Author : Akuma
Disclaimer: GW characters are not mine.
Feedback: yes, please!!
Warning: yaoi, sap, angst? (I am still trying to believe that I have written
Note: This is a sequel to Confusion of the Heart, dedicated to Misuzu,
as her birthday present.
of the Heart
There, at the playground, a
braided boy hugged a messy brown haired boy tightly near the swing. Neither
of them moved, each savoring the other's presence. They stayed like that
for some minutes. The shorthaired boy didn't show any struggles and the
braided one didn't want to let go of him. Their world narrowed down the
warmth of their bodies and the beating of their hearts.
Heero was too surprised to move. He only wanted to linger at this place
one last time before he left and never came back. His eyes had fallen
onto the swing and he couldn't help but sit on it. This would have been
the last time he'll ever let himself be a child again.
As he lowered himself onto the swing and rocked it back and forth, he
remembered his time with Duo two weeks ago. Duo had caught him from the
back when he was flown, hugging him tenderly. But this time instead of
a pair of arms, his back met the cold surface of the pool. The impact
hurt his body but it was nothing compared to how his heart throbbed in
pain, realizing there would be no one to catch and hug him again. He lay
there for some minutes, relishing how good those sweet days were. They
were like a dream now, a dream that was never meant to come true.....
Heero stood and went to the swing again. He sat and rocked it. He couldn't
help but think about his loved one. Duo, how was he now? Was he okay?
Had he awakened? Duo was most likely mad at him for tricking him. Now
he had to face the consequences; he had hurt Duo.
Heero had predicted that Duo would have been mad with him once he found
out what he had done. But he wasn't prepared for the pain he felt once
Duo left him. In that dream-like week, Duo had hugged and kissed him whenever
he could. He had become used to Duo's touch and caresses. Now six days
without a touch really tortured him.
As he let go of the swing, Heero felt his body flying backward. This was
really the end. Once his body touch the cold sand pool below, Heero knew
his heart would break into very tiny particles that could never been regrouped
again. Sayonara, Duo.
But instead of meeting the cold surface, a pair of arms caught him. The
same arms that had caught his body almost two weeks ago. Heero gasped
and heard a voice speak behind him. It was the same voice as two weeks
ago and it murmured the same sentence, except the word 'daddy' was changed
Heero was surprised as he realized it was Duo, who was hugging him. Why
was Duo here? He should be resting from his fever. And Duo shouldn't hug
him because he hated him, ne? But instead of releasing him, Heero could
feel Duo tightened his hug and buried his head on Heero's right shoulder.
So here he was, standing on the sand pool with Duo hugging him. Heero
couldn't understand why Duo did this. The only thing he knew for sure
was that he missed this, missed being hugged, missed being in Duo's arms.
Duo was hugging him like in that dream again, so tender and gentle, full
of passion. So if Duo wanted to do this, Heero would not be the one to
stop him. He was more afraid to think what Duo would do once he released
him later. It would be better if he stayed still and didn't move or speak
at all. He still could have Duo....if it was only for a moment.....
And Heero believed his moment was over when he heard Duo spoke up again.
Say something? No, Heero was not going to repeat the same mistake like
that night again.
During the nights after Duo left him, Heero stayed awake almost all the
time, waiting for Duo to come back, hoping he would hear his explanation.
But at the sixth day, Heero couldn't stay awake any longer and let sleep
engulf him. He was awakened, though, by a soft touch on his cheek.
On that night when Heero opened his eyes slowly, he almost couldn't believe
what he saw. Duo was staring at him and caressing his cheek tenderly.
As he kept looking at Duo, he felt the heart shaped face getting closer.
Duo was kissing him passionately, just like he did to Hitoe. Heero couldn't
believe it. Didn't Duo hate him? Wasn't he angry with him?
Could it be? Could it be that Duo loved him too? Heero could feel Duo's
tongue seeking entrance and he opened his mouth, letting it inside, welcoming
it. Duo didn't hate him, ne? After Duo finished tasting him, Heero raised
his hand to touch Duo. He had to make sure that all of this wasn't a mere
dream. Duo had come back to him and kissed him. Duo wasn't angry with
Heero felt very happy as Duo leaned onto his hand, closing his eyes when
he touched the braided pilot's cheek. Duo..... Duo forgave him! Maybe....maybe....could
Duo still want him?......It never hurt to try again, ne?
