This is the sequel
to All This Time..., a PWP lemon fic. While it's not necessary to have
read the first one, it helps. It just sets up the mood for this little
piece of writing. Also, the song Why Should I Cry For You? does not belong
to me. It belongs to Sting. Ahhh... I love Sting...
Should I Cry For You?
//Under the dog star sail
Over the reefs of moonshine
Under the skies of fall
North, north west, the stones of Faroe//
The already bright afternoon lit up with a blazing flair as a giant explosion
rocked the armory base. The air was pierced by the shrill screams of sirens
and deployed mobile suits as acrid smoke turned the sky gray with ash.
Heero gripped the controls of his Gundam as he tore two enemy mobile suits
in half. The mission was a simple search and destroy. All five Gundams
had been sent to destroy the armory base in Hiroshima before the weapons
stored there could be used to resupply OZ troops. Simple enough - or it
should have been. They hadn't been expecting this many mobile suits to
be stationed at the base.
Of course not, Heero thought as he turned to pick off another enemy. We
were fed false information.
"Oi, Heero. Something tells me they were expecting us," came
the annoyingly chipper voice of Duo Maxwell from the cockpit of his Gundam.
"Are the weapons even here?" asked Quatre as he and Trowa tag
teamed another of the enemy suits.
"There is something here," replied Wufei in his precious Nataku.
"My instruments are picking up a large amount of explosives in the
"Then that's what we aim for," said Heero stoically as he changed
From his position in the cockpit, Heero could see Duo's Deathscythe swing
his energy weapon, slicing through two mobile suits with ease. "Heero!
Wait a minute will ya?"
"There's no time Duo," the short-haired pilot exclaimed, heading
for the hanger.
Before the braided pilot could respond, a heavy klaxon filled the cockpits'
speakers. The roof of their target slowly opened to reveal several large
missile silos, all armed and pointed at them.
"Shit! It was a trap!" exclaimed Wufei.
Heero opened his mouth to call a retreat when he was interrupted by a
voice taking the place of the klaxon wail on the speakers.
"Attention, Gundam pilots," came a woman's voice, hardened from
years of bitter fighting. "We have you locked on target. If you don't
wish to be destroyed, surrender yourselves and your Gundams immediately!"
"Are they crazy?" Quatre asked incredulously. "An explosion
of that caliber would destroy half the city."
"We cannot surrender! Even our Gundams couldn't take that many missiles
at near point blank range," exclaimed Wufei, setting his Shenlong
near Heero's position.
Trowa's voice was the next one over the monitors. "We have to retreat."
"But if we do that, they'll fire!"
Heero could tell from the tone of his voice that Duo was remembering something
from his past... afraid something similar might now happen to the civilian
city below. A light flashing on his panel caught his attention. "Minna,
wait," he ordered as he read the data printing itself on the screen.
"The missiles aren't aimed at us. They're aimed directly at the city."
"How could they..."
"I don't believe it!"
"Spineless dogs!" Wufei snarled. "They're going to fire
whether or not we surrender."
"Why would they kill their own people?" Quatre asked in disbelief.
"To blame us," Trowa replied evenly. "If we surrender,
we're to blame. If we escape, the colonies are to blame. Either way..."
"It gives Oz a reason to declare war against the colonies,"
Heero finished flatly.
"No. All those people..." Duo's voice cracked. "I can't
let that happen."
//Under the Arctic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?//
Duo glanced towards the helpless city. Several thousand men, women and
children resided there. Though all were citizens of Earth, they were innocent
of this war between Oz and the colonies. They were merely pawns in Oz's
sadistic game. And there seemed to be no way to stop it. Unless...
The Deathscythe pilot realized there was only one thing to do: destroy
the silos and missiles before the warheads detonated. And there was only
one way to do that...
"Guys, keep 'em busy!" he called as he willed his Gundam into
"Duo! Bakayaro! What are you doing?" shouted Heero as he blasted
a suit heading for Wufei. When the violet-eyed pilot didn't answer, Heero
felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. "Duo! Answer me!"
"I've got to stop it, Heero," came the strangely calm voice
of the braided pilot. "I can't let all those innocent people die."
