Equilibrium (cont)

"Heero? Heero!" Wufei hissed with impatience.

He had tried to stay silent and wait for it to pass, since he couldn't escape without waking Heero. He had tried to preserve their hesitant relationship, that embarrassment, without a doubt, would make a massacre of by keeping silent on his comrade's actions. After all, no one could control himself during sleep. And he couldn't get angry with him, especially since Heero was used to having a boy with a similar build to his in his bed. He knew that if Heero realized what he had done, if it was known that Wufei had let those contacts continue, he would never be able to find himself in his presence without feeling dreadfully embarrassed.

But too much was too much! He wasn't going to let him hump him like a dog in heat.

"Heero!" he called again, slightly louder this time.

"Duo..." mumbled the boy against his nape, tenderly kissing the bare skin behind his ear.

Wufei jumped as if shot. Evidently he had been right when he assumed Heero thought he was with Duo. As if Heero could get interested in Wufei this way when he had Duo. Resolutely, he unwound the hold the sleeping boy had on him, and tried to get away, half turning toward the other boy in the process. At his side, Heero opened an eye, yawning.

"Hnnn... 'ufei...?"

The black-haired boy sighed, relieved, his breath quivering from all the nervous tension accumulated since his awakening. At long last, Heero recognized him...

"Hi..." murmured the half-awake boy while bending over him and depositing a light kiss on the corner of his lips.

Wufei froze in place, totally incredulous.

"Stop it! What's gotten into you? Do you have the slightest idea what Duo would think if he came back now?! If he saw his boyfriend kiss his best friend?!"

"He'd get angry at me because I didn't wait for him, " answered Yuy, totally serious, stretching nonchalantly.

There was a long silence from the Chinese boy.

"What?" Wufei finally asked in a low voice, a note of menace very clear in his tone.

He didn't know what Heero was implying, but it didn't seem very flattering for his honor or his friend's. He seemed to be implying that Duo was the sort of man who liked to bed people other than his official boyfriend.

"Wufei, tell me the truth," Heero responded, staring at him right to the bottom of his eyes, an air of absolute sincerity on his face.

"What?" answered the L5 pilot , frowning.

As if he lied on a regular basis!

What was getting into Heero for him to look at him so seriously when the subject was... something like that!!

"You are in love with him, isn't that true?"

The Chinese teenager felt himself go rigid.


"It's as visible as the nose in the middle of your face, if you only take the time to observe the way you act in his presence from the outside..." Heero answered in a neutral voice.

The teen was petrified, unable to move or think. That thought in his emptied brain, so very incongruous that he nearly laughed... then he thought that it wasn't so incongruous and the nervous laugh died before having escaped from his throat. He had been wondering if his sword was suitable for a seppuku ritual.

He was dead. Heero knew that Wufei wanted his lover for himself.


"Duo doesn't know. He hasn't got the slightest clue... I don't feel I have the right to tell him."

He couldn't prevent himself from sighing, relieved of a part of the weight on his chest.

But it was only for Heero to decide to divulge his secret to Duo...and in doing so, to soil his friendship with Duo, the only thing he had from the boy. He didn't have any intention of taking Duo from Yuy, but he could understand very well that the other Asian teenager would not want to see them associate with each other too much.

"Do not resent me... I can't stop myself..." he pleaded in a whisper, a little ashamed, but knowing that he would do anything, even get on his knees if that was what it took, not to be prevented from being friends with Duo. It was the only thing he authorized himself to want from him.

Heero laughed softly, surprising him.

"It would be akin to hypocrisy, don't you think, to resent you because you have been attracted to the same thing that attracted me in the first place?"

'Errm. True, seen like that...'

"You are strange," answered Wufei, clenching his teeth, not knowing if the other boy was mocking him or not, if he really was as honest and open as his words suggested.

"I am logical. YOU are strange. It seems like you WANT me to get angry at you. What are you searching for? A punishment for daring to want another's boyfriend?" he asked with an unexpected receptivity. "I am not intending to please you if that's what you're searching for. As you said, you are not responsible for your feelings, and after all it's not as if you had tried to take him from me behind my back. In fact you did everything so as not to reveal yourself..." he added, pensive.

