Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, wish I did, just enjoy writing about 'em
for free etc
Category: Duo POV, romance, humour
Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, abuse of the Waltz (!)
Notes: It's a bit like the blind leading the blind; Heero needs dating
advice; Duo offers it from his own unique viewpoint. But are either of
them telling the whole truth...?
Feedback: If you liked it, PLEASE let me know!
For sara-chan - who drew such a lovely mini-DJ that I was tempted to blow
the dust off this bunny and finish it!
Same for Girls?
"That's the fourth time she's
rung this week, Heero, you know you gotta talk to her some time!"
"Why?" he snarled at me. We were curled up on the couch, watching some
Games Master programme. I looked like I was relaxing for the weekend -
Heero, scrunched up against the side, and clutching his arms across his
chest, looked like he was on the run from the Hounds of Hell.
Or Ms Peacecraft, the Relentless Relena - I rest my case!
"I'm not on duty this weekend. I don't have to answer. I'm not on call."
"She knows that!" I smirked. It was fun, seeing Heero Yuy squirm. "She's
not after you for your gun-totin' skills. She wants an escort for the
Presidential Ball, doesn't she? It's a social event, Heero, an off-duty
event - a romantic one!"
"Shut up!" he snapped.
"You should think yourself lucky - the rest of us obviously don't have
your debonair looks, to attract any sort of female attention..."
"You talk a load of nonsense, Duo, and if you're that bothered, why don't
you take her?"
I swallowed, a little too quickly. Stunned at the thought.
"Not my thing, man. Presidential Balls - hah! Anyway, I'm not the one
with the cute little idex shorts that she's got her eye on. The one she's
itchin' to go on this date with..."
He grimaced with distaste. Ever since I told him she'd called, he'd been
distracted. Hadn't listened to a blind bit of that latest review on the
TV. And I'd been looking forward to picking it to pieces with him later.
He scowled at me now. Like that's something new. "Duo... you did
tell her I wasn't interested? Didn't you?"
"Hey, Heero, I ain't PA to your Social Diary, y'know!"
"Duo!" The blast was awesome. I winced, despite myself.
"I didn't tell her you were interested..." Note the subtle difference...I
guess only my sneaky inner conscience latched on to that.
"But -?" Heero closed his eyes in something that looked like pain.
"OK, the plain fact is that I didn't get the chance to tell her either
way - she said she didn't care what you said, you had to go, so you'd
better dress up smart and she'd send a car for eight o'clock tonight.
I just sorta grunted and held the phone while she got snappier. Then she
hung up. I'm an innocent victim, Heero, you know how determined she can
be, to get her own way -" Relena the Rotweiler, and about as charming
as one, I'd say.
He was groaning. "But what the hell am I meant to do at a Presidential
I wriggled on the couch to get more comfortable. I found some extra popcorn
down the back of the cushion from our last night in, watching horror films,
and I tried it for flavour. It was quite interesting - I don't know how
much protein there is in fluff...
OK, you guessed it - I was trying to avoid looking at him - he'd have
seen my grin, and I didn't think it'd be appreciated.
"Don't make such a fuss, Heero! You just gotta eat overcooked chicken,
drink watered-down wine, and talk to a million boring political types.
What's so tough about that?"
His face was a picture. A picture of horror.
"What about dancing? There's going to be dancing, the invitation said
"So?" I said, airily, like I'd been to a thousand of those events myself.
"You just gotta hold her waist and shuffle about from leg to leg."
Heero was glaring at me again. I was wondering when he'd throttle me for
my lack of sympathy. I was also wondering what his hands would feel like
around my neck, and the feeling wasn't altogether fearful. Oops...smirked
my conscience. Danger! it shrieked. Guess it knows me better than
I know myself, sometimes.
"And suppose she wants something more? Than just dancing?"
"What?" I blustered. Heero's words broke me out of my daydreaming. Like
I didn't know Relena was after a damn sight more than dancing!
I'd seen the predatory glint in that vampire-blue eye! And anyway, who
wouldn't be, with a fine young stud like Heero? I shook myself, mentally.
Like that wasn't appropriate thinking, was it?