Heero saw the Deathscythe Gundam heading steadily towards the missile
silos which were preparing to fire. "How in the hell do you think..."
Then it all became clear. He knew what Duo was going to do. "Duo!!"
He screamed the other boy's name as he charged through a line of enemy
suits, not caring whether he destroyed them or not. His focus was on his
braided baka. Nothing else mattered. "Duo! You can't!"
"I have to Heero. There's no other way." This time the voice
that haunted Heero's dreams shook with emotion.
Heero charged after his friend, hoping to reach him in time but know he'd
never make it. Duo's Deathscythe was almost to the hanger. As he pushed
his own Gundam forward, Heero saw Duo bring his suit down into the center
of the missile complex.
"Duo! Please!" The word felt alien in his mouth but he couldn't
let Duo do this, no matter what the cost. They'd only just found each
other. He couldn't let Duo go before he had a chance to tell him...
The beautiful face he'd become so obsessed with appeared on the screen
in front of him, large violet eyes filled with tears and speaking volumes
of emotion. "Heero... I'm so sorry." Another light on his screen
flashed. The missiles were ready to be fired. They were out of time.
Duo's eyes held his to the last. "There was so much I wanted to tell
you. Oh, Hee-chan, I lov..."
The screen went dead as the world around him erupted in a blaze of liquid
fire. Heero felt himself being thrown back against his seat as Wing was
tossed unceremoniously aside due to the force of the explosion.
For a long moment he lay on the ground, too stunned to move. As he came
to his senses, he gingerly picked himself and his Gundam off the ground.
Nearby, the other three Gundams were doing the same. None of them seemed
to have suffered too much damage. But Heero barely noticed. His eyes were
on the flaming wreckage where Deathscythe had been standing.
There was no sign of him.
Duo's suicide ploy had worked. The armory was almost completely destroyed,
but the city was still standing. Ignoring the stinging sensation in the
corners of his eyes, Heero rushed forward. He shifted through the wreckage
looking for signs of life... any sign that Duo might have survived.
But... there was nothing left.
Clutching the cockpit controls so tightly his knuckles turned white, Heero
clenched his eyes shut. His soul was screaming in pain as if it had been
ripped in two. He threw his head back and allowed his voice to echo his
//All colours bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting on empty seas
For all my days remaining//
Heero pushed his way through the crowd of curious bystanders and snuck
past the police barricades that had been erected around what was left
of the armory. The base was crawling with both civilians and military
rescue personnel looking for survivors of the battle. A makeshift triage
unit had been set up nearby. Heero decided to try there first. The worst
of the wounded would be taken there first.
A large open tent had been set up on the runway. Tables upon tables of
wounded soldiers were lined up underneath. Heero ran up and down the rows,
looking for a familiar figure with a long, chestnut braid.
"Excuse me. May I help you?"
Heero turned to see a pretty little civilian nurse standing beside the
bed of an injured man heavily wrapped in bandages.
"I'm looking for my fr... someone. He was on the base when..."
His voice trailed off.
The nurse picked a chart up off the makeshift bed. "Are you family?"
His chest tightened at the word. He'd never had a real family - until
he'd met Duo. The loud mouth American was brash, overly hyper, and too
damned excitable for his own good. And yet... he couldn't imagine his
life without Duo. He didn't want to imagine it.
"Yes," he replied simply. "He's the only family I have."
"What is his name?"
Heero hesitated. He couldn't give Duo's name. Oz would find out he was
here. Heero suddenly found himself speechless for the second time in his
Something in his eyes must have spoken to the girl. Her face softened
in understanding. She took his arm and drew him away from any prying ears.
"He wasn't stationed at the base was he?" she asked softly.
Heero opened his mouth but she shook her head. "No, don't tell me.
I don't want to know. Can you describe him to me?"
Heero's eyes grew distant. "Shorter than me. Slender. Big, violet
eyes. Long chestnut hair with streaks of copper, worn in a braid."
The nurse's cerulean eyes filled with sad compassion. "Gomen nasai.
There's no one here with that description."
Heero felt his heart clench tight in his chest. No. Please no...
