pairings: 1x2, 3x4, 5xM
warnings: religion talk, sap, weeeeeee angst
dedication: to dacia. because i don't think i've told her lately how much
i adore and appreciate her.
+ Part 20
-The Nineteenth Encounter-
Normally, Sundays are very comforting to me. I relax and generally do
nothing, mostly because I'd be suffering from a hangover, but not this
Sunday. Oh no, this Sunday, I have some serious dilemmas eating away at
me and causing ulcers in my stomach. What I wouldn't do for a hangover
instead of this panic..
I cannot believe still that I invited Heero over for Christmas Eve. With
his friends. To meet my brother. I can already feel the impending doom
closing in on me. I can see the end.
What do people do when they sense the end? They go to god, of course.
And hence here I am, a catholic who does not believe in god, in a church
on a Sunday morning. I'm in a suit, tie and shiny shoes and all, just
like I used to dress when I was fourteen and my mother was dragging me
to church every Sunday. I am here to find answers.. or at least to talk
I open the door to the confessional and step into it, breathing deeply
and mentally preparing myself. I sit on the hard seat and watch in fascination
as the screen is opened, revealing the silhouette of my confessor.
Now, what was that I am suppose to say in these boxes of forgiveness?
"Forgive me father for I have sinned."
And have I ever.
"It has been.." I trail off to count in my head, "uh..
something like ten years or so since my last confession.."
"It is okay, my son," says the voice of absolution without the
face, "for God forgives all transgressions."
"He does, really?"
"Yes, my son," comes the patient voice, "He is infinite
in His forgiveness."
"So it's okay that I work to acquit murderers."
"He forgives, my son."
Right. I wonder if the priest has anything else to say except that pearl
"I.. uh.." I think quickly, trying to think about all the things
that this particular religion thought of as a sin. "I have a boyfriend."
Is it me or does the priest sound somewhat disturbed?
"I.. oh hell, I'm not really here to confess.. I just want to rant
at someone I don't know, I think."
"I'm here for you, my son."
Man, is this a priest or a goddamned recording? Oops, add blasphemy to
my list of sins..
"Look, father," I say, completely shedding my pretense of a
repentant prodigal worshipper, "I have a boyfriend and I love him.
I wanted to tell my family about him someday, but I stupidly made someday
into Christmas Eve. Now, my brother's going to meet him and I can almost
picture the scene.. it involves hospitals, police reports and Miranda
"Go on, my son."
Well, at least he's listening.
"So, I've been wondering.. according to the bible, there's supposed
to be an Armageddon or something real soon, because it didn't happen with
the Y2K deal. Do you think you can ask god for an apocalypse before Christmas
Eve? I mean, it doesn't even have to be a big one, just a little, minor
one so my brother can't make it or something. Oh, I can deal with an earthquake,
even. Give me something to work with here, Father."
Well, as you can imagine, the silence was deafening. I suppose lots of
people come into the confessional ready wheel and deal with god, like
forgive me this transgression and I'll do the rosary for a day kind. I
might be the first person in here who has asked for an apocalypse to avoid
a Christmas Eve dinner.
"My son," comes the hesitant voice, "I sense that you are
in great turmoil, and I know that God will guide you through it."
Then the screen shuts and I get the feeling that I should leave the little
box. Yeah, I wore out my welcome at a church. I annoyed a priest enough
that he literally kicked me out of the confessional!
You see the depth of panic I must be in to have done this? For me to go
to church and wheedle a priest for the end of the world, just so that
I didn't have to have my boyfriend and my brother in the same room at
the same time?
I sigh dejectedly as I step out of the church. Well, that was a complete
waste of my time and I'm pretty sure the priest is somewhere in his room
downing whiskey , muttering about the crazy people who wander into confessionals.
So, what's the other option when god fails you?
You go to your friends and hope that they don't laugh at you.
Couple of hours after my incident at the church, I found myself sitting
on Quatre's couch. Quatre and Trowa were blinking at me with odd expressions
on their faces while Wufei and Meiran who had come at my urgent request
were trying their best not to laugh.
"You.." Trowa began in a strangely hitched voice, "asked
"I know," I say, forestalling him from finishing the sentence,
"that's how desperate I am. What do I do, guys? What can I do?"
"Why not just introduce Heero as a friend? I'm sure he won't mind."
Well, leave it to Wufei to come up with the logical solution. However,
that was not what I wanted to hear.
"Wu, it's not that he won't mind.. it's that I will."
Yes, and there is the real problem out in the open. I don't want to introduce
Heero as my friend to anyone anymore. He doesn't deserve that from me.
Sure, I am not going to introduce him to my parents for a good long while,
maybe until I'm gray in the hair and using dentures, but at least then
I wouldn't be introducing him as a friend. See the twisted logic there?
"So you want Solo to know that you have a boyfriend?"
Ah, Quatre, sometimes, you let your blondness show a little too much.
"No! I don't want anyone to know yet. I'm not ready for that level
of stress. But I honestly don't think I can just say that Heero's a friend.
It.. sounds wrong."
"You're so in love with him." Meiran says with a soft sigh and
"I am. So, what do I do?"
It was a plea, a heartfelt cry out for help. I think by now my friends
understood that I would not chance hurting Heero's feelings yet again
by uninviting him and that I would not say that he was just a friend.
I don't know, it would be so much easier if I could introduce Heero as
a friend to Solo. I know Heero would understand and his friends would
probably play along with some advance notice, but I didn't want to do
that to him.
And just in case you were wondering, I'm not even thinking about what
I'd be introduced as if and when I meet Relena.
"Your only option is to be honest with Solo." The voice of wisdom
otherwise known as Trowa spoke finally and three other heads nodded in
Oh, sure. After ten minutes of intense thinking, that's the solution that
my friends come up with. Honesty.
