Warnings: Language, Angst, Lemony stuffs, Supernatural stuffs
Note: Memories and Godly words (o_O;;;) in italics. Thoughts are in //
Thanks again, Sunhawk for the great beta and the suggestions! ^_^
Side of Death + Part Four
He ignored the bushes and brambles that tore at his clothes, hair and
flesh as he pushed through them. He ran from the clearing where he had
left Deathscythe; like the Devil himself was chasing him. He ran through
the forest with no sense of direction and no sense of time. All he knew
was anger, depression, fear and complete and utter frustration.
He ran without looking back.
Sweat mingled with blood trickled down his face and arms, but still he
didn't stop as the thorns from a low hanging branch tore at the tender
flesh of his cheek. His breath was coming hard, in harsh pants but his
legs moved on, youthful muscles pumping and flexing as he raced through
the dark woods with no destination in mind.
However, unexpectedly his black booted foot caught on a root and Duo went
sprawling forward, landing in an undignified heap on his face. The slender
teenager lay there, panting for breath, his thin fingers digging into
the earth as he tried to ignore the pain that was lancing up his side
where he had been bruised the fight. He lay on the ground and told himself
to get up, he had things to do, he had things to worry about, he had people
who were depending on him. However the longer Duo reminded himself of
his responsibilities the more he felt rooted to the ground.
The mission had not been the one he was both dreading and anticipating.
It had been a simple infiltration but somewhere along the line he and
Heero had been discovered. It had turned into a frantic escape, with both
of them running out of ammo and trying to get to their Gundams. The whole
time Duo had been expecting the worst, expecting this to be the day that
he would die. That thought had driven him to kill every enemy he came
across swiftly and ruthlessly. He had gunned down dozens of soldiers without
hesitation, proving to himself and Takai that he could kill without hesitation.
That he would not get himself killed like he did in that damned dream...
vision.. whatever it was.
Duo had truly earned his self-proclaimed title of Shinigami on this night
as he had driven
his hunting knife into the hearts of several unfortunate soldiers. He
had killed efficiently and he had saved Heero's life. However, in the
end, all of his fighting and blood spilling had not been necessary because
he had not once seen Helen's doppelganger.
Duo smirked to himself as he recalled the almost shocked look that had
graced Heero's face when Duo had drop kicked one soldier in the throat,
effectively crushing his windpipe as he simultaneously hurled his hunting
knife at the other Ozzie who had managed to get the drop on Heero. The
knife had buried itself in the man's throat, killing him instantly. Duo
wrapped his arms around himself and replayed the scene in his mind over
and over again. Had Heero been shocked to see that Duo was such a good
fighter? Because he had realized he had underestimated his partner yet
again? Or was he shocked because Duo Maxwell 'braided baka' had saved
his life? Or maybe he was shocked that the 'joker' of the group could
be so ruthless in a battle. The smirk faded from Duo's face as he recalled
once again, the men he had killed.
When Wing and Deathscythe had landed in the clearing, Heero had immediately
started back towards the safe house, but Duo had remained in the cockpit
of his Gundam. He had been ashamed. . . ashamed of the fact that he had
destroyed so many lives in the span of two hours and even more ashamed
of the fact that he had enjoyed it. He had enjoyed it because he proved
to himself that he was a good soldier. But even so, the adrenaline,
the rush. . . it had given him a thrill. It had made him feel more alive
than he had in weeks.
At this revelation Duo had been utterly horrified and the idea of facing
his fellow pilots was too much for him to bear at that moment. So he had
remained within the safe cocoon of the cock pit before his thoughts had
started to wander on to bigger things. Suddenly being in the normally
comforting pilot's seat had been too stifling and he had run away. Duo
didn't know if he had been trying to run away from his Gundam. . . or
away from his problems. Whichever it had been, he could never escape for
After awhile Duo turned on his back, staring up at the darkening sky as
a light drizzle began to fall from the clouds. Violet eyes closed and
he imagined that the rain was God's way of cleaning the blood from his
slender hands and purifying him of his sins. The rain started to fall
harder and the dried blood began to disappear from his skin as it mixed
with the raindrops and coursed down his cheeks like red tears. "I
wish there was a God," Duo whispered to himself as real tears welled
in his eyes. "I wish there was a God... so I could ask why he damned
me to have such a miserable life..."