"Demo... if it makes you feel any better... there's no one in the
morgue area matching that description either." The nurse looked out
towards the ruined base. "There are still people searching. Your
friend may still be found."
Heero nodded and turned away, taking a step toward the ruined armory.
A small hand reached out and grabbed his arm. "Matte!"
Heero turned. "If your friend is found, who should I tell him is
looking for him?"
Someone who loves him, came the silent answer from the depths of his mind.
"Heero. Tell him Heero wants him to come home soon."
The young nurse nodded. "My name is Yanagi. I will tell him. I hope
you find him soon, Heero-san."
"Arigatou," said Heero as he broke into a run for the hanger
where he'd last seen his companion. There wasn't much left of the building.
Rescue volunteers were shifting through the rubble, but he could tell
from their conversations that they weren't expecting to find anything.
No one should have been near the missile silos at the time of the explosion.
No one except Duo.
Making his way over a collapsed wall, Heero found himself face to face
with a large charred chunk of metal. It was so disfigured that it took
him a moment to realize just exactly what it was - the lower half of Duo's
Deathscythe. He suddenly felt like he was going to throw up. He scrambled
over it, calling Duo's name. He left not a single sheet of metal or piece
of rubble unturned, but there was no sign of his braided baka. And no
sign of the top half of the destroyed Gundam. It was as if it had been
obliterated. NO! He would not think that. Duo wasn't dead. He couldn't
A glint of light dancing off a piece of metal caught his attention at
his feet. He bent down, brushing ash off the object as his heart seemed
to stop beating. He picked up the small piece of metal with a trembling
hand, any hope of finding the violet-eyed pilot shattering.
In his palm lay a small blackened cross...
//Would north be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?//
The setting sun cast blue-black shadows over the windswept hillside. Four
figures stood together on the gentle slope, bathed in the liquid gold
of the early evening light. Before them stretched miles upon miles of
an untamed green Eden. But the four young men gathered around a tall stone
marker barely noticed. Wufei stepped forward and lit the incense stick
at the base of the marker. He placed his hand flat on the cool stone upon
which was carved simply "Duo Maxwell".
"A valiant fight, Maxwell," he said quietly. "You will
He stood up and stepped back, allowing Trowa to take his place in front
of the marker. The green-eyed pilot didn't say anything but merely bowed
his head in respect.
Quatre was next but the poor boy could hardly speak through the tears
streaming down his face. "I'll m...miss you... D... Duo..."
he managed to sob before Trowa helped the overly distraught boy to his
feet. The three boys waited expectantly for the forth to take his turn
to say farewell. But Heero Yuy didn't move. He simply stood watching the
sunset, avoiding even looking at the stone marker that had been erected
in Duo's memory.
Duo's memory, he thought bitterly. That's all I have left now. There wasn't
even anything left of him to bury. Just his cross... He clutched the twisted
piece of metal tightly in his hand until he felt the sharp, jagged edge
pierce his skin. Blood trickled out of his clenched fist and spilled to
"Heero, it's time to say goodbye," Trowa said gently behind
Heero closed his eyes as a strange moisture began to form in the corners.
He shook his head. "No. There's nothing here to say goodbye to."
"No!" He whirled on them. "This was a stupid, sentimental
idea. I don't even know why I went along with it. This is a war. People
die. It happens all the time."
"I'm going back to the house," he said curtly as he began to
walk swiftly back down the path that had led them there, not caring if
the other pilots were following or not. They had a new mission waiting
for them and it was time to put the past behind him.
//Dark angels follow me
Over a godless sea
Mountains of endless falling,
For all my days remaining,
What would be true?//
The mission had not gone well - again. Oh, it had started off smoothly
enough: go in, destroy a mobile suit production facility, get out. But
when the fighting started, Heero froze. All he could see before him was
an endless replay of Duo's Deathscythe self-detonating in that missile
hanger. It was only by sheer luck and Wufei's quick thinking that Heero
made it out alive... though he would have been perfectly happy if Wufei
hadn't knocked him out of the way of an oncoming suicidal mobile suit.
