Just Breathe (cont)

He smiles reassuringly at me, brushing my hair away from my face with one hand. "There'll be plenty of other mornings just like this, Tro," he promises, somehow knowing in that uncanny way of his just what's worrying me. "But I'm starving, and you're damp, and Heero's being a lazy bastard." He pauses to grin over his shoulder at the still-sleeping Heero, then nimbly climbs over me to the floor, carefully extricating himself from the blankets as he goes so we don't all get dragged off the bed with him.

"Give me your shorts," he commands, once he's free of the bed.

I raise an eyebrow at him in surprised reluctance.

"I'll wash them out for you before they stain," he explains innocently.

Well, that does make a sort of sense. I manage to shimmy out of my wet boxers beneath the covers, ignoring Duo's amused grin at my modesty and his comments of, "I've seen it before, and I'll sure as hell see it again, Tro." I fling my soiled underwear at him in mild annoyance and then find myself blushing furiously as he holds them to his nose and inhales the scent of me, watching me all the while with devilishly sparkling eyes.

He chuckles at me yet again, and walks out of the bedroom before I can regain enough of my composure to ask him to toss me a clean pair of shorts.

Which leaves me sitting alone in bed with Heero, half-naked and embarrassed as hell. How can Duo make me feel so relaxed and at peace one minute, and so flustered and unnerved the next?

Oh well, I suppose I'll get used to it in time. Probably I'll just learn not to get embarrassed so easily, since I don't see him mellowing much.

Well, Heero's still asleep, so I guess I can take care of my current dilemma on my own. I climb carefully out of bed, doing my best not to jar the mattress or make the bedsprings squeak. I can't quite believe Heero has slept this long, but he must have been tired.

I make it out of bed without disturbing my other love, and walk over to the pile of duffel bags that serves as Duo and Heero's dresser for the moment. This apartment is brand new. Duo had been living with Hilde, and didn't want to kick her out when he and Heero became official, and Heero, of course, had been living at the palace with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. They don't have much in the way of furniture yet, just a couch in the living room and a low table to go with it, and of course the king-size bed. Just the essentials.

I'm bent over, rummaging through bags in search of underwear, when a sleepy voice mutters from behind me, "I thought it was the sun that rose in the morning, not the moon."

A moment later, still frozen in mortification, I hear Heero's familiar, distinctive chuckle, then he remarks, "Did you know that your ass blushes?"

That does it. I straighten, turn, and glare at him with every bit of expertise I've acquired from watching him over the years.

He just smirks at me and motions for me to join him back in the bed.

"I'm looking for a clean pair of shorts," I inform him flatly. I don't like being embarrassed, I don't like being laughed at... It's different somehow when Duo laughs at you. You always get the sense that he's just laughing at life in general, you just happen to be associated with the current moment of his amusement. Heero, however, is very positively looking at me, and it makes me uncomfortable. I cross my arms over my chest and acknowledge to myself that this is going to be harder than it was with Duo.

Heero is a lot more like me.

His smirk fades into a frown as he watches me, dark blue eyes narrowing slightly in silent calculation. I wonder what he's thinking. It occurs to me that I'm exposing myself to him, but that's secondary to whatever is going on here. We've got to come to some kind of understanding, some sort of equilibrium, and he knows that as well as I do. For us, this has little to do with sex.

He breaks first. I've always had more patience. But he surprises me.

"Do you really want me at all?" he asks bluntly. "Or is it just him?"

I can only blink at him in surprise. "If I only wanted Duo," I begin slowly, relaxing a bit now that I know he's nervous, too, "why would I have been telling him I had feelings for you?"

He shrugs, still frowning. "I don't know," he admits, "but... emotional motivations have always... confused me."

"What, do you think I was making all of that up because I thought I couldn't have him if I didn't take you, too?" I ask sarcastically. Now there's a ridiculous idea. Who would think of such a ridiculous thing...

Heero would, judging by the intent fascination he's just developed with the bedsheet.

"Has anyone ever told you you're an idiot, Yuy?" I ask him exasperatedly. Honestly, sometimes he can be so... foolish.

"Yes," he replies flatly, glancing warily up at me. "But that's not so idiotic. I mean, I can understand wanting him, putting up with a lot of crap to get him, but... " he trails off into silence, shaking his head. "I know he loves me," he says, sounding still surprised by the fact, "but I don't quite know why. And you... " He shakes his head again.

He's unsure about me. He's insecure.

I should know that. I just...still forget, sometimes. That he's human after all.

And this means... I need to reach out to him, now.

Last night, I might not have been able to. But after this morning... I won't give up so easily. There's nothing to be afraid of here. This is where I want to be.

This is where I'm meant to be.

He looks so young, sitting there, strangely shy and uncertain, not like my confident Heero at all.

He needs me. And now I understand Duo a little better. There's something wonderful about feeling needed.

I walk over to the bed, no longer even thinking about my partial nudity, and sit down beside him, taking his chin in my hand. His lips meet mine hesitantly, uncertainly, but when I deepen the kiss he opens himself to me easily, readily...

God, I do love him. I have for so long. Ever since I figured out he was human, that he could need someone like me. The undeniable fact that he could also want someone like me melts the last of the fear binding up my heart and I slip my fingers through his unruly hair as the last of my internal barriers, my wariness, my fear, my uncertainty and insecurity and silent despair disintegrate beneath his warmth...

