by Anria Lalumin
Warnings: PWP, bad lemon, equally bad humour, Zechs' POV, Relena-bashing,
barely any plot
Disclaimer: not mine! There's a bloody surprise. . . .
Relena's Office Is For
It's a fact of life, one I
discovered rather quickly once in his company, that Duo loves sex.
He loves it fast, he loves it slow. He loves it hard, he loves it gentle.
He loves it on top and on bottom. He loves it whether he's uke or seme.
He loves it any position - and believe me, we've tried more than a few.
He loves oral or anal or just a quick hand job.
He also loves it anywhere, and - perhaps more importantly - everywhere.
And I, being completely head-over-heels in love with him, will go along
with whatever he wants.
Let me tell you, I have never regretted it. Which is probably what got
me into my current predicament.
It all started when we received yet another invitation to one of Relena's
'little gatherings'. You always have to be wary of the wording of Relena's
invitations - her concept of a small gathering is probably quite
different to yours. Several hundreds of aristocrats different.
Neither Duo nor I particularly like my sister, but she is family
and I try not to offend her. Duo complained loudly all the way there,
about having to wear a tuxedo, about having to be nice to the Rampant
Bitch Queen, as he called her whenever she was out of earshot, about having
to watch her drool all over his best friend and then be utterly sickened
when his best friend drooled right back. Generally about anything he could
And okay, so maybe Heero would never drool in public. But what else would
you call it?
No sooner had we got to the gathering than Relena was next to us. "Brother
dear," she said. Why can't the stupid woman ever learn that I have
a name? "How have you been doing? How is Preventer life?" She
linked her arm with mine, completely ignoring Duo, and dragged me forwards
without giving me a chance to answer. Before Duo could bring out a knife
from God-knows-where (I've undressed him enough times and I still don't
know where he hides them) and stab her in the back, I grabbed his hand
to pull him forwards with me, wrapping an arm around his waist. I'd decided
long ago that I was never going to bow to the doctrine of Relena's circle
and deny my relationship with him when in public. That was just being
mean to Duo.
"Duo," Relena said, her eyes on the arms we had about each other.
You could practically hear the frost crackle in her voice. "How very
nice to see you." Her tone indicated it was anything but.
We made polite small talk - well, Relena did, anyway - before she decided
she couldn't stand Duo's contaminating presence any more and slid off
to find Heero. I always thought it was rather a shame that she couldn't
even complain to her ever-loving husband about her brother's lover, since
Duo was the one subject they disagreed on. Loudly.
Can you tell I'm not really that sympathetic to her?
"Bloody aristocrats turning their bloody noses up at every bloody
normal person. . . ." Duo muttered as I pulled him off to the side
before anyone could get it into their heads to approach me. "Bloody
idiots should try to actually work for a living once in their bloody
lives. . . ."
I sighed. "Duo."
He glared up at me through his bangs. "I know, I know," he said.
"Not everyone is perfect. But why can't they be a bit nicer?"
I didn't bother to answer, just dragged him over to the buffet table.
About the only thing Duo loved more than sex was food, and I was at least
half-convinced he only loved that because it gave him the energy for sex.
To my surprise, however, he didn't seem interested in food. Folding his
arms over his chest, Duo contented himself with glowering at everything
in sight. I would say he'd been taking lessons from Heero in glaring,
but that would be wrong - if anything, Heero could take lessons from him.
Heero just looks grumpy. Duo puts malice into his glares.
"You want a drink?" I asked him, knowing he wasn't mad at me.
Well, maybe just a little bit, for insisting he come with me - but damn
it all to hell, if I have to suffer Relena for a whole night, I'm dragging
as many people down with me as I can.
"Fine," he gritted out, and accepted the glass I swiped off
a passing tray. Take it from me, Duo's a lot easier to handle when he's
drunk - mostly because his libido goes through the roof. It might be more
tiring but it's certainly less complicated.
For a while we stood there, out of the direct line of the idiotic lackeys
looking to gain some prestige in Relena's circle by molesting her brother,
until the morons began noticing the two men who weren't moving to join
in on any conversation. Duo's foul mood kept them off for a little while
longer, but it didn't take much time before they were coming over in droves.
