Author: CalicOcat
Disclaimer: Duo and Heero and the rest of the GW gang aren't mine. This story is. Nuff said.
See Part 1 for warnings

'Thinking'
"Speaking"

************ Time passing or scene change
*~*~*~*~*~* Major POV shift

Mission: Marriage + Chapter 3

After five days of sheer torture, the former Shinigami was ready to scream with frustration. Sexual frustration. Having noticed Heero's body once, he now seemed to be finding virtually every outfit he wore and every move he made provocative. He was forcing himself to keep his gaze at head-level as much as possible since every time he let it drift the least bit lower, he seemed to find it lingering over certain particularly - tempting? - portions of Heero's anatomy. 'Bad Duo, bad, bad, bad!' he castigated himself, yanking his eyes back up from Heero's backside as his friend climbed the stairs ahead of him. 'That tight, firm, oh-so-tempting ass... wonder if it's really as firm as it looks... hmm, wonder if there's something else firm in those sinfully snug jeans - BAD DUO! Bad, BAD, BAD!'

Stopping on the landing, Heero turned to look back at him. "Did you say something, Duo?"

'Eep, don't tell me I said that out loud!' Nervously, Duo laughed and said, "Huh?"

"I thought I heard you mutter something was 'bad'..."

Thinking fast, Duo said, "Oh, just thinkin' it's too bad I could never talk you into going out clubbing. There's this really great little place that the three of us sometimes go to - it'd be fun to all go together." 'Nice save, Maxwell.'

"Sure, why not?"

"WHAT?!"

Heero shrugged, "Why not? The first time Zechs and Lu dragged me out I thought I'd hate it, but I discovered that I actually like dancing."

'Oh shit, Heero Yuy dancing - either I've died and gone to heaven or this is hell, I'm not quite sure which. Yum, Heero, dancing, alcohol... Fuck, I'll never survive the night - damn, bad choice of expletive there Maxwell.'

"Uh sure, Heero, I'll just go see if the others wanna go too. Meet in say, an hour, at the front entrance? We'll take a car and driver so we can drink if we wanna."

"Okay. In an hour, then."

Watching those firm buns - watching Heero walk down the hall, Duo groaned softly, "Heero dancing. Smooth move, Maxwell. I am so dead."

************

Momentarily alone at the table with Quatre, Duo tore his eyes away from the ('sensually,' his mind interjected) gyrating ('sexy,' his libido added) body of his ('gorgeous') best friend and whimpered, "Q, just shoot me, please."

"Duo, why don't you just tell him?"

"What? Tell him that he's making his best friend incredibly horny and I wanna fuck him till he screams, then I want him to do the same to me?"

"Err, maybe not in quite those terms," Quatre said, flushing, "But yes."

"Q, this is HEERO we're talking about here. Mr Heero Straight-as-an-Arrow Yuy? No fuckin' way," Duo stated, desperately trying to ignore a certain less-than-rational part of his mind screaming, 'YES! YES, fuckin' way, ANY fuckin' way he wants!'. Firmly telling his libido to shut the fu... - err, hell - up, Duo tipped up his fourth beer of the night only to realize that lowering his inhibitions any further would be a decidedly BAD idea. "Dammit, I can't even get drunk 'cause I might slip up!" Slamming the bottle back down on the table in disgust (and ignoring Quatre's traitorous laughter), he hopped up and stalked back onto the dance floor, hoping to wear himself out so maybe he'd be tired enough to sleep dreamlessly tonight.

'WHAT?! But I'm enjoying those dreams!' his libido piped in rebelliously.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! " he snarled, then reddened as the annoyed looks around him let him know that he'd unintentionally said that out loud.

Back at the table, Quatre jumped slightly as long arms slid around him, then relaxed into their familiar hold.

"Don't you think you're being a little - ahh - unsympathetic - to Duo?" Trowa asked chidingly.

"No," Quatre replied unrepentantly. "Remember how terribly amusing he found it before we got together? Me pining around, angsting away about not wanting to chase off my best friend with my 'inappropriate' behaviour, and you moping around, angsting away about ‘not having anything to offer the Winner heir'? And him knowing both sides of the story, but bound by promises not to tell, so instead he nearly snickered himself to death?"

"Hmm, I had almost forgotten about that. You're right. You're definitely not being unsympathetic, you're giving him exactly as much sympathy as he deserves. And if he'd just remember what he did then, he'd figure out that you know more than you're telling now."

Trowa pressed a quick kiss to his lover's lips, then pulled him to his feet, murmuring, "Dance with me?"

"Anytime, love. Anytime."

