Author: CalicOcat
Genre: Romance, Humour
Pairing: Future 1x2x1, 3x4x3, 6x9
Rated: R
Warnings: AU, OOC, Swearing
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.

Notes: Takes place two years after Endless Waltz.

'Thinking'
"Speaking"
************ Time passing or scene change
*~*~*~*~*~* Major POV shift

Author's Notes: Umm, this is - well, *different* from anything else I've written. Ever. In any fandom. I don't quite know where it came from <scratches head> but it won't go away unwritten, so I'm writing it. Then maybe I can get back to the *other* stories I'm *supposed* to be working on. I'd blame it on a muse, but I didn't know I *had* a humour muse, so I'm not too sure who to blame. I'm also breaking one of my own rules by starting to post before I'm *completely* done, but the whole thing is at least done in rough, so it won't get abandoned. Feedback is appreciated.

Mission: Marriage + Chapter 1

Muffling a sigh of bored frustration, Milliardo Peacecraft directed his wandering attention back to another of the simpering young society ladies at his sister's tedious garden party. He pointed a quick, pleading look towards the nearest security camera. "Heero, help! " he mouthed silently. They had a mutually beneficial agreement. When Relena got too clingy and annoying, he rescued Heero. When he was in danger of drowning in sugary fluff at one of his sister's interminable functions, Heero rescued him. If anyone had told him three years ago that he would count Heero Yuy, Gundam Pilot 01, Perfect Soldier and major thorn in Oz's backside, as one of his closest friends, he'd have been checking the base water supply immediately to see if 02 had slipped something hallucinogenic into it. But then, during the war he'd never have believed that he would have ended up "paroled" into his pacifist sister's custody for a minimum of five years or "until such time as he has proven that he is no longer a threat to peace". Even his actions in defense of the planet during the Mariemaia incident had not been sufficient to get him out from under Relena's stuffy dominion.

His sister's most recent "Milliardo-rehabilitation" project appeared to involve getting him married off, preferably to one of her hand-picked candidates. 'Not going to happen,' he thought. He and Lu had everything planned, they were just waiting for Sally and Une to come up with a suitable mission to keep them well away from Relena until his "parole" period was over. There was absolutely no way he would subject poor Lu to his sister once she found out they were getting married; Relena was nasty enough to "that poor common soldier" now. She took all this "Sanc royalty" nonsense much too seriously. Fortunately, his "parole" terms allowed for him to be placed under the temporary custody of a duly-assigned Preventer agent in order to participate in Preventer missions, thanks to Une's foresight.

'Come on, Heero, what's taking so damn long? I need out of here now! ' he fumed. The sudden increase in the "simpering level" around him signalled that his rescuer must be approaching. The young women plagued Heero almost as badly as himself, though Relena's possessiveness kept them from getting quite as - aggressive - about it. 'Damn it, that smarted,' he fumed, keeping the pleasant smile on his face in spite of the fact that yet another "innocent" young miss had just pinched his backside.

"Agent Wind," a familiar flat voice intoned, "there is a call for you on the secure line. Please come with me."

As they walked down the path away from the giggling young women, Heero added, too softly for anyone else to hear, "It's Une. Sally's with her. Lu's got her bags packed and is on the way over to pick you up. They pulled it off - you two leave for the Mars Project tomorrow - and your cover is..."

"What?" Zechs hissed nervously. "What did they come up with? Do I even want to know?"

Heero smirked up at the taller man, "...your cover, my dear Milliardo, is a runaway marriage against your sister's wishes. The ship's captain will perform the ceremony on the trip out."

"YES! " Clapping his hand over his mouth, Zechs shot a quick glance back towards the party, hoping his sister hadn't heard that. He wouldn't feel entirely safe until the ceremony was over and done with and he and Lu were out of Relena's sphere of influence and on Mars.

************

Zechs zipped his last suitcase shut with a feeling of satisfaction. His only regret was that he wouldn't get to see the look on Relena's face when she found out exactly what his assignment was and how long he would be gone. But Heero had promised to save the security recording when Une told her, so he would eventually get to see it. 'Oh damn - Heero... Okay, so not seeing Relena's look isn't my only regret. He and the other pilots are stuck as at least part-time Preventers till they turn 21 as their parole - thanks to Chang's boneheaded move in joining Mariemaia - and while that in itself isn't a problem, the fact that Relena threatens to cut the Preventers' budget if Heero is assigned anywhere other than her security is. With the other pilots all off-planet, Lu and I leaving means him losing his only real friends on the planet.'

"Heero, I'm sorry we couldn't find a way to get you out too," he apologized, squeezing the Japanese teen's shoulder gently.

"Ah, but I have a plan." Cobalt eyes danced as Heero smirked, "What exactly do you think it would take to make Relena give up on me?"

"You getting married," her brother answered. "After all," he slipped into an affected imitation of his sister, "a true Peacecraft would never take second-hand goods." Dropping the falsetto, he continued in a more serious vein, "And her political supporters would never tolerate it. She's built her political stance so firmly on pacifism and 'old-fashioned family values' and 'respectability' that the slightest hint of scandal would be disastrous."

Heero's smirk grew.

"You're joking," Zechs said, shocked.

Heero shook his head slightly.

"But I thought you were in love with Duo!" the blond exclaimed. "And you said yourself that the thought of you as anything other than a best friend had never even occurred to him in spite of the hints you dropped!"

"Ah, but I have a plan," the former Perfect Soldier said, waving a data disc at his former enemy, "and you know that I never fail when I have a mission and a plan..."

************

"What on earth had Heero in such a good mood?" Lucrezia asked, tilting her head back to look quizzically up at her husband-to-be as they boarded the shuttle that would take them to join the Mars-bound team. "I knew he'd be happy for us, but I thought he'd be at least a little bit upset that we were abandoning him to your sister's clutches."

"Remember that book disc you gave him at Christmas when he was bemoaning the fact that he couldn't seem to get Duo to notice him as anything other than a friend?"

"That gag gift? Yeah, sure, I told him since it seemed like he was running out of ideas, maybe he needed some 'expert' help. The disc was 'The Complete Collection of the Best of Three Centuries of Harlequin Romance Best Friends Make the Best Spouses Novels'..." Dark purple eyes went wide with shock and her voice trailed off as she realized what Zechs was telling her.

"Oh no, he isn't," she spun and tried to dash back to talk Heero out of whatever crazy idea he had got from all those old romance novels, but Zechs caught her and easily lifted her off her feet with one long arm around her waist. "Zechs Merquise, put me down! I don't know what crazy idea he's got, but there's no way it'll work! We have to talk him out of it before he makes a fool out of himself!"

"Relax, Lu. It's not nearly as bad as you think it is. This is Heero Yuy we're talking about, after all. Even if it doesn't work quite the way it does in the romance novels, at the very least it's going to make Duo take a second look and maybe realize that there's more to Heero than just his best friend."

[chap. 2] [back to CalicOcat's fic]