It also didn't take long for Duo to completely lose patience with them.
To give him credit, he didn't threaten to step on them with Deathscythe
this time around. He did, however, bustle me into a corner well away from
them. "Can't you stop them doing that?" he hissed.
"It's in their nature. They're brought up to be pests," I shrugged.
Inwardly, I smiled at the cute picture Duo made, with his nose all scrunched
up and pouting.
"God, I wish there was something to do around here. . . ."
he moaned. And then, it was like a light bulb went on in his head. The
adorable little disgruntled expression vanished, replaced by one I knew
very well. "Zechsy," he purred, standing in front of
me with his back to the room, "I've had a great idea." His hand
slid down my chest, fiddling with the buttons on the white jacket.
"Oh?" I asked him, a little breathlessly. Duo could tease with
just a look - and he did it especially well when you knew exactly what
was being promised.
His grin widened and took on a particularly evil glint. "We've never
done it in Relena's office, have we?"
My eyes widened. "Duo!"
He didn't give me a chance to say anything more as he grabbed my hand
and pulled me down into the shadows at the edge of the hall and down several
corridors at a near run. Seeming the pick a door at random, he opened
it, dragged me inside, and before I knew it my back was pressed to the
wall with a very enthusiastic Duo attached to my lips.
I moaned into his mouth, vaguely aware of him kicking the door shut. My
hands tangled in his incredible hair, thrusting back when he ground against
Abruptly Duo pulled back and grabbed my hand again, walking backwards
into the room. Some small part of me stopped dead as I recognised the
"Duo, this is Relena's office."
He gave me a 'Well, duh' look. "Yeah," he said as though it
should have been obvious. "I did say I wanted to do it in here, didn't
"I just thought you meant that in a sort of metaphorical sense. .
. ." I said, allowing Duo to guide me over to the large mahogany
desk that dominated the room. He hopped up to sit on the edge, wrapping
his legs around my waist and nuzzling my neck.
"How exactly could I have meant that in a metaphorical sense?"
he asked me, biting my neck. I groaned and grabbed his hips, thrusting
against him as his mouth sent sparks of lust straight to my groin. He
muffled a moan in my neck, tongue tracing the bite he had made.
"I don't know," I said, a little breathlessly. "It just
seemed like a good idea at the time. . . ."
He leaned back and grinned up at me, twining his legs a little firmer
around my waist so he could rub up against my confined erection. "What
seemed like a good idea at the time?" he said, still grinning. "Fucking
me right here and now. . . ?"
"Oh yes," I said, and seized his mouth in a bruising kiss. Duo
responded enthusiastically, tangling his hands in my hair as his tongue
warred with mine.
He pulled back only to begin fumbling with the buttons on my jacket and
shirt. I tore at his, too impatient to be bothering with the fiddly little
things right now. "You want top or bottom?" he gasped as my
hands found his bare skin.
"Top," I growled, shoving the pieces of paper and various pens
off Relena's desk so I could shove him onto his back to begin my war with
his belt. Duo chuckled, reaching up to toy with my nipples. I leaned over
him to return the favour, mouthing and teasing one hard nub with my tongue.
"Oh fuck," he gasped, his hands moving to clench in my hair,
holding my head to his chest. "Nn, dammit that feels good. . . ."
My fumbling hands finally got his trousers open and I impatiently shoved
them down his legs, hearing him moan when I brushed his erect cock and
nearly growling with frustration when his shoes got in the way. I leaned
back to try and deal with the problem, finding it increasingly difficult
to ignore the urge to take him, now.
He chuckled at me, breath coming in harsh pants. "Impatient much?"
"I want you," I told him. "I want to fuck you, I want to
be inside you, to hear you scream my name when you come. . . ."
Duo shivered and sat up, turning over so his back was facing me. "From
behind," he urged. "You don't need to get my pants all the way
God, I love my hentai little man.
With this thought in mind, it took no more than a couple of seconds for
my to free my own cock and slather it with the lubricant that I had taken
to carrying around in my pocket whenever I went anywhere with Duo.
And then I was sliding into him and he was thrusting back into me and
my eyes rolled up in my head because no matter how many times we did this
I never got over how fucking tight he was and how good it
felt. . . .