Duo squeezed his eyes shut tighter and a whimper escaped his lips as he
once again tried to speak "I wish there was a God... so that I could
ask him why he let a church full of good, kind people die. So I could
ask why he lets innocent kids suffer and die from plagues... so I could
ask why I'm always being punished..." Duo's eyes snapped open and
he glared up at the angry charcoal colored storm clouds. "WHY?"
He screamed at the sky. "WHY, DAMN YOU? WHY THE HELL DO YOU LET PEOPLE
Thunder boomed loudly as if in answer and suddenly Duo swore he saw a
face in the gloomy sky. A face that was neither man nor woman... but a
combination of the two. It was androgynous and very beautiful. It had
eyes that were so mournful and sad, it made Duo's own pain seem insignificant.
"I gave life. I can not control the whims of those I have created."
The words seemed to whisper across Duo's mind in a soft, musical tone.
Duo stared up at the sky, transfixed by what he knew he was seeing until
the image slowly faded away, leaving the clouds and rain. He got to his
feet and with a long shaky sigh, Duo wrenched his gaze from the sky and
stared blankly at the wooded area around him. In a way he was not surprised
by what had just occurred. Why should he be, with everything else that
had happened? Duo shook his head and rubbed a hand across his red rimmed
All his life he had doubted the existence of God. He had spat blasphemous
remarks left and right, throughout his childhood and into his teen years.
He had doubted God's existence, cursed God's name and if he did in fact
exist, Duo had probably damned himself to an eternity in hell long ago.
Duo raised his shaking hands to rub across the goose flesh that was beginning
to rise on his alabaster skin. //Am I going crazy... did I just imagine
that? Is Takai fucking with my head even more? Is there a God? If there
is a God why can't he save the fucking world? Why does this shit
always have to happen to me? What makes me so goddamned special?//
The thoughts raced across his mind as he once again turned his face
upwards to gawk at the stormy sky. After several moments, he raked a hand
through his wet bangs and decided that agonizing over it wasn't going
to get him anywhere. The possibility that 'God' was looking down on him,
watching his every move and his every kill... was just one more frightening
idea he didn't need at the moment.
"My life gets weirder everyday..." he whispered softly and began
his trek back to the safe house.
Duo stared at the door to the room he and Heero shared. He had been staring
at it for the past five minutes, trying to get up the nerve to go inside
and face the Wing pilot. He knew that Heero would be asking all kinds
of questions and he wasn't prepared to answer them yet. Hell, he might
not ever be prepared to talk about any of the stuff that was going on.
They would never believe him and it would make him look crazy. He took
a deep breath and walked in the room.
Heero didn't look surprised to see the smaller teenager but his brows
drew together in concern at the sight of Duo's wet, bedraggled state.
His Prussian eyes flickered over Duo quickly; looking for wounds. "What
took you so long to get back?" He demanded sharply.
Duo shrugged off his dirty, wet, button down shirt and held Heero's gaze.
"Worried about me, were ya?" He asked in a hoarse voice that
he barely recognized as his own.
Heero's jaw tightened and his hands clenched into fists. "Yes."
Duo's eyes widened fractionally at the admission and his mind flew back
to what Takai had said to him.
"Don't assume you know how he thinks. He feels more than you know."
People always said there was a silver lining in every dark cloud, but
Duo never thought it could be true for him. He always thought his luck
was shitty straight through and there was never a good side to anything
that happened to him. But maybe in this case... he was wrong. Duo's eyes
narrowed as he stared at Heero. There was a possibility that the Japanese
boy only cared for him as a friend but Duo didn't want to sit around and
try to figure it out. He had a chance, even if it was a slim chance and
he was going to take it before it was too late. He would rather go for
it and be shot down instead of having everything go to hell without ever
knowing if he and Heero could have had something before they died.
Duo walked forward slowly until he was directly in front of Heero. He
studied the other boy's eyes, almost smirking at the way his hands clenched
and unclenched nervously. Duo hesitated and reminded himself that Heero
could smash his face in easily if this was not what he wanted. But then
again... this could be the last chance he ever got to act on his feelings.
Duo moved closer until he was well beyond invading Heero's personal space
"What are you looking at?" Heero demanded grumpily. He glared
at Duo dangerously as if he were trying to scare him into backing off.
However there was something in his eyes. . . something that was giving
Duo a spark of hope.
