Author: Dacia
Category: AU, sap
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: lime-ness, everybody's a different age, so OOC it's not even funny...
Disclaimer: I do not own GW. I've got my fingers crossed, though....

very

Quatre had dragged him from his usual haunts of gay clubs and bars to this little cafe which he said had the most divine struedel. And it was delicious, he had to admit. He watched his fellow patrons as they ate. He liked to study people, to pick out all the shallow images laid over their lives. Call it a hobby. Sometimes he'd flash flirty smiles at men who met his gaze, just to watch them squirm.

"Stop messing with their minds," smiled Quatre. "Habits like that could get you in a heap of trouble, boy."

Heero laughed. Now this was fun. Heero was very comfortable with himself. As a homosexual, yes, but, more importantly, as a person. When he saw other people hiding behind masks so realistic they didn't know the truth themselves, it saddened him. But only to a certain extent. Mostly it just made him laugh.

"Hey!" He jumped out of his seat as a very cold, very wet drink landed in his lap. "Why don't you watch where you're going, you ..." Heero raised his eyes and totally forgot what he could have possibly wanted to say.

"I'm so sorry!" The young man looked as if he'd just started off a third world war.

"That's OK." Did those words come from his mouth? Damned if he could tell.

"Let me go get a towel or something." And he rushed off.

Heero fell back into his chair as his knees gave out.

"Quatre," he spoke dreamily. "I think I'm in love."

+

The trouble with being in an atmosphere like this was you didn't know quite where you stood. In his usual territory, every man was gay and, if he wasn't, that was his problem. Ordinarily, he would have chatted up this young man with a finesse that simply oozed self confidence. Only one thing stopped him now -- there was a fairly good chance that he was straight. He felt like a fish out of water. Keeping his eye on the boy as he bussed the tables, he studied him until he thought he might die of overexposure.

Quatre watched Heero with a bemused expression on his face. "What now, Romeo? You gonna sweep the lad off his feet?"

"I'd like to," Heero responded, "If you can tell me if he is or if he isn't."

"That's a toughy." Quatre perused the boy as if he were the New York Times crossword puzzle. "He's got the looks for it."

"So does my brother, and he's not gay."

Heero caught the boy's eye and almost died before he remembered to smile. The boy smiled back -- a beautiful smile ... which could have meant anything. "He's beautiful."

Quatre knew not to contradict him, although even he had to admit the boy was extraordinary.

Heero was at a veritable loss. Where the hell did he go from here? It had all been so easy before. One of the things he loved about young men was that they were so horny. All you had to do was rub your hands in some intimate places and he was putty in your hands. But now... This was different. He tried to imagine if the boy was gay, he tried to imagine seducing him... and he couldn't. He just couldn't imagine knowing this boy inside and out before he knew this boy inside and out. Heero knew for a fact that he was in love. And he decided in the next moment that it was not at all fun.

+

Heero couldn't sleep at all that night. He'd have stayed in that tiny cafe forever if Quatre hadn't forcibly dragged him off. He'd been a virtual zombie for the rest of the day and, suddenly, it had been night. As he lay awake, Heero tried to figure out why he was having such a hard time with all this. Maybe if he thought it all through, he'd begin to understand why this time he felt so much like he'd like to drift away and never come back.

He remembered the first time. He'd been 12 years old. Even then he had known he was different. Unlike most, he'd revelled in it. Perhaps he was protected by his handsome face and athletic personality. Whatever the case, people always liked him. He was clean and fresh. And he had such a nice smile. At least that's what they'd said. That's what he had said. Wufei. Sitting in the dark after the fireworks on the 4th of July, he'd let Wufei kiss him. It had been the first time another boy had touched him the way Wufei had, and he had loved it. Everything since then had been a continuation of that first moment he'd felt another boy's body pressed against his own.

He had never had trouble finding lovers. His beauty was only partially the cause. What attracted men to him was the fact that he was secure in himself. He had no misgivings, no self-doubts -- he was just a beautiful boy with a taut bod out for a bit of fun. He revelled in his homosexuality. Being gay was a substantial part of what had made him the man he was today. He had realized this early on, and he had been grateful. He must have been in love scores of times. So many beautiful men. But it had never really been love, had it. He had loved their eyes, their hair, their hard, muscled torsos, but had he ever really loved them? Each time, he'd thought he had. It was only now he knew -- he hadn't loved any of them. Not one. It was a sobering thought. Now he knew why he felt so at odds with being alive. Not that it helped. So, he was finally in love. He crossed his arms under his head as he lay back into the pillow. He couldn't say he cared much for it much, this love business. He didn't care for it at all.