Heero worked his jaw and called Duo, but the result was immediate. Duo's
eyes snapped opened and Heero could see the confusion in those violet
eyes replaced with anger. And Heero realized that he was wrong.
It hurt. It really hurt to try.
He could feel the pain stabbed his heart as Duo called him slut and then
whore. But then again he was a slut, ne?.....Duo's slut.
The pain from his mouth being ravished was nothing compared to the pain
in his heart. No. it shouldn't be like this. He had to explain to Duo
that he had never been with anyone except him. He was Duo's whore, Duo's
slut, but not anyone else's. Duo was the only one. Only Duo. Duo had owned
his heart long ago. But the hard slap on his cheek ceased all his struggles.
No, the pain on his cheek was nothing. It was his heart. His heart was
bleeding. Heero no baka.......Duo would never love him, let alone forgive
him for what he had done.
Back to where he was now, Heero felt the arms around him tightened. "I....I
won't hit you....." Duo's voice sounded full of regret. Did Duo think
he didn't want to talk because he was afraid of being beaten? If so, then
Duo has it wrong.
Heero wasn't afraid of being hit for he had predicted and was prepared
for it. Yes, it hurt. It hurt so much, like a drill was making its way
to his heart when the same hand that caressed his cheek not long ago,
slapped the same cheek hard. But it was not the reason Heero didn't speak.
If beating him could make Duo feel better, than Heero would not fight
it. That was why he chose to lay still on his bed after the slap, letting
Duo do whatever he wanted to do to him. Though he felt his heart was being
pierced by thousands of needles, Heero knew he deserved the beating. But
Duo didn't do anything so Heero looked through the corner of his eyes
and saw Duo eyeing his chest with a hurt expression.
The cross! Duo was hurt because he gave it to Hitoe, not to Heero but
instead he found it hanging around Heero's neck. Then Heero felt a dead
weight on his chest. Duo had fainted!
As he put Duo on the bed and examined him, Heero noticed Duo had abandoned
his health and realized Duo was hurt because his actions. Of course Duo
was hurt. Heero had taken away his beloved Hitoe from him. Heero no baka,
he had hurt Duo. Why didn't he think about this before? He only thought
Duo would be angry and would hate him, he never thought his actions would
have hurt Duo. And that's the reason why Heero didn't want to speak right
now. If he spoke, Duo would realize it was Heero he was hugging, not Hitoe
and Duo would be hurt again as he realized his Hitoe was gone.
"I'm not angry with you, Heero." Heero tensed as Duo said his
name and felt Duo loosening his grips around him. Did Duo realize it was
Heero he hugged right now? Not Hitoe?
Heero wasn't blind to how happy Duo was when he was with Hitoe. Duo talked
and laughed like he never been that happy before in his life, and Heero
savored each and every moments, saving these memories to last forever.
Now every time Duo saw Heero, he would always be reminded of his Hitoe,
who would never come back. Hitoe was no more.....There was only an emotionless
soldier.....male soldier.....never a boy....
No, he didn't want to hurt Duo. Duo deserved to be happy and there was
only one thing Heero could do to at least ease Duo's pain. The same thing
he had thought and decided while watching Duo toss and turn on his bed
the other night. Heero had to leave Duo. If the source of his misery disappeared,
Duo would not be sad and hurt anymore, ne?
So with the same determination, Heero reluctantly walked away from the
embrace. He wanted to turn back and see Duo's face but he was afraid he
would never manage to leave Duo if he looked upon him again.
"Heero, wait!" Heero felt a tug on his jacket. Duo's jacket.
Of course! Duo wanted his jacket back! After all, that jacket was for
Hitoe, not him. How foolish of him for thinking he could have the jacket
as a reminder. Heero quickly released the jacket and let it fall to the
hand that tugged on it.
Heero bowed his head. He shouldn't have taken the jacket. But he felt
empty as he released the cross and put it back around Duo's neck. He almost
cried when he released the cross, which had been hanging around his neck
for one week, but then again Duo gave it to the person he loved most.
And Heero was definitely not that person, so he didn't have the right
to wear it. But maybe Duo would not mind if his jacket disappeared, ne?
