Disclaimer: I do not own the song "Kokomo", nor would I want to. The Beach Boys can have it.
Notes: I hate this song. I really really really hate it. It used to get played on the radio all the time, and it would make me cringe. Today, I heard it again, and after I finished screaming, the line "Bodies in the sand" suddenly produced an image entirely different from the one intended...
Warnings: YAOI! (Of course) Possible OOCness, although I think they're pretty true to their darling psycho selves... Megaviolence. MWA HA HA!!
by: Aoe

Operation: Kokomo

Heero is staring at his computer in mild shock, reading a mission briefing. After a moment he shuts it down, stands, and retrieves a girl's one-piece bathing suit covered in pink and yellow flowers (We won't ask where he got that) from his duffel bag. He stares at it for a moment, then strides determinedly out to the kitchen where the other four pilots are congregated.

He holds up the suit and stares at them all meaningfully.

Duo frowns at the suit and runs off to his own bedroom. Heero glares after him, then turns to the others and scowls. No one else will be permitted to escape. He tosses the suit at Trowa.

Trowa makes no effort to catch it, and it lands on his head, dangling forlornly from his stiff hair.

(Tropical rhythm introduction starts)

Heero is sitting on a kitchen chair with his arms crossed, waiting.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya --

Trowa steps into the kitchen wearing the bathing suit. He crosses his arms over his chest, looking anorexic and annoyed. Heero frowns and shakes his head.

Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama --

Quatre shuffles into the room, blushing furiously and chewing adorably on a fingernail. Heero's eyes narrow. Quatre does look like a girl... of about twelve. Heero shakes his head again.

Key Largo, Montigo, baby why don't we go --

Wufei strides stiffly into the kitchen, cheeks flaming and eyes flashing hot death at anyone stupid enough to look at him. Heero, being fireproof, cocks his head and studies the Chinese boy for a while. Closer... maybe if he let down the hair...

Wufei glares at Heero, looking ready to spit nails.

Heero scowls and shakes his head.

He glances in the direction of Duo's room, about to order the American to come out and try on the suit...

Jamaica --

When suddenly, Duo appears in the kitchen doorway. From somewhere (Again, we won't ask) he has produced a sleek, one piece black bathing suit of the type that zips up to a high collar around his neck instead of having shoulder straps. The zipper is white plastic (of course). His hair is loose, cascading around him in shimmering waves, and he is also wearing (Do I even need to say it?) a pair of falsies under the suit, giving that perfect feminine touch.

Heero's eyes light up happily and he immediately drags Duo out the door and to their Gundams, promising to explain the mission as they travel.

Off the Florida Keys, there's a place called Kokomo

As they hide the Gundams on one of the small, unoccupied Keys off Florida, Heero is explaining to Duo that on a nearby island called Kokomo, there is a secret Oz vacation base. Oz personnel being too important to risk at a regular resort and all that. Their mission... is to destroy the base, and any unlucky vacationers. Duo grins happily, anticipating mayhem. And also because Heero has stripped down to a brief black spandex (what else) swimsuit.

That's where you wanna go to get away from it all...

Heero and Duo infiltrate the private beach of one of the resort hotels, easily blending with the crowd of young pilots and older officers. Duo is in full beach-bunny mode, clinging to Heero's side and giggling. Heero suffers this stoically, but doesn't seem all that unhappy about the treatment.

Bodies in the sand... tropical drink melting in your hand...

Later, Duo and Heero happily survey the same beach now littered with bullet-riddled bodies of Oz vacationers. Duo idly sips someone's abandoned Maitai.

We'll be falling in love to the rhythm of a steel drum band...

Night has fallen with a wet and meaty thud. Heero and Duo stand back to back, possibly rubbing up against each other a little more than necessary, as they rain fiery death upon a hapless luau. Duo laughs as the bullets from his machine gun beat across the large steel drums, making an interesting sort of music...

Down in Kokomo...

Duo runs merrily down the beach at the edge of the water, oblivious to the reddened foam and occasional corpse. Heero watches him with a little smirk.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya --

Left behind, the other three pilots sit in the kitchen. Heero's discarded bathing suit lays in the center of the table. Trowa stares at it flatly.

To Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama --

Quatre sighs a bit wistfully, also staring at the suit.

Key Largo, Montigo...

Wufei sniffs disdainfully at the suit and returns to sharpening his katana... shooting the occasional glance at the pink and yellow flowers. All three seem to be wondering where the hell their comrades are...

Oh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo...

Suddenly, all three perk up as a news report comes over the radio about the unexplained massacre taking place on the resort island of Kokomo... The pilots look at each other with consideration...

We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow...

They jump up as one and run for their Gundams, deciding to get to Kokomo as fast as possible and then try and figure out what's going on.

That's where we wanna go...

All three indulge in pleased smiles in the privacy of their own Gundams.

Trowa is thinking of rubbing tanning oil on Quatre's back.

Quatre is thinking of burying Trowa in the sand and finally having the tall boy at his mercy.

Wufei is thinking that Heero and Duo are not going to have all the fun. Where's the justice? He wants to blow stuff up too!

Way down to Kokomo...

Meanwhile, Heero and Duo have stolen a small private yacht, and are drifting off the coast of the island.

We'll go out to sea... and we'll perfect our chemistry...

Duo is cheerfully brewing up homemade explosives, which Heero then carefully loads into the bomb mechanisms he is constructing.

