Author: FancyFigures
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, wish I did, just enjoy writing about 'em for free etc
Pairings: 1x2
Category: Duo POV, romance, humour
Warnings: Yaoi, lemon, abuse of the Waltz (!)
Spoilers: None
Notes: It's a bit like the blind leading the blind; Heero needs dating advice; Duo offers it from his own unique viewpoint. But are either of them telling the whole truth...?
Feedback: If you liked it, PLEASE let me know!

For sara-chan - who drew such a lovely mini-DJ that I was tempted to blow the dust off this bunny and finish it!

The Same for Girls?

"That's the fourth time she's rung this week, Heero, you know you gotta talk to her some time!"

"Why?" he snarled at me. We were curled up on the couch, watching some Games Master programme. I looked like I was relaxing for the weekend - Heero, scrunched up against the side, and clutching his arms across his chest, looked like he was on the run from the Hounds of Hell.

Or Ms Peacecraft, the Relentless Relena - I rest my case!

"I'm not on duty this weekend. I don't have to answer. I'm not on call."

"She knows that!" I smirked. It was fun, seeing Heero Yuy squirm. "She's not after you for your gun-totin' skills. She wants an escort for the Presidential Ball, doesn't she? It's a social event, Heero, an off-duty event - a romantic one!"

"Shut up!" he snapped.

"You should think yourself lucky - the rest of us obviously don't have your debonair looks, to attract any sort of female attention..."

"You talk a load of nonsense, Duo, and if you're that bothered, why don't you take her?"

I swallowed, a little too quickly. Stunned at the thought.

"Not my thing, man. Presidential Balls - hah! Anyway, I'm not the one with the cute little idex shorts that she's got her eye on. The one she's itchin' to go on this date with..."

He grimaced with distaste. Ever since I told him she'd called, he'd been distracted. Hadn't listened to a blind bit of that latest review on the TV. And I'd been looking forward to picking it to pieces with him later.

He scowled at me now. Like that's something new. "Duo... you did tell her I wasn't interested? Didn't you?"

"Hey, Heero, I ain't PA to your Social Diary, y'know!"

"Duo!" The blast was awesome. I winced, despite myself.

"I didn't tell her you were interested..." Note the subtle difference...I guess only my sneaky inner conscience latched on to that.

"But -?" Heero closed his eyes in something that looked like pain.

"OK, the plain fact is that I didn't get the chance to tell her either way - she said she didn't care what you said, you had to go, so you'd better dress up smart and she'd send a car for eight o'clock tonight. I just sorta grunted and held the phone while she got snappier. Then she hung up. I'm an innocent victim, Heero, you know how determined she can be, to get her own way -" Relena the Rotweiler, and about as charming as one, I'd say.

He was groaning. "But what the hell am I meant to do at a Presidential Ball?"

I wriggled on the couch to get more comfortable. I found some extra popcorn down the back of the cushion from our last night in, watching horror films, and I tried it for flavour. It was quite interesting - I don't know how much protein there is in fluff...

OK, you guessed it - I was trying to avoid looking at him - he'd have seen my grin, and I didn't think it'd be appreciated.

"Don't make such a fuss, Heero! You just gotta eat overcooked chicken, drink watered-down wine, and talk to a million boring political types. What's so tough about that?"

His face was a picture. A picture of horror.

"What about dancing? There's going to be dancing, the invitation said so..."

"So?" I said, airily, like I'd been to a thousand of those events myself. "You just gotta hold her waist and shuffle about from leg to leg."

Heero was glaring at me again. I was wondering when he'd throttle me for my lack of sympathy. I was also wondering what his hands would feel like around my neck, and the feeling wasn't altogether fearful. Oops...smirked my conscience. Danger! it shrieked. Guess it knows me better than I know myself, sometimes.

*

"And suppose she wants something more? Than just dancing?"

"What?" I blustered. Heero's words broke me out of my daydreaming. Like I didn't know Relena was after a damn sight more than dancing! I'd seen the predatory glint in that vampire-blue eye! And anyway, who wouldn't be, with a fine young stud like Heero? I shook myself, mentally. Like that wasn't appropriate thinking, was it?

