see part 1 for notes, warnings
Operated Boy +
It's Monday again, funny how it rolls around, funny how suddenly Mondays
are not so hideous. My laundry is done for a change and there's food in
the fridge. Life with Heero is different, better. Work is still boring,
paperwork is still multiplying in my in-box but at least we have a mission.
No, sorry. I have a mission. We have a case.
My mission objective is hard at work doing research for our new case.
Heero is sitting at his desk and no surprise, is tapping away on his computer.
I never noticed before how Heero tilts his head a bit when he's working
on something. His eyes are focused on the screen and as I watch they narrow
and widen ever so minutely. Heero's eyes are blue, very blue, and very
intense. He suddenly flicks his eyes at me and I notice they soften just
a bit. I wonder if they've always done that.
"Why are you staring at me, Duo?" Heero looks surprised, like he never
caught me staring at him before. Maybe he hadn't, Heero watching is part
of my new mission. It's turning out to be a pleasant part, Heero is very
easy on the eyes. Heero is a handsome man; I knew that, I guess I'd never
thought about it. Heero was my friend and you didn't look at friends like
"I like looking at you, Heero." I answer with a smile. He blinks; I don't
think he was expecting that. "How's the research coming?" I add so that
he doesn't have too much time to think about me looking at him. He switches
back to thoughts of work and we discuss crime and criminals and the moment
is forgotten. Later I notice him looking at me like he's seeing something
unexpected but welcome. I keep my face blank but inside I'm smiling.
Our new case is pretty routine. Someone is selling drugs and using the
money to finance what may be a new terrorist group. Not unusual but the
scope is pretty big and it appears that it's been successfully hidden
for sometime. Which smells like some one in power has helped cover it
up. So it's a job for the Preventers. Right now we're just involved in
research, Heero's doing his computer voodoo. My job is to look for how
they are bringing the stuff in, running checks on shipping logs; boring,
routine stuff that leaves me lots of time for my mission. Mission Heero.
It's true that Heero is usually the one with the mission and maybe it
would be more correct to say my mission is to create one for Heero. That
mission will be Loving Duo. It won't be hard; I think he already does
love me, correction I think he's in love with me. He just doesn't know
it. I want him to know, I want Heero to love me, be in love with me. The
thought of a focused, mission-oriented Heero, when I'm the mission is...intimidating,
exhilarating, intoxicating. All that intensity, all of the intellect,
the desire for perfection.... all for me. I suddenly feel giddy. Heero
never does anything half way. I wonder what sort of lover Heero will be?
"Do you feel alright? Your face is awfully red." Heero looks concerned.
I feel my face get hotter; I'm embarrassed, caught thinking hentai thoughts
about Heero. I'm glad he can't read my mind.
"I'm fine, I uh, I need, uh air." I'm stammering and stuttering like a
fool because I had a sudden vision of Heero focusing those intense blue
eyes on me and leaning down to kiss me. I see Heero's lips, slightly open,
just the hint of his tongue. A shot of Heero's very capable hands moving
over my body; sliding down my skin follows. I look at Heero. I grab some
files off my desk and practically run out of the office to the men's room,
hoping Heero didn't notice what I was trying to cover with my manila folders.
I hide in a stall and think about cold showers, filling out forms in triplicate,
Relena naked. That always helps.
Back at the apartment I have my mind firmly on my plan. I cook something
Heero likes for dinner and it's his turn to do the dishes but I offer
to dry. We stand together in the kitchen, not talking but it's the nice
kind of silence. I dry the last dish and put it away. Heero is leaning
against the sink and watching me. I raise my arms and stretch, I put a
little extra into it because Heero is looking at me. His expression is
...attentive. He's looking at me like he hasn't quite seen me before.
I do not smirk, at least not on the outside.
I grab Heero's arm and pull him into the living room to watch a movie.
We flop on the couch and I lean on Heero like always. I snuggle against
him and he goes very still, I wait and he relaxes against me. We watch
the movie; it's an old horror flick. We make fun of the dialogue and I
fall asleep before it's over, as usual. As I drift off I feel Heero's
arm settle softly around my shoulders. I think Heero is starting to notice.
"Who is that man and what have you done with the real Heero?" Quatre is
hugging me hello and whispering fiercely into my ear. Heero greeted both
Quatre and Trowa with welcoming hugs and even kissed Quatre on the cheek.