So now he was lying wounded in his bed - his and Duo's bed - with Duo's
scent still on the sheets surrounding him. But this time there was no
pair of worried violet eyes gazing down upon him, no set of hands running
gently over his skin to check for injuries. There was only the cold, empty
spot next to him where Duo once slept. Yes. He should have died today.
He wished he had.
Bakayaro! Do you think the others wouldn't care if you died?
No. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei would carry on the fight without him.
Do you think I wouldn't care?
But you're gone now, Duo. You're beyond caring, he thought in reply. He
rolled onto his side and clutched Duo's pillow to his chest. A poor substitute
Once again he felt an unfamiliar stinging in his eyes. Dammit! He pushed
himself out of the bed, ignoring the bruised ribs. Hastily he drew his
familiar green tank top over his head and stalked towards the door.
"Duo is dead," he said firmly to himself as he walked silently
through the dark halls of Quatre's house. "There's nothing you can
do to change that. You need to get on with your life, Yuy."
Then why can you not forgot? his inner voice asked. Why do you allow him
to follow you?
//Sometimes I see your face,
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I?
Why should I?//
Ne, Hee-chan? Push me?
That doesn't look like it will support your weight.
Mou, spoilsport. C'mon. See? It'll hold. Push me!
Duo, I'm not going to push you. It doesn't look safe.
Duo stuck his little cherry tongue out at his lover before pushing off
on the old swing in Quatre's garden.
You're no fun! Fine. I'll do it myself.
Heero watched warily as the braided boy swung into the air, climbing higher
and higher with each pass. His violet eyes danced with laughter as he
sailed through air. Heero sighed and was about to turn away when he heard
a loud crack. Reacting instinctively, the Japanese boy dived at his lover,
catching him as the old rope broke, sending them both to the ground in
a tangle of limbs and hair.
Heero lay still for a long moment, enjoying the sensation of Duo's weight
on top of him. He would have been content to lie there all afternoon but
the loud mouth American spoiled the mood.
Oi, Heero. You ok?
Heero?* Real concern crept into Duo's voice.
In reply, Heero flipped Duo onto his back and pinned the braided boy to
the ground with his body.
Baka!* he growled. *You never listen to me. You could have been killed!
Duo merely laughed. But you were there to save me, Hee-chan.
I may not always be there, Duo, he replied without thinking. He
instantly cursed himself as he saw the hurt expression on Duo's face.
He sat up, pulling the smaller boy with him.
Gomen, Duo. I didn't mean...
No, it's ok, his violet-eyed lover interrupted. I understand.
But the sadness in those eyes remained.
K'so! he thought to himself as he looked at the other boy. In the late
afternoon sun, Duo looked like some sort of wood nymph with his long limbs
stretched out in front of him and bits of leaves stuck in his chestnut
hair. Heero felt both his chest and his groin tighten as he drank in the
sight. Dammit, Duo. What is this power you have over me? he though angrily
as he reached forward and plundered Duo's mouth with his tongue.
They had made love right on that very spot. Tender and sweet... yet at
the same time passionate and hot. Heero stared down at the grass where
he had slowly undressed Duo, remembering how the setting sun had washed
over his lover's skin as his own body followed. All at once the memory
was too painful, and he turned his head to the stars. Duo had taught him
the beauty of the night sky as well. But now the stars were black and
He pushed himself slowly in the swing with his toes. He and Duo had replaced
the old one the next day out of guilt for breaking it. Though if Quatre
and Trowa had wondered why it had taken them six hours to do so, they
had never said anything.
Unwilling memories kept flooding his mind. The day they had replaced the
swing... the first night they had been together when Heero had taught
his young partner the difference between making love and sex... the night
at the dance club when Duo had taught him the difference between obsession
and possession. Duo's laugh, his smiling violet eyes, the way he could
brighten a room with his jovial personality just by entering it...
Heero felt his breath catch in his throat as he tried unsuccessfully to
push the memories from his mind. Duo was gone. Irrevocably gone. Then
why did he feel like he'd lost half his soul? Why did he continue to be
haunted by the American's memory?
