A MESS sequel to the other 'IN YOUR... .' fics
Content: Yaoi, angst
Standard Disclaimer: They still don't belong to me even though I pout
and stamp my feet. This is written just for the warm and fuzzy feeling.
Don't sue - there is no money.
Notes: Thank you to everyone who's taken the trouble to post or
email me with kind words. I'm almost beginning to believe you mean
it, you lovely people.
Heero shut down his laptop
and stretched, then got up and went to the window. He looked out
on darkness. And silence.
He sighed. Then walked over to Duo's bed and picked up the tee-shirt
his love had dropped there when he changed his clothes. He held
it to his nose, inhaling Duo's scent, his sweat and his sweetness - and
scowled at himself for being so stupid.
He went to the window again. It was late. Duo, Quatre and
Trowa had gone to a club. Duo had begged Heero to come too, but
Heero had work to do. And, anyway, Heero didn't go to clubs, didn't
like loud music and certainly didn't dance.
But it was so late.
Duo had looked gorgeous when he left with the other two, in tight black
trousers and a shiny black sleeveless top that left his flat stomach bare.
Heero wanted to pull him back, say: 'Don't go, stay with me. I love
you.' But, of course, he didn't say anything. They had only
made love a few times. Missions had come between them and now, when
they were finally together again, they were still apart. Heero sighed.
And stared out of the window.
'Where the hell are they? It's late. They should be home!'
He walked across the room and back again. Across and back.
Up and down. 'I should go to bed. This is stupid.' Across
At last, a car engine. He flew to the window, saw headlights and
sighed in relief. Then quickly grabbed a book and flung himself
on his bed.
Doors slammed, voices sounded below and there were footsteps on the stairs.
The bedroom door opened and Heero managed to count to five before he looked
up. Then he leapt to his feet and stood staring wide-eyed at Duo.
"What the hell ...!"
Duo's hair had mostly escaped from its braid, his top was torn across
one shoulder and Heero could see red marks on his neck and that exposed
shoulder. Red marks like... like bites... like...
Heero raised his eyes to Duo's face and noted his swollen lips, the darkness
of his eyes, more purple than violet.
And Heero pulled himself to his full height, a sneer pulling his mouth
into an ugly shape. "I see you had a good time. Glad
I didn't come along and get in the way."
Duo blinked, his lips moving but no sound coming out. Quatre appeared
"You okay, Duo?" he asked gently, putting his hand on Duo's
bare shoulder. He looked at Heero. "Wasn't it awful,
poor Duo. Good thing Trowa and I were there."
"What?" Heero looked from Duo's huge eyes to Quatre's
"Hasn't he told you? Some drunken fool grabbed Duo, tried to
drag him outside, tore his clothes and hurt him, poor baby. Trowa
smashed a bottle over the idiot's head," he said proudly. "You'll
be fine now with Heero." He patted Duo again and left the room.
Heero choked. "Duo... Duo, I... "
Duo turned and went into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind
him. Heero heard the lock click into place.
Heero woke with a feeling of doom. He looked over to the other bed.
Empty. He shot up and hurried to the bathroom. Empty.
Walking back to his bed, he slowly lowered himself onto the edge and sat
quite still, gripping the covers, a horrible feeling of panic in his insides.
If only he could go back and make the previous evening happen differently.
He should have gone with Duo to the club. He should never have jumped
to stupid conclusions. Or... or he should have done anything but
the thing he had done, the words he had spoken. Duo would never
forgive him. It was all over before it had really begun. He
was alone again.
He sat there, his face frozen into an emotionless mask, pulling the fragments
of his heart back together. Whatever happened, only Duo mattered.
He must make sure Duo was all right. And accept whatever resulted
from his own stupidity. Then carry on as he always had. The
He rose and took a deep breath into his aching body, then dressed and
purposefully walked from the room and down the stairs.
Duo was curled up in a corner of the couch, a cup cradled between his
hands. Quatre was bending over him, but he looked up as Heero appeared.
"Heero, tell Duo he must eat something. I know you're upset
about last night, Duo, but it's all finished with and that stupid guy
has a big headache today."
Duo looked down into his cup. "I'm not hungry, thanks,"
he said quietly.
Heero sat at the other end of the couch. "Perhaps he'll feel
like eating later, Quatre." He turned to Duo. "Would
you like to go for a walk? The fresh air might help."
He watched the muscles round Duo's mouth tighten, watched his long fingers
close around the cup.
