Pairing: 1+2+1/1x2x1; reference to past 1xR, R+1.
Disclaimer: If I owned GW, I would be happy. I am happy. But to draw the
conclusion that I own GW from those statements would be to affirm the
consequent, and would therefore be an invalid argument. See?
Warnings: Part 15 contains a masturbation scene. For all other warnings
see part 1 and individual parts. This is an AU fic.
Notes: I was pretty proud of this part. I hope I explain adequately what
I mean about Heero's past, and his feelings, at the beginning of the part;
I also hope that my attempts at history in the colonies don't go too awry
either. I may expand on this in the future. Also, please don't forget
that I raised everyone's ages at the time of the war (this was purely
to facilitate Heero's marriage to Relena, I admit) but what I did was,
moved the war, not the year they were all born -- consequently,
and I hope this is clear from the fic, the war occurred in AC198. It is
entirely possible I have already contradicted this in previous parts,
and I may continue to do so -- the hazards of having my silly brain,
unfortunately. Sorry about the mass of notes!! These were just to clarify,
but I hope they are clear from the fic anyway! ^_^
+ Part 15
I thought about Duo.
Before I went to sleep, I thought about Duo.
When I woke up, I thought about Duo.
In the shower, getting washed before going to work, I allowed myself to
think about Duo... About the lingering kisses placed open- mouthed against
my neck. About warm hands tracing sparks on my skin; about my own hands
teasing shivers forma sensitised place on another wiling body, places
I had never explored before.
Duo had unlocked something inside me. And he had awakened inside my mind
that I had never had a chance to examine before.
When I was very young I was trained to control my body: heart rate, brain
waves, respiratory pattern, bodily or subconscious reactions to any sort
of stimuli. During the war those skills proved several times to be invaluable
to me, and for that I found myself very thankful. It wasn't that, since
the war, I had found myself incapable of breaking some of those habits:
but it was that I had found no-one for whom I had the inclination to make
Sexual desire: I had never felt it before. I had never followed the ingrained
path of things that other people felt, or thought they were supposed to
feel, because it was never ingrained into me. I had known since I was
very small that the only things worth feeling were the genuine things,
the important things -- all the rest is pointless. It is the real
feelings that I was always taught I should act upon.
That lesson had been slowly buried in me over the years... Tarnished under
Relena's pleas for normality. She wanted me to be a normal man, with a
normal job, not a soldier anymore. I wasn't. I wasn't either of those
things, anymore -- but she still saw in me those warlike tendencies
she did not wish to see. So she tried to reshape me, and I tried as well.
But it failed, and I saw that, now, through Duo's eyes: I didn't want
to try anymore. I didn't want to wonder anymore why I should want to feel
those erroneous things.
Because I didn't. Any of it.
She tried to make me into a good husband, who did those things that husbands
should: I had reluctantly made my body give in to her persuasion, in her
aspirations for normality -- but she had never touched my mind.
As time had gone by I became more and more determined that she never would.
And when I met Duo, I knew that she never could.
He could, and he had.
And so it was that now I felt those real feelings for the first time...
Standing under the warm water of the shower spray with the cold plastic
at my back, I relived the moments I had spent with Duo and knew that,
for the first time in my life, I had found someone who could do this to
me... I stroked myself, slowly, unwilling to waste the pleasure I felt
at remembering Duo's touch, his kiss, his heat, his passion. Soon, though,
I wanted to let go -- the pictures in my head more vivid, of things
we hadn't done. But, I knew, with a sense of resignation which couldn't
quite hide my anticipation, we would do them, in time.
I imagined, now, his hand on me, his touch more enticing than my own.
Faster; my heart rate faster; my thoughts fragmenting and I broke. I gasped
as I watched my own climax through slitted eyes, shuddering and leaning
back against the plastic wall. It had never felt like that before... Those
few times with Relena were... mechanical, trying to pretend I was giving
her something I knew in reality I never could. I never let her in. She
wasn't like me. She wouldn't understand; she didn't understand.
As I rinsed myself, dried and dressed, I thought for the hundredth time
that I should feel guilty, dirty even -- I was married, and to
a woman! But those feelings wouldn't come. I could only think of Duo,
and the intensity of the sensations that shook me, physically and emotionally.
I couldn't help myself. And I didn't care.
"Your message said you wanted to see me as soon as I got here."
Heero looked up at Trowa standing in the doorway of his office. "Yeah.
