The Other Side + Part 2

Duo knew in that moment that he must be sleepwalking himself. He knew that there was no other fucking way this could be happening! He would never have admitted to anyone how much he wanted this. For Heero to kiss him...How much he'd dreamed about this! So - by some miracle, he'd not been mistaken in the messages that Heero's unconscious body had been giving him...

And he forgot about denying them. He willingly turned his face up to the other boy. Slipped his free hand behind Heero's neck, to feel his warm skin. To touch him in return.

Heero's lips were cool and, at first, almost clinical; but there was warm breath behind them, and as he melded to Duo's full, soft mouth, his softened as well, and began to move. To explore. To press, insistently, against the other boy's.

Heero's eyes had slipped half closed, but Duo kept his wide open. He wanted to savour every moment of this astonishing event! He opened his mouth, and was thrilled to feel Heero's tongue press on in. No hesitation; no nervousness. He knew what he wanted, and he took it. And Duo gave; very happily.

He was aware of the mug falling carelessly to the floor and rolling away. He didn't care if there had been any liquid left in it. He didn't care about anything except holding this beautiful man to him and ravaging his mouth. Even if he was in his sleep!

The kissing became more passionate; more relentless. Duo felt a nip at his lower lip, and he sucked in his breath at the leap of reaction in his groin. His hands reached to take hold of Heero's shoulders; to bring him even closer. He felt the strength in the spare muscles - felt the fever in the flesh. He moaned into Heero's mouth, felt the answering wet heat; the persistent tongue and lips.

And then, just as he was slipping his tingling body off the seat, looking to tug Heero down with him, the dark haired boy paused. His mouth plucked away from Duo's - Duo reached for it shamelessly, but the perfect pleasure centre had left him. Heero turned slightly and leant back against the wall, still only an arm's length away. Duo couldn't see his full expression - but he could see his chest heaving, as he struggled to regain his breath.

Duo hauled in several deep breaths of his own, trying to calm his racing heart. He failed.

"You - wanna talk about this, Heero? I mean - this is a helluva shock to me as well...I mean, don't think this isn't fantastic, but - " he groaned. He stretched his fingertips out - ran them down Heero's tense, unresponsive arm. 'No - strike that! It is fantastic! You wanna go again?"

He never expected Heero to laugh at his sorry little joke. Though he never expected he would ignore him entirely.

"Duo, I thought you hadn't escaped. I thought you were taken. Or hurt."

"Wha -? When?" Duo's body was cooling, though he gazed at Heero, still enthralled. Where was the guy now?

"Abort Mission, you said. There was no way you'd call that, not unless you'd been taken. Or injured."

The mission! We're back to the mission, Duo sighed to himself. But he wasn't gonna argue tonight. Not while his nerves still quivered; while his lips were still deliriously numb.

"Ahhh - sure. Normally, of course I wouldn't. But I didn't see what else to do, when the damn walls still stood, and there were five thousand fucking troops on our tail -" It still hurt to talk about it, he found. But perhaps that was what he should do more of. Exorcise the whole damn thing...

But Heero wasn't listening to any reply Duo made. His own voice was low, but tight. That can't be right, thought Duo - he sounds scared.

"Abort Mission! You're hurt! I must help you!"

"Heero, what are you saying? Is that why you went back in? Jeez - was it because you thought I was in there, hurt or something?' "

To save me? Duo thought, shocked to the core. Why should Heero do that?

"You won't look after yourself, Maxwell. I have to do it."

"You fucking don't!" snapped Duo. "I don't need you -"

"But I need you!" gasped Heero.

There was a shocked silence.

Heero spoke first - his voice had dropped to a whisper. "You see now why we must never be on the other side together. Or the control will be lost completely. The danger must be contained. The others will help me back..."

He forced himself upright, away from the wall. He never looked at Duo.

"They must!"

Duo reached for him, but he'd turned again and was moving slowly out of the room. His shoulders were the perfect advertisement for a walking defeat.

