaiting ear...
"Wait for me, my love."
All Heero heard was a moan that was translated into a positive response.
He coated himself and Duo's entrance the best he could upon that moan,
hoping that it was enough to counter the pain that could follow. But had
he known of Duo's feelings, he would not have thought so far ahead. All
Duo wanted was Heero buried inside of him to the hilt, the desire of Heero's
love penetrating to the deepest recesses of his body and soul.
Heero entered Duo's tight entrance without hesitation, his desire overwhelming
the concern for Duo's comfort. He need not have worried for Duo's comfort
level for it was overwhelmed by the desire, his body tightening in response
to Heero's invasion of his body. The scream that tore itself from Duo's
throat at Heero's entrance could only be described as desperate, if not
needed. As soon as Heero entered Duo, the entire exchange of love and
lust changed from sheer need to sheer love.
Duo could only respond by screaming now, his thoughts and reason having
left him only moments before the entrance. All he could feel was Heero's
need deep within his body, throbbing, wanting, needing. It was all he
needed to finish the act. The act of lust, of need, of love.
Heero felt himself deep within Duo's cavern, the heat of Duo's body surrounding
his very need. It was excruciating, this need for someone, but he was
used to it by now. Every time he entered Duo's body, the need asserted
itself, demanding for release. With every thrust that Heero made, Duo
rocked his hips to match the rhythm. They could both feel the edge getting
closer with every movement, both nearly ready to fall. Heero closed his
hand around Duo's hardness, stroking in time with his thrusts while his
other hand sought out Duo's hand gripping onto the counter. Heero became
more frantic, his thrusts became harder, faster, until his entire body
tightened. Sinking his teeth into Duo's shoulder to muffle his unintelligible
scream, Heero released himself into Duo's body. His body shuddered, his
knees felt weak, but Heero continued to thrust and his hand moved faster
along Duo's length. It wasn't long before Duo shuddered and arched forward.
His voice had given out and the only sounds he emitted were soft, gasping
moans. In the silence between the moans, Duo came into Heero's hand, onto
the kitchen counter.
They could only sink weakly to the tiled floor of the kitchen afterwards
and hold each other loosely. Their backs touched the wood paneling of
the cabinets that seemed so much warmer than the cold tile biting into
their ass. But they were smiling, their eyes lit with satisfaction, love
"I think we should clean the kitchen."
Duo chuckled at Heero's concerns. He wasn't thinking that far ahead into
the future. He had yet to catch his breath.
"We will, Heero. But for now, can we just enjoy the moment?"
It would be a long while before they moved.
Whispers of voices filtered through the humid air, lazily floating in
the garden like a tired butterfly. Heero spied Duo and Wufei whispering,
both smiling with some anticipated thing. The intense humidity weighed
down on Duo's braid and made the long rope seem heavier than usual. Heero
could see signs of discomfort in Duo from the way he shifted and fidgeted
-- why he was out in the humidity of the garden in the heat was
incomprehensible. What was he planning with Wufei that could not be said
within the confines of the coolly air-conditioned house?
Heero strained the read their lips, but they were barely moving their
lips, talking without giving away their words. He knew that Duo liked
to surprise him and with their anniversary coming up in a week, he could
only imagine the things his lover had in store. A gift, a night of passion,
a frolic in the woods, anything was fair game. And Heero enjoyed every
last bit of Duo's surprise, always looking forward to more. Heero puzzled
and set his brain to work. If Duo had Wufei involved, it had to be something
complicated that he could not pull of on his own. His lover was one of
the most capable people he knew, so if he was enlisting help, the surprise
to come must have been a big one. A doozy. Heero grinned at the colloquialism.
He was slowly building his vocabulary on American slang terms that Duo
liked to throw into his sentences.
After what seemed to be a short eternity, Duo stood, patted Wufei on the
shoulder and walked back into the house. Droplets of sweat ran down his
face, making a trail before dripping onto the ground. Heero could hear
the sigh of relief when Duo entered the house and the cold air assailed
Detaching himself from the window, Heero sauntered over to Duo with a
small smile, a towel ready in his hands. His lover had already noticed
his presence and was busy airing his overheated body by pulling off his
shirt and fanning himself with his hand. It was a beautiful sight that
etched itself into Heero's mind.
Duo nodded in agreement. It could not be helped, not after sitting outside
for hours in black clothes. Instead of replying with words, Duo looked
at Heero, twitched his head upstairs and gave him a leer. Then without
waiting, Duo ran upstairs toward the shower with Heero close on his heels.
They were a couple like many else. They argued, they had communication
mishaps and they sometimes hurt each other's feelings. But these little
detours in life always reminded them how much they meant to each other
and everything else fell away.
--a one way street--
Heero could hear the muffled crying through the wall, the sound filled
with a piteous sadness that only reflected a small part of the anguish
in his heart. But damn it all, he would not give up.