"You know, Duo - kissing, or something..."

I stared at him, wondering if it were true, that he was as green as that tank top when it came to matters of the body...

"You want me to tell ya? All about kissing, and something?"

"Like you're the great lover, yourself?" he snarled. But he blushed as well.

"Well, no, I guess I'm not, but I know what's expected on a date, don't I? I've had a coupla them myself."

An expression crept across Heero's face that I would honestly have said was sly, if I didn't think he scorned such emotions. "Maybe you have. Maybe not. I've never seen you bring anyone back here. Never seen you in town with anyone."

"Are you spying on me? Like - I keep it private, don't I?" Dammit, the blush was on me, now. I was hoping to God he didn't know why I kept it private. Secret more like...

"That's because you date guys, isn't it?" he shot back at me, almost triumphantly.

"Hey -" I gargled. "I - well - I - so what if I do?" And I'd thought myself so very damn clever, hiding it from everyone! All that military training, and I can't keep a secret from Mr Mission Impossible himself. Mind you, he's had the same training, so praps I shouldn't feel too bad.

He was wearing my smirk, in exchange for the blush, and was obviously enjoying his revenge.

"Duo, no need to get so defensive! It doesn't bother me. I guess it's each to their own."

But I was angry, I guess it was being made to feel embarrassed. And something about that smug look on his face...

I snapped back at him. "I can still teach you a thing or two about dating, Heero Yuy! So I've only been out with guys - but it's the same principle as girls, isn't it?"

"Is it?" Heero looked at me, disbelievingly.

"Must be..." But I hesitated a bit.

Like - I wasn't that experienced myself. There'd been some snogging; some groping. I'd discovered bits that were sensitive - bits that responded well to stroking and feeling up; both on me and on others. And some critical bits that got me pretty excited. So that's gotta be the same whatever gender you are, right? Oh pleeease! scoffed my conscience. OK, so I know there are gonna be some basic, crucial differences later on, of course I do! But Heero wouldn't be thinking of going anywhere near there, would he? Not on a first date. And not on a Date from Hell with Relena the Ravager!

"So the least you can do is let me know what to do now, Duo. You took the call, after all! You let Relena catch me out, and now I have to go."

I used to think there was no person born of humankind that could catch Heero out, though that of course might exclude Relena Robocop - but I decided to let that ride. I unfolded myself out of the couch, and stood up.

"Sooo... OK, you better get some practice in, fast. I guess I can - um - help you with that. You gonna ask nicely -?"

"Practice at what?"

He stood up as well, rather clumsily, and he was suddenly very close up against me. If I moved, I was either gonna be playing Eskimo-nose with him, or I was gonna fall back on my butt on the couch. I chose the butt-bruising option.

"Go easy, fella! I was only trying to help! I meant some practise at dancing, of course!"

"What? You and me?"

"You gotta have a partner, Heero. It's not some freestyle body bouncing, y'know..."

"God... I suppose that I need it. But how stupid am I going to look, dancing with you -?"

I growled. I felt the tiniest bit hurt, but I guess he didn't mean to sound so scornful. "Like I will too, y'know! But there's no-one else in. No-one else to fall about with hysterical laughter. And the steps are gonna be the same for girls, I know it. While we're getting them right, we can fool about as much as we like." Oops, sniggered my disloyal thoughts - awkward phrase to have chosen, eh? Luckily, Heero hadn't noticed it.

"OK. Not much choice, is there?"

Thank you, Mr Gracious! I stood again, grinning, making sure I had enough personal space away from him. Then I took his hands in mine. And placed them at my hips.

"OK, so pretend I'm a girl, though I've not got the cellulite that Relena Roadkill has -"

"Duo - hold the insults, will you? This is all ludicrous enough already -"

I sighed. I felt the pressure of his fingers on my skin, even through the shirt I was wearing. "OK... so you just hold on here, and go with the flow." She'd know what to do, bet she has lessons 'n all! snickered my conscience. Bet she'd just love sticking her podgy little paws all over him, and wriggling her knobbly knees against his...

