Author: Calic0cat
see chap. 1 for warnings, notes, disclaimer

Fragments + Chapter 6

Heero vanished off towards the bathroom as I twisted my hair into a quick ponytail and went to answer the door. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck as I walked, trying to stave off the inevitable tension headache that was already creeping up on me. Our breakfast order being delivered had rudely interrupted our dancing. And it was a damn good thing too. I'd been dangerously close to forgetting that none of this was real. That Heero wouldn't really pull me into his arms and dance to my slightly off-key humming like that.

I really wasn't sure whether we were better off out in public or locked up in our room as far as keeping us safe mission-wise went. But for the sake of the future of my friendship and working relationship with Heero, the more time we spent out in public and the less time we spent alone in private, the better.

Today was our scheduled check-in. We were going to skip it; even if Heero had his memory back we could use some backup for the next bit of the investigation and it was safer and easier to skip a risky check-in than it was to make it and request backup. And considering that the scaffolding accident had happened right away after our first check-in, I didn't think "risky" was too strong a term in this case.

Skipping a check-in to get backup wasn't all that unusual a tactic amongst the undercover agents. Une wasn't too fond of that method of calling for assistance but she was more interested in results than procedures so she let us get away with it. So - skipping today's check-in would get us backup. But unless Wufei and Sally were already enroute thanks to those out-of-character photos of Heero, they wouldn't arrive for at least thirty-six hours. And that was assuming that they were waiting at the nearest colony, not back on Earth. That was too damn long. *Way* too damn long. Even *without* worrying about whether or not our cover was shot and whether I should do some snooping during the party tomorrow night.

Heero was getting more and more comfortable with touching me and kissing me and I was starting to enjoy that a little too much. To respond a little too readily. To be a little too close to forgetting that none of this was real.

So far I'd restricted my own kisses, carefully staying away from Heero's lips. Just dropping little pecks on his temple or his cheek or his chin or the tip of his nose. The sort of kisses that we'd been using already in this mission. Nothing too intimate. Nothing to land myself in hot water with Heero when his memory came back.

But Heero wasn't being nearly so reticent. He went for my lips every time. And while his kisses had started out chaste and hesitant, that hadn't lasted long. They were getting deeper and more confident, more passionate, all the time. I'd tried dodging them or pulling away a few times but the look on his face when I did that left me feeling like I'd just kicked a puppy. He couldn't understand why his husband didn't want to be kissed by him and hell, I couldn't blame him for being hurt and confused. And it wasn't like I didn't enjoy the kisses. So I'd pretty much quit resisting and resigned myself to being miserable later because I'd know just what I was missing. I'd just have to hope that if he remembered all this once he got his memory back, he'd also remember that he started it.

The question now was just how far I was going to let him coax me into going. Those long, deep kisses that left us both flushed and short of breath were bad enough; what the hell was I going to do if - no, *when* - he started looking for more?

If I was partnered with anyone other than Heero on this mission, I wouldn't even have to ask myself that question. I'd just pick a nice big public argument with my "husband" and spend the next few nights sleeping on the couch. If his feelings were hurt, well, too damn bad. Hell, with anybody else I'd have already done that by now and gotten out of those intoxicating kisses as well. Of course, with anyone else they wouldn't have *been* intoxicating to begin with.

But this *was* Heero, not someone else. I couldn't bring myself to spoil his current happiness by rebuffing his kisses, let alone staging a big argument with him. It was far more enjoyable for us both to just go along with his misconception about our relationship and let him kiss and cuddle. I knew it was a temporary thing and I knew I was going to pay one hell of a steep price even if this didn't end up wrecking our partnership because I now knew just what I'd been missing all along and what I'd be missing in future. Knew just how wonderful it was to be kissed - really kissed, not just for show - by Heero.

And I had to admit that letting him make love to me was a damn tempting thought. This might very well be the only chance I ever had after all.

But it would be wrong. I knew that. Wrong on so many levels and in so many ways that I couldn't even begin to list them all. And in the end, it wouldn't be Heero - the Heero that I'd known and loved since the war, despite my best efforts to pretend otherwise - making love to me anyway. It would be "Odin", someone who didn't even really exist except as a small part of Heero, somewhere deep down inside hidden behind all the training he'd been put through. Letting him make love to me under these circumstances would be betrayal of the worst kind. Damn close to rape when it came right down to it because it would not be *Heero* making the decision for himself. Wouldn't even be "Odin" making the decision with full knowledge of the true situation - he *did* believe we were married after all.

So - no making love. Absolutely positively not.

The problem was how the hell was I going to manage that without hurting Heero. Without making him feel insecure and unwanted. Unloved. Without wrecking his trust in me.

And that last part was absolutely critical. I could *not* damage my current relationship with "Odin" because if the shit suddenly hit the fan he was going to need to trust me absolutely or we were both going to end up very dead.


I snapped more pictures of an uncharacteristically open and expressive Heero as we strolled through the exotic animal sanctuary, viewing the animals through the tough, non-glaring windows that lined the pathway. And purely incidentally ending up with some more proof that there was no way in hell that the resort could possibly be legit.

I knew enough from Trowa about the circus's ongoing struggle to feed and care for its small number of animals - lions and elephants are *not* light eaters and their vet bills aren't exactly cheap either - on its not-too-shabby ticket take to know that it was impossible for the resort to be bringing in enough money to buy, feed, and care for the many rare and endangered species in its sanctuary and still show a profit. Especially when they were also carrying out massive construction projects to expand the resort even further. Like the sports complex that we'd be attending the grand opening of tomorrow night.

My wish to take advantage of the opportunity created by the party to explore the adjacent, supposedly unused, segment of the satellite was growing in leaps and bounds. There must be some way to pull it off without putting Heero in too much danger. But if I couldn't come up with one, I wouldn't try it. There was no way I'd put Heero at risk if I could help it. Especially not while he was in his current condition. Right now, he counted as one of the innocents we both fought to protect, first during the war and now as Preventers. I would not put him in harm's way. If that meant that the mission stayed sidelined indefinitely - so be it.

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