It had been the night Heero had dragged Duo home from a dance club in
a jealous rage, intent on punishing him. But Duo had managed to calm him
down and reassure him that nothing had happened and that nothing was going
to happen to make him leave the Japanese boy. Later that night as they
lay in bed with Heero's arms wrapped possessively around Duo (one thing
the American didn't mind), Heero had been on the verge of sleep when he'd
heard Duo softly whisper those words.
Obviously Duo had thought the Japanese boy was asleep. But he hadn't been.
He lay there unmoving until Duo dropped off to sleep. Heero had been confused.
Love? Love wasn't meant for the likes of them - soldiers willing to do
anything for their cause. Love had no place in their lives.
But Duo's declaration of love had rocked him to the core. The loud mouth
American had reached a part of his soul he hadn't known existed. It had
disturbed him more than he cared to admit. And so he had lain there, holding
his beautiful enigma in his arms, unable to think or to move. And unable
to tell Duo... he felt the same.
//Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say?
"I loved you in my fashion"?//
Heero climbed the lonely hill to where the cold stone marker awaited.
He's avoided the place ever since Quatre had had it erected a couple of
weeks before. He hadn't wanted anything to do with it... hadn't wanted
to say goodbye.
The stars had long since disappeared only to be replaced by the milky
gray light of the pre-dawn hours. Heero stood in front of the memorial,
unmoving and silent for a long time, staring at Duo's name. Finally, gathering
his courage, he stepped forward and placed his hand against the cold stone.
"Duo, I..." his voice cracked and he found his legs couldn't
support him anymore. He dropped to the ground and leaned his head against
the smooth marker. He had to take several deep breaths before he could
"Duo, I'm here now," he said softly, clutching the braided boy's
cross tightly in his hand. "I'm sorry I didn't come before. I thought
it was a silly, sentimental thing to do. But now I realize... I didn't
want to say goodbye."
Abruptly he slammed his fist against the stone. "K'so! You promised
me you wouldn't leave me! Why did you do it, baka? And why can I not shake
your memory? Why must you continue to haunt me??"
He squeezed his eyes closed as he tried to shut out the anger. It wasn't
Duo's fault. He had only been doing his duty... something Heero had always
been preaching to him about. But now he regretted those harsh lectures.
After all, they'd gotten Duo killed.
He sighed and turned so his back rested against the headstone. "Gomen,
I know you couldn't help it," he said apologetically, fingering the
half-melted cross in his hand. "I just... you were the only good
thing in my life, Duo. You made me feel almost... human when we were together.
Now you're gone and my heart feels as cold as this stone."
//What would be true?//
"Did you know I heard you tell me you loved me that night I almost...
the night after the dance club? You thought I was asleep. How many times
did you whisper it to me when you thought I couldn't hear? Did you know
I would have given anything to hear you say it to me while I was awake?
Did you realize the night I heard it, I wanted to wake you up and make
you say it again and again until your voice grew hoarse?
"Did you know..."
//Why should I?//
"Did you know that I wanted to say it back? That I wanted to see
your face when I told you... I loved you?"
The strange, unfamiliar stinging sensation returned to his eyes as his
vision began to blur.
"I love you, Duo... koi. I love you. I was too afraid to say it to
you then and now it's too late. I love you."
Something wet rolled down his cheek, followed by another and another.
At first Heero thought it was raining until a droplet slid into his mouth
and he tasted salt.
Tears. Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, was crying.
He wept hard, finally allowing his grief to spill free. And yet, as he
did so, he couldn't help but smile a little. It was his last gift from
Duo. The boy who had taught him how to smile and how to love had also
taught him how to cry.
He wept silently as the dawn rose, making the world seem new and pure
as a new day was born. Finally, when the last remnants of night's shade
had been burned away by the sun, Heero stood and faced the memorial once
more. Carefully, he placed the blackened cross on the stone.
"I'm going to win this war, Duo," he vowed as he kept his hand
on the cross. "Then I promise... I'll come to you and tell you what
I never got to say while you were here.
"I love you."
With the vow made, Heero turned his back on the memorial and headed back
towards Quatre's house, leaving a heavy heart and a trail of tears behind
//Why should I cry for you?//
Somewhere in a distant city, in the critical care unit of a hospital,
a pair of violet eyes opened.
[back to Caroline's fic]