("Scary Kisses" by Voice of the Beehive)
fic by Aoe

Scary Kisses

"You don't really think he's ever going to leave her for you, do you, Maxwell?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Wufei Chang: Professional Buzz-Killer.

I sigh and roll my eyes wearily as Quatre shifts uncomfortably and Trowa represses a smirk. Heero has departed our merry little group, not wanting to cause domestic strife by staying out past his curfew.

Can we say 'whipped', boys and girls?

'Mr. Relena Peacecraft, Duo!'

Very good, boys and girls!

"I don't know, Wu-chan. Do you think I'm ever going to leave Hilde for him?" I ask innocently. Quatre chokes on a sip of wine and Trowa considerately pats his back, those green eyes glinting with devilish amusement.

Trowa really gets me sometimes. Don't ask me why.

"Maxwell! You dishonorable cur!"

God, I love messing with Wuffie's mind.

"Chill, Fei-kun. Hilde and I aren't even really together, you know that. I'm not the one messing around on my wife," I comment blandly, studying the dark red wine in my glass as Wufei sputters and Quatre turns ever more interesting shades of red. Trowa is biting his lip to keep from laughing. I wonder what's gotten into him tonight.

"Ah... well... You do have a point there, Duo. You and Heero seem so happy together, but he is cheating on Relena to be with you. Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if he made a clean break?" Quatre asks hesitantly. "Then you wouldn't have to... " He pauses, obviously seeking a polite way to say 'sneak around behind his wife's back and screw in cheap hotels'.

"Sneak around behind his wife's back and screw in cheap hotels?" Trowa offers sardonically. Quatre suffers an abrupt reversal of blood flow to his face and blanches white at Trowa's words. Wufei looks horrified and vindicated all at once. Trowa and I share a grin of understanding.

Why sugarcoat it?

We're screwing around, he's cheating on his wife, I'm the 'other woman'...

And I'm loving every minute of it.

I hate peace.

Oh, I'm glad the war is over, sure, and I'm very glad nobody's getting slaughtered anymore, but... Life's been so damn boring! Settled in with Hilde on L2, running a scrapyard and repair shop... Day in, day out, same old, same old...

It's just not me.

It's been driving me nuts.

So when that invitation to one of Relena's endless parties arrived... Probably her way of assuring herself that Heero was over that 'secret' attraction he always had for me... Well, I just couldn't resist.

I knew it was crazy to go.

I knew it was dangerous.

That's why I did it.

There's not much of a trick to playing safely baby
People do it every day

Oh, I always knew he wanted me. He was hardly the first... and not even the only one of my fellow pilots to fall under my 'spell.'

I snicker aloud at the thought, earning a few nervous glances from my buds as they quibble over the bill.

But anyway. Heero.

So I go to the party, and there he is, standing like a marble statue in a darkened corner, glaring at the guests and sipping determinedly at a snifter of brandy, which I can immediately tell he doesn't much care for.

So, I'd seen him. I decided that was a good time to figure out why I wanted to.

I just watched him for a while, as he stood, and glared, and snifted.

It eventually occurred to me that he hadn't changed.

I think it's what drew her to him so strongly, the way he's always alone, even in the middle of a crowd. He stands out. You can't not notice him, and once you get a good look, well...

But anyway. That's Heero – always alone. Without seeing them within fifty feet of one another, I knew right away that he would be alone standing next to Relena as well.

And it suddenly occurred to me that he was comfortable like that. He understood it.

He felt safe, all by himself.

You can see them living sensibly with lots of care
Lonely in a cautious way

The bill is paid and we say our goodbyes, Wufei still shaking his head at my depravity, Quatre offering me a sad compassionate smile, and Trowa smirking in amusement. I wave them all off and stroll towards my apartment, still musing.

I guess I've always been alone, too.

I mean, not the sort of pathological solitude that Heero always clung to, but I'm a far more solitary person than most would realize.

You can talk a lot without ever saying anything.

But I'd gotten hurt before, when people I'd let myself care about ended up dying on me... So I guess I'd kind of cut myself off from forming real attachments.

Heero...