Trowa is still standing there blinking at a smiling Heero. WeFei was even
more shocked earlier, while Sally grinned and winked at me. We're all
together for WuFei's and Sally's wedding. It's being held at a nice hotel
in the city and we're all staying there. They are seeing the new and more
affectionate Heero, the Heero who has decided that hugs and kisses between
friends are a good thing. I think so, too.
"It's nice isn't it?" I answer Quatre blandly. "Heero looks great in that
shirt, doesn't he? Wait until you see him in his tux." Quatre's attention
is easily shifted by fashion thoughts. "Trowa looks wonderful, too." If
clothes didn't distract him it was a cinch that looking at Trowa and imagining
him in a tux would get his mind off Heero. Quatre's eyes run over Trowa
and I laugh.
Heero is relaxed and almost social. He's always been most comfortable
around his fellow pilots but over the last few months he's changed. Quatre
and I have always been physical, touchers, huggers, kissers. I've always
included Heero in this but he was stiff, uncomfortable. Lately he seems
to enjoy it, maybe even invite it. Our friends seem very aware of the
difference. When Heero comes to stand next to me, casually placing an
arm over my shoulders, I think Quatre's eyes are going to fall out of
his head. After that they all watch us closely, I see the wheels turn
in their heads.
Trowa and Heero are making plans for later on and they exchange room numbers.
I wait for Quatre to realize that Heero and I are sharing a room. We have
two beds but he doesn't know that yet. Trowa doesn't make any sign that
he is surprised but Q's eyes widen for a moment when it hits him. I know
they will all discuss what it might mean when we are not there. It makes
perfect sense for us to share; it was Heero's suggestion. It made me smile
when he said he'd book a room for 'us'.
We are having a practice run for the wedding. WuFei and Sally are finally
tying the knot and all four of us are standing up for WuFei. Heero is
actually the best man; Tro, Q, and I are groomsmen. Sally teases she had
to beat off bridesmaids' volunteers with a stick when they found out the
Gundam boys were in the wedding party. Lady Une overhears, snorts in disgust
and says Sally had to bribe her bridesmaids' because no woman wants to
stand next to such pretty boys.
Lady Une is also looking at Heero and me in a way that makes me think
I'll be seeing the inside of her office before long. Preventers' have
rules about partners; but I'll let Heero handle that, if it becomes necessary.
The office gossip must be spreading.
It's been a little over three months since Heero and I went to visit Quatre
and I had my vision of how life could be. My plan is coming along quite
nicely thank you. If Heero wasn't in love with me before I'm pretty sure
he is now. And if the look in his eye is any indication he's definitely
thinking about me in 'that kind of way.' I'm just not sure if it's kicked
over into Heero's conscious mind. I think that here, with our friends
and love in the air is when Heero and I are going to have a little talk.
A talk about love.
The last few months with Heero have been great. Heero seems really happy.
We spend a lot of time together. If it were any other two people I'd say
we were dating but mostly it's me getting Heero adjusted to the idea of
us being together. People at work are starting to speculate. Heero is
oblivious to it all but I notice. After this weekend maybe even Heero
will notice. Our friends certainly are beginning to.
+ Heero has noticed that I'm not going out. I don't realize it until something
happens at work. A guy who'd been giving me a bit of a rush before I started
seeing the bastard is asking me out again. For coffee, or drinks, or a
movie or something, he persists, one of those who doesn't take 'no' well.
I turn him down. I wasn't interested before, not interested now.
He comes into my office when Heero is in a meeting with Lady Une. I'm
sitting down at the computer when suddenly this guy is leaning over me,
smirking and he's just way too close. I'm counting to ten because I don't
want to lose my temper and cause a scene when suddenly he disappears and
I hear a thud and a growl. Heero is back from his meeting and has handled
it. I think that's when people at the office started to get ideas.
The dust has settled and the bodies cleared away, Heero is staring at
his computer screen and looking stormy. I think he's waiting for me to
yell at him.
"You know, Heero," I say calmly, "I could have handled that guy." Heero's
face gets dark. "But thanks for taking care of him." Heero's face shifts
into sunlight. I wait for the 'hn.' It doesn't come.
"I thought he was trying to kiss you." He blurts out, still not looking
at me. "Did you want him too?" Oh, Heero. The thunderclouds are back.