Duo sat in the silence and the deepening darkness for another hour, touching at his lips; replaying every second of Heero's words. The unconscious Heero.

He could make no sense of it at all.

*

The next day was very humid, there was no air con, and they'd run out of coffee. Breakfast was its usual tense affair.

There was no way that Heero even remembered what he'd said the night before - let alone wanted to discuss it further! Duo met with a man who couldn't be further from the emotional, sensual one he'd spent an hour with in the dark.

They argued as a matter of course. Duo was missing his caffeine and yelled at Heero because he'd taken the radio to bits, and they lost reception for a precious few hours while Heero fixed it. Heero yelled back at him because it was only because Duo had been fiddling with it that it'd needed repair in the first place.

In the afternoon, Duo spent a ridiculously long time shopping for coffee, and Heero pored over Gundam electrical diagrams back at the house. There was no update from the others. Both Heero and Duo thought they'd missed it while the radio was out of action - and both privately blamed the other.

But despite all this, Duo spent the evening sitting in the window, praying for Heero to return. The alternative one.

And he did.

*

It must have been past midnight when Heero came walking into the room. There was only moonlight through the window. There were no shades - no cover. The night was still sticky, and Heero wore only his sweats. Duo himself had only shorts and a vest on.

His breath caught, as soon as the goose bumps up his spine alerted him to another presence.

"Heero..." he murmured, as welcome.

Heero didn't answer. Despite waiting for him, Duo was still a little shocked when he moved very swiftly and quietly to the window, and put his hand on Duo's shoulder.

"We're still here, Duo. They haven't taken me back yet."

Duo tried to tear his eyes away from Heero's bare skin - from the shine the moonlight bathed him in. He stood well - tall, and confidently. His shoulders were back; the muscles flexed across a well developed chest and strong upper arms. Duo found himself drawn irresistibly to the flat stomach; the soft, shadowy dip of his navel. Christ... he thought. One kiss and I'm jelly...

"Uhh - no, I guess not. How d'you feel about that, Heero?"

Heero seemed far more assertive tonight. Duo felt a hand on his chin, and his head was tilted up to face the other boy. He was about to joke - weakly - that this was a rather rough start to another kiss, when he fell into the darkness that was Heero's eyes. A deep, alien darkness, that was a world away from wakefulness; and yet was full of a desire that was very alive. And burning.

"I - I enjoyed you, Duo. I enjoyed the kiss."

"Yeah..." Duo gasped. "Like - so did I, Heero -"

He realised that Heero was tugging at his vest. There was the soft sound of fabric rustling and stretching - he moved his arms up instinctively. Heero pulled the cloth up over his shoulders and the loose garment fell softly down on to the floor beside them.

"Heero - Jeez, what are you -?"

Duo swallowed whatever protest that might have followed, because Heero's hands slid purposefully down, and then he was rolling one of Duo's nipples around in his fingers - slowly; thoughtfully; tortuously. Duo lay back against the window frame, panting. Heero leant slowly back into him, and his mouth was back on Duo's skin, lapping at his neck - suckling at the pulse. Licking into the hollows where the flesh ran into his broad shoulders.

Duo was in sensory heaven. He'd never have imagined the man could be so fucking good at this! When had he ever seen Heero with anyone? Seen any evidence of dating? Of practice? Christ, he'd always chatted happily about his own experiences; well, chatted to the others, of course, not to Heero. Heero had always been so dismissive - so - his words were escaping him as the excitement surged through him; Heero had slipped slightly down his body and was gently nibbling the wrinkled, erect nub.

He could feel the warmth from Heero's dusky skin - it touched on his own stomach and hips as the dark head lapped between his neck and nipples. Duo could feel the other nipple spring up in excitement to join its mate. He could also feel something else springing up, that was a lot larger, hotter and ultimately more satisfying.