"Nothin'." Duo replied softly as he slowly raised one hand and
brushed disheveled chocolate colored bangs out of Heero's gorgeous stormy
Heero tensed as Duo's hand rose and began slowly massaging his left shoulder,
as the other ran through his surprisingly silky hair. Every muscle in
his body was coiled and ready to spring into action at any moment but
instead he stood still and let Duo touch him. He stood still as slender
fingers danced over his delicate cheekbones and only shivered when one
finger brushed across his soft lips.
Heero's dark eyebrows drew together uncertainly as he dragged his gaze
from the questing hands to Duo's face. "What's going on, Duo?"
He asked huskily.
Duo ignored the question and instead began working the buttons of Heero's
black shirt open, biting his lip as he stared hungrily at the smooth bronze
flesh that was being revealed. He slipped his hands under the shirt and
heard the hitch in Heero's breathing when he ran his hands lightly down
the well-defined chest. In one gentle caress of fingers over flesh, the
shirt was off of Heero's shoulders and hanging from his arms. Violet eyes
focused on the pebbled nipples and Duo leaned forward to boldly lap at
one but Heero abruptly grabbed his shoulders.
"If you don't tell me what's going on, get away from me." He
Duo yanked his hands away as if he had been burned and recoiled from his
friend. "I'm.. I'm sorry," He stammered and turned away; face
burning in embarrassment. "Guess, I got carried away. Sorry..."
Heero took a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair. "Nothing
to be sorry about," He said gruffly. "I just would like to know
why you are doing this."
Duo stared at the floor and tried to gather his frazzled thoughts to form
a decent response. "I just want to be normal..."
Again, Heero's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What does that
The longhaired boy spun around and stared at his partner angrily. "Normal!
Don't you know what that is, Yuy?! I want to be a normal fucking teenager
without having to kill and without having to worry about my friends dying
because of me! I want to be normal, damn it! Don't you?"
"Everyone has their own interpretation of 'normal'." Heero returned
Duo scowled and grabbed the other teen by the shoulders. "Normal,
for me is being able to have a crush on the finest guy I've ever seen
and not have to throw myself at him because I'm so worried that I'll never
get a chance to touch him again!"
Heero's eyes widened and something in his chest tightened almost painfully.
"That's why I'm doing this, Heero. Because I want to have my chance
with you before I have to die."
Before Heero could protest the last part of that sentence, Duo leaned
forward and crushed their lips together. Any objections he had died before
they could escape his lips, as Heero automatically wrapped his arms around
the smaller pilot and returned the kiss eagerly. He had been dreaming
about this moment for months now and he wasn't going to ruin it.
Duo deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Heero's parted lips and
releasing a low moan of approval when the Wing pilot began massaging his
tongue with his own. They stood there, clutching each other desperately
as they explored each other's mouths for the first and maybe the last
time. Duo lapped at Heero's lips thirstily, enjoying the breathless sounds
that were escaping the other boy's throat. He sucked Heero's lower lip
into his mouth, sucking on it almost painfully before releasing it and
automatically placing small kisses against the swollen mouth apologetically.
Duo pulled his mouth away and looked into Heero's half closed blue eyes
breathlessly. The lust he saw there sent an electric shock through his
body and Duo whimpered before kissing the taller boy again. This time
he pressed his body against the other's and made sure Heero was pushed
back against the desk before grinding their hips together erotically.
Heero groaned loudly and his arms tightened around Duo, frantically clawing
at his still damp clothes; ripping the dirty tee shirt off violently before
running his hands along Duo's slender torso. His fingers clutched the
slender shoulders hard enough to bruise as their hips pounded together
in an obscene dance. "Shit..." He hissed softly, throwing his
head back and moaning louder as Duo's gyrations grew more frantic. He
felt Duo's lips pressing against the base of his throat and Heero bit
down on his lip to muffle the moan that was dying to escape his mouth.
Duo kissed his way up Heero's chin and claimed the soft cherry lips yet
again, trying to memorize the taste and feel of him as their tongues wound
together. This time it was Heero who ended the kiss as he ran his tongue
into Duo's ear, biting at the soft lobe teasingly before licking it. Duo's
knees buckled and he latched onto Heero desperately.