"God, Zechs, fuck me . . . do it hard. . . ."
Heh, you asked for it.
I leaned over Duo to plant my hands either side of his on the table, raining
kisses on his neck and shoulder. I slid out of him slowly, carefully,
and then slammed back in so hard he raised up on his tiptoes and flung
his head back, howling as I hit his sweet spot.
I thrust into him hard and fast, the pace relentless and neither one of
us caring. Duo thrust his hips back to meet mine, moaning as I impaled
him over and over again. I rested all my weight on one hand as I reached
the other down in between his legs to pump his cock and bring him to release
It was over too soon. Duo came, throwing his head back as he screamed
my name like I said he would, his insides clenching around me. I bit down
on his neck to muffle my groan as he just proved too much and I spent
myself inside him.
We stayed like that for a few minutes, pressed together and panting as
we came down from the mutual high. Then I stirred, pulling out of him
with a groan.
"Whoo boy, we have got to do that again," Duo said, gingerly
turning himself over. He mock-frowned at me. "Just be nicer with
my clothes next time, ne? It's all right for you," he gestured
at where I was tucking myself into my pants, having wiped my cock off
with some tissues pilfered from the box on Relena's desk, "since
you're still mostly dressed." He grabbed a handful of tissues himself
and wiped his own cum off his chest.
"Aw, poor baby," I said. "It was your idea, do you regret
Duo grinned at me. "Hell no," he said, then winced as
he sat on the desk. "But I get your ass for the rest of the
night. You could have been a bit nicer, Z-babe," he complained, leaning
over to pull his boxers and trousers up.
As I shamelessly ogled him, I was suddenly caught by the sight of a trail
of my seed seeping out from between his buttocks and down his leg. The
sight of my own cum seeping out from inside him made me want him again,
and from the look Duo shot me over his shoulder, damned if he didn't know.
We left immediately after that, not bothering to put Relena's office to
rights before hurrying home. Duo didn't quite manage to monopolise
the role of seme all that night - not that I'd really complain if he did
- but he certainly tried hard. However, after that performance in my sister's
office there was no way in hell he was keeping me out of his ass for long.
I never could resist him.
Which is probably why I'm trying to explain the white stain on Relena's
desk to her right now.
"Relena, I really don't know how it could have gotten there,"
I tell her, trying to keep a straight face. Oh yes, sister dear, I really
do know how it got there, but you'll never look the same way at
Duo again if you find out.
"Pargan said he saw you and Duo running around the corridors at the
night of my party," Relena huffs at me. "I know you two did
It's times like these that I wonder exactly how much her adoptive parents
sheltered her from. Come on Relena, you're married! How much of
an innocent can you be?
"Duo!" Relena shrieks, peering past me to see my lover walking
up. "Do you know what the stain on my desk is? My brother
claims he doesn't know, but-"
"Yes, Relena, I do know what it is," Duo interrupts her calmly,
throwing himself into my lap. "It's my cum from when Zechs fucked
me on your desk during the last one of your parties." With that,
he reaches out and turns the connection off before linking his arms around
my neck. "Miss me, darling?"
I gape at him, not quite believing what he just did. "Duo, what the
hell did you do that for?"
He grins at me. "How much do you want to bet that we'll never be
invited to another one of her stupid parties again?"
A grin forms slowly on my face as the thought of never having to attend
one of her stuffed-up, pile-of-crap socialite's dream parties again sinks
in. "Duo, have I ever told you I love you?" I say, wrapping
my arms around him.
"Yes," he tells me, shifting so he's straddling my lap. "But
I wouldn't mind hearing it again." He taps my bottom lip, grinning
wickedly at me. "Since I've got Relena off our backs, this means
I get your ass for a week."
"Oh no you don't," I say, leaning backwards. "We
don't know for sure it's got her off our backs yet."
"Whaddaya mean we don't know for sure? Why, it's plainly obvious
that. . . ."
I tune out the rest of his words, smiling at his mock-indignant face.
We both know the issue of dominance will never be resolved, but it's just
such fun to argue about it.
Heh, I wonder how Relena would react if we sent her a tape of one of our
to Anria's fic]