His computers ran furiously, working at top speeds, searching, delving,
digging. Duo's sudden disappearance had shaken them all to the core and
had nearly drove Heero into madness. But madness would not find him his
lover. Only a clear mind and resolve could. And that had been a month
The keening cry became softer. Trowa must be comforting Quatre. Heero
ignored the sounds and continued his quest to find Duo. The one who had
promised to be his side until death and then afterwards. The one who had
said he'd return and never had. There were too many questions unanswered
and too many possibilities unconsidered. The Preventers had nothing, the
local authorities had nothing. Heero's desperation had even made him reach
out to Relena for help.
Everyone, especially Relena, had been supportive and sympathetic, but
he didn't need those things. He needed information. He needed to find
Duo. His need had been so great that he had pleaded with Relena to use
her vast network of contacts to find out something, anything, about his
beloved's whereabouts. He had broken his rule to protect and watch over
her from afar. He had to, for Duo.
But nothing. No one knew anything. It was as if Duo had stepped out of
the house that day and just disappeared into thin air. Only memories lingered,
his scent long faded from his possessions, his hair vacuumed up by the
house service, his joyful presence drowned out by the oppressive sorrow.
The computers worked constantly, feeding Heero data that did nothing for
the search. Frustration mounted, tears gathered, hands clenched, but the
search continued. Day in and day out, week after week. Years would pass
like this, until Heero ran into a dead end. And even then, he could not
--a michigan left--
It was said that time healed and erased all things. Pain, grief, joy,
love. Time had the ability to make them go away, make them fade from the
mind until it was just a tender ache in the back of the soul. But time
was not so kind to Heero Yuy. Instead of easing the pain, time only made
it greater, reminding him with sharp hooks of what was lost to him.
Memories did not fade. Love did not disappear. Pain became the only constant.
The only thing that time erased was hope.
Heero could still remember all the dates that Duo had deemed important.
Their birthdays, the Catholic holidays Duo celebrated, some whacked out
commercial holiday called Valentine's day. More than those days celebrated
by all, Heero cherished the dates that Duo had claimed for them. The anniversaries,
he had called them. Of their first kiss, first words, first shots fired,
first time love making, first admissions of love. The year was littered
with these special dates that Heero still observed. He still celebrated
them, imagining that his lover, where ever he was, was doing the same.
Heero raised his glass to the empty room before him, watching the dark
red wine swirl with his slight movement. Today was an anniversary of sorts,
a special day, a date with meaning.
"I miss you."
With those words, Heero drank until the glass was empty.
"I can't say happy anniversary. But I can say, please come back."
Today was an anniversary. Today, all those years ago, Heero had said his
last words to Duo.
A letter written in precise scrawl would be Heero's first relief. Years
after, an unassuming letter put everything into place.
--travel with me--
Words are often inadequate to express the true depth of one's heart. They
cannot convey the amorphous feelings nor the tumultuous emotions of the
soul. What people experience, those things they can call sadness, happiness,
love, hate, are just small markers to point others in the right direction.
Heero, look beyond my words
and try to feel what I can't say with words. No matter how many times
I write 'I love you', the true meaning is lost with those trite words.
How can a four letter word describe this immensity that I feel for you?
How can I claim to love you when the word is just too insignificant to
explain what's in my heart? Can you believe me when I say I miss you?
Do you know the depth of it? Can you forgive me after my leaving? Have
the years erased me from your mind? Can you see the emotion behind the
letters? You must have asked, why did I leave more times than there are
stars in the sky. Or am I being narcissistic?
No. I believe in your love as
much as I believe in you. I know you searched, I know you suffered, and
I know, as you read this, no matter what I say about my disappearance,
you have already forgiven me. But you don't have to say anything. Words
would not be enough for us anyway.
So, where have I been? I don't
know. Why did I disappear? I don't know.
All I know is that on that day,
the world went white and suddenly, I was alone.
I could be dead, roaming some
strange purgatory. I could be between dimensions, playing out some science
fiction novel. I could be anywhere.
But I felt the passage of time.
I felt you. And this was the best I could do, write you a letter. I hope
this finds you, Heero. I hope I find you. I hope.
Love you. Miss you. Love you.
Heero drove. The road seemed endless and that was fine with him. On the
passenger side was the letter from Duo that he had read until the paper
thinned around the folded edges. It was his most prized possession now.
The letter hadn't told him where Duo was or why he had gone away. Nothing
had been explained, but that was neither here nor there. All that mattered
was that somewhere out there, Duo was waiting for him, looking for him.
Clear cut explanations, neat packaged words that summarized, trite needs
for a definite ending and a beginning, those were not needed.
They wouldn't have a happy ending. They wouldn't live happily ever after.
They wouldn't coo words of love at each other with shiny eyes.
Confusion, uncertainty, intensity. That was the life Heero would lead
with Duo when he found him again. The road wandered endlessly and aimlessly
before him, but somewhere along the way, he would find Duo. Then they
would travel, live and love as they were meant to.
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