"No, Heero, I don't want him to kiss me." I see Heero breathe and the
look on his face takes my breath.
"Good. It's inappropriate at the office." Heero is worried about my virtue.
I feel...I feel.....nice. Heero's concern makes me feel...loved. "Duo,
I noticed you haven't been...seeing anyone, you don't go out on dates
anymore." Heero is looking uncomfortable.
"Are you trying to get rid of me, Yuy?" I ask in a light tone. "I'm happy
with the friends I have." Heero just blinks and doesn't have anything
else to say. It's a good moment. Heero doesn't talk about it anymore but
later at home he asks me what I'd like to do this weekend. When we sit
down to watch movies I get an awkward hug and later a shy good night kiss
on the cheek. I feel that kiss for a very long time. Somehow it means
more than the most passionate kiss I ever received from any lover.
I'm sure Quatre and Trowa have heard rumors because the Preventers are
a small, tight group. WuFei and Sally will have told them if nothing else.
I'm waiting for someone with less tact that Quatre *coughWuFeicough* to
bring it up and at the rehearsal dinner I'm rewarded for my patience.
"Maxwell, what is this nonsense that I hear about you and Yuy dating?"
I smile and pretend ignorance, which is easy because WuFei is convinced
of my idiocy. "Where did you hear that, Wuffie?" Make him mad and distract
"Duo." Uh, oh, first names. There is an implied threat in his tone and
a steely look on his face, which suddenly softens, and I am caught off
guard. "Duo, are you and Heero a couple?" Never underestimate WuFei; he
goes right for the jugular.
"We aren't dating, we aren't sleeping together." I answer truthfully,
hoping the mention of 'sleeping together' will shock WuFei into forgetting
what he wants me to tell him.
It doesn't work. WuFei has hold of my arm and leans in close speaking
quietly into my ear. "Heero is not like your other conquests, you can't
just toss him aside when you are done." WuFei is intense. "I don't want
either of you to get hurt." Oh, 'Fei, you like me, you really like me.
"Heero is my best friend, I would never hurt him." I look in 'Fei's eyes.
"On my honor." WuFei lets go of my arm. I am left blinking in surprise
as WuFei walks away. But I have to think about what he said. Heero is
different; it's not a game with Heero. I think about what WuFei called
my 'conquests' I never told those people I loved them. I didn't love them.
I don't feel really well right now.
The rehearsal goes badly, there were children involved, evidently the
ring bearer and the flower girl don't get along. I am told that having
trouble at the rehearsal is a good thing. I don't pretend to understand
weddings. The tux fittings are acceptable, I look good in black and Heero
looks good in anything. There's to be a small bachelor party for WuFei
tonight but it's not going to be one of those wild, drunken things with
skimpily clad women. WuFei would simply die, and yes, it's tempting but
I'm not going to do it. I'm hoping no one else does either 'cause I'd
get blamed. There hasn't been time for Q to corner me and have a heart-to-heart
but I'm just waiting for it.
We go back to our room. Heero is sitting on his bed waiting for me. I'm
in the bathroom changing for dinner with the guys. There's a knock, Heero
answers the door and it's Quatre. Heero picks up his jacket and says he'll
meet us in the bar. I don't know why he's running, must be the look on
Q's face. I pick up a brush and start smoothing out my hair. Quatre moves
in behind me, takes the brush from my hand, and brushes quietly for a
few moments. I'm just watching him in the mirror, waiting for it; I enjoy
the sensation of having someone I trust touch my hair. Quatre puts the
brush down and starts braiding. It's not like Quat to take so long getting
to the point. He comes to the end of my braid, and I hand him a hair band.
"Thanks, Q." I offer. He fingers the end of my braid and then hands it
back solemnly. "It's not like you to be at a loss for words. Are you mad
about something?" I ask, the lengthy silence has unnerved me. Quatre finally
looks at me and I only see concern on his face.
"I'm worried about you. I'm worried about Heero." At least he hasn't asked
me any questions I can't answer.
"I think Heero is really happy. I'm happy. What's wrong with that." Quatre's
face smoothes out but he doesn't smile.
"Heero loves you, he has for a long time." Being proved right is somehow
unsettling. I feel butterflies in my stomach.