And by and by we'll defy a little bit of gravity...

Heero soars through the air, buffeted by the blast of the hotel exploding behind him. He is cackling maniacally. Duo watches from beneath a nearby palm tree, twisting a lock of long hair around his finger and smiling indulgently. He shakes his head and goes off to retrieve and bandage the spandex speedo-clad psycho.

Afternoon delights...

Duo reclines on a beach chair, smirking at the appreciative stares he is receiving from the very nervous but still determined Oz officers and pilots on leave. Heero offers a tube of tanning oil and turns his slender, muscled back to Duo. Duo smiles.

Cocktails and moonlit nights...

Under a full moon, appropriately enough, Duo is lighting and tossing Molotov cocktails at one of the few remaining hotels on the island, cheering loudly when he gets one into a room instead of splattering a tongue of flame against the building's side. Heero watches him with a small smile on his face.

That dreamy look in your eyes...

Finally out of firebombs, Duo reclines against Heero. Heero peers down into the wide violet eyes, which reflect the raging inferno before them. Duo has an euphoric expression on his face.

Gives me a tropical contact high...

Heero suddenly leans forward and kisses Duo, hard and deep. Duo responds with equal fervor and they embrace on the grass as Oz personnel run screaming from the burning building, some of them on fire themselves.

Down in Kokomo...

Duo and Heero grope each other happily to the music of death screams from the immolated.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya --

Trowa lands Heavyarms on the beach, staring expressionlessly out at the carnage and fires that are all that remain of the island.

To Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama --

Quatre lands beside Trowa, and pouts upon discovering that the resort has been decimated, his happy visions of pina coladas and frolicking in the surf with Trowa going up in a puff of smoke.

Key Largo, Montigo --

Wufei lands next to Quatre and scowls at the destruction. Heero and Duo have already destroyed the place completely! Where's the justice?!?

Oh, I wanna take you down to Kokomo --

Duo and Heero emerge from a billow of black smoke, both still in their suits, although Duo has lost his falsies and his suit is unzipped to below his bellybutton (he's got an inny). Duo waves cheerfully. Heero stares silently at the other Gundams, one hand clutching Duo's braid tightly. The others warily descend from their cockpits, thinking they may have been a bit hasty in interrupting Heero's ‘mission'.

We'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow --

Duo greets everyone exuberantly, dancing around happily like a two-year-old who just ate a five-pound bag of sugar. Quatre smiles apologetically at Heero. Heero shrugs and waves an arm at the fire and destruction before them: Welcome to paradise!

That's where we wanna go --

Quatre pouts slightly as Heero wanders off in pursuit of Duo. Trowa stares blankly at the fires, idly hoping that the heat might get Quatre to take off his shirt. Wufei scowls and kicks sand, then stomps off to see if there are any survivors for him to visit justice upon.

Way down in Kokomo...

(Musical bridge)

Heero has found Duo, and the braided one grabs Heero's hands and starts waltzing around a moonlit beach with Heero, until they trip over a corpse and tumble to the sand, where Heero quickly takes advantage of the opportunity.

Meanwhile, Quatre and Trowa have located a relatively undamaged beach-side bar, and Trowa has prepared pina coladas. Quatre sips his happily, absentmindedly peeling off his shirt in the heat of a nearby burning dance club. Trowa very nearly smiles.

Wufei, having nothing better to do, has gone to worship Nataku. Actually, he is just sulking, but close enough.

(end of bridge)

Everybody knows... a little place like Kokomo...

Heero and Duo, having removed the sand from their sensitive areas after their ill-advised moment of passion on the beach, have broken into the last remaining resort's office, and Heero has hacked into the computer. He suddenly sits back and smiles (yes, smiles) happily. Duo, surprised by this, steps up behind him and looks over his shoulder at the screen. A big, goofy grin spreads across his face as he scans the list Heero has found... of all the other Oz private resort locations.

So if you wanna go and get away from it all...

Heero and Duo grin wickedly at each other, then begin sneaking out of the building and back to their Gundams. Unfortunately, they have set bombs behind them, and the explosion alerts the others to their location. Heero and Duo are forced to give up the list, and the pilots decide to divide the other locations up equally.

Go down to Kokomo.

Heavyarms and Sandrock fly off together...

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya...

Wing and Deathscythe speed off in a different direction, both pilots inside cackling maniacally.

Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama...

Wufei sits alone on the deserted, decimated island for a moment, pondering his list... Then he whips out a little cel phone and makes a quick call.

Key Largo, Montigo, baby why don't we go...

Quatre and Trowa enjoy a pleasant and relaxing week together until the hotel manager decides to make an issue of Trowa's apparent pedophiliac tendencies (Quatre brought along the pink and yellow suit) at which point the two boys sigh wistfully and blow the place up.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya...

Heero and Duo kiss passionately during a brief pause of raining fiery death down upon another hapless resort. Heero continues to shoot with one hand, pulling Duo's zipper down with the other.

Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama...

In a remote, otherwise deserted resort, Wufei reclines blissfully on the sand... between an equally blissful Trieze, and a wickedly grinning Zechs. Wufei plans to destroy the resort when he leaves, but Trieze has declared it a small price to pay.

Key Largo, Montigo, baby why don't we go...

(Chorus fades away, accompanied by the sound of massive explosions and, very faintly, maniacal laughter.)

~owari

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