+

In the morning, he had grown more practical. All the thinking in the world wouldn't do anything about the fact that somewhere out there was a beautiful boy he was in love with who may or may not be gay and who didn't even know he was alive. His prospects were daunting, to put it mildly. He toyed with the notion of just forgetting the whole thing had ever happened, but soon enough that proved to be impossible. He had no idea how he could love someone he'd never had a conversation with, but he did. Deeply. Freely. And he knew it wasn't simply lust, although that did play a part. No, that would have been too easy. The irony didn't escape him -- that would have been like the others. There's a fine line between lust and love that he had never noticed until now. Now it seemed like the Grand Canyon. He couldn't fathom how he could have missed it, and he had no idea what to do now that he was on the other side so very far from everything he had known.

But there was one thing he could do, the only thing he could think of -- go back to the cafe. Because at this moment, all he could think of was seeing the boy again. Maybe luck would look kindly on him and throw the object of his affections into his waiting arms. Somehow, he doubted it.

+

In the end, he hadn't gone back to the cafe. Well, not exactly. What he'd done was to loiter (he could think of no other word for it) across the street until he was quite sure that the love of his life was, in fact, not at work that day. In a way, it was a relief. He had no idea, still, how to approach the boy. He probably would have just sat and stared at the lad until they asked him to leave or, possibly, arrested him. Yet he had been full of nervous energy that had built up making him feel as if his insides were covered with tiny ants that didn't cause pain so much as anxiety. Which is why the afternoon found him thrashing his limbs in the university pool.

Swimming had always been one of Heero's many passions. Something about calm, clear water and bare bodies... He let himself daydream about his mystery lover, if only because he couldn't stop himself. His strokes became automatic -- for all intents and purposes, he was dead to the world. Until, of course, he swam head on into a fellow swimmer. He stopped short, pulling off his goggles. His hands, for a sheer moment, met with a firmly muscled body.

"You mind giving a guy a little warning?!"

"I'm so sorry!"

'I'm so sorry'. It couldn't be ... But it was.

"I seem to be your own personal curse."

Heero was tongue-tied. What in god's name should he say?!

"You are the guy I dowsed the other day, aren't you?"

Heero nodded dumbly. He was going to have to do a lot of fancy footwork to make up for these first impressions. The boy smiled. Heero thought he might drown. They made their way back to the shallow end and Heero pulled himself up onto the lip of the pool to steady himself.

"I'm Duo," spoke the boy. He smiled again, this time mischievously. "If I'm gonna keep on doing you grievous bodily harm, you might as well know my name."

It took a second or two for Heero to answer. He was intensely aware that Duo's hand was touching his thigh.

"Nice to meet you, Duo," he said finally. "I'm Heero."

"Heero ..." Duo rolled the name on his tongue like he'd never tasted anything so delicious.

"Good name. I had you figured for a Ryu or an Alex. Heero is so much better."

"You spend a lot of time thinking about perfect strangers?" Heero couldn't believe he was now deeply immersed in conversational banter with this god of love. He was rather proud of himself for not melting into a pool of liquid flesh.

"Not usually. I just ... couldn't get you out of my mind."

Heero wondered for a moment if Duo could possibly be hitting on him, and decided a split second later that it was just his wishful thinking.

"Excuse me, but if you aren't going to swim, do you mind letting me have this lane?"

The woman's tone was much more friendly that her words had been, not that Heero would have noticed. He hoped his face didn't show how frantic he was. Leave? Now?!

"I'll go ahead and get out, too," spoke Duo.

Heero's heart returned to its proper position, freeing him from his paralysis. He stood up and offered a hand to Duo. Heero thought maybe he was dreaming. Duo took his hand, allowing Heero to pull him from the water. For an eternal moment, they stood together, less than a handspan apart. Heero tried to appear nonchalant as he devoured Duo's startlingly blue eyes. Duo pulled away first, moving towards the locker room, but not before he pulled Heero's hand so he would follow. He let it go in the next second.

"You want to go get a coffee or something?"

