Title: A Capital Ship ... 1+2, 3+4 -- vaguely
Author: Dacia
Category: fluff, PWP, song-fic, OOC
Rating: G
Warnings: *severe* corniness. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS FIC!!! Gomen. ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own GW. I *do* own a GW lunchbox, though. Somehow it's not quite the same ...
Notes: This is based on a children's song called (what else) 'A Capital ship' by Charles Edward Carryl. I used to sing this with my mum when I was a tiny tot and we were driving cross country...
Feedback: cries, weeps, *begs* for C/C (as always)

// lyrics //

A Capital Ship

// A capital ship for an ocean trip //
// Was the "Walloping Window Blind" //


Heero: I have my doubts about this.
Trowa: You just don't like boats.
Heero: It feels like we're rocking. Do you feel that rocking?
Quatre: Heero -- it's a boat. It's supposed to rock.
Heero: Where's a Gundam when you need one...

// No wind that blew dismayed her crew //


Wufei: Where'd that wind come from?
Quatre: And those clouds...
Duo: It was so nice a minute ago.
Trowa: We're not supposed to mind, anyways.
(The boat sways ominously as the storm approaches.)
Heero: Ok. More rocking. Are we still all good with this rocking business?

// Or troubled the captain's mind //

Quatre: See, Heero? You're not troubled at all.
Heero: (Is too busy clinging to the mizzen mast to reply.)
Wufei. Right. Just another walk in the park.
Trowa: *snickers* A roll in the hay...
Quatre: After all, it's not the size of the boat...
Trowa & Quatre: It's the motion of the ocean!

// The man at the wheel was made to feel //
// Contempt for the wildest blow-ow-ow //


Wufei: I have to admit -- Maxwell's not doing all that bad a job...
Heero: Duo's steering this thing??!
Trowa: Where else could he be?
Heero: (Suddenly finding religion, although not enough for the narrator to capitalize 'god'.) May god have mercy on our souls.

// Tho' it often appeared when the weather had cleared //

(Sun suddenly breaks through the clouds which themselves vanish in the next instant.)
Quatre: Well. I never...

// That he'd been in his bunk below //

Duo: (Sticks his head up from below deck.) Oi. Did I miss anything?

(Chorus)
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //

// The bos'un's mate was very sedate //


Duo: The bos'un's mate? What the frigging hell is a bos'un's mate??
Wufei: I haven't a clue, Maxwell, but calm down!
Duo: Calm down? Calm down?! How can I be a bos'un's mate if I have no idea what one is?
Quatre: Whatever he is, he's supposed to be sedate, so you might as well just...sit over there and relax
Duo: Nu-uh, Kat. I don't think so.
Wufei: You're just being difficult on purpose, Maxwell.
Duo: Au contraire, mon frere. What about the next line?
Trowa, Wufei, Heero & Quatre: The next line?
Duo: Wait for it...

// Yet fond of amusement too //


Trowa, Wufei, Heero & Quatre: *groan*
Duo: Heh, heh.

// He played hop-scotch with the starboard watch //

Trowa: Hop-scotch? What, pray tell, is hop-scotch?
Duo: You never played hop-scotch? Mein gott, Tro-chan. What am I going to do with you?
~20 minutes later~
Trowa: ... and then you throw the stone...
Duo: ...onto a number.
Quatre: ...and hop to it.
Wufei: ...on one foot.
Trowa: (Considers this for a minute.) I don't think so.

// While the captain tickled the crew //

Heero: (Pins Duo down and tickles him mercilessly.)
Duo: (Laughing so hard his eyes are tearing.) The...whole crew, Heero...The... whole... crew...
Heero: (Grins wickedly) I have to start somewhere.

// The gunner we was apparently mad //

Wufei: Is that mad as in insane, or mad as in angry?
Quatre: Does it really matter?
Wufei: I'm just trying to get into the part.

// For he sat on the after ra-ra-rail //

All: *blink*
Wufei: I don't want to know...
Trowa: Me, neither.
Duo: Why don't you just sit on this chair.
Wufei: Good idea.

// And fired salutes with the captain's boots //
// In the teeth of a booming gale //


Heero: (Is pinned down by pilots 02-05 as they try to remove his boots). But that's just silly...
Duo: (Manages to sneaking a few tickles while he's at it). Consider it payback, o captain my captain.
Quatre: Where's you team spirit?
Heero: (Manages a particularly violent swipe and knocks Wufei backwards.)
Wufei: Injustice!

(Chorus)
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //

// The captain sat on the commodore's hat //


Quatre: Awww! How kawaii!
Duo: Quick! Get a camera! ... *snap* ....
Trowa: Why do you need a picture of Heero sitting on the commodore's hat?
Duo: Heh, heh. I'm using these as next year's christmas cards.

// And dined in a royal way //
// Off pickles & figs & little roast pigs //


Wufei: My god! And I thought Duo could put it away.
Duo: I've never seen Heero eat so much in my life!
Quatre: Maybe that's cuz you don't feed him pickles & figs & little roast pigs...
Duo: *snorts* Would you really trust me to roast a pig?