Heero smiled bitterly as he had thought wrong again. The wind blew and
Heero felt the cold attack him. He was only wearing his green tank top,
beneath the jacket because there was no point in wearing the turtleneck
since there was nothing to hide anymore. Assuming Duo was finished with
whatever business he had with him, even though he knew Duo's still standing
behind him, Heero tried to walk away again, only to have his arm grabbed.
The Japanese pilot was turned to face the braided pilot, as Duo spoke,.
"Damn it, Heero. I didn't come here to ask for the jacket..."
Heero noticed Duo stopped talking as soon as he was face to face with
Duo, but he didn't want to meet Duo's eyes and chose to look away. He
couldn't bring himself to look into those violet orbs, knowing there would
be hurt and anger in them, caused by him.
Maybe Duo was too angry to continue speaking? Was Duo gonna hit him again?
Heero closed his eyes as he sensed Duo raised his free hand and prepared
to receive the upcoming blows. He would not fight him; he deserved this.
But instead of the blows, Heero was surprised and hissed unconsciously
as the hand caressed his bruised cheek.
"I'm sorry." Heero blinked as he heard Duo spoke up in regret.
The hand on his cheek slowly caressed it, as if trying to ease the pain
away. What was Duo doing? Heero was confused and looked at Duo, only to
find the braided pilot looked back in regret. The hand on his cheek moved
to finger his swollen lips. "Forgive me?...please?"
Heero blinked again. Why did Duo ask for forgiveness? He didn't do anything
wrong. It was him who had done bad things to Duo. He had hurt Duo. Heero
opened his mouth to answer but the only sound that came from him was a
gasp of pain. In reflex, he brought his free hand to shove Duo's fingers
away and cover his own mouth. Heero hadn't realized his tongue and mouth
weren't in any condition to speak with.
Since last night after Duo bit his tongue and ravished his mouth, Heero
hadn't spoken a single word. He knew his tongue and mouth were bleeding
but his attention that night was focused in tending Duo. Now he realized
how sore his tongue and mouth were.
A hand came up and removed his hand from his mouth tenderly. Heero looked
up and saw Duo look at him in regret while the braided pilot's hand started
caressing his lips. "My fault. This is all my fault." The wide
violet eyes started to water. "Will you ever forgive me for what
I have done?"
Heero stared dumbfoundedly as a tear rolled down on Duo's cheek. This
was the first time he saw Duo crying and it hurt him, hurt him like hell,
knowing Duo was hurt too. He didn't want Duo to be sad. Duo had to be
happy. Unconsciously, Heero brought his hand up to Duo's face and wiped
away the tear.
The Japanese pilot was surprised when Duo caught his hand and kissed it
like it was a precious thing. "Damn you, Heero." Duo murmured
while kissing the hand. For a second, Heero tensed, anticipating a blow
from Duo but instead of what he expected, Duo clutched Heero's hand tightly
"Even now, you only care for my feelings. You wipe away my tear,
wanting to erase my pain and sadness but what about yourself? Your feelings?
You're bruised and bleeding because of me!"
Duo withdrew his fingers, which were caressing Heero's mouth. Heero saw
the red liquid staining the fingers and stared at them, surprised. His
mouth was bleeding and he wasn't even aware of it. " You haven't
noticed how injured your mouth and tongue were." Duo smiled bitterly.
"Is the pain in your heart so great that any physical pains you have
are nothing in comparison to it?"
Heero looked away as Duo's words hit straight at home.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Heero tried to pull his hand from Duo's
grip but the braided pilot held it tightly. "And I'm the fucking
bastard that cause that pain to you."
Those harsh words made Heero look back at Duo. He didn't want Duo to address
himself like that. This was not Duo's fault. Despite the pain, Heero opened
his mouth, wanting to tell Duo but a hand came up to cover his mouth.
"Don't speak. It'll hurt your mouth and tongue even more. And yes, I'm
a bastard. I hurt you."
No, he was the one who was the bastard. He was the one who had hurt Duo.
Heero tried to shove Duo's hand away but Duo grabbed both of Heero's hands
and held them to his chest. "I know you don't care about your pain
but I care, damn it!" That made Heero stopped his struggle and looked
at Duo in disbelief. "Yes, I care if you're hurt, Heero. It hurts
me too to see you in pain. It hurts me so much to see the one I love in
Duo's words were too much for Heero. Did he hear what Duo had said correctly?