I mean, I always knew he was gorgeous. I roomed with the guy, for God's sake. I saw him naked.

Don't think I never whiled away the lonely hours of a solitary mission with that memory for... entertainment.

I giggle to myself, and earn a few strange looks from passerby on the street. I leer psychotically at them, just to see them scurry.

Heh heh. Sometimes I kill me.

But anyway. Heero.

Yeah, so I guess there was always that kind of tension between us, the unspoken, un-acted upon attraction... but that was all there was.

Damned if either one of us was going to be the first to bring it up.

I realized, as I watched him from across a crowded room, that we were both so caught up in being alone that we never realized how often we could have been alone... together.

You be alone for me... I'll be alone for you
One and one people alone makes two...

I could have walked away then. I knew he was married, and a lot of time had gone by... I could have just taken the sudden insight I'd gotten into my own twisted psyche and run back to Hilde, to what I knew and understood...

Nah.

I followed him over to the bar and set myself in the center of the path he'd taken to get there. He's like a damn ant. Once he's blazed a trail, that's the only way he'll go.

He walked right into me.

That's when things got interesting.

Let's stir things up a bit, throw the pieces up to the sky...

His eyes are so blue.

They're, like, the definition of blue eyes.

I mean, yeah, Zechs has those drop-dead gorgeous ice blue eyes, and Relena has the typical robin's egg blue, and Hilde's are a pretty summer-sky blue...

But Heero's are that deep, dark middle of the ocean drowning-pools-of-blue that is just what blue eyes are supposed to be...

Or maybe that's just me. But anyway...

I looked down (God! Down! I'm taller than him!) into those incredible eyes, and watched them glaze over with this kind of dreamy desperation, like he was trying to suck me in with his stare and engrave me on his eyelids or something...

And I knew right then, I wasn't there to say "Hi," or to catch up on old times.

I was there to do something crazy and dangerous and immoral and just plain stupid...

And I was going to love every minute of it.

Baby I want scary kisses
I want hits and I want misses
I want Hell and I want bliss
And all the stuff between itIf you give me safety
In a short time I'll be driven crazy
I would rather run and fall
Then take no chance at all
Then take no chance at all...

So, we went out to the garden, and, well...

I smirk to myself, settling on a park bench and staring up at the night sky. It was both entirely unexpected, and completely unsurprising. I think it had to happen, eventually. There was just too much tension built up between us, even after all that time, for it to just dissipate on its own. We had to do something to dispel it.

But I guess we picked the wrong thing, because after that it only seemed to get stronger...

I tip my head back and sigh, thinking of Hilde, dear sweet eternally devoted Hilde, who sold the scrap business on my whim and followed me down to Earth, to Sank, when I came to be near him. It's not like I've ever really said or done anything to give her reason to believe we are or ever will be a couple, but she just...

I think she thinks I need her to anchor me to reality, to give me something stable to hold onto in this new world where my misspent youth has left me somewhat out of place.

How can I explain to her that it is her very constancy, her eternal mundanity, that drives me away?

I would rather sit here by myself than settle down
With someone safe and sound

I can admit it to myself. Hell, I'll admit it to anyone with a passing interest: I'm an adrenaline junkie. Can you blame me? I mean really, look at the life I've led so far. Surviving on the streets as a kid? A Gundam pilot and professional terrorist in my mid-teens? And now I'm supposed to gear up for domestic bliss and a steady job as my twenties approach?

Made Heero real happy, didn't it? So happy he's sneaking out his window six nights a week to meet me in some sleazy little roadside hotel...

He's living on the edge, these days. Pushing the borders. He knows he's going to get caught soon, but he won't back off. He's dancing on the edge of the cliff again, ready to plunge off headfirst...

Who could resist that? His particular brand of insanity has always captivated me...

I kind of like a little trouble every now and then
Someone with the nerve to break ground

Not to say it's been all wine and roses. We're opposites, really, which means we attract, but also that we disagree a lot. And neither one of us had ever really given in to the sorts of urges we feel about each other before...

Okay, okay, not to put too fine a point on it, neither of us ever boffed a guy before.