"Or something," Heero agreed. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Duo's smooth, young, supple body hungrily. "I am feeling a bit peckish."

"Good. I'll meet you out front."

And it was done. As simple as that. Heero had been dreading showering next to this beautiful boy. It turned out Duo's locker was at the other end of the room, nearer to the second set of showers. He was at the same time extremely relieved and profoundly disappointed. It was hard to slip out of his Speedo with his hands shaking, but it didn't take more that two or three tries. He showered under cold water. With his eyes closed under the spray, he could almost imagine the steam rising from him as the coldness of the shower met with his burning flesh.

"You gonna be in there all day?" came a voice. "It's chlorine, not radiation."

Heero shuddered. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. When he opened his eyes, it was to see Duo, fully clothed, holding out his towel to him -- which Heero hurriedly took. For perhaps the first time in his life, he felt totally and utterly naked. He began to dry off, hoping against hope that Duo would wait outside, as he'd said. Whether fate was being cruel or kind he couldn't tell, but Duo took a seat, watching him with that grin that seemed to be a permanent fixture on his perfect features as he braided his long flow of chesnut hair.

"You've got a taut bod," commented Duo. "You work out?"

O god!, thought Heero. This is just too much. He slipped into his clothes before he'd completely dried off if only to get out from under Duo's unswerving gaze. "Doesn't everybody?" he responded, somewhat shakily. He pulled on his t-shirt with one swift motion.

"Well that's no good, is it," snorted Duo, motioning towards Heero's very wet hair. "Where were you raised, in a barn?" He laughed at his own corny joke and, taking Heero's towel, proceeded to dry his hair.

His ministrations were so energetic that Heero had no choice but to grab onto something, anything, to steady himself against this onslaught and the first thing his hands found was Duo's slim waist. He tried not to remember that the body under his fingers was Duo's, but not too hard. He was very glad, at that moment, that he'd at least put his shorts on right.

"That's better."

Heero remained for a moment before he realized he should perhaps remove his hands. "Thanks, mom." It was a small attempt to be witty, but it was better that throwing the lad to the floor and ravaging him.

It was at the coffee shop that Heero discovered that his true love was 17 years old. Heero was 24. In the back of his mind, the phrases 'statutory rape' and 'cradle robber' flitted about. Being with Duo was the sweetest torture Heero had ever known. He had never come across a male who resorted to so much non-sexual touching. It was maddening. At times in the conversation, he had seriously considered telling Duo straight out that he was gay, but the thought of scaring him away was not a particularly nice one so, somehow, it never came up. When they parted, it had been with the plan of going to see the recently revamped version of 'Star Wars' together (Heero was happy to discover that they were both avid, yet not fanatical, fans). Heero had watched Duo walk away with so much joy in his heart that he thought he might burst. The next thing he knew, he was at Quatre's apartment, lounging on his uncannily comfortable futon, and trying very hard not to cry.

+

Quatre had calmly listened to Heero's rapturous tale. At its end, he had given Heero that look halfway between fondness and condescension that drove his friend to distraction. But Heero knew he needed Quatre. Quatre was his tie to earth. Once upon a time, they had been lovers. Their passion had been short-lived, but their friendship had turned out to be a true one and it was always to Quatre that Heero would come, in the end, to bare his soul.

"Very nice, dear one, but you do know you're on the road to ruin."

It was not what Heero wanted to hear.

"You've got to tell him."

"I will... Eventually." He sighed. "But don't you think it's possible?"

"Anything's possible, Heero," conceded Quatre, "But I don't want you to get torn up over this. The longer you let it go on, the more hurt you'll be if he doesn't... reciprocate your affections."

"You do have a way with words, don't you." Heero smiled wryly. His present misery was equal to, if not surpassing, his previous happiness.

"But look on the bright side. Obviously he wants to be with you, too."

Quatre didn't usually resort to vague optimisms, but he'd never seen Heero so dejected. He had no doubt that Heero was in love with Duo. It came close to breaking his heart to see him so sad. Now it was Quatre's turn to sigh. He crossed the room, sitting next to Heero and placing an arm about his shoulders.

"What the hell. Go for it, babe. You're in too deep to pull out now. What will be, will be." The renewed look of hope in Heero's cobalt eyes more than repaid his kindness. He ruffled his friend's hair. "I must be getting soft," he said with a smile.