Grrr! More of the mental shaking, as I regained control.

I flipped on a CD as we passed the player. We coughed, self-consciously, and leant in a bit.

And off we went.

*

It was very pleasant. Very pleasant indeed. Heero's my height, so we fit quite snugly together, even though at first his arms were like ramrods, holding me very stiffly at maximum distance away. I put my right hand on his shoulder, and the other on top of his left hand. I didn't mind him leading.

Not at all...

Then I nudged at his right foot, and he started shuffling. The music had a good beat, but not so overpowering that we couldn't concentrate on some basic steps, just moving in time and around the room. OK, so it probably wasn't a waltz or whatever, but I'd seen people shuffling in just this way before, so I reckoned Heero would think it enough to get by.

He relaxed a little. His fingers were gentler on my hip. My hand slid - only a little! - down his arm. His slid - even less - into the small of my back. Guess he was watching his feet too closely to notice.

We moved together, fluidly, for several minutes. It had got to the stage where I wasn't watching for his feet; he was just moving instinctively, and I was taken along with him. We were a unit, we were a couple; I was encouraged to let my head drop slightly and rest against his shoulder. Sap Alert! trilled my conscience. But I reckoned that Ratfink Relena might do that - and so I could do it myself, cos it'd be the same for girls. Wouldn't it? I could feel the warmth from his neck, and the sweat from his concentration. He smelt good - he smelt of soap and supper and bare skin. He smelt of Heero. He smelt of boy...

"Is this going to be the same for girls?"

I was wrenched back to reality by his voice. "Huh?"

"This dancing, Duo - is this going to be the same?"

"Uh - sure, Heero. Feet are the same all over, eh? And so is dancing. I think you're getting the hang of it. You - wanna go a bit more?" I felt ridiculously flushed. I'd forgotten where I was for a minute - clutched by Mr Masculinity himself, prancing around the lounge floor like Torvill and Dean. I was amazed he'd stood for it this long.

"Yes... OK," he murmured, and his eyes flashed down my body briefly, obviously checking out his feet, to pick up his steps. I had a sudden, scared thought that my groin might be giving me away - but it was OK. I had loose shorts on. His eyes came back up quickly. He looked a bit more flushed than before, but I was relieved that I'd been saved from a violent death yet again.

The music switched to the next track, and we danced on.

*

"Is that part of the lesson as well, Duo?"

Earth calling Duo - get your mind back in gear, boy! "Is what part of the lesson?"

"The way you're staring at me."

I'm - what? "Um - like how?"

"Like - like you're watching the lights in my pupils. Like you're memorising the lines of my cheekbones. Like you haven't eaten this week and I'm a bowl of ice cream -"

Shit!

"OK, OK, sorry." How careless could I be? Luckily, he just looked a little puzzled. Not enraged. Not murderous. "It's - the same for girls, Heero. They stare at guys like that. You're - a good looking boy, Heero, that's all."

"Me?" He frowned, looking confused - and then he laughed aloud. "Hardly, I think..."

Strong, handsome features; plump lips; soft, screwy hair; muscled shoulders; dextrous hands; I can't go on, or my loose shorts will become like his idex ones.

"You're OK, I mean." I gave one of those careless laughs that was meant to sound insouciant, but just sounded like I was gargling with live mice.

"OK. That's more like it. OK for girls. For Relena, you mean."

"Yeah," I gulped, "For Relena. Of course."

Like, yeah, sneered my conscience. And just who are you kidding now?

*

Next mistake we made, Heero let go of my waist and we gave some nervous, laddish laughs.

"Enough, I think."

"Yeah," I smiled. "You're gonna set any ballroom afire, I reckon, with your nimble toes."

"Yeah," he drawled, with a wry grin. Seemed he'd forgiven me for not keeping the Rampaging Relena at bay. "Pity you can't help with anything else she might come up with."

"Um - I guess I could do that, too..." My mouth fell open, at the sound of my own words. I couldn't believe I just said that!

"Hn?"

"You mean - the kissing, 'n all -" Had I got some kind of a death wish?

He stared at me. We'd drifted a coupla feet apart. "What are you suggesting, Duo?"