He groaned. He'd kept this particular dream so hidden in his consciousness that he'd never have believed it could happen. Heero was a colleague - Heero wasn't interested in anything more. Heero would have knocked him across the room if he'd ever made a move on him. Heero thought he was an incompetent fool ... this had all been part of Duo's mantra for so many months that it'd become second nature. Especially in these last few, miserable weeks.

And now? When Heero himself was blowing every one of those assumptions out of the water?

Should he stop him? What the hell was Heero gonna think in the morning if he remembered this behaviour?

Should you hell -! hissed his body, in tortured lust. He's old enough to do what he wants - he's under some kinda influence, but it's not your fault, is it? He'd not do this if he didn't want to.

Duo's mind almost blacked out at that thought. That Heero wanted him. He leaned back. There was a God, after all....

Heero's mouth was back up, demanding the taste of his in return, pressing his tongue in, searching for Duo's; insisting on attention.

"It's good, isn't it, Duo?" he moaned

"Christ, yeah!" Duo cursed the fact he sounded so goddamn eager, but the taste of Heero in his mouth, and the touch of his fingers and tongue on his skin was pushing him steadily - and willingly - over the edge. "If you need it - I mean - I'm here..."

Heero paused, and Duo nearly wept. What had he said to stop him? But Heero's hand remained at his neck - his tongue teased thoughtfully at the corner of Duo's mouth.

"I need you, Duo. I want you. I've always wanted you!"

Duo gaped. "Always -?" But Heero was - as before - ignoring his responses. He continued to speak, in a soft monotone. The most amazing words - in a slightly disembodied way.

"But I can't let you know that, do you see? You'll despise me. You already do - I can't take any more of it. I don't know how to talk to you. I'm in pain because of you all the time, and what may happen to you, and how you hate me. I can't communicate anything to you - I mustn't!

"It's a weakness, Duo. My weakness. I'll bear it alone. That's the best thing."

"God, no..." Duo tried to butt in. Heero had put both hands to his chest now; he was massaging the muscles firmly, caressingly. Like he was gloating over treasure; like he was trying to memorise a beautiful landscape. Across the skin, out to Duo's sides; firmly up along his outer arms, across his shoulders; then back down the inner arms and in on to the chest, to shadow his hammering heart. Duo's own hands fell to his sides; he felt completely helpless. And it was fantastic!

"And still you carry on in the most dangerous way - you don't care for yourself - for the fact that someone else cares if you live or die. That if the worst happened, someone else's life would be a little more dead without you."

Heero's hands were at the waistband of the straining shorts. He was declaring some astounding kind of affection, and at the same time he was teasing open the button of Duo's clothes. Like he couldn't wait to touch him! Duo wondered if either of them had been taking any hallucinogenic recently - how else could he find explanation for this?

"I couldn't let you die in there, Duo! You had no weapons - no charges left. They were coming... I wouldn't leave without you..."

Duo could feel one of Heero's hands on his skin. It was cool and determined, and it was sliding down into his loosened shorts. Duo lay back again, wishing he'd put on some underwear, then thanking God he hadn't, when Heero's firm fingers closed around his cock.

"Yes -" he gasped. "Christ, yes please, Heero -"

And those fingers - the ones he'd seen strip and reassemble a gun in seconds; the ones he'd seen unravel wires and disarm an enemy explosive with seconds to spare; the ones that had only days ago gripped his arm with a furious touch that had left bruises - yes, those very fingers were caressing his cock, and tugging at it, and teasing the moistened skin up and down its aching, swollen shaft.

Duo whimpered.

"I'm dangerous, eh?"

Heero ignored the pathetic attempt at a joke. "Yes..." he hissed. He seemed to be concentrating very heavily on stroking Duo's balls. His tongue slipped out and licked his lips. Duo felt his cock leap in response. "You are a major danger to me, here on the other side. If I lose control in this, I don't see how I can continue in the team."

"Hell, no... it's not gonna come to that, fella..." moaned Duo. "Christ, they need you more 'n they need me ..." Heero's other hand was teasing a nipple again - the two bodies were slipping down on to the window seat, Heero falling gently on top of Duo's heaving chest, bare skin to bare skin. "God, shit, don't stop...!"

