Author: FancyFigures
Disclaimer: I don't own ‘em, wish I did, just enjoy writing about ‘em for free etc
Pairings: 1+2
Category: Humour
Warnings: Yaoi
Spoilers: None
Notes: Tricks and Treats -- it's debatable who gets which!
Feedback: If you liked it, PLEASE let me know!

Written for trixie's ‘Trick or Treat' theme on fic_on_demand, Oct 2004.
For no specific request, as the inspiration came and went within the day *smirk* -- but dedicated especially to *her*, for all her hard work making the community so successful!!

The Biter Bit

The man at number 33 had laughed -- loudly and rudely -- at their costumes, and slammed the door in their faces. Duo didn't mind so much, as he knew he'd be posting an envelope of sour cabbage through the guy's letterbox next week, in retribution.

The family at 47 had a puppy, and it bit Quatre in its ‘youthful enthusiasm' -- or so the kids there insisted. They looked terrified that someone would come and take it away, like this had been suggested before. The cursing Quatre looked like he might vote for that as well, so Trowa hurried the group on to the next apartment.

The attractive young woman at 61 looked them all up and down very slowly, then she handed Trowa, Quatre and Duo a whole bag of assorted sweets, and offered Wufei a night of Treats of a very different kind. From several different positions; utilizing many different accessories. She was most frank -- and most insistent. Wufei looked sorely tempted -- Quatre looked scandalized. Trowa negotiated them away again, with a laughing Duo leading from the front.

The teenagers at 69 opened the door with tousled hair and mismatched buttons -- they couldn't even find an apple to offer as a Treat, which implied they weren't the homemakers here, just grateful tenants of the couch for the night.

The old man at 75 spat at them and ranted about juvenile delinquency.


They stopped at the end of the corridor for a drink of water and to share out some food. The four of them sat on the stairs, a motley, bizarre group of young men in Halloween costumes.

"Who the hell said this'd be fun?" grumbled Duo, scratching aimlessly at his shiny tail. He was dressed as a rather spectacular, red-horned devil. "My feet are killing me in these cloven plastic boots!"

"Looks like the tradition of Trick or Treating is dying out," sympathised Wufei, stretching his cramped shoulders under his vampire cloak. His false teeth kept slipping down on one side, stabbing at his lip.

"It's not the tradition that's being killed off!" hissed Quatre, rubbing the bite on his sore ankle. His matted false beard was making his chin itch, and he suspected it had nits nesting in it. He felt stupid in the baggy shorts, and now knew that being a goblin had left his green-stockinged legs far too exposed -- he'd insist on another choice next year!

"Don't be so negative, guys! A lot of people have found it amusing," encouraged Trowa. He looked rather stately in his draped sheet -- more of a Roman senator than a ghostly fright. It didn't help, however, that he kept having to throw the hood off his face to be able to see where he was going. "After all, the children love it -- Duo's stuffed full of chocolate -- we've made some new friends in the block. There's a sense of community celebration…"

"Heero should be here with us," muttered Duo. "Could take his share of the abuse."

"And the chocolate," hissed Quatre, maliciously. Duo clutched his small pile of remaining wrappers to his chest, rather possessively.

"I didn't think any of us had to work on Halloween," agreed Wufei. "I don't know what called him away at the last minute."

"He said he just didn't have the time --" began Trowa.

"Didn't have the balls, more like!" snapped Duo.

The three other men exchanged looks, over Duo's bent head. Wufei rolled his eyes; Quatre sighed. Duo and Heero had a very tempestuous relationship; this was obviously one of the down times. Their friends had abandoned any chance of keeping up, either way.

"Just one more circuit then, everyone," cajoled Trowa, climbing to his feet and adjusting the gaping, toothless mouth-hole back over his own face. "Then we'll go back to mine and watch ‘Scream 27' again."

"Plasma screen!" murmured Wufei, with gleeful anticipation.

"With popcorn?" said the goblin at his side, hopefully.

"Sure. And chocolate," promised Trowa, with a grin. But the red-horned devil's tail remained at half-mast.


The previous five doors hadn't answered -- some people were obviously out, though there were a few children sniggering behind doors, who'd obviously been told they couldn't answer tonight.

Trowa lifted his hand to knock at the next. He looked decidedly weary of the whole thing, by now.

"Number 111," mused Quatre, brushing at the curling edges of a stick-on wart.

"Forget it," came Duo's snap of a voice. "That's Heero's apartment, remember? And he's out, too busy, whatever, remember?"

But Trowa had already rapped on the door, although his cry of ‘Trick or Treat!' had been bitten off early, at Duo's call. In the silence following the sharp knocking, they heard a step in the hallway inside the apartment; they all paused, suddenly confused. There was a click of the latch, loud in the quiet corridor. The door started to open -- slowly; with a soft, well-used creak.