"You know, Duo - kissing, or something..."
I stared at him, wondering if it were true, that he was as green as that
tank top when it came to matters of the body...
"You want me to tell ya? All about kissing, and something?"
"Like you're the great lover, yourself?" he snarled. But he blushed as
"Well, no, I guess I'm not, but I know what's expected on a date, don't
I? I've had a coupla them myself."
An expression crept across Heero's face that I would honestly have said
was sly, if I didn't think he scorned such emotions. "Maybe you
have. Maybe not. I've never seen you bring anyone back here. Never seen
you in town with anyone."
"Are you spying on me? Like - I keep it private, don't I?" Dammit, the
blush was on me, now. I was hoping to God he didn't know why I
kept it private. Secret more like...
"That's because you date guys, isn't it?" he shot back at me, almost triumphantly.
"Hey -" I gargled. "I - well - I - so what if I do?" And I'd thought myself
so very damn clever, hiding it from everyone! All that military training,
and I can't keep a secret from Mr Mission Impossible himself. Mind you,
he's had the same training, so praps I shouldn't feel too bad.
He was wearing my smirk, in exchange for the blush, and was obviously
enjoying his revenge.
"Duo, no need to get so defensive! It doesn't bother me. I guess it's
each to their own."
But I was angry, I guess it was being made to feel embarrassed. And something
about that smug look on his face...
I snapped back at him. "I can still teach you a thing or two about dating,
Heero Yuy! So I've only been out with guys - but it's the same principle
as girls, isn't it?"
"Is it?" Heero looked at me, disbelievingly.
"Must be..." But I hesitated a bit.
Like - I wasn't that experienced myself. There'd been some snogging;
some groping. I'd discovered bits that were sensitive - bits that responded
well to stroking and feeling up; both on me and on others. And some critical
bits that got me pretty excited. So that's gotta be the same whatever
gender you are, right? Oh pleeease! scoffed my conscience. OK,
so I know there are gonna be some basic, crucial differences later
on, of course I do! But Heero wouldn't be thinking of going anywhere
near there, would he? Not on a first date. And not on a Date from Hell
with Relena the Ravager!
"So the least you can do is let me know what to do now, Duo. You
took the call, after all! You let Relena catch me out, and now
I have to go."
I used to think there was no person born of humankind that could catch
Heero out, though that of course might exclude Relena Robocop - but I
decided to let that ride. I unfolded myself out of the couch, and stood
"Sooo... OK, you better get some practice in, fast. I guess I can - um
- help you with that. You gonna ask nicely -?"
"Practice at what?"
He stood up as well, rather clumsily, and he was suddenly very close up
against me. If I moved, I was either gonna be playing Eskimo-nose with
him, or I was gonna fall back on my butt on the couch. I chose the butt-bruising
"Go easy, fella! I was only trying to help! I meant some practise at dancing,
"What? You and me?"
"You gotta have a partner, Heero. It's not some freestyle body bouncing,
"God... I suppose that I need it. But how stupid am I going to look, dancing
with you -?"
I growled. I felt the tiniest bit hurt, but I guess he didn't mean to
sound so scornful. "Like I will too, y'know! But there's no-one else in.
No-one else to fall about with hysterical laughter. And the steps are
gonna be the same for girls, I know it. While we're getting them right,
we can fool about as much as we like." Oops, sniggered my disloyal thoughts
- awkward phrase to have chosen, eh? Luckily, Heero hadn't noticed it.
"OK. Not much choice, is there?"
Thank you, Mr Gracious! I stood again, grinning, making sure I had enough
personal space away from him. Then I took his hands in mine. And placed
them at my hips.
"OK, so pretend I'm a girl, though I've not got the cellulite that Relena
Roadkill has -"
"Duo - hold the insults, will you? This is all ludicrous enough already
I sighed. I felt the pressure of his fingers on my skin, even through
the shirt I was wearing. "OK... so you just hold on here, and go with
the flow." She'd know what to do, bet she has lessons 'n all! snickered
my conscience. Bet she'd just love sticking her podgy little paws
all over him, and wriggling her knobbly knees against his...