Heero didn't. He wriggled to try and get more comfortable; the friction on Duo's groin making him groan. Heero's hand was back down inside the shorts, Duo was trying to push them down his legs. Heero's touch was firm, and rhythmic - and relentless. Duo had rarely felt so deliciously vulnerable.

"This feeling I have for you - it's dangerous! It will destroy me - in your eyes, and in my own. I won't let it show. I can't let it show! I must keep away from you. If I can get back, I can control it again. I can control everything again!"

Heero's words spoke of keeping away; his actions contradicted. Duo wondered which one was the stronger instinct...

And then Heero stopped speaking, because he was concentrating on shifting his knees on to the floor beside the seat, and he needed his mouth free to go down on Duo's desperate, throbbing cock.

Like, of course! thought Duo, almost hysterical with excitement.

He had never felt such exquisite ecstasy - never been savoured in quite this way before! Heero moved very slowly, yet very firmly, and gave all the time in the world to the caressing of the hot, velvety flesh that reached out for him. His tongue was everywhere - lapping at Duo's balls, licking the hidden, sensitive area between them and his ass; then it was teasing into the slit of his cock, and tempting out more of the pre-cum, lathering it all over the shaft so that he moved that much more easily when Heero's mouth returned - as it kept returning - to its succulent worship of him.

Duo wasn't able to speak. He wasn't able to think, God dammit!

He was coming - he knew it. And he'd never been less in control of the whole event! Even if he'd wanted to stop it - why the hell would he want that? But perhaps to delay it; to make the most of it - Heero's mouth wouldn't have let him. It reacted to the swelling, to the sudden increase in the organ's pulse, to the promise of explosion that shifted in Duo's balls. Heero's hand took firm hold of the tightening sac, and his mouth sucked all the harder.

"Heero -!" yelled Duo. "My sweet - God - Jesus - !" His body wrenched up from the seat, his hands clutched hard into Heero's hair. His back was arched, his legs straining unsuccessfully against the narrow base, as he fought for purchase. And his release came despite anything he might do, anything he wanted; it swept through him like a storm, dragging the cries from his throat and pouring out his seed into Heero's tightly squeezing mouth.

The room was considerably more humid now.

Heero stood, and stretched himself out. He wiped his mouth with a mixture of satisfaction and interest. "I like your taste, Duo."

Duo stared at him, his body in complete shutdown.

"But I must sleep now. I should be ready to get back as soon as I can."

He turned and walked out of the room. This time his bearing was noticeably straighter.

*

What could Duo say, to justify his actions? Only that the whole situation was totally outside of his experience - and that he was being swept along with it.

There were more nights. Heero walked every night. Walked to Duo.

And Duo would be waiting, and he'd confirm to Heero that the others still hadn't returned, and that they were still here together on the 'other side'.

And then he and Heero would sink into a delicious, and increasingly passionate session, peeling each other's clothes off, discovering new and tasty areas of their bodies. Kissing and touching and grasping... desperate for each other. Full of words of lust and desire and admiration and care - full of need and amusement and near-obsession. It was like there were months of want being let loose - months of inhibition and repressed attraction.

In my case, thought Duo, that's the stark, cruel truth. For him, the secret was out. He had no defence against this willing, rapacious Heero. The one he'd only dreamed of discovering.

*

He had woken in the small hours of the morning and found himself alone on his mattress. He was naked. A soft, regular breathing in the background told him that Heero was asleep on his pallet, at the other side of the room. On Duo's bed, the sheet around him was heavily crumpled - because only hours ago, Heero had laid beside him, and they'd kissed and fondled, and brought each other to ever more fantastic climaxes. Just with hands and mouths - they seemed instinctively to hold back from going any further. Duo didn't know if Heero was a virgin - Heero had never asked him if he were. He just revelled in Heero's warm, smooth skin - his tight muscles, the curves of his hips and his buttocks as he massaged him; the soft dark curls that tickled his nose when he was sucking up tight to Heero's groin; the path of Heero's fingertips along his back as he clutched him; Heero's grip in his long hair as he forced long, strong strokes up and down his cock.