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down


"Trowa," he gasps, breaking the kiss, "God, I... I want... "

I silence him with my mouth, knowing very well what he wants, and for the first time I can remember, absolutely certain that I want the same thing. Duo woke this heat within me, and now Heero is stoking it into a flame. His hands are clumsier than Duo's were, less practiced, rougher, but...

I don't care. Not now, not here, not with him. I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not alone anymore, I'm not cold... for the first time in years, I feel truly warm, from the inside out, and I want to share that warmth. It's only fair, since it's at least partially reflected from him. From them. From whatever this crazy relationship is turning into...

His hands eagerly guide me inside him, slick with my own fluids, and the heat of it, the warm, tight embrace is so amazing... I wonder if this feeling of security, of being so totally at one with another human being is what a baby feels in the womb. I know never in my life have I encountered a closeness like this, so enveloping, so complete...

I feel whole again, for the first time I can remember. I feel completely... not alone.

Closer than I've ever felt before

I open my eyes as I feel myself nearing the edge that Duo brought me to so precipitously earlier, and find him staring back at me, his deep blue eyes softer and warmer than I have ever seen, than I have ever imagined they could possibly be...

For me.

His lips move in the prelude to speech, but I close the short distance between us and press our mouths together, silencing him. He kisses me back fervently, acknowledging that words would be superfluous right now. Words could never encompass this feeling. This perfect... joy.

And I know, and you know
There's no need for words right now

I erupt inside him in one blinding moment of ecstasy, and am amazed a minute later to discover the world did not really explode beneath us. He blinks up at me, looking a bit dazed, and I can feel the evidence of his own release warm and sticky between us.

A slow smile spreads across his perfect features, and he gives a soft, contented sigh that puffs against my flushed cheek, cooling and warming me at the same time.

Cause I can feel you breathe
It's washing over me


I can see it all right now, in this moment, how this strange and wonderful idea can actually work. There are no numbers or logistics involved, there's no fear of someone being left out or neglected... We're all part of each other. We're one, not three. Not anymore.

I only had to let go of everything I was to find out what I could be. Where I belonged. Who I belonged to... and who belonged to me.

And suddenly I'm melting into you


And then I let it all go.

There's no why or how to any of this, any of what's happening here, between us all. It's not something to be consciously considered, just... felt. Known. Believed.

It's... it's faith, I suppose.

It just is. Love just... is.

There's nothing left to prove
Baby, all we need is just to be

Heero's hand trails along the side of my thigh and I smile at him, letting my love, my warmth, show in my eyes. He blinks in surprise, his other hand reaching up to cup my face.

"Has anybody ever told you how beautiful you are?" he asks me quietly, solemnly.

"No," I reply honestly, leaning into his touch. I already can't remember how I lived without the feel of their hands on my skin.

"Well," he murmurs, pulling me gently down for another kiss, "we'll just have to remedy that, I guess."

Caught up in the touch
Slow and steady rush


When I climbed nervously into this bed last night, I had vague hopes that maybe we could make this work, somehow, with time and patience and compromise.

Now it all seems so easy.

Oh, I know there will be pitfalls, obstacles, problems... Some of them may even seem insurmountable, earth-shattering... but they won't be.

Love, real love, true love, is stronger than anything. And I do love them, both of them, and they do love me, and they love each other...

We've always been extraordinary, all of us. I guess this is just another example of that. After all, how many people really ever find what we've discovered right under our noses? Real love has got to be one of the rarest elements in the known universe, probably because in its impure form, it's highly unstable.

Random and crazy and completely unpredictable... perfect.

Baby, isn't that the way that love's suppose to be


I break the kiss and roll on my side, dragging Heero with me to curl contentedly against me as we wait for Duo to return.

This is all I'll ever need in life.

I can feel you breathe

A few minutes later, Duo walks in carrying a tray loaded with somewhat blackened toast, a couple of apples, and three mugs of coffee.

"Sorry, we kinda need to go shopping -- " he begins, then stops and frowns at us, sniffing the air suspiciously.

I had no idea he was so... nasally fixated.

"Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do," he mutters, mock-pouting at both of us as we grin wickedly up at him. He sets the tray down on the nightstand and plants his fists on his hips, tapping one foot in annoyance. "Here I am, slaving over a hot toaster to make you people breakfast, and all the while you're in here screwing like bunnies!"

"Nobody said you had to go all the way out to the kitchen," Heero drawls at him. "If you're hungry, I've got your breakfast right here," he adds, grabbing suggestively at his sheet-covered crotch.

"Pig!" Duo declares, but then he starts laughing at Heero's attempt at a leer, and ends up sprawled across both of us. He turns his head to grin up at me when he has himself under some semblance of control again and remarks, "It's a good thing we've got you now, Tro, we need somebody with some manners around here."

I frown down at him. "Does that mean no blow jobs for breakfast?" I ask in as disappointed a tone as I can manage.

"Ah! No! Not you too! I can't be the mature one!" Duo wails theatrically, kicking his feet and pounding his fists on the mattress.

"Obviously not," Heero observes, and then brings his hand down with a resounding smack on Duo's rear.

"That's it, Yuy, you're going down!" Duo yells, rearing up and pouncing on Heero with apparently murderous intent. I try to avoid their little wrestling match, but when Heero yells in protest, "But I'm not even hungry!" I lose my composure, and eventually find myself dragged into an extremely immature half-wrestling half-tickling match.

All in all, probably the best morning of my life.

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way...


~owari

[back] [back to Aoe's fic]