"Dunno. Just thought - you might wanna practise that as well."

Silence.

"On you?" I couldn't tell from the expression in his voice just how disgusted he might have been. His eyes weren't giving anything away either.

"Well -" I blustered, defensively. "A mouth's a mouth, isn't it? And at least you won't look a complete geek if she does make a move. Better to practise on a friend, isn't it?"

"But - you're a boy."

"Yeah, I noticed that in the shower this morning," I said dryly. My heart was beating rather fast. "But we don't have a whole lotta girls here at the moment, do we? And I don't mind - you can use me. It'd be the same for girls, I'm sure. Y'know - just for the purposes of your education."

He was thinking. I could see the circuits in his brain chugging away, computing an answer. "You think it'd be the same for girls? The same effect?"

God knows. "Yeah, of course it will."

His face was a little flushed. His eyes were hooded. "OK then. How should we - start?"

I think I may have been in shock. I never thought he'd say yes! "Put - put your hand to my face, then just lean in..."

"One hand?" he murmured. He was already rather too close for comfort. "Or both?" He was raising his hands - those dextrous hands - and was moving them towards my face.

"Both, then..." Those mice were squeaking in my mouth again.

He touched my cheeks, and his thumb strayed very slightly across my frozen lips. Christ, I nearly came in my shorts, there and then! Thank God he had no idea of the effect he was having on me! Then his own face leant even closer, and his lips - those plump lips - pressed hesitantly on to mine.

"Is that OK, do you think?"

"Huh?" I was off planet earth, again. Another wrench back to reality was required.

"The kissing stuff - was that OK?"

"Yeah - yeah - OK..."

Heero frowned a little. I was having trouble focussing at all. "But - on TV, it seems a little more - you know - busy. More to it than a touch like that. I'm not sure you can tell me all I need to know after all -"

"Um -!" I snapped quickly. Tried to put my tongue round whole words. "There is more, you're right. Depends how - keen - you are."

"Keen? Is Relena going to be keen?"

Damn that girl! "Could be, Heero. She might want to use tongues 'n all."

"Tongues?"

Shit, I thought, staring openly at him. Could he really be that naïve?

"Don't stare at me like that, Duo! I know what you mean, of course I do! I just wasn't sure that sort of thing could be practised..."

My hands worked of their own volition, and they took hold of his shoulders, and tugged his mouth back to mine. This time, my lips were ready for him, and they opened in welcome, and his tongue - a soft, nervous, probing thing - slid in. Oh God, I sighed to my ecstatic self. Take me now, my life's work is done... I tickled back at him with my own tongue. He batted it aside - I thrust back at him. I was mildly surprised that he was so adept at this.

It seemed to go on for quite a time. My hands were round his neck and in his hair, and my mouth was completely out of control. I was devouring him like he was a hell of a lot more than just a bowl of ice cream, and the taste was hot and wet and fevered, I'd say - like he was responding himself; but I knew, of course, that Heero scorned such emotions...

My conscience was stunned into silence, obviously. It was just me - and Heero. And k-i-s-s-i-n- well, you get the picture.

He finally broke away, slowly, his fingers wriggling out of my braid, and his leg peeling itself out from between my thighs. When did it go there?

"Duo...." he sighed. There was a slight expelling of breath on the syllables - I think his mouth may have been a little numb. I know mine was.

"Is she going to taste like that?"

"Who?" I said, stupidly.

"Relena."

Oh fuck, I thought. I forgot about her.

*

"Is that it, then? Duo, are you listening?"

"Huh?"

"I just wanted to know if that's all we need to cover - the kissing stuff. You know. You said it'd be the same for girls."

"I did -? All we need to cover -? Um - what else did you have in mind, Heero?" I wondered if he'd notice if I folded my hands over my crotch. I wasn't sure I'd be able to cover up the effect there, and that's not because I'm boasting.

"Well, if she does get more than a bit keen - what am I supposed to do next? Hug her? Tickle her? Bite her neck?"

"What programmes have you been watching, man? You gotta stay off that Discovery channel..."

He smiled, then. There was a dangerous glint in his eye that I didn't recognise.