Grrr! More of the mental shaking, as I regained control.
I flipped on a CD as we passed the player. We coughed, self-consciously,
and leant in a bit.
And off we went.
It was very pleasant. Very pleasant indeed. Heero's my height, so we fit
quite snugly together, even though at first his arms were like ramrods,
holding me very stiffly at maximum distance away. I put my right hand
on his shoulder, and the other on top of his left hand. I didn't mind
Not at all...
Then I nudged at his right foot, and he started shuffling. The music had
a good beat, but not so overpowering that we couldn't concentrate on some
basic steps, just moving in time and around the room. OK, so it probably
wasn't a waltz or whatever, but I'd seen people shuffling in just this
way before, so I reckoned Heero would think it enough to get by.
He relaxed a little. His fingers were gentler on my hip. My hand slid
- only a little! - down his arm. His slid - even less - into the small
of my back. Guess he was watching his feet too closely to notice.
We moved together, fluidly, for several minutes. It had got to the stage
where I wasn't watching for his feet; he was just moving instinctively,
and I was taken along with him. We were a unit, we were a couple; I was
encouraged to let my head drop slightly and rest against his shoulder.
Sap Alert! trilled my conscience. But I reckoned that Ratfink Relena might
do that - and so I could do it myself, cos it'd be the same for girls.
Wouldn't it? I could feel the warmth from his neck, and the sweat from
his concentration. He smelt good - he smelt of soap and supper and bare
skin. He smelt of Heero. He smelt of boy...
"Is this going to be the same for girls?"
I was wrenched back to reality by his voice. "Huh?"
"This dancing, Duo - is this going to be the same?"
"Uh - sure, Heero. Feet are the same all over, eh? And so is dancing.
I think you're getting the hang of it. You - wanna go a bit more?" I felt
ridiculously flushed. I'd forgotten where I was for a minute - clutched
by Mr Masculinity himself, prancing around the lounge floor like Torvill
and Dean. I was amazed he'd stood for it this long.
"Yes... OK," he murmured, and his eyes flashed down my body briefly, obviously
checking out his feet, to pick up his steps. I had a sudden, scared thought
that my groin might be giving me away - but it was OK. I had loose shorts
on. His eyes came back up quickly. He looked a bit more flushed than before,
but I was relieved that I'd been saved from a violent death yet again.
The music switched to the next track, and we danced on.
"Is that part of the lesson as well, Duo?"
Earth calling Duo - get your mind back in gear, boy! "Is what part
of the lesson?"
"The way you're staring at me."
I'm - what? "Um - like how?"
"Like - like you're watching the lights in my pupils. Like you're memorising
the lines of my cheekbones. Like you haven't eaten this week and I'm a
bowl of ice cream -"
"OK, OK, sorry." How careless could I be? Luckily, he just looked a little
puzzled. Not enraged. Not murderous. "It's - the same for girls, Heero.
They stare at guys like that. You're - a good looking boy, Heero, that's
"Me?" He frowned, looking confused - and then he laughed aloud. "Hardly,
Strong, handsome features; plump lips; soft, screwy hair; muscled shoulders;
dextrous hands; I can't go on, or my loose shorts will become like his
"You're OK, I mean." I gave one of those careless laughs that was meant
to sound insouciant, but just sounded like I was gargling with live mice.
"OK. That's more like it. OK for girls. For Relena, you mean."
"Yeah," I gulped, "For Relena. Of course."
Like, yeah, sneered my conscience. And just who are you kidding now?
Next mistake we made, Heero let go of my waist and we gave some nervous,
"Enough, I think."
"Yeah," I smiled. "You're gonna set any ballroom afire, I reckon, with
your nimble toes."
"Yeah," he drawled, with a wry grin. Seemed he'd forgiven me for
not keeping the Rampaging Relena at bay. "Pity you can't help with anything
else she might come up with."
"Um - I guess I could do that, too..." My mouth fell open, at the sound
of my own words. I couldn't believe I just said that!
"You mean - the kissing, 'n all -" Had I got some kind of a death wish?