"No, thank you." There was no anger, no expression at all. He
didn't look up, so Heero couldn't see his eyes, couldn't tell what he
'I'm lost, I'm lost,' Heero wailed inside like a child. But outwardly
he was just Heero. And there was work to do.
Somehow they got through the day, speaking politely to each other, doing
the things that had to be done. But whatever Heero did, whatever
he said, Duo never looked him in the face. He looked past him, through
him, over his head, never into his eyes.
'I can't bear this, it hurts too much,' the lonely boy in Heero said.
'You must bear it. It's your own fault. You were never meant
to be happy anyway,' the perfect soldier replied.
The time came when neither could put off going to bed any longer.
Duo left first with a murmured goodnight. Heero sat still
for a while, wondering if he should sleep on the couch. Then he
gathered himself together and walked slowly upstairs. Duo was already
in bed, facing the wall, deep in the bedclothes. Heero just stood
looking down at him.
'What can I say? What can I do that will make this better?'
He reached out his hand then snatched it back. 'Nothing, nothing,
nothing.' He undressed and got into bed. He felt as though
he'd been beaten. Everything hurt. He turned out the light.
"Goodnight, Duo." There was no answer.
Sleep wasn't even a faint possibility. Heero stared into the darkness.
The thought of another day like the one he'd just lived through was too
painful to contemplate. He would get up early, pack his few belongings
and get out of here. He would leave a note for Duo asking his forgiveness.
He would tell Duo he'd felt his life beginning the first time he'd held
his love in his arms. And felt it ending last night. He would
leave a note downstairs for everyone else - that he'd been called on a
special mission and might not be back.
That decided, he turned purposefully on his side and shut his eyes.
Duo bit down hard on the blanket. 'I won't cry, I won't cry.'
He swallowed hard, hoping he wasn't making a noise. He wanted to
scream and beat his fists on the wall but it wouldn't do any good.
He knew now that it had all been an illusion. He thought his past
hadn't mattered to Heero. When Heero touched him, he had felt like
a god, like an angel, as if no one had ever touched him before.
But obviously he was tainted with his life on the streets. So dirty
that Heero automatically thought the worst. And now it was all over,
the only real happiness he had ever known. He should have expected
it. Nothing ever went right for him. He choked back a sob
and breathed hard against the pain that wracked him.
And it obviously wasn't very important to Heero, anyway. He had carried
on as if nothing had happened at all. Duo had thought... hoped... that,
when Heero came up to bed, he would say something, talk about it. Even...
even reach out his arms...
But that wasn't going to happen. He could hear Heero's even breathing.
He was asleep. It all meant nothing to him - just a bit of fun.
Heero concentrated on his breathing. If he relaxed and breathed slowly
enough, he would fool his body into sleeping. He frowned. There was a
sound. What was it? He turned quietly towards Duo's bed and listened with
all his senses. It was a sort of a... a hiccup. He swung his feet to the
floor and moved a little nearer. Not a hiccup, more of a... a sob? Was
Duo crying? He knelt beside Duo's bed and put out his hand to gently touch
the heap of bedclothes that was Duo.
"Duo, are you all right?" His voice was cracked and husky
and he wasn't sure if Duo had heard him. Then the bedclothes under
his hand moved a little.
"S'okay. Sorry I woke you," came a little muffled voice.
"I wasn't asleep. Couldn't sleep." He leaned over,
trying to make out Duo's face. "Duo, won't you look at me?"
"Wha' for? You don't wanna look at me." Another
That was as much as he could take. He grasped the bedclothes firmly
and tried to pull them away from the huddled form. Duo held
onto them tightly and Heero pulled harder. With one final heave,
he tugged blankets and Duo over into his arms.
"Sorry... sorry, Duo, I didn't mean to... " He looked down at
big, brimming violet eyes and tearstained cheeks and all sense left him.
"Duo, what I said last night, I didn't mean anything. I was just
jealous, that's all. The thought of anyone else... " He looked down
at his love's face. "I love you so much. Can you ever forgive me?"
Duo looked up, his breath still catching on a sob, his eyes searching
Heero's face. It seemed he found what he was looking for, as a tentative
smile touched his mouth.
"You really love me?"
"More than life. I have no life without you."
"I love you, too. Wanted to die today."
"What're you doin' out there?"
Duo sniffed hard and rubbed his eyes. "Get into this bed and
don't get out again 'til I say you can. Okay?"
Two figures lay entwined in the bedclothes, happy and near to sleep.
"Don't let's ever fall out again."
"Never. Except... "
"It's kinda fun making up, isn't it?"
"Baka... I love you."
[back to Duophile's fic]