"Just asking. You being the knowledgeable one..."

I swallowed. There was something distinctly odd about this whole scenario, and it wasn't the awkward balance of my balls. "You might want to - fondle her a bit, I s'pose."

"Where? Arms? Nose?"

"Oh, for God's sake!" I snapped. Yo! whooped my conscience, back with a vengeance. Mr Frustration meets Mr Bad Temper! "You gotta find the sensitive bits, Heero. Like - like the shoulders. The neck; the breasts. Like the nipples -"

"Nipples?" When did he get close to me like that again? We'd finished the kissing practice, hadn't we? How come he was only four inches away from me, and I could feel his breath on my face?

"Yeah. It's - good - to touch 'em, and praps lick 'em -"

"So take off your shirt, Duo."

"...?"

*

Heero sighed, with great exaggeration. "I need to practise that, don't I? You said you'd help me out. After all, I may pinch her by mistake - terrify her -"

Yes please, I sighed inside. Relena the Rabid Rabbit, running for cover, huge ears flapping behind her... With my senses in some kind of suspended belief mode, I reached my arms across my chest and peeled off my shirt.

Heero's eyes flickered down to my chest. It was warm enough, but I think my nipples were erect from something other than the cold. He pursed his lips. Praps he was comparing our work in the gym. I guess I don't give it the commitment he does.

"You're a good-looking boy as well, Duo."

"No," I replied, woodenly. I felt rather vulnerable. "You mean OK."

There was that smile again, though he bit it back quickly. "Sure. OK, I mean."

He was still staring at my chest. I was shivering a bit, though the room still wasn't cold.

"So, if it's the same for girls - how hard do I touch them?" He reached out those damn fingers again, and rubbed at the tip of my right nipple. I nearly bit my tongue off.

"But you don't have breasts..." he continued, sorta distracted. "Is it still as sensitive?"

I honestly couldn't have answered at this stage if my life depended on it. Which I rather thought it did. When Heero saw the physical result of his touch, springing up between my legs - I was gonna be dead meat! I sucked in a breath. This whole game had gone dangerously wrong for me!

"Better stop now, Heero..." I muttered. But he didn't.

"Heero... please...look, I don't think this is a good idea -" I gasped aloud, because he'd taken the nipple between his thumb and first finger and he'd twisted it. Gently. Fiercely. Whatever. I groaned. It was gorgeous - it was heaven! - and it was out of the question.

"Heero - I just don't think she's gonna be in for this -"

"Is it not the same for girls after all, then, Duo? Looks like you're enjoying it..."

Gargle, Gargle. That was all I could manage. My knees came hard up against the couch behind me, and they buckled. I fell back on my butt again, and this time I wasn't going to get up again.

"Say that 'please' again, Duo," Heero murmured. "That sounded really intriguing.." Shit, Heero was down there on the couch with me, and he was still twisting at my bits! What sorta sadist was he?

"She ain't gonna be saying please -" I almost begged. "This is not what you wanna be doing with Repugnant Relena - is it?"

"You're the expert...you said she'd like it..."

"It was a joke!" I spluttered. "It was all a - !" I couldn't see his expression. He'd dipped his head and he was nuzzling or something against my heaving chest and he was - oh shit! - he was licking at me!

"What the hell are you doing, Heero?" I almost yelled. My hand hovered over his head, torn between yanking him off, and pushing his sweet little mouth down further. I couldn't hide the erection in my lap now, pushing sulkily - and damply - against the thin fabric of my way-too-flimsy shorts. It had a life of its own, and it wanted freedom! "You better save this for the girls - oh God, for Relena the Rancid, if you must! You're not into boys -"

I pushed him back, harder than I thought, and he fell away from me. I saw his wide eyes, full of surprise, and then he gave a gasp, and landed on the floor on his ass.

I seemed to be panting rather loudly. My bare chest had a thin sheen of sweat on it, my shorts were tented up on my lap, and part of my braid had come unravelled. My conscience sang, and it roared with laughter at me, and it gasped, open-mouthed with its shock.

While Heero and I stared at each other.

*

[cont]