His own exhausted cock stirred sleepily at the memory.

Where had Heero developed this incredible sexual confidence? Duo had had a few lovers, sure. But nothing very serious. And nothing that had prepared him for this.

What the hell is going on? he sighed to himself, rolling over on to his back. He felt the lump under him as he lay on his sleep shorts; thin, warm and still sticky with cum. He cursed, and rolled them out on to the floor. He'd never had such an intense time! Just a week's worth of nights had brought him to his proverbial knees - both actually and emotionally. He spent the nights begging for Heero to make him come, and the days in a blur caused by sexual exhaustion, and lack of sleep from worrying about it.

And during those days, he and Heero steered their way around each other with the short temper and sarcasm that had become routine. Heero was working on developing a new circuit board; Duo busied himself with creating mission scenarios. They were angry strangers to each other.

I'm having some kind of an affair, Duo thought. One hell of a strange affair with an absent boy! He doesn't hear what I say - he doesn't answer half my questions. He drives my body wild, and he talks about wanting me, and needing me. And then he gets up and leaves me to sleep alone, and next morning ignores me like a particularly annoying little kid.

He thought a lot about it, in these hours when he was alone. When he couldn't settle back to sleep. When he just listened to Heero's breathing; sometimes watching his sleeping form until his eyes ached. After their sessions, Heero slept like he was drugged. Peaceful and deep.

Duo felt that he needed to make sense of it all. He was having a dream of a time, but it wasn't his dream, was it? He'd somehow hijacked Heero's. This was more than he could ever have wanted; but it wasn't right in some essential way.

He didn't think they could go on like this. Knew they wouldn't.

He just wasn't sure what else would be left when they stopped.

*

The others returned in the small hours of the morning. It had been a difficult time, but they hadn't been discovered, and they had left enough confusion and false trails behind them to throw off their pursuit. Wufei was recovering well, came the news; he'd be out of hospital in another week. They'd leave the house then.

Quatre had spoken briefly to Heero, and Duo assumed that the conversation had been confined to an update on the damage limitation exercise. He knew that when Quatre wanted more of a chat, he came to Duo. He needed to relax, himself, and Duo was usually the guy for that.

They nursed hot chocolate together - Duo foreswore his coffee for an evening.

"Heero seems perfectly recovered, doesn't he? Was it - very bad, while we were gone?" Quatre was genuinely worried. He had rarely seen the two of them so hostile, and had actually expressed concern that they were being left alone together. Not quite the 'supervision' that Heero had suggested. "Haven't you two resolved your differences?"

Duo shrugged. "I'm not losing sleep over it." Stupid phrase, he thought, when that was exactly what he was doing!

Quatre looked at him closely, but obviously didn't see anything to concern him. Or else his usually heightened perception was swamped by his weariness and the hot, sweet fumes of the chocolate.

"Well, some time apart will be good for you both. Allow us all to relax, to regroup."

"Apart?"

"Yes. Heero has a solo mission, he goes back to headquarters tomorrow to get instructions."

Duo stared, rather too long.

"He say anything about leaving, Quat? Going someplace else? Like - well - another side, or something?"

"No..." said Quatre. "He seemed very keen to hear if there had been any orders received - though when I told him he had a solo mission, he didn't look so enthusiastic. Rather contradictory, I thought." He looked up at Duo, quizzically. "Is there some problem? Has he been showing strange behaviour after all?"

Duo hoped to God his face wasn't blushing. He knew that other, hidden parts of his body were.

"Ahh... no. Sure, he's fine. We're both fine. Yeah - it's all been fine."

"Duo..." murmured Trowa, appearing at Quatre's shoulder. "Spending time with Heero appears to have condensed your usual vocabulary."