Looking back, I guess we were lucky there was so much dew on the grass the night of the party... poor Hee-chan...

There I go, giggling like a madman again.

But yeah... we'd pretty much bought into the stereotypical sexual role ideas of our respective cultures. So we had some fun arguments and screaming matches for a while as we both tried to deny the things we were finally figuring out about ourselves.

Heero's decided he's gay.

I'm still not sure where my preferences really lie. I just know I like being with him. We're kind of feeling our way through this together.

Which is all kinds of weird for us, but... nice.

You take a look for me... I'll take a look for you
We'll find out it's not so bad, it's just new

So tonight we finally told the guys.

I thought Wufei was going to bust a vessel on the spot. He swore a lot. Mostly at me, as usual.

Heero glared at him, which was cute, if unnecessary.

Quatre couldn't decide whether he was horrified or thrilled. I think he decided on happy-yet-concerned. He blushed a lot.

Trowa laughed his ass off when I warned him what was coming ahead of time in the men's room, which allowed him to keep that little Mona Lisa smirk on his face and ask quietly, "Oh, didn't you know?" when we dropped the bomb on the other two. He cracks me up sometimes.

All in all, it was a hoot and a half.

Let's stir things up a bit, throw the pieces up to the sky...

And now I'm thinking about Wufei's question.

Do I think he'll ever actually leave her for me?

Do I really want him to?

Evil, evil little thought, but... Would I still be here if it weren't for the thrill of the illicit affair?

Bad Duo... what a thing to think.

I can't help grinning.

Baby I want scary kisses
I want hits and I want misses
I want Hell and I want bliss
And all the stuff between it
If you give me safetyIn a short time I'll be driven crazy
I would rather run and fall
Then take no chance at all

But then... maybe...

Hell, I don't know. What I want, what I'm doing, where this whole thing is going...

And I sure as Hell don't know what he wants.

Will he ever leave her, his safety net, his comfortable niche? He knows how to act with her, he knows what she expects, and how to give it to her. I drive him nuts, confuse and irritate him. I always have.

But... isn't that the basis of our attraction?

Our very incompatibility is what draws us to each other... and God knows, we've survived some very adverse conditions in the past.

Couldn't we weather this whole mess... together?

And if we bend or if we bruise
It won't be the worst of news
We will just get up again
Start over on the count of ten

I smile up at the night sky, putting aside such heavy thoughts for the moment. I didn't bang him in the garden to end up wallowing in angst on a park bench in the middle of the night.

So why did I bang him in the garden?

Bottom line: Because I wanted to. And he wanted me to do it.

When you get right down to it, boys and girls, life really is that simple.

Whatever happens later, we had that night, and we have right now. Even if the whole thing blows up in an unholy shit storm (which is probably more than likely), no one can take that away from us.

So if we fuck things up, we fuck things up. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Right now I'm just enjoying the ride, but I won't fall apart if I have to get off.

If there's one thing life has taught me, it's that there's always another roller coaster.

We might even find ourselves taking a new ride together someday.

And if we scar or if we break
It'll be our own mistake
Put it down to what we know
And have another go

Yeah, it would hurt if he broke it off. But I'd survive. It's what I do.

And take it on the chin

But, the way he looks at me sometimes... Even if he did dump me, I think he'd be back for more before long.

Would I take him back if he did?

.......

Yeah.

And just begin again

"Duo."

Where the Hell did he come from? I hate it when he sneaks up on me.

"Oi, Hee-chan, aren't you supposed to be snuggling up to the old ball and chain right about now?"

He grins wickedly, and the faint scent of alcohol carries to me on the puff of breath expelled by his brief chuckle.

"I'm living dangerously tonight," he informs me, still grinning.

Run your fingers through the flame

Obviously, he's drunk off his ass. That's the only time he grins like that. Or at all.

I wonder what's inspired this behavior, but then I decide I don't really care.

If he wants to live dangerously, I'm always up for it.