************

The next evening, Wufei having finally arrived to join the group, the five ex-pilots were all seated around the kitchen table enjoying their favourite alcoholic beverages and catching up on what they had all been up to in the six months or so since they had last all been together.

"So, Yuy, how are you holding up now that Merquise and Noin are gone? Has the Peacecraft onna finally given up or is she as bad as ever?" Wufei inquired.

Heero groaned and dropped his head to the table momentarily before lifting it to answer, "Worse than ever. I should have pulled the damn trigger back during the war. I thought she was going to have a stroke when she found out that Zechs had finally slipped her leash - unfortunately, she didn't."

"How on earth are you going to make it through three more years if she's getting that bad now?" Trowa asked.

"I don't know if I can," shuddered the ex-Wing pilot.

"Well, what would it take to get her to leave you alone or at least let Une assign you elsewhere?" Quatre asked.

'Perfect lead-in, Quat, right on cue - thank you!' thought Heero. "Well, Zechs did have one idea..."

"What?" asked Wufei, neatly falling into the trap.

"Getting married to someone else," he replied.

Wufei choked, narrowly avoiding spitting his drink all over Duo, who was seated across the table from him. "That seems a bit - drastic - to me," the Chinese teen spluttered.

"Not necessarily," Quatre answered thoughtfully. "It would have to be a genuine, legal marriage since Relena would certainly find out if it wasn't, but... If Heero picked someone who knew why he was getting married... someone he trusted implicitly... someone he could count on to do whatever it took to drive her off... I think it might be a very good idea."

Duo frowned, not liking the idea but not quite sure just why the idea of Heero getting married disturbed him so much. Sure, he had the hots for him, but it wasn't like anything would ever come of it anyway, and it was purely physical after all - right? Right, of course it was.

"Yeah, so just where is Heero going to find this paragon?" he chipped in derisively before lifting his beer and taking a large swig.

Silence filled the room for a moment, then, just as Duo took another large swig of his beer, Quatre said innocently, "Why, I think his best friend should fill the bill perfectly, don't you Heero?"

An instant later, Trowa was pounding on a red-faced Duo's back as he choked and sputtered and Quatre was hurrying the irate Wufei (dripping beer from Duo's spit-take) off to clean him up in the bathroom.

'Why yes, Quatre, I think he should fill the bill quite nicely,' Heero thought, grabbing a handful of napkins and starting to mop up the spilled beer, carefully avoiding the broken bits of glass. 'I think he should fill the bill quite nicely indeed.'

************

Two days later, returning from a day-trip to visit Catherine at the circus, Duo stole a surreptitious look at Heero as they climbed out of the car. No one had mentioned the marriage idea again since he had sprayed his beer all over Wufei that night, but it had never been far from his mind. It was a crazy idea, but his libido - and something else that he wasn't willing to put a name to just yet - seemed to think it was a good one and wouldn't let him forget about it.

'Marriage to Heero? It'd be a toss-up which would happen first - me dying of sexual frustration or Heero killing me for trying to get him to relieve said frustration. I'd have to be outta my mind to agree to that.'

Rashid hurried down the steps, looking as agitated as Duo had ever seen him.

"I'm so sorry, Master Quatre, but she just breezed right in, butler, companion, and all, and was settled in the room beside Master Yuy's before the staff could locate me. And I couldn't very well just pick her up and throw her out..."

"Rashid, calm down. Who just breezed in?" Quatre had a terrible feeling he knew. This could blow Heero's plans all to smithereens before he even got them properly underway.

"Miss Peacecraft. And Pargan. And Miss Catalonia. And I just received a call from Lady Une to inform you that she and Miss Po would be arriving shortly as well."

Quatre closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a headache coming on. So much for their peaceful vacation. And for Heero's plans. But Heero was right - Relena's obsession was getting worse. She had never been so crass as to show up uninvited at one of his pilot get-togethers before.

Overhearing the conversation, Duo turned to see what Heero's reaction was to this news. What he saw surprised him. As a familiar, pink-clad figure came rushing down the stairs, calling Heero's name in a piercing voice, Heero Yuy, fearless Gundam pilot, turned as white as a sheet. Immediately, the former Perfect Soldier cast a desperate, pleading look in his direction.

'Aw shit, buddy. How am I supposed to stay rational faced with that?'

Sighing, Duo thought, ‘Okay, it's official. I am now certifiable.' Pasting a broad grin on his face, he covered the few feet separating himself from his best friend in a single bound, wrapped his arms around Heero's waist and said loudly, "Oi, look who's here guys! Isn't this great! 'Lena-babe, you can be the first to congratulate us! Heero and I are gettin' hitched!"

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