Warnings: Shonen-ai, a few risqué moments, songfic -- AU!
Disclaimer: I still don't own GW. Nor do I own the song Lovely Rita, Meter
Maid by the Beatles *worships said band *
Notes: A few weeks ago now Shi-chan mentioned, on gwls, how fun it might
be to have a songfic of Lovely Rita, Meter Maid -- I agreed, and here
it is! You see how productive I get when I should be writing essays and
revising and so on... Anyway -- here you go, Shi-chan! Hope it's OK
for you!! Sorry it's not lemon, and sorry I'm not Jade... but I thought
it might be fun... ^_^;; Sorry as well, even I with my cross- dressing
prowess could not think of one single excuse to get Duo in a skirt here.
So, I'm afraid you'll all have to wait till I get round to finishing Lucky
Day for your next dose of Elyndys cross-dressing madness... But yeah...
Umm... Comments, as ever, are loved dearly! Oh, and I know nothing about
traffic wardens and the like. Hey, it's only a fic... ^^;
//...// denotes song
lyrics -- this is the first songfic I've written that actually has
//Lovely Rita meter maid
Nothing can come between us
When it gets dark I tow your heart away
Standing by a parking meter//
I was just lounging around in my usual way, man of leisure that I am.
Watching people go past; silently mocking them, or seeing how many I could
frighten with a glare -- my normal pastime.
//When I caught a glimpse of Rita
Filling in a ticket in her little white book//
Across the road, a movement caught my eye. A traffic warden! They always
make me laugh, especially when their victims turn up and start yelling.
They always lose, though: no-one can defeat the determined glare of the
traffic warden. Except maybe me; but I don't have a car. If I need one,
I... borrow it.
I crossed the road to maybe get a look at who was going to cop it this
time. I hid a smirk as I watched the terror of the streets scribble in
//In a cap, she looked much older
And the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man//
Who could fail to find the amusement value here? And those uniforms they're
made to wear... Still, I bet the love the feeling of power they get, looking
so official and important. I'm amazed any woman agrees to wear one --
so unfeminine. This one had obviously given up entirely and resorted to
wearing trousers. Probably some middle-aged spinster given up hope of
ever finding a man. Bitter about it too, I'd bet. I couldn't stifle a
chuckle as I watched her long plait of hair twitch slightly as she continued
to write vigorously. Probably the only thrill she gets, I thought, is
writing these tickets, bringing a little of the misery and frustration
she feels into the lives of others. Although her back was to me, I could
imagine the look of satisfaction on her face as she leaned over the errant
car to triumphantly slap the ticket under the windscreen wiper.
I was a little startled to find myself admiring the view: she'd obviously
kept herself in shape. Maybe it was the cut of those somewhat masculine
trousers she was wearing. That might explain it; because since when have
I been interested in women? The answer to my puzzlement was swift in coming
though, as she span round to face me.
"Sorry darlin', if you're going to give me some excuse about just
leaving it for five minutes to take back your library book or somethin'
then I'm not buying today. This thing should've been shifted twenty minutes
//Lovely Rita meter maid//
I blinked in surprise: this meter maid was a man! And a young, pretty
one at that. I switched on all the charm I could muster, fully intending
to get this beauty to agree to my polite and gentlemanly suggestion that
we meet for a drink sometime...
//When are you free to take some tea with me?//
"You gonna take the ticket, cuss me out or what? Come on, I haven't
got all afternoon."
Taken aback, I only just managed to get my brain in gear. "It's not
He grinned. "Good. I'd hate to think I was being ogled by a violator
of traffic laws."
I could only stare.
"So, you gonna ask me out or what? Like I say, I'm a busy man. Unlike
some, I dare say." He raised an eyebrow at me.
I nodded dumbly.
He rolled his eyes. "Well I'm glad that's settled. Seven o'clock
sound okay? There's a French restaurant opposite the Town Hall. See you!"
He brushed past my shoulder, and I jumped a little as I felt him pat my
rear on his way past. Suddenly I realised something, and span round to
ask him. "Hey --"
He turned at the sound of my voice. "Duo. My name's Duo. See ya later!"
I watched him walk down the pavement in search of the next ticketee, and
finally realised I should stop staring. I had a date to prepare for.
//Took her out, and tried to win her
Had a laugh, and over dinner
Told her I would really like to see her again//
"...so I said, If that's the state of your parking, I don't want
to know, thank you very much!"
I laughed. Again. I'd been doing it a lot whilst we ate; I realised I'd
been having a great time -- the most enjoyable evening I'd had in
ages. I found myself, in all sincerity, leaning over the table to take
one of his hands in mine.
"You know... I've really had a good time tonight."
He looked back at me, a beautiful smile lighting his features. "So
I put on my best smile, and found that I meant it wholeheartedly. "I'd
like to do this again sometime."
He kept his lovely smile. "I would as well."
I felt inexplicably happy, more so than I could ever remember.
//Got the bill, and Rita paid it//
He gave me a 'so you thought you were in charge?' look as he handed over
a number of notes. The parking ticket business must pay well. It was a
small gesture, but it struck me. He gave the waiter a wide, winning smile
and I felt a spark of jealousy inside.
It almost made me laugh.
I'd never had dinner bought for me before.
//Took her home//
I walked Duo home, just to be with him a little longer. I couldn't believe
how much this person, who I'd only met this afternoon, had got to me!
We got to his front door, and he looked so gorgeous in the moonlight that
I didn't even try to resist. I leaned in slowly and kissed him, simply.