"He is with you. I will not disgrace myself with trying to break up a couple visibly so... so well-fitted just to satisfy my own selfish wants. Duo is happy. It's enough for me."

'It is enough for me' he thought with force, trying not to hear the creaking of his teeth, nor to feel the pain of his short nails digging into his palms.

"Do you know why Duo is with me?"

He had accented the me in such a strange way... Wufei stared at him, surprised. What was he trying to say?

"By hazard," Yuy added, answering his own question. "By pure hazard. I see it as good luck, but it is a matter of point of view."

"How dare you say that? Duo had been in love with you way before you got together!!" exclaimed Wufei, sitting up in a leap and bending over Heero, furious, fists clenched.

Heero stared quietly at him, still as serious, looking, as if he was searching for something on his face.

"Because, he's in love with you too."

Wufei barked an incredulous laugh and the muscles in his jaw jumped wildly as he was waiting for the punch line of the joke, but it didn't come.

Heero nodded for himself, as if he had found in his expression exactly what he had been searching for.

"I was lucky. We found ourselves in a situation where his feelings and mine were clearly visible for each other, and that's when we became a couple. I was in love with him; he was in love with me... But Wufei, if you had been in my place that day, it's you he would be with now, because he loved you too, from the beginning. It's for that, that I call it luck, although I can understand if you don't see it in the same way."

"It isn't true..." pleaded the boy.

"He wanted us both equally, and yet, was resigned to have neither of us. When he had a chance with me, he grabbed it with both hands, because he thought that having one of the two was better than having none. He really thought he wouldn't have a chance with either of us. When he saw that at least one of us returned his feelings, he took it as a gift... he didn't ask himself too many questions."

Wufei fell back on the bed, his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling without really seeing it.

"We're happy together... It doesn't prevent him from still loving you. Doesn't prevent him from wanting you, and I am not the one to fill this place in him..." Heero put a finger to the other boy's lips to silence his protests. "...No better than you can fill mine."

"Why are you telling me this?" moaned the Chinese teen, pressing his hands to his eyes. "Why now?"

Heero sighed.

"He misses you. Not like a friend, but as... more. And to feel unauthorized to love you hurts him. He feels guilty, both about me and about you, because he thinks you just love him as a friend, that you would never want more, and he fears being rejected if you know."

"How do you know?"

"He told me... He thought I was going to kick him out of my life, but he still felt that I had a right to know," he added distractedly.

"I wonder why," Wufei shot back in a sarcastic tone, still trying to perceive this incredible revelation his comrade had bestowed upon him.

Heero wouldn't lie on that... Or he was a worse bastard than anyone Wufei had ever known, and he had known some good ones!

Duo loved him. Loved them both.

Well, ok. 'Let's breathe Wufei. It would be good not to pass out before sorting this mess out.'

He took a big breath. And another. Then he ran his palms over his face, pressing them against his eyelids.

Duo was in love with him. Should he feel happy that his feelings were returned?

He wasn't.

It was just an even crueler torture, to know that with a little luck, he could have been the one with which the boy with the so long hair and the so big heart shared his love and his bed. That he had finally had a chance. That he had missed it.

It was even worse to know that on his side too, Duo suffered because of that. That Duo hurt, not to be able to be with him. That Wufei couldn't do anything to make it better, to lessen the suffering of the one he loved, especially when the solution would have lessened his own pain too. Heero had been the first to have admitted his feelings.

Wufei wanted to dash out of the room and never look back, but then he knew that Heero would know he was crying. He didn't want to lower himself to that point. His pride wouldn't permit it.

"What's between him and me is unbreakable, Wufei," said Heero in a vaguely detached tone of voice, sounding nearly dreamy.

Chang sat up in a leap, furious, again ready to hit the other boy.

"I never intended on coming between you and him," he hissed, menacingly, "and you know it, so..."

Suddenly, he found himself on Yuy's hard torso, one arm around his waist like an iron band, one hand in his hair, and his words full of anger and venom lost in the depths of the other boy's mouth.

Paralyzed by his surprise, he didn't even think of trying to get clear of him, to close his lips to the tongue acquainting itself with the inside of his mouth.

"... Yuy...?"