// And gummery bread each day //

Trowa: Gummery bread? [1]
Wufei: What the heck is gummery bread?
Quatre : And why is it so ... sticky?
Duo: Well... The recipe called for cream and we didn't have any cream, so I had to...improvise...
Trowa: Improvise...
Duo: (Employs graphic hand gestures to show just what it is he improvised with.)
Wufei: That's disgusting!
Quatre: You can cook with that?? ['Oatmeal Cream Pie' anyone?] [2]

// The cook was Dutch and behaved as such //
// For the diet he served the crew-ew-ew //
// Was a couple of tons of hot-cross buns //
// Served up with sugar ... //


Duo: Mmmmm!

// ... and glue //

Duo: (No longer able to open his jaws.) MMMMMMM!!!!
Heero: At least that will shut him up for a while.

(Chorus)
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //

// Then we all fell ill as mariners will //
// On a diet that's rough and crude //
// And we shivered and shook as we dipped the cook //
// In a tub of his gluesome food //


Duo: (In lieu of that whole aforementioned "dipping" experience, he gives the nameless, faceless cook a cursory shove overboard as he looks quizzically at the love of his life.) What is he doing?
Trowa: He's taking his shirt off...
Quatre: ...and twisting it around his head...
Wufei: ...swinging it like a helicopter.
Duo: Ok. Just so we're all in agreement here. [3]

// All nautical pride we cast aside //
// And we ran the vessel asho-o-ore //


Heero: Thank god almighty in heaven!!

// On the Gulliby Isles where the poopoo smiles //
// And the rubbily ubdugs roar //


Duo: What the heck is that??!
Wufei: I think it's a rubbily ubdug...
Trowa: Oh my GOD!!
Quatre: RUN!!

(Chorus)
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //

// Composed of sand was that favored land //


Trowa: Hurry up, angel! It's right on your heels!!
Quatre: I'm running as fast as I can!
Duo: Who knew a rubbily ubdug would be so agile.
Heero: I'm just waiting to get to the 'favoured land' part.

// And trimmed with cinnamon straws //


Heero: (Grabs a handy cinnamon straw and successfully fends off the wily rubbily ubdug.)
Trowa: (Panting with his hands on his waist.) Thank god!
Duo: These cinnamon straws are pretty tasty...

// And pink and blue was the pleasing hue //
// Of the tickle-toe teaser's claws //


Duo: (Submitting to the tickle-toe teaser.) My god...I think I'm in heaven...

// We sat on the edge of a sandy ledge //
// And shot at the whistling bee-ee-ee //


Heero: (Takes aim with his handy revolver and picks off yet another helpless whistling bee whilst laughing maniacally.)
Quatre: I don't understand. Where did he get the gun?
Wufei, Duo and Trowa: .....
Quatre: Oh. It's that 'spandex space' thing again, isn't it...

// While the rugabug bats wore waterproof hats //
// As they dipped in the shining sea //


Trowa: Why do they need waterproof hats?
Duo: Silly. To keep their hair dry!

(Chorus)
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //

// On rugabug bark from dawn till dark //
// We dined till we all had grown //
// Uncommonly shrunk... //


Quatre: Come and get it!
Heero: What is that?
Quatre: It's Rugabug Bark Surprise!
Duo: (Pokes at it with a stick.) That looks disgusting! Are we supposed to eat this?
Quatre: It'll be delicious, trust me...
Trowa: Isn't that what we had for lunch?
Quatre: (Shakes his pretty blonde head with a sigh.) Not you, too, pet. Besides, that was Rugabug Bark Souffle.

// ...when a Chinese junk //
// Came up from the Torrible Zone //


Wufei: From the where?

// She was stubby and square, but we didn't much care //

Duo: But she's stubby...
Quatre: And square...
Heero: I don't really much care. Trowa?
Trowa: Couldn't give a damn.

// So we merrily put to sea-ea-ea //


Heero: Another goddamnfriggin' boat...
Duo: Whaddya mean, I can't take the tickle-toe teaser?

// And we left all the crew of the junk to chew //

// On the bark of the rubabug tree //


Treize, Une and Noin: Hey!
Zechs: (Crouches by Quatre's leftover Rugabug Bark Surprise and pokes it with a stick.) What is this stuff?

(Chorus)
-- Everybody, now!
// So, blow ye winds, heigh-ho //
// A-sailing we will go //
// I'll stay no more on England's shore //
// So let the music play-ay-ay //
// I'm off for the morning train //
// To cross the raging main //
// I'm off to my love with a boxing glove //
// 10,000 miles away //


end ^__^

[1] It's actually "gunnery" bread, but, hey, I was a little kid and it sure sounded like "gummery" at the time... Besides, I don't know what "gunnery bread" is, either.
[2] This bit alludes to a fic by JessChan... (Thank you, Ruby, for helping me find it!!!) If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, you're just not hentai enough. *grin*
[3] This only makes sense when you are aware of two things... #1 -- I had no idea what else to put here and #2 -- for some reason that I can't fathom, I simply love Petey Pablo's "Raise Up". *shrug*

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