+

Heero left Quatre feeling drained. This love business was tough. He resolved then and there that he would tell Duo what he was feeling the next time he saw him. Quatre was right -- if he was going to get his heart broken, he'd rather do it now before he had too many memories to look back on. Already there were too many. When he slept that night, his dreams were full of Duo, of what he'd like to do with him. When he awoke the next morning, he was smiling.

+

It was only the fact that he had loved 'Star Wars' so much for so long that allowed him to sit in the dark next to Duo and keep his hands to himself. Duo seemed, if it were possible, even more angelic in the light of the moon. On the walk back to his apartment, he had talked almost too much, but when he found himself really and truly alone with the boy of his dreams, he couldn't think of one thing to say.

"Nice," commented Duo, taking in the room as he sat down on the sofa. "It's gotta be cool to have your own place. I still live with my folks."

Heero laughed. Something about the tone of Duo's voice... something... Suddenly, he had no qualms about Duo being here. He became his old, confident self again.

"Was it something I said?" asked Duo, noticing the difference.

"Naw, kid," drawled Heero. "Wanna drink?"

"Water'll be fine," responded Duo.

He seemed to Heero a little taken aback, but maybe it was the lighting. He disappeared into the kitchen and came back carrying, in steady hands, two glasses of water. He sat down next to Duo and stretched out with a sound that was almost, but not quite, a purr. He closed his eyes a moment, opening them only when he realized Duo was watching him intensely. Even though, miraculously, he felt more at ease than he had since he'd met Duo, it was not easy to reveal himself. Best to get it over with.

"You know, Duo, I like you."

Duo cheered noticeably. "And I like you, too."

"No, kid." Heero shook his head with a small smile. "I like you."

"And I like you, too," he repeated.

Heero turned to study Duo's face, to see if he knew what he was saying. By Duo's flushed cheeks and downcast eyes, he could tell that he did. He inched closer, put his hand on Duo's knee.

"Do you really?" He pulled the boy to him, having moved his hand to his waist. "Do you have any idea?"

Duo kept his eyes down, his lower lip quivering. Heero leaned near to him, brushed the boy's mouth ever so gently with his own. He growled, conquering his passion, and released him. Leaning back, he made himself relax, mentally reined in the pounding of his heart.

"Oh, Duo ..."

"Don't you want me?"

Duo's voice was young and innocent.

"More than you know. But, baby, I don't know what you want."

"I want you," answered the boy emphatically.

This whole scene was starting to resemble one of Heero's fantasies a little too closely. A sense of unreality lent him strength.

"The first time I saw you, I wanted you. You're so beautiful. Don't you realize that?"

Heero watched Duo silently. He'd heard the words before, yes.

"I followed you to the pool that day. When I went to work, I saw you and I followed you. I ran into you on purpose. I was so nervous. Couldn't you tell? I almost left after I asked you to have coffee. I was so scared. But when I walked by and saw you in the shower I couldn't leave. You were so... perfect. I couldn't keep my hands off you. Didn't you notice? You've been all I could think about. I had no idea if you liked... boys. Sometimes in your eyes, I'd see something, but then it was gone and I figured you were just humoring me. And then to come back to your apartment... I was praying you'd say something. And you did and..." He stopped. Heero wondered how he'd fit all that into one breath. "And I'll just die if..."

"If I don't take you?" completed Heero helpfully.

His calmness was overlaid with a feeling Heero couldn't identify -- something between relief and rapture and anticipation. He contemplated leaving it at this and sending Duo home, but he didn't see what good it would do and he certainly didn't want to do it. So with a fierce grin, he crept up to Duo, crept onto him. The boy's heart was pounding even faster than his own and his hands were shaking. He kissed Duo's nose.

"Relax. I won't eat you... yet."

It had been a long time since Heero had been with someone so inexperienced. Contrary to what he had thought, it was a major turn on. He kissed the boy's full lips teasingly, ran his hands up under Duo's shirt. He had never wanted someone so badly in his life. Was this, he thought, what love did to you? Maybe it wasn't so bad after all, this love business. He looked down on Duo.

"... You have no idea..."

With gentle hands, he stripped Duo and then himself. The boys eyes burned.

"Heero... I don't know what to do."

Heero smiled reassuringly. "Just lay back and let me love you."

+

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