The one he loved, he said? Duo loved him? No, Duo loved Hitoe not him.
Maybe Duo wanted him to give his Hitoe back? Wanted him to be Hitoe again?
Was that why Duo cared for him?
"No! I'm not talking about Hitoe." Duo growled and pulled Heero closer
Heero was surprised. Was he so transparent?
"I know what you're thinking, Heero. No, you aren't that transparent
but I've been with you too long not to recognize the expressions on your
face." Heero could hear Duo chuckling bitterly. "And damn me
for realizing it just now."
Duo looked up and locked their gaze. "No more Hitoe. You're the one
I love, Heero Yuy. The one I want to spend my life with."
Heero widened his eyes as he heard Duo's words. This was a dream, right?
A cruel dream that would leave him empty once he woke up. He might have
hit his head when he fell from the swing. Duo would never love him. Heero
shook his head, wanting to end the dream.
Duo growled and tightened his embrace. "Damn it, you have to believe
that I love you! This isn't a dream."
Heero felt his chin being grabbed and met a pair of violet eyes that looked
into him pleadingly. "Just hear me out first, please?"
Heero didn't answer and couldn't answer; he was drowned into those expressive
"I take it you'll listen." Duo smiled slightly. "Just like
before. I talk, you listen."
Heero kept silent as Duo locked their gaze. "I don't care if you're
a girl or a boy. All I know is the person in my arms right now is the
person I love. I don't ask you to be Hitoe or Heero Yuy. I only want you
to be yourself, the one I love and who loves me."
The Japanese pilot was stunned. And before he managed to process all the
sentences, Duo continued. "You know I never lie. I run, I hide, but
I'll never lie." Duo stared passionately at the boy in his arms.
"I love who you are, not what you are. I love the person inside this
body, the spirit and the personality."
Heero trembled as Duo repeated the words he had said to Hitoe. Duo loved
him, really loved him. Despite the fact he was a boy, despite the fact
he had hurt him Would ....would he dare to try it again? To come back
and stay with Duo? Could...could he make Duo happy? He could end up hurting
"Please, come back to me. Stay with me. I don't want to lose you
now that I have you in my arms." Heero watched as Duo's face came
closer and felt his swollen lips being kissed lightly. "Only you
can make me happy, make me feel whole. I'm only a half without you."
Duo would be happy? Really? Duo would be happy to be with him?
"Don't cry." Heero felt a finger brushed away the tears on his
cheek. He didn't realize a tear had escaped his eyes. "I know I'm
wrong to drive you away, to throw so many harsh words at you and beat
you. I've hurt your feelings deeply." A tear rolled down on the American
pilot's cheek. "Please, give me one more chance?"
Heero noticed Duo released him and retrieved something from his pocket.
He didn't want to break the gaze, as Duo also didn't want to break it.
But then he felt Duo put something around his neck and he widened his
eyes as he recognized the item as a necklace. Could it be? Did he dare
Slowly, so slowly, Heero looked down and saw the silver cross hanging
on his chest. Duo's cross. As he took the cross into his hand, he felt
Duo put the jacket around him and hugged him tightly again. "Maybe
it's fate or not. But I just realized today was Valentine Day. The day
we spend with our loved one." Heero felt Duo kissed his forehead
and uttered the final question. "Happy Valentine, love. Will you
stay with me and spend the rest of our lives together? Forever?"
Together. Forever. Heero felt all the pain inside him dissolve, leaving
the happiness alone. This was all he asked for. To have someone to love
and who loves him back. To feel safe and secured in his arms. To feel
warmth and serenity while with him. And only Duo could give it to him.
Only Duo wanted to accept him for what and who he was. Heero knew he would
never be happy if he leaves Duo. Like Duo had said. Without him, he was
only a half. They needed each other to become whole. To become one.
Heero held the cross tightly and looked up to the waiting violet orbs.
He worked his jaw, ignoring the pain and the bleeding from his mouth and
tongue. Smiling slightly, he gave Duo his answer. The first word he has
 Hehehe, I take this sentence from Jana.
to Akuma's fic]