Quatre continues, "Heero's happy right now, but what will he do when you
aren't there anymore. I know you care about Heero but I don't know exactly
what you feel for him." Quatre takes a deep breath, " Heero may take a
while to figure out how he feels but he's not stupid, Duo. And he deserves
someone who loves him as much as he loves them. Everyone does." I don't
know what to say.
I want to reassure Quatre. I want to tell him to mind his own business.
I want to ask him if I don't deserve to be loved, to be happy the way
he is. I want to say 'I love Heero.' I don't want it to be a lie. So I
say the only thing I can. "I promise, I won't hurt Heero." Quatre doesn't
seem to be reassured.
"If you aren't in love with him, eventually he will get hurt. Duo, I want..."
The phone rings and I rush to answer it. It's Trowa, WuFei is downstairs
and they are waiting for us. I can tell Quatre isn't satisfied but we
have to leave. For now I've escaped. Well, I've escaped from Quatre; it's
not so easy to escape from myself. What if Quatre is right?
WuFei's bachelor party is dinner at a nice restaurant in a private room,
just the five of us. We tease WuFei about Sally but not too much. WuFei
is pleased and happy and in love. I know about his first marriage and
imagine it was much different. He mourned Meiran for a long time, he fought
in her name, he deserves happiness now. I am happy for him, we all are.
And we all like Sally. After dinner over coffee we reminisce a bit about
funny things that happened when we stayed in safe houses, odd things that
we found difficult or amusing after the war, we talk about how normal
our lives sometimes seem. It's good to be here with them.
Heero, WuFei and Quatre start discussing Preventers, politics and some
new law or other. I walk across to a window that looks out over the city.
We are several stories up and it is a beautiful view. Trowa comes to stand
beside me. I know what's coming.
"How are things these days, Duo?" Trowa asks and I think he means, 'how
is Heero and what-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-doing?' Because that's
basically what WuFei and Quatre have asked, in their own way of course.
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." I say, a little tired of our friends' concern.
I'm starting to feel a wee bit touchy about it. A little voice in my head
asks if I'm feeling guilty. I don't answer.
"Heero seems...good." Trowa adds. "Happy." He looks out the window and
takes a sip of the drink in his hand. I wish I had a drink but don't want
to walk away to get one. I don't want Trowa to think I'm running away.
Running and hiding don't seem like an option right now. I wonder why I
feel so defensive. I'm not hurting anyone; I'm not going to hurt anyone.
This is as much for Heero as for me. I realize Trowa is watching my face
like he can read the internal dialogue I'm having.
"Yes, Heero is good. Are you going to warn me off too?" I could just bite
my tongue. But the words are already out. Trowa looks at me as if he doesn't
"Why would I do that, Duo? You're happy, Heero is happy. Why would I want
to interfere?" Trowa seems genuinely puzzled. I feel relieved. I realize
I'm smiling so hard my face hurts.
"WuFei and Quatre have already read me the riot act. They seem to think
Heero needs protection from me." I notice how resentful I sound. I'm not
sure where it's coming from. "They seem to think I'm using Heero, that
being around me is bad for him."
"You and Heero are able to decide things for yourselves. They are concerned
about their two good friends. We all want you to be happy." Trowa looks
over at Quatre who is still engaged in his conversation. I notice Heero
is looking in our direction.
"I am happy." I say fiercely. It comes out sounding not very happy. What
does that word mean anyway. Why is it so important? I want not to feel
empty. I want not to feel alone. I want someone who cares about me, someone
who won't leave. I suddenly notice that Trowa has moved away and is blocking
Quatre's and Wufei's view and that Heero is standing next to me with a
worried look on his face, with concern in his eyes. Concern for me, concern
and yes, love. I suddenly relax and smile, and I don't feel alone.
Later in the room we are lying in the dark, I'm thinking about how it
felt to see that look on Heero's face, how it made me feel, warm and sort
of overwhelmed. I'm trying not to think about the body of Heero Yuy lying
just across the narrow space between our beds. I can hear his soft even
breathing, I'm not sure if he's asleep. I can almost imagine I feel the
heat from his body. For just a moment I contemplate getting up and sliding
into bed with Heero, lying against him in the dark, feeling his warmth,
the way his chest rises and falls, letting his breath ghost over my skin.
I fall asleep listening to the comforting sound of Heero breathing.
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