"And you guys will be there to clean up the bodies after I'm honest?"
"Duo," Quatre says gently, "why are you so certain that
it won't turn out well? Solo loves you. He would understand, I think."
"Quat, I know my brother, okay? He thinks.." I pause for a moment,
trying to gather my thoughts. What was I trying to say here, really?
"It's just that," I continue valiantly, "he's so proud
of me. He thinks I'm perfect. I think.. it would crush him to find out
that.. I'm.. I'm.."
"I would think," Wufei interjects, "that he'd be happy
for you for being in love."
"Only with a woman."
There is a somber silence as we all contemplate the words out in the open.
The thing is, why am I so convinced that Solo won't take the news well?
He has never shown anything against homosexual relationships, but then
again, he had never had to deal with it up close. He knows about Quatre
and Trowa, but he never really got to know them that well. What would
he do when he found out about me, his only brother?
"So," Quatre says to break the silence, "what will you
"What I have to," I sigh, trying to face up to what will happen,
"I guess I'll tell him."
With that, I said my good-byes and left four very concerned friends chasing
me with their eyes. I didn't want to go back home, so I wandered around
the city for a while. I walked with the crowd, occasionally pausing at
a window to stare at the merchandise just for show and kept walking. I
wondered if any stores sold body bags and if they did, how many I might
need for Christmas Eve.
I don't know for how long I walked, but it was dark when my cell rang.
I must have been out for hours.
"Hello." I say rather dejectedly into the phone without even
checking the caller I.D.
"Duo, where are you?"
"Heero," I moan into the phone, "I need you."
As soon as I say that, I realize that I really want him near me right
now. I had been so damned dejected worrying about the Christmas Eve party,
thinking about it too hard and too much. I needed a little cheer up, and
Heero could do that by just being there.
"Of course," comes the immediate reply, "where?"
I look around and see to my surprise that I'm actually standing in front
of my apartment building. How and when did I get here?
"My place. Now."
"I'll be right there."
I walk into my building feeling slightly better. Heero was on his way
to cheer me up. Sure, I couldn't really spew out what was bothering me
to him since he was a large part of it, but he could sit with me, relax
with me. He could calm my raging brain and help me forget for a while
that Christmas Eve was coming up shortly.
I was laying on my couch with my eyes closed when there was a knock on
the door. I was too tired in mind and body to get up to answer it, but
my sense of peace was on the other side of the door. I needed it. I needed
I may have surprised Heero by just falling into his body as soon as I
opened the door, but he recovered quickly and settled me on my couch.
He touched my head as if to feel for my temperature and I took advantage
of the closeness to press my lips to his for a kiss. He returned it tenderly
and my mind finally found the peace that it was searching for all day.
With a touch of his lips on mine, I let go of the anxiety and the uncertainty
that had been eating away at me and settled into a floating bliss.
We kissed for a long while, but I don't know for how long. Time tends
to stop when I kiss Heero.
"So," he says to me when our lips finally part, "what's
Oh, only if I could tell him..
"It's nothing, really."
"Bullshit," he says, startling me, "you would not have
called me here like that if it was nothing."
Well, I guess I acted sort of out of character there with the whole ‘I
need you' bit.
"You're nervous about me meeting your brother, aren't you."
Jesus, why do I even bother trying to hide shit from Heero? He's a damned
mind reader, haven't I learned that by now?
"I am," I admit, "because I'm going to introduce you as
I definitely rendered him speechless with that declaration. I don't think
he was ever hoping, not even in his wildest dreams, that I would be telling
my brother that he was my boyfriend. He looked stunned, then the most
beautiful and glowing look of joy came over him. God, he's so beautiful.
"I love you."
He said it so damned reverently, softly, like it was a prayer of his deepest
heart. I may still be nervous as hell telling my brother about him, but
that cemented my decision to be honest with Solo. How can I possibly introduce
someone like Heero who could tell me he loved me in the most heart rending
voice as just a friend?
"You better remember that after my brother stabs you with the shrimp
"I'd brave a hundred shrimp forks for you."
We burst out into laughter at that and I feel an immense weight lift from
my shoulders. Imagine that. God couldn't give me an apocalypse, my friends
couldn't give me answers, but Heero could give me everything I needed
with simple words.
"You know, Heero," I say without really thinking, "maybe
this can be my Christmas present to you since I don't know what to buy
"Oh, really?" He replies with humor in his voice, "so me
getting hospitalized by your brother is a gift now."
"I didn't really think of it like that," I admit. "Oh,
fine, I'll buy you something, you materialist. So there."
"You don't have to."
"I will so shut up about it."
We lapse into a companionable silence after that and just lay on my couch
together with his head on my chest and my arms loose around his shoulders.
I feel the tension of the Sunday drain out of me and my eyes start drooping.
After all, the day had been a bitch until recently.
"Duo," I hear my boyfriend say, "you're falling asleep."
"I know," I say over my yawn, "but I'm tired."
"Tomorrow's Monday." Heero points out rather pointlessly.
"Don't remind me."
"We have to work tomorrow." He continues despite my objections.
"I said," I try to say sternly, but too tired to make my voice
obey me, "don't remind me."
"So I was thinking," he continues, "it would be a bad idea
for me to sleep here."
"Mmm hmm." I grunt out, too tired to really pay attention to
Heero's words by now.
"But I'm going to sleep here."
Had I been more awake, I might have been nervous, shocked or something.
But I was so tired and Heero felt so comfortable and warm laying on the
couch with me. Therefore, all I got to do before I drifted off was to
enjoy him being near me when I fell asleep.
I think.. no, I know that I smiled the whole night.
[part 21] [back to 0083's