However, the soldier in Heero kept fighting passed the lust and yearning,
reminding him of why he had never made a move on Duo before. The soldier
in him raged on about emotional attachments and what a danger they could
be in a battle. Heero tried to stomp on these thoughts but years of training
caught up with him and he wrenched himself away from the beguiling boy
and took several deep breaths. "We can't."
Duo stared at him, eyebrows drawing together in a grimace of displeasure.
"Yes, we can." He leaned forward stubbornly and pressed his
lips to Heero's again. When Heero didn't respond, Duo glared at him briefly
before trailing kisses down his neck and chest, capturing one nipple between
Heero gasped and clutched the edge of the desk tightly. "Duo..."
The rest of his sentence ended in a soft moan of pleasure as long fingers
wormed their way down the front of his now unzipped jeans and wrapped
around his wet arousal.
"Just let me.. just this once... please..." Duo whispered, burying
his face in Heero's damp shoulder as his fist tightened around the length
of flesh. Heero could not refuse a plea like that no matter what the logical
part of his brain said. He squashed all negative thoughts quickly and
concentrated on Duo.
He swallowed convulsively, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down with each
gasp for breath. His rebellious body ignored his training and Heero leaned
against the desk heavily, spreading his legs to give Duo easier access
to his groin. "Ah... ahh!" Heero bit down on his lower lip desperately,
mortified by the helpless little sounds that were escaping his mouth.
"Is that good, Heero?" Duo rasped, leaning back to gaze in wonder
at the exotically beautiful face that was currently contorted with bliss.
He was so...
Heero's lifeless body, thrown carelessly in the corner of a cell. His
skin had a blue gray tint to it and blood was smeared across his badly
bruised face. Maggots were feeding on the meaty cuts that were gaping
across his chest.
A cry of horror escaped Duo's mouth and he buried his face in Heero's
shoulder once again, trying to block out the terrible vision.
"...Yeah...s'good.." Heero murmured breathily, hips thrashing
as Duo's hand continued to caress him. He was oblivious to his partner's
distress. His whole world was centered on his pulsating cock and the hot
wave of pleasure that was building inside of him.
Tears tracked down Duo's face as the image ingrained itself in his mind,
he bit down on the bare shoulder under him, muffling his soft anguished
With one last flex of his hips, Heero threw back his head and cried out
as he came all over both of them. "Duo!" He cried desperately
before collapsing against his small lover.
Duo inhaled shakily and slowly dragged his hand away from Heero's flaccid
penis. He leaned back again and gazed at Heero with watery eyes, smiling
sadly when he looked into the dazed blue eyes. "Tell me you care
for me, Heero?" Duo felt incredibly vulnerable as he said those words,
but he needed to hear them... before everything ended. Before everything
was gone. Before the beautiful sated vision before him turned into the
ghastly corpse that kept flashing across Duo's mind.
Heero stared at him from under long bangs and his lips quirked up in a
small smile. "I care for you more than anything I've ever known,"
He whispered huskily.
Duo closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, his breath shuddering as another
sob fought to escape his throat. "God, I can't lose you now, I can't
lose any of you!" He wailed and brought his sticky hands up to cover
his face, attempting to hide the tears that insisted on flowing.
Heero wrapped his arms around Duo and embraced him tightly. "Don't
cry, Duo... I can't stand to see you like this."
"I'm not crying, damn it!" Duo protested weakly, even as his
voice cracked under the onslaught of another batch of sobs.
Heero buried his face in Duo's hair and sighed. "You won't lose us,
Duo... I promise you."
Little Shinigami hugged his new lover tightly. "God, I hope so."
The Japanese pilot shifted on the desk until he was sitting atop it and
cradled Duo's form to his chest gently. He ignored the sticky mess in
his pants and did his best to comfort the boy he had grown to care for.
His mind was whirling in ten directions at once, trying to figure out
what had the Deathscythe pilot so spooked that he would break down like
this. He knew it had something to do with the dreams...
Just as the thought crossed his mind, Heero's hair stood on end and his
training reawakened the soldier in him. Unseen eyes were watching them.
Watching them from somewhere very close... and Heero had the feeling that
wherever he looked, he wouldn't see who the invisible eyes belonged to.
With a shiver, the Wing pilot pulled his charge closer and his hands tightened
on Duo's shoulders protectively. Something very strange was going on...
[part 3] [part 5]
[back to Aya's fic]