Duo gave him a cheery enough finger.

Trowa laughed. "Yeah - you're definitely fine!"

"Quatre - what about me? Mission plans?"

"You..."

Duo felt the chill.

"Christ, am I being pushed out?"

"No, no!"

"Yes, yes..." sighed Duo.

"We're just waiting for the orders, Duo. Don't be paranoid. The rest of us may not be needed for a while. Enjoy the rest, eh?"

"Just 'cos I'm not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me..." muttered Duo. He didn't know whether to believe the guys or not. His head told him the explanation was plausible. His wounded pride said it was a line they were spinning. That he wouldn't be called for the next mission. Nor the next. Nor...

"We're behind you, Duo," murmured Quatre, feeling the agony from the young man like a physical shudder. "You must trust us. We'll still be a team. Won't we?"

"Yeah..." said Duo, a little absently. He needed to get outta there, fast.

*

The night was darker than before. Quatre was going to visit Wufei in hospital, and stay over; Trowa was dismantling and - hopefully, finally - fixing the radio. He had headphones on. He would not allow anyone to disturb him; Duo knew how he liked to work. There was going to be no other company in the house for him tonight.

He sat at the window and wondered, as before. Wondered what would happen now, to him as a pilot. He was being forced into some kind of garden leave, he was sure of it. There'd be some kind of debriefing, probably some retraining. Possibly some suspension of a kind. He wanted to be back in the team! He wouldn't accept suspension, he knew that. If they didn't take him as he was, as a committed, fully serving member of the team, they wouldn't fucking need to take him at all!

He felt Heero at his shoulder before he saw him. The man that he was thinking of as his Heero now.

"Last night here, man," he sighed. "You'll be off God knows where tomorrow, and I'm into the cage, to cool off." He wondered if Heero would still sleepwalk, once he was out of this bizarre scenario. Once he'd put the disaster of this mission behind him. And the man who'd brought it down on him.

And then he felt Heero's hand on his shoulder, very tight, pulling him round. His body's immediate reaction was to fold himself into the embrace, like he had in previous nights. His mind told him that had to stop. He pulled away from Heero's hand.

"Heero - no. You're - they're gonna get you back, OK? Everyone's back now - we can all get back to normal. Doesn't that make you feel better, fella?"

"Duo, I don't want to go back," came the soft reply.

"You don't know what you're saying..."

"Duo, I need you."

"Ahhh..." When Duo spoke again, his voice was hoarse, and rather bitter. "And, of course, that's the problem, isn't it? Because I need you, as well, Heero Yuy." I need you like I need air, came the rushing, consuming thought. Like I need laughter. Like I need a mission; a purpose in life. And now I can confess to it, he thought, a little sadly. When you're about to leave. When even while you're still here, you're not really here, when you're just a walking dream.

"You don't listen to me, so you'll never really know it. You're not really here with me at all, are you? This is a - glorious - diversion. But the pathetic thing is that while you'll eventually wake up from it - I won't.

"You're my dream, Heero. Not just a wet dream, that I've been taking advantage of until the morning comes. The morning, with all its sickening, depressing reality. No, you're more than that, and always have been. You're my heart's dream as well."

He laughed, harshly, his back still to the silent Heero.

"Christ, I love you, Heero! Mad, isn't it? Thanks for these last days, anyway. It's more than I ever thought I'd have..."

He was almost surprised when Heero replied - surprised that he was still there.

"I must help you," replied Heero, doggedly. Which wasn't really a reply, anyway. "Then I'll think about getting back to the other side."

Duo sighed with frustration, and the pain that he'd admitted to himself. That remained his, and his alone.

"Help me, then," he said, his voice low and harsh with the desire that was rising up in him again. How could he say he didn't welcome it? His heart raced. "You know how to do that, in the only way we've got. Kiss me, and take me to bed."

One last time would be OK, surely?

What a fucking mess he'd got himself into!

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