the song is 'scarlet'
from 'ayashi no ceres'.
Archives: Shinigami & Wing (www.1x2x1.org) and A Little Piece of Gundam
Wing (www. raygunworks.net)
Genre: sap. oddness. you choose.
Pairings: 1x2x1 (well, duh)
Disclaimer: i do not own gw. but i want to.
Notes: For my lovely sugarbaby baby pen who inspired me. she truly deserves
the credit for this fic.
The red glow from the burning
buildings looked just like peaceful city lights. If I imagined hard enough,
I could convince myself that the scarlet flames reflected through Wing's
monitor were nothing but cheerful night lights of a city. The glow permeated
through the visual monitors, traversing the electronic distance and casting
a red radiance in my cockpit.
// Can you still see your dreams in the distant, starry sky? //
I don't look up at the night sky and stare at the stars. They are nothing
but burning gasses, not the romantic thing poets make them out to be.
I don't compare my lover's eyes to these twinkling space objects, I don't
wish upon a shooting star. But I do look at the starry sky when I think
about Duo, but not because the sky reminds me of him. I only look to discern
where he could be, whether he was in Deathscythe raining fire and death
on the enemy or if he was resting quietly at some hiding place. I'm not
romantic, just practical.
That is why I don't see the stars in the sky. I only see a directional
map that leads me to my lover.
// Are they more vivid than they were when you were little? //
The red glow is fading, the fires having long consumed the viable tinder
and fuel that had earlier this day been buildings. But I prefer to think
that dawn is approaching and that the city is powering down to prepare
for the morning. Artificial lights dying down for the benefit of the glowing
sun. Not the fires of war. I refuse to remain here and see the wreckage
I have created for the ideal of peace. I used to dream about peace, long
ago, when ideals were still reality, a possible future. But now, I dream
about something more tangible, something more precious. I dream without
the rose tinted glasses that made the world blur into a soft scarlet.
I dream about Duo.
// When one forgets to put the emotions that overflow in his heart
to sleep, they burn the color of passion. //
I fly away, leaving behind the red, red dawn. I won't check the news to
see if my mission was complete, for I already know I have done enough
damage to consider this mission a complete success. For now, I want to
forget about the war, my gundam and the fires of hell that I left behind.
I just want to return to where my lover is, look deeply into his eyes
and lose myself in violet passion. I want to forget the scarlet.
// I used to believe without a doubt that I could reach my dreams, no
matter how far off they were. //
All those years of training without a complaint, my past filled with military
and terrorist tactics that used mean something to me. They were my means
to reach an ultimate goal of peace, to reach the dream I used to have.
I believed that I could do it all myself, make a difference in this world.
But I see now that there is nothing I can do by myself to stem the tides
of war. Peace cannot be won by one person alone. I've thought about peace
a lot lately, the word that everyone strives for. Relena believes in it
with all her heart and pours every ounce of her being into its fruition.
She truly believes that the dream of peace can be a reality, that she
can achieve it. In that respect, she is a stronger and a better person
than I am. I used to have her conviction until I started fighting. I used
to be her, only with a gun and a machine of mass destruction, before I
fell in love with Duo.
// But that me from long ago now sleeps inside my heart. //
The fires are far behind me and only the light dawn filters through the
monitors. Soon, my cockpit will glow red again, but this time from the
morning sun, not from the other fires. My dreams of peace, as much as
I cherished and loved them, are no longer what I strive to achieve. Peace
has a new champion, someone who holds it as precious to her heart as I
hold Duo to mine. Relena can be the person that I was, the one who fought
for peace. As for me, I have a simpler truth now -- a pair of curiously
Some would say that Duo is not as important as peace. I beg to differ.
Without him, or me, or the others, Relena's dreams of peace would be nothing
but a fragment of her imagination. So he is as important as peace, just
like me, just like everyone else. It's just that, to me, Duo is more important
than just as an element for bringing peace. He is my small piece of peace.
// Dreams are more fragile and fleeting than a glass rose, so then
why are we destined to dream? //
I'm getting closer to where Duo is. I can hear the punctuated beeps of
my gundam's computer telling me that I'm near. Trusting in my machine,
I close my eyes and bring forth the image of my love. I know that he could
die in this war. He knows that I can die, too, even if he tends to get
vocal when I try to speed up the process. But really, we know how fleeting
we are in the war. I could have died today, he could die tomorrow. But
that doesn't stop me from dreaming about him. Once I let go of peace as
my savior, he stepped in and took over. And I don't mind at all. After
all, I'm not emotionless, I'm not some machine that can't feel. I need
to be loved, I need to dream, just like everyone else. Even if my love
and dreams can come down crashing around me in a shower of anguish, just
like those buildings did earlier. I can bear it, if only to hope that
I can rebuild.
// Sometimes two dreams can turn into love, but there are also times
when they can't. //
I thought, before I fell in love with Duo, that maybe Relena and I were
destined to be together. She and I shared the same dreams of peace and
we fought for it; me with my guns, her with her words. But we were too
alike in our intensity and I realized that neither of us could put the
person before the ideal. We could love the dream, or we could love each
other. Relena chose to love her dream. I did, too, but by that time, my
dreams had changed. Roses are red, just like blood and peace. Violets
are blue, just like my lover's eyes. I chose the violets.
// Even when they're alone, people want to share their feelings, but
it can be so hard. //
The cockpit has faded into darkness lit only by the monitors' eerie mechanical
glow. But at least I'm not awash in red anymore. The mellow colors that
surround me cannot be described, but they are more soothing to me than
the scarlet. And well, soon, I'll be rejoined with the one who brings
me peace. I will share my innermost feelings and my body with him, telling
and showing him what I feel. It is not as easy as I make it sound, of
course. I have my insecurities, he has his. We love each other, dream
of each other and know that we love each other, but still, we have those
moments of fear and insecurities. Only he can hurt me beyond repair. And
only I hold the key to his destruction. Those are responsibilities that
are heavier to bear than any mountain. We are responsible for each other
as much as to ourselves. So, sharing is hard sometimes. Who isn't afraid
of pain? Who can deny that they hurt? Not me. Not him. That's why the
entity I call 'us' is more precious to me than peace. 'Us' is hard, too.
'Us' is a fight, too. But unlike peace, 'us' will last forever.
// Words are powerless to express one's feelings, and sometimes they
become a silver knife. //
I think the sun is rising, but I'm not going to open my eyes to check.
Some say every sunrise is different, special and beautiful. I don't doubt
their words, but sunrises don't do anything for me. They are too red.
Hurt my eyes. But that's neither here nor there. All I want to do now
is fall into Duo's arms and rest. I want to hear him say that he loves
me and I will tell him that I love him. We don't dance around those words
like rabbits around the bush anymore. Our reluctance to say those words
cost us a lot in the past from hurt feelings and misunderstandings. We
always knew, of course, how one felt about the other without words. We
knew, but that wasn't enough after a while. We all need affirmation, proof
of love. Words can hurt, but they can heal, too. Good thing that Duo and
I figured that out before we self-destructed.
I felt the light jolt when Wing finally touched the ground and settled.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw the scarlet sunrise peeping through my
side monitors. I peered out, craning my neck slightly to see. The colors
were all in red, just like those fires. My imaginary city lights from
before came flooding back to me. For a small moment, everything glowed
red again and my eyes filled with unshed tears. Then my hatch opened,
the key code punched from the outside while I got lost in the redness.
My vision filled with blue violet orbs, smiling at me, leaning towards
I dream in violet. The scarlet fades and peace settles over me.