"Are you listening to me now?"

In the little room's darkness, he could only vaguely see his visage, his shape nearly offered under him, his undisciplined hair spilled on the pillow, his eyes glistening from under his bangs, staring at him with a frightening intensity, and the touch of saliva on his lower lip glimmering under the moonlight.

He gulped. If Heero had wanted to make him shut up, it was a success. For the moment, he had trouble remembering his own name.

"What's between him and me is unbreakable. It's special. Nothing can ever get between him and me, not even you. You cannot take anything from me, Wufei, nothing from what he gives me."

He squirmed, ill at ease. Heero pressed a finger on his lips to shush him, a slight smile on his face. Wufei remembered he was laying down on the other's body and stopped moving altogether.

"You know what he said to me one day? That love is the only thing in the world that you could share and share again, without ever having the size of the parts decreasing. In truth, most people don't have this ability, I am not naive enough to believe it, but him, I know his heart is big enough to make it true."

The Chinese boy ceased to breathe. He didn't dare understanding where Heero was going.

He didn't want to. Hoping hurt.

"... If it doesn't deprive me of anything, for him to love you too... why prevent you both from it?"

The black-haired boy let out a strangled sob. His throat was squeezing so hard he had troubles breathing, and he couldn't disengages his eyes from Yuy's, who was staring at him with his such serious, intense blue irises, waiting for a reaction.

"You're proposing to me to..."

"To share... if you think you can."

"Let's see, either half of Duo or nothing at all...? It truly is a stupid question, Yuy," he said in a tone he was struggling to make sarcastic, but which, to his utter shame, came out half-strangled with emotion.

Heero gave him an amused little smile. The bastard already knew what his answer was, Wufei was sure of it.

...How he felt happy for Duo, that he had such a man as his companion... Ready to go to such lengths for him ... How he felt happy to know that his Duo was in such good hands... Had he been in Yuy's place, he wasn't sure he could have made such a sacrifice, and it humbled him.

He squinted his eyes, trying to keep at bay the tears welling up, refusing to cry before Heero anyway.

The hand in his hair made him slowly lower his head, until his face was nestled in the hollow of his neck, warm, reassuring, so incredibly intimate, and there, it was ok to cry, just a little, because Heero couldn't see him anymore, so he cried, just a little. It was just nervousness.

He felt a caress, in his hair, slow, reassuring, fingers smoothing his ruffled strands, tenderly disentangling them, and wondered if Heero did that with Duo too. If he did it now precisely because he knew to which point it was soothing. If he massaged his skull with the pads of his fingers, if he caressed the soft patch of skin behind his ears and his earlobes with the end of his nails, hardly a contact at all, if his palm nested as affectionately on the roundness at the base of the skull, where it met his nape.

He wondered if it made Duo shiver too.

"You still haven't answered my question, now that I think of it..."

His comrade's voice was low, nearly purring, a whisper that did hardly break the silence of the night.

"Admit it, you just want to hear me say it out loud," Wufei said back in his usual cynical tone, disengaging with great regret from the comfortable hug, which sadly had now lasted more than enough for his already damaged pride.

"I'll admit," Heero said, sounding amused.

Wufei took in his breath, gathering his courage.

"I agree to share Duo with you. If he wants it."

"He will want you."

"You don't know anything about this!" protested Wufei just so as to not let him have the last word.

"I know better than you."

"Argh, you...." growled the Chinese pilot, lifting a menacing hand.

Laughing throatily, the blue-eyed boy caught his wrist and turned him over on the mattress. Wufei vaguely tried to fight the momentum, surprised by his playful mood, and Heero pinned him under himself to prevent him from escaping his clutches.

He felt desire for Wufei, that he knew, had learned it with surprise in the week during which Duo had been gone. He had spied on the boy when he was doing his morning exercises when he had been trying to understand what exactly it was that Duo found so interesting in him; trying to decide if he truly could accept the plan he was forming in his head to make the three of them happy.

The passion with which the Chinese fighter was surrendering to his katas, his black eyes fierce, as if he was fighting a real enemy, the sweat glistening on his skin in the dawn's light...

Oh, yes, he was totally able to see what Duo saw in him.

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