His lips were smooth, soft, and soon wet from our exchange: we separated
after a few delicious minutes, breathing a little more heavily. But, looking
into each other's eyes, we couldn't stay apart for more than a few seconds;
our mouths met again, tongues teasing and tasting. He was gentle, tender,
yes, but underneath was something hot... a promise of more...
//I nearly made it//
"Nnnn... Duo..." I moaned against his neck, kissing the flushed
skin there as he found his house key. My mouth found his again and we
stumbled into his porch.
I put more urgency into my kisses, trying to draw out what I knew he wanted
too: I groaned into his mouth as I ran my hands down to cup his rear,
the ache between my thighs becoming desperate...
"Mmm..." I heard him murmur as well, but... I realised with
a sinking feeling it was a sound of contentment, not anticipation. Even
though he was complimenting my kissing skills, I still got the distinct
impression he wasn't nearly so eager to find out what else my mouth was
good at as I was to show him.
He broke the kiss and gave me another lovely smile. Although the erection
pulsing against the zip of my jeans was making me think otherwise, I realised
I couldn't protest to that sweet expression. I gave him a weak smile.
"Why don't you come in and meet my family?"
//Sitting on the sofa with a sister or two//
"This is my sister Helen, and this one is Hilde."
I nodded and smiled at the two young women who eyed me curiously. They
both broke out into smiles to rival Duo's, even though none could outshine
his in my mind. I kept my jacket firmly clutched to my lap as I was hustled
into place between the two young women on the settee: Duo sat in a chair
directly opposite me and I couldn't help but watch his every move. It
was not helping my condition. The smirk he gave me told me he knew this:
I felt like killing him, except I knew then I'd never get to taste his
beauty, feel his amazing body, experience his touch... I mentally groaned.
"Oh, isn't he lovely?" The one with the dark hair, Hilde, pinched
"How come you always find the sexiest ones, Duo?" The other,
Helen, mock-pouted. I nearly choked on the cup of tea she had just handed
Finally we were alone: I pounced on him, hungrily kissing his willing
mouth. He responded and matched me stroke for stroke: the heat in my blood
and the throbbing in my groin were approaching fever pitch! I ran my hands
over his delectable body, unable to stop my touching.
"Mm!" Duo made a muffled noise of surprise against my lips.
I opened my eyes and saw him looking over my shoulder: I followed his
gaze to... the clock on the wall.
"Is that really the time? Man, I'd better get some sleep. Early start
tomorrow and all. This" he gestured at that lovely braid "doesn't
wash itself y'know."
He stood up; dislodging me from my sprawled position between his mouth-watering
thighs and aborting my attempts to keep his lips next to mine.
I groaned from my position leaning against the chair he'd just vacated;
I didn't think I was going to be able to stand up any time soon, but I
managed it, if a little shakily.
He showed me to the door, giving me another luscious kiss that would haunt
my dreams, then showed me a wicked smile just before he shut the door
//Oh, lovely Rita, meter maid//
"Hi Heero, it's me."
Strange how we'd only met yesterday, but it felt like we'd spoken like
this so many times before -- I recognised his voice straight away
from those few words. I was pleased he'd rung, but a little puzzled.
"How'd you get my number?"
He laughed a little. "I knew your name, I looked it up.  So, did
ya dream about me?"
"Hm." Although I'd tried to relieve some of my frustration last
night by hand, as it were, with images of Duo flitting across the insides
of my eyelids, I still managed to wake up with sticky sheets due to some
all-too interesting dreams involving Duo in his traffic warden's uniform
and some strategically parked vehicles. "He chuckled. "Because,
I dreamt about you."
I had to bite back a little whimper; last night's situation coming back
to haunt me at the images Duo's words conjured up. As if guessing my thoughts,
he continued. "Sorry about last night, by the way. I really did have
to get my beauty sleep." He laughed. "And besides, my sisters
would never have let me forget it if I slept with someone on a first date.
Not after all the nagging I give them."
"They're that protective of you?"
"Well, they liked you. You should see how they act with the
guys they don't like."
I swallowed. The prospect didn't seem pretty.
"But I was wondering if you fancied something tonight?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"Well, I thought I could maybe show you some of those things I was
I found myself suddenly feeling a lot warmer. "What do your sisters
think about second dates?"
"I have no idea. But I know what I think about them."
"And what's that?"
"I like them."
//Where would I be without her,
Give us a wink and make me think of you//
I can't wipe the smile off my face as I walk down the street where I know
I can find my gorgeous lover today. I'm feeling a little sore; but in
a good way. A very good way. The events of last night more than
make up for any temporary discomfort I might be feeling. Who would have
thought my supposed conquest would be so... forward.
Actually, seeing him slap a ticket on some unsuspecting motorist's windscreen
with obvious relish, I realise I'm not surprised at all. He even waits,
looking around, for a few minutes to see if said motorist will return
and try to get argumentative. He looks a little disappointed when no-one
Across the road, I catch his eye. I smile, in as sultry a way as I can
manage: the saucy wink he gives me tells me he's thinking exactly the
same thoughts as me.
I've finally found someone who can match me, glare for glare. I grin at
the sheer satisfaction and happiness that thought gives me. I jog across
the road to catch him up, following the cute braid and even cuter rear.
As I look, unwilling to move my gaze away, I wonder whether he could be
persuaded... to keep the uniform on tonight?
 A reference to a little-known fun Beatles track called, unsurprisingly,
"You know my name (look up the number)". It can be found on
the Beatles Anthology volume 2!
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