He stared at me. We'd drifted a coupla feet apart. "What are you suggesting,
"Dunno. Just thought - you might wanna practise that as well."
"On you?" I couldn't tell from the expression in his voice just how disgusted
he might have been. His eyes weren't giving anything away either.
"Well -" I blustered, defensively. "A mouth's a mouth, isn't it? And at
least you won't look a complete geek if she does make a move. Better to
practise on a friend, isn't it?"
"But - you're a boy."
"Yeah, I noticed that in the shower this morning," I said dryly. My heart
was beating rather fast. "But we don't have a whole lotta girls here at
the moment, do we? And I don't mind - you can use me. It'd be the same
for girls, I'm sure. Y'know - just for the purposes of your education."
He was thinking. I could see the circuits in his brain chugging away,
computing an answer. "You think it'd be the same for girls? The same effect?"
God knows. "Yeah, of course it will."
His face was a little flushed. His eyes were hooded. "OK then. How should
we - start?"
I think I may have been in shock. I never thought he'd say yes! "Put -
put your hand to my face, then just lean in..."
"One hand?" he murmured. He was already rather too close for comfort.
"Or both?" He was raising his hands - those dextrous hands - and was moving
them towards my face.
"Both, then..." Those mice were squeaking in my mouth again.
He touched my cheeks, and his thumb strayed very slightly across my frozen
lips. Christ, I nearly came in my shorts, there and then! Thank God he
had no idea of the effect he was having on me! Then his own face leant
even closer, and his lips - those plump lips - pressed hesitantly on to
"Is that OK, do you think?"
"Huh?" I was off planet earth, again. Another wrench back to reality was
"The kissing stuff - was that OK?"
"Yeah - yeah - OK..."
Heero frowned a little. I was having trouble focussing at all. "But -
on TV, it seems a little more - you know - busy. More to it than
a touch like that. I'm not sure you can tell me all I need to know after
"Um -!" I snapped quickly. Tried to put my tongue round whole words. "There
is more, you're right. Depends how - keen - you are."
"Keen? Is Relena going to be keen?"
Damn that girl! "Could be, Heero. She might want to use tongues 'n all."
Shit, I thought, staring openly at him. Could he really be that na´ve?
"Don't stare at me like that, Duo! I know what you mean, of course I do!
I just wasn't sure that sort of thing could be practised..."
My hands worked of their own volition, and they took hold of his shoulders,
and tugged his mouth back to mine. This time, my lips were ready for him,
and they opened in welcome, and his tongue - a soft, nervous, probing
thing - slid in. Oh God, I sighed to my ecstatic self. Take me now, my
life's work is done... I tickled back at him with my own tongue.
He batted it aside - I thrust back at him. I was mildly surprised that
he was so adept at this.
It seemed to go on for quite a time. My hands were round his neck and
in his hair, and my mouth was completely out of control. I was devouring
him like he was a hell of a lot more than just a bowl of ice cream, and
the taste was hot and wet and fevered, I'd say - like he was responding
himself; but I knew, of course, that Heero scorned such emotions...
My conscience was stunned into silence, obviously. It was just me - and
Heero. And k-i-s-s-i-n- well, you get the picture.
He finally broke away, slowly, his fingers wriggling out of my braid,
and his leg peeling itself out from between my thighs. When did it go
"Duo...." he sighed. There was a slight expelling of breath on
the syllables - I think his mouth may have been a little numb. I know
"Is she going to taste like that?"
"Who?" I said, stupidly.
Oh fuck, I thought. I forgot about her.
"Is that it, then? Duo, are you listening?"
"I just wanted to know if that's all we need to cover - the kissing stuff.
You know. You said it'd be the same for girls."
"I did -? All we need to cover -? Um - what else did you have in mind,
Heero?" I wondered if he'd notice if I folded my hands over my crotch.
I wasn't sure I'd be able to cover up the effect there, and that's not
because I'm boasting.
"Well, if she does get more than a bit keen - what am I supposed
to do next? Hug her? Tickle her? Bite her neck?"
"What programmes have you been watching, man? You gotta stay off that
He smiled, then. There was a dangerous glint in his eye that I didn't
"Just asking. You being the knowledgeable one..."