We've got to get on with the investigation to prove to the DCI that it's
not a waste of our time."
Trowa nodded. "What do you want me to do?"
"I want us to work together. We have to find out how there would
be a revolution, and, most importantly, who would be behind it."
He kept his face straight, but there was just a trace of wit there that
he knew Trowa would understand.
Trowa raised his eyebrows slightly. "And that's what you think is
likely to happen?"
Heero looked the sergeant in the eye. "It's as likely as anything
"What's made you come to that conclusion?" Trowa took a seat
beside Heero's desk.
"Several things. Firstly, what you said about the lack of extremists
protesting at the summit. You were right. It's suspicious. It's something
we have to think about. Secondly... my informant thinks the same."
He waited for Trowa's reaction.
The sergeant's expression didn't change, but his tone was just a little
colder. "You really believe he's genuine."
Heero stared at his colleague for several minutes. "Yes. I've told
you before. I believe him; I believe you. I have just as much reason to."
Again he waited to see what Trowa's response would be.
He watched the sergeant contemplate for a moment before replying in a
still-steely tone. "Don't blinker yourself Heero. Don't let your
emotions get in the way of doing your job properly."
"Trowa, this isn't just about having emotions. It's using them that's
important. If we didn't do that, we would be no detectives at all. It's
how we get things done, Trowa -- by trying to use these things
together: motion, instinct, skill." He paused a moment. "I don't
want this to get in the way of what we should be focussing on." He
looked at Trowa steadily, trying to reassure the other man. Eventually
Trowa nodded slightly in acquiescence. Heero relaxed, and began to speak
"I've been doing research into events that have happened in the colonies
over recent months and years, that might have some connection to our investigation.
All I did was look at news reports, and found several things that individually
might not have been noticed, but they possibly have some significance.
They start about five years ago" he took in Trowa's surprise "here's
the first. August, AC 200." He brought the file up on the monitor,
an archive of a colony newspaper. "Look. L2, F-25819: strike action
by workers on the reconstruction of the war-damaged areas of the colony.
They were dissatisfied with the aid they had been receiving from Earth,
and the pay they were receiving from the ESUN government. The issue was
resolved by giving the a small pay rise, and Earth subsequently sent a
shipment of new equipment."
He watched as Trowa read over the article, but continued to speak. "Eighteen
months later, on L3-F2800 there were protests on the first of May, outside
the Earth embassy, drawing attention to the poverty of the colonies in
relation to Earth. Seventeen people were arrested, but there was no serious
damage." He pulled up another article onto the screen. "Apparently,
centuries ago, May the first was a traditional day of protest against
the rule of wealth and economic inequality. The protestors clearly knew
their Earth- history. And thousands of them turned up to the protest."
Heero went on mercilessly. "Then, here, a year later." He brought
up another article. "July 203. The President of the ESUN visits L1
D-4792. There is general unrest, and more protesting in the streets. Many
are arrested for various disturbances, vandalism, fights. The protestors
wanted to draw the President's attention to the situation in the colonies
that hadn't improved significantly since the war; but at these protests,
as you can see from the news reports, there was an atmosphere of great
unease -- people were genuinely angry. Hence the violence."
Heero closed the window with the article in it and turned to Trowa. "There
are more reports like these; reports on the poverty in the colonies, the
need to do something to turn things around. The unstable situation there
at the moment is just the sort of environment that breeds underground
movements, built on resentment and secrecy." He paused a moment.
"What does all this say to you?"
Trowa's response was immediate, soft, serious. "That these rebels,
whoever they might be, have to be stopped."
Heero looked at him for several moments. "That isn't the important
part. They have to be understood."
Trowa looked at him, almost unseeing. Heero carried on. "It's our
home, Trowa -- you're a colonist too. Don't you feel a responsibility?
Don't you want to help them?" He didn't wait for Trowa's reply. "Regardless
of any rebel movements, we have to be sympathetic to the people
of the colonies. Failure of understanding between groups of people is
what leads to war. Now I have plenty of issues we need to think through
and take up with various people." He hesitated for a moment. When
he continued his voice was soft. "I want you to contact Preventers."
Trowa looked serious. "It's gotten to that stage?"
Heero nodded grimly. "Yeah. I need to speak to them about this."
Trowa nodded silently, and left the room. Heero turned back to his monitor,
deep in thought. `Now, if I were planning a revolution now... where would
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