And I will do the same

"I've decided to tell her," he says, shocking the Hell out of me. Speechless for once, I can only raise an eyebrow in question. He chuckles again, fingers fiddling with the button of his jeans. "I know you've been getting a kick out of the whole hidden affair thing, but now that we've told the guys, I just don't think I can go back to the act. So I'm telling her. And I'm leaving her. And I'm hoping... " He trails off, the grin falling from his face to be replaced by the familiar lack of expression.

I can see in his eyes that he's afraid I'll turn him down.

You know why he's always jumping off stuff and plummeting headfirst toward the ground? It's because he's afraid of falling.

Isn't that twisted?

I wish somebody could tell me why I'm always jumping after him.

Together we will fall

I let my confident smirk spread across my face, knowing as I do how it affects him. And that he'll know what it means.

He's grinning again, and leans down and kisses me, hard and deep, right there in front of God and everybody.

Well, okay, so there's nobody else around, and I'm a card-carrying atheist, but still, it's a lot more PDA than I'm used to from him.

He's really going to do it.

Leave her.

For me.

Suck on that, Wu-chan!

Together we will rise

"No more settling," he whispers against my cheek.

"No more settling down," I murmur back before sticking my tongue in his ear. He giggles nervously, pulling away, but his eyes are shining with more than alcohol.

We're really going to do this, aren't we?

Man, feel that rush...

Together we will do everything but compromise

"All right, now what's got you so damn giddy?" I demand as he commences snickering. It's weird, but he's one of the silliest drunks I've ever seen. It's a good thing he didn't actually attempt to carry through on his plans to become Relena's alcoholic husband. He'd have ended up doing a striptease in the middle of a waltz, or gone swimming in the punch bowl.

God only knows what he's done tonight.

"Well," he begins, struggling to achieve his old chilly monotone and mostly failing. "I've made up my mind to tell her about us, and that I'm leaving, but you know how she is. She just doesn't listen to anything she doesn't want to hear. So I figured I'd have to do something to get my point across, so she couldn't ignore it. So... " He pauses, looking nervous again.

He can't be half as nervous as I feel. Seriously, the guy does weird stuff when he's toasted.

"So," he says again, decisively this time, and...

Turns his back to me and drops his drawers.

My first thought is, "He's going to moon her?"

Then I notice the folded square of paper towel taped to his butt, spotted here and there with what looks like blood.

Oh.

My.

God.

He just stands there, waiting for my reaction, so I reach out and gently pull the tape away, revealing his new tattoo.

It's a great big red heart, about the size of my palm... and written across it, in a flowing script, are the words, "I Love Duo."

No joke.

Did I mention he's crazy when he's drunk?

He's peeking at me over his shoulder, awaiting my response.

So what do I say? What can I say, confronted by this bizarre choice in body art? The one little word we've carefully avoided these past few months, he now has permanently engraved on his ass.

This has got to be some kind of metaphor for our relationship.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so romantic," I assure him, unable to contain my grin. He lets out a sigh of relief and starts bending down to retrieve his pants. "And where do you think you're going?" I demand archly.

He pauses and asks hesitantly, "Uh... home?"

"You flash that ass at me and expect me to let you leave unmolested?" I ask, doing that husky thing with my voice that I know drives him crazy.

"Duo... we're in a park," he observes flatly.

I smirk at him. He's still looking over his shoulder at me. "Oh, like that's ever stopped us," I comment, standing and unfastening my own pants.

"Duo... " The booze must be wearing off. He's starting to sound strained. I slip my hand around to his groin... hmm, maybe it's not the booze wearing off.

"Did you know," I ask conversationally, "that there's vaseline slathered all over that pretty new tattoo of yours?"

He makes some unintelligible sound at that, but the last of the resistance in his body disappears.

No cops come by to arrest us for public indecency.

Oh, well. Maybe next time.

Baby I want scary kisses
I want hits and I want misses
I want Hell and I want bliss
And all the stuff between it
If you give me safety
In a shirt time I'll be driven crazy
I would rather run and fall
Than take no chance at all...

~owari

Aoe has tattoos (but not on her ass). Me, too (ditto on the 'ass' thing ^_~ ). Anybody else?

[back to Aoe's fic]