Trowa cleared his throat; there was a soft exhalation of breath from Duo behind him. There were no lights on in the apartment beyond the doorway -- the person appearing in front of them was dark and unclear. Then the head thrust forward to face them.

It was horrific -- it was truly gruesome! The eyes were wide and dark-pupilled, and one was twisted clumsily within the pock-marked skin, lodging at least an inch below the other. One eyelid was missing entirely. The long, bulbous nose was sharp at the tip, with the suspicion of fresh snot glistening around the entrance to the nostrils. The mouth was thin, with shriveled lips, and a ragged scar across the lower one, that ran down to a chin that seemed to be missing a square of flesh, because there was the shadow of a purple, throbbing vein running across the gap, and underneath that, the pale, scrubbed hint of naked skull -

The head lifted up; it faced the callers directly, with its unwavering, hideously fascinating gaze.

As the four men in the corridor stared, and swallowed, the head moved -- and one of the eyes dropped completely out of its socket, bouncing down and dangling on the thinnest thread of gleaming tendon.

Quatre swears to this day that he gasped -- but the others will tell him he shrieked. Wufei stepped back a pace; even Trowa let a curse slip. The bag of collected Treats fell to the floor with a thud; he shifted his sheet a little more securely on to his shoulders, in an instinctively protective gesture.

"Trick -- or Treat -?" His could hear his voice, but it sounded like a shiver rather than a demand. He didn't like to cough, to clear his throat again -- he had a wild, horrible fear that any loud noise might cause the other eye to pop from its moorings, as well.

Wufei gathered his wits first, leaning forward to peer at the person in the doorway. The body under the head stayed shadowed behind the half-opened door. "Hey, you, just a minute -!"

Duo pushed past them all, rudely. His tail slapped briefly at Quatre's ankles, raising another welt on the bite, and eliciting Quatre's shout of complaint. He stood aggressively, hands on red-clothed hips, a mere foot in front of the door.

"Personally, kids, I'm losing the will to live here! Hey, you with the cosmetically challenged face -- got any chocolate?"

Trowa's face blanched; Quatre whimpered slightly, and not just from the pain in his ankle.

The hideous visage turned slowly to meet Duo's glare, full on; the pitted flesh around the mouth shifted slightly, as if in some mockery of a smile. A couple of the yellowing teeth wobbled ominously. "Chocolate?" came the low reply. The voice was muffled, and hoarse, as if its vocal chords were as gruesomely scarred as its outer membrane. Trowa strained to make out the words, thinking he could hear something familiar in the cadence -- perhaps even a hint of amusement. "There's plenty here, for pesky, meddling kids like you! So come and find it, if you dare!"

A hand snapped out from behind the door, and grabbed at the forked end of Duo's tail. With a sharp tug, the young man was tipped forward over the doorway, and into the apartment.

"Duo!" cried Quatre, his hands meeting around thin air, as he tried in vain to catch at his friend.

"But - that's a mask!" came Wufei's loud, strident cry. "Isn't it? Who --?"

Then the door slammed firmly shut in their faces.


The three remaining guys stared at each other.

"Do we need to -- er -- rescue him?" asked Trowa.

They listened to the sound behind the closed door. It didn't sound like the crunching of Duo's bones in the maw of a ravening monster; nor the shriek of abused flesh, as limbs were wrenched from their sockets and thrown to the floor.

It sounded like muffled laughter.

Then a sucking, gasping sound -- then more laughter, and footsteps moving, fairly swiftly, away into the apartment beyond.

Wufei took a deep breath, and started to rip off his individually crafted vampire fingernails. He was muttering something about maverick Trick or Treaters that cast serious aspersions on their ancestry.

Trowa looked over to the goblin beside him, seeing Quatre's pale face in amongst the green beard and knobbly, prosthetic ears. "Do you feel OK, Quat?" he asked, concerned.

"I didn't shriek!" snapped Quatre. "It was just a shock, OK? Of course I knew it was a Trick!"

Trowa stared, trying to assimilate the answers to questions he hadn't asked. His own heartbeat was only just starting to slow down again. He didn't think they'd be bothering with numbers 113 onward. His plasma screen, popcorn (salted and sweet), and an impressive selection of dead bolts on his front door, were all looking increasingly more attractive.

Quatre stared back at him, and wondered if he might ask for them to watch something less provocative, with no whisper of controversy or sheer, stark terror -- like something from Disney.

When Trowa dropped back his hood for the last time, and picked up the bag of Treats, obviously preparing to abandon the exercise for another year, they all let out a sigh of relief.

Trowa and Quatre turned back towards their own floor -- Wufei started off in the direction they'd just come.

"Where are you going?" called Trowa.

"After the night I've just had, I'm going back to number 61," Wufei replied. "And don't wait up for me!"


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