I swallowed. There was something distinctly odd about this whole scenario,
and it wasn't the awkward balance of my balls. "You might want to - fondle
her a bit, I s'pose."
"Where? Arms? Nose?"
"Oh, for God's sake!" I snapped. Yo! whooped my conscience, back with
a vengeance. Mr Frustration meets Mr Bad Temper! "You gotta find the sensitive
bits, Heero. Like - like the shoulders. The neck; the breasts. Like the
"Nipples?" When did he get close to me like that again? We'd finished
the kissing practice, hadn't we? How come he was only four inches away
from me, and I could feel his breath on my face?
"Yeah. It's - good - to touch 'em, and praps lick 'em -"
"So take off your shirt, Duo."
Heero sighed, with great exaggeration. "I need to practise that, don't
I? You said you'd help me out. After all, I may pinch her by mistake -
terrify her -"
Yes please, I sighed inside. Relena the Rabid Rabbit, running for cover,
huge ears flapping behind her... With my senses in some kind of suspended
belief mode, I reached my arms across my chest and peeled off my shirt.
Heero's eyes flickered down to my chest. It was warm enough, but I think
my nipples were erect from something other than the cold. He pursed his
lips. Praps he was comparing our work in the gym. I guess I don't give
it the commitment he does.
"You're a good-looking boy as well, Duo."
"No," I replied, woodenly. I felt rather vulnerable. "You mean OK."
There was that smile again, though he bit it back quickly. "Sure. OK,
He was still staring at my chest. I was shivering a bit, though the room
still wasn't cold.
"So, if it's the same for girls - how hard do I touch them?" He reached
out those damn fingers again, and rubbed at the tip of my right nipple.
I nearly bit my tongue off.
"But you don't have breasts..." he continued, sorta distracted. "Is it
still as sensitive?"
I honestly couldn't have answered at this stage if my life depended on
it. Which I rather thought it did. When Heero saw the physical result
of his touch, springing up between my legs - I was gonna be dead meat!
I sucked in a breath. This whole game had gone dangerously wrong for me!
"Better stop now, Heero..." I muttered. But he didn't.
"Heero... please...look, I don't think this is a good idea -" I
gasped aloud, because he'd taken the nipple between his thumb and first
finger and he'd twisted it. Gently. Fiercely. Whatever. I groaned. It
was gorgeous - it was heaven! - and it was out of the question.
"Heero - I just don't think she's gonna be in for this -"
"Is it not the same for girls after all, then, Duo? Looks like
you're enjoying it..."
Gargle, Gargle. That was all I could manage. My knees came hard up against
the couch behind me, and they buckled. I fell back on my butt again, and
this time I wasn't going to get up again.
"Say that 'please' again, Duo," Heero murmured. "That sounded really
intriguing.." Shit, Heero was down there on the couch with me, and he
was still twisting at my bits! What sorta sadist was he?
"She ain't gonna be saying please -" I almost begged. "This is
not what you wanna be doing with Repugnant Relena - is it?"
"You're the expert...you said she'd like it..."
"It was a joke!" I spluttered. "It was all a - !" I couldn't see his expression.
He'd dipped his head and he was nuzzling or something against my heaving
chest and he was - oh shit! - he was licking at me!
"What the hell are you doing, Heero?" I almost yelled. My hand hovered
over his head, torn between yanking him off, and pushing his sweet little
mouth down further. I couldn't hide the erection in my lap now, pushing
sulkily - and damply - against the thin fabric of my way-too-flimsy shorts.
It had a life of its own, and it wanted freedom! "You better save this
for the girls - oh God, for Relena the Rancid, if you must! You're not
into boys -"
I pushed him back, harder than I thought, and he fell away from me. I
saw his wide eyes, full of surprise, and then he gave a gasp, and landed
on the floor on his ass.
I seemed to be panting rather loudly. My bare chest had a thin sheen of
sweat on it, my shorts were tented up on my lap, and part of my braid
had come unravelled. My conscience sang, and it roared with laughter at
me, and it gasped, open-mouthed with its shock.
While Heero and I stared at each other.