Title: IN YOUR EYES
Author: Maggi (Duophile)
Content: Yaoi, Angst, OOC
Warning: Mention of underage non-con
Standard Disclaimer: They still don't belong to me even though I pout
and stamp my feet. This is written just for the warm and fuzzy feeling.
Don't sue -- there is no money.
Heero worked steadily on his
laptop, eyes fixed on the screen. Behind him, Duo lay prone on his bed,
legs waving in the air while he read a paperback. Heero could see his
reflection in the screen, the arch of his back, his long, long legs.
'Stop this nonsense. He doesn't like me. He just pretends to be my friend.
He laughs, he talks his head off, but he doesn't look into my eyes. And
I want him to - so much. Stupid. Stupid.'
Duo made sure he had the book the right way up and tried to remember to
turn the pages occasionally. It was so quiet apart from the faint sounds
of Heero's fingers on the keys. The weather was beautiful -- he
should be out in the sun, but he wanted to be here, near Heero, trying
to hear him breathe.
'His beautiful blue eyes are so clear and bright -- like precious
stones, like running water -- clean, fine things that shouldn't
look at anything dirty -- like me. He likes to look at me, I know.
I look all right on the outside; I look good. Everyone wants to look at
Duo; he's pretty, he's sexy. I don't want to look at myself because I
know what's inside. I don't want him to look too hard. He might see through
to the bad stuff.
I used to like the fact that I could turn people on, that they would give
anything to get me into bed, that I was good at it. Now I wish I was still
innocent, something I haven't been for so many years. I don't remember
a day when I didn't have this knowledge I shouldn't have -- probably
not since I was a little kid. It wasn't my fault then, it was forced on
me, but I soon learned how to get food and a warm bed instead of sleeping
in a cold, smelly alleyway.Can't bear to look into his eyes in case they
see through me. Can't let him touch me -- even if he wanted to,
which he doesn't.I wish I was a good boy, someone who deserves Heero.
I need -- I need
someone. So lonely, so empty inside.'
Heero finished what he was working on and shut down the laptop. When he
stood up, there was a sudden flurry of activity from behind him as Duo
leapt from the bed, threw his book into a corner and hurried towards the
"See ya later, Heero. Things to do, y'know." He grinned madly
and rushed out, leaving Heero staring after him.
'Almost had the courage to say something then. But he's got better things
to do. Doesn't want to speak to boring Heero. He's so beautiful. His eyes
are soft and kind, even if he won't look at me. I want softness. I want
kindness. No you don't, fool.'
Duo walked quickly out across the grass in front of the safe house. The
other pilots were out on a mission. He was alone with Heero, which thrilled
and terrified him. He didn't know where he was going, just walking fast,
anywhere. The times when he felt Heero looking at him were the worst times
because he wanted to return the look, smile invitingly, say: I'm yours,
Heero. I'll do anything you want, Heero. But then what? When Heero got
up and walked away because Duo was just a body, just a little pleasure.
Just a slut. He couldn't bear to see disdain in those eyes. In his dreams
they looked at him with love.
'Huh! Some chance!'
Sliding down with his back to a tree, he stared at his hands.
'I wish I was new. I wish I was clean. I'm clean outside -- I scrub
and scrub to make myself clean, but I can't clean the past away.' He sighed
and nervously picked at his fingernails.
"You'll make your fingers sore if you do that."
Duo jumped and looked up under his lashes at Heero. "Um --
yeah, right. I'll stop doin' it then, huh?" His voice wobbled a little
and he looked at the ground, wanting Heero to go away, wanting him to
"I'm sorry. I'm intruding on your solitude." Heero turned to
"Hey, man, no -- you don't have to go. I mean --."
Heero looked back and their eyes locked, violet to blue, pupils dilating.
"I think -- I think your eyes are very beautiful." Heero's
voice was gruff, abrupt, yet still he held Duo's gaze.
"Not as beautiful as yours." The street child in Duo said: `Boy,
is that corny, or what?' but he ignored the voice, just wanting to look
at Heero for ever.
Heero slowly sat down in front of him and put out a hand to brush the
hair from Duo's eyes. Duo leaned his forehead against Heero's hand, closing
his eyes, feeling strange, dizzy.
"Don't close your eyes. Look at me. Please."
He looked up. Heero had a strange expression, as if he didn't know what
his face wanted to do.
"Why do you put a barrier between us, Duo? I know I am ignorant about
emotions and feelings but that doesn't mean I have none. You hug the others,
flirt with them, even kiss them, but not me. Do you dislike me so much?"
Duo choked. "No -- oh, no." He reached up his hand to
Heero's face then quickly took it away again.
"What is it, then? Tell me, Duo."
"I -- you see -- it's because -- ". He
broke off, miserably rubbing his eyes with his knuckles.
'I have to tell him, have to see him walk off in disgust. Or, even worse,
have him stay because I'm -- what I am.'
"D'you know where I'm from, what I am?" he asked quietly.
"I believe you had a difficult childhood."
Duo looked up and a bitter smile twisted his lips. "Difficult --
yeah. I was filthy and starving and I lived in rubbish heaps because they
were warm. I ate anything I could find. I drank from muddy puddles. I
had nothing, nobody. I got slapped around by drunks and anyone else who
got fun out of it. I -- I got raped when I was just a little kid."
Heero's eyes widened in shock and Duo looked back at the ground miserably.
"It happened a lot. Then one of them gave me money afterwards, and
I thought --well, if he'll pay, maybe they'll all pay. If they're
going to do it anyway --."
He forced his eyes back up to Heero's. "The money kept me alive,
you see, but I'm not -- I can't - ." He shook his head and
struggled to get up and get away from there, away from Heero's eyes.
Suddenly Heero's hands were on his shoulders, gently holding him still.
"Look at me, Duo."
Duo slowly looked up, the moisture in his eyes making Heero's face blurry.
He blinked hard to clear his vision and Heero's face came into focus,
concerned blue eyes gazing into his. Warm hands reached out to hold his
face kindly, lovingly.
'He's touching me as if I'm precious, as if I'm not just street rubbish.'
"You're here now. You must forget about those times."
"You don't understand. I did bad, wicked things -- I'm evil,
I'm dirty. You don't want to touch me."
Heero moved his face closer to Duo's. "You couldn't be more wrong."
He gently touched his lips to Duo's and felt the sharp breath under his
mouth. "What is it? I've never kissed anyone before. Am I doing it
"I don't know. I never kissed anyone either." Tears ran freely
down Duo's face, soaking into his collar. No one ever wanted a kiss from
"We'll learn together then. You and I. Hm?"
Duo hesitantly leaned towards Heero and was gathered clumsily, lovingly
into his arms.
'He doesn't care. He doesn't care.. He doesn't think I'm dirty. Oh, don't
let go, don't let go, don't let go.'
Heero looked down at the chestnut head under his chin and closed his eyes,
holding on for dear life.
'I don't feel hollow anymore. Stay with me. Just stay with me. Always.'
to Duophile's fic]