Disclaimer: I own nothing. So there! ^_^ The characters belong to Sunrise
and the song belongs to Bryan Adams.
Warnings: yaoi, lime (sort of), possible OOC-ness
Timeline: After Heero rescues Duo from the OZ prison and before he goes
off to kill Dr. J and the other scientists.
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Heero decided that he would never get tired of watching Duo sleep.
How long had he been by that night-darkened window, as still and silent
as Death himself, arms folded across his chest, his emotionless Prussian
blue eyes riveted on the sleeping figure in the hospital bed? It seemed
like an eternity, even though it had only been a few hours since he had
rescued Duo from the OZ prison where he was going to be executed as a
scapegoat for the public. OZ had been planning to use Duo and his Gundam
like they were mere toys - mindless, unfeeling pawns that could be battered
around and tossed into dark corners of the great game that OZ seemed to
think human life was.
As those thoughts reared their ugly heads, Heero felt his throat tighten
with rage. Contrary to popular belief, the Perfect Soldier hated precious
few things in the world. He saw no reason to waste his time worrying over
such trivial things as emotions and arguing with that little creature
called his conscience, which had been getting more and more bold ever
since he had met the braided baka named Duo Maxwell. See, Heero Yuy loved
even less than he hated. He could count the things he really, truly loved
on one hand.
Search your heart - search your soul
Relena Darlian was one.
And he had just come to the conclusion that Duo Maxwell was the other
Shifting his ageless position, Heero unfolded his arms and let them dangle
at his sides as the moonlight streaming in from the window behind him
washed over the well-formed muscles that were hidden beneath his sweater.
That very same moonlight added its ethereal touch to his dark brown hair,
transforming it and bleaching some areas to a pure, celestial white. Moving
as quietly as he could, Heero approached the sleeping figure on the hospital
bed, watching his own ominous yet meekly curious shadow dance in front
of him to touch Duo's sleeping form.
Heero came to a silent stop at the end of the bed and just stood there
looking down at Duo with a strange, soft light flickering the barren depths
of his Prussian blue eyes. The braided boy had been through hell and back,
and it showed. Three broken ribs. Busted lip. A sprained ankle. Cuts and
bruises covering nearly every inch of his body. Though he hadn't seemed
in that bad of condition when he and Heero had escaped from the colony,
it soon dawned on Heero that Duo was in more pain than he was letting
on. Indeed, Heero had become so worried that he had resorted to actually
taking Duo to a hospital and checking him in to be looked over. He had
been afraid that Duo had internal bleeding. He had been afraid that Duo
was severely injured. He had been afraid that Duo was going to die. He
had been afraid that he was going to lose him.
Yes, Heero Yuy had been afraid.
And when you find me there you'll search no more
And now, as he stood gazing down at the battered but recovering figure
on the bed, he felt only a shadow of that fear and sent a silent thanks
to a god he didn't believe in that Duo was going to be okay.
His eyes never leaving Duo, Heero walked around the bed and plopped into
the chair beside it, still gazing at Duo, something the he found strangely
relaxing. He had been painfully aware from the moment he had met him that
Duo Maxwell was very nice to look at. He simply had the most beautiful,
enticing body that Heero had ever seen on anyone, male or female. Long,
soft chestnut hair that, Heero knew from experience, flowed like silk
through one's fingers when it was unbound. Laughing violet eyes that never
failed to send shivers down Heero's spine and make his cold, dead heart
tremble inside. Duo had a laugh and a personality that could vanquish
the darkness in anyone's soul. Heero had never met anyone like him before,
and he knew that he never would again.
Even now, in his broken state, Duo's beauty could not be overshadowed
by the abuse he had received. His hair was in its usual plait, dangling
over the side of the hospital bed and swaying slightly whenever he moved
in his sleep. The lean chest underneath the hospital gown moved steadily
with the blessed breath that kept him alive. His face looked completely
vulnerable in sleep, full lips parted slightly as he breathed and long
eyelashes fluttering slightly as he dreamed.
Reaching out carefully, Heero brushed Duo's long bangs away from his face
and gently ran his callused fingers down the soft skin of his cheek, careful
not to touch the bruise that was plastered hideously on the other boy's
skin. He suddenly wanted to kill the officers who had done this to such
an outstanding creature as Duo. The braided boy may call himself the God
of Death, but to Heero, he was the embodiment of life and love. Heero
didn't want anyone to ever touch Duo again.
Even me, he thought sadly, withdrawing his hand. I don't deserve to. No
one but God himself - if such a callous being even exists - who created
this... this boy... that I've fallen for...
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
Duo sighed softly in his sleep, brow creasing slightly, and Heero was
suddenly reminded of the last time he had seen Duo sleeping. It had been
back at one of the many schools they had been transferred to before Heero
had attempted to self-destruct in Siberia.
Yeah, he remembered now. It had been the first time he had ever kissed
Duo, the first time he had ever touched him, and the first time they had
At first, Heero had tended to describe what they had done that night as
had "wild and passionate sex." He had told himself that Duo had been a
good lay, but since Duo had also been Heero's first, he couldn't exactly
compare him to any other. Heero had never thought that he would sleep
with someone at such a young age, much less another boy. But it had been
good. Very good.
Looking back, he couldn't exactly recall how it had happened, but Heero
did remember that he had seen Duo and some girl flirting and messing around
after school, and he had suddenly become insanely jealous, a completely
irrational thing since Duo was his friend, not his boyfriend, and as far
as he had known at the time, Duo was completely straight. But Heero's
mental stability had been knocked off balance by the unreal prospect that
he had actually become envious of someone Duo had been fooling around
with. He had been so shaken by it that when the braided boy entered the
room they shared later that night, Heero made some comment about Duo's
"little fling." Of course, Duo didn't take it very well, and they had
"What the hell's wrong with you, Heero?!"
"You're endangering the mission, baka!"
"Screw the mission! I think you're JEALOUS!"
You know it's true
One thing had led to another, and verbal lashings turned into physical
ones, each boy trying to injure the other for internal wounds and secret
longings that neither of them had even admitted up to. But at some point,
they had fallen onto Heero's bed in a tangle of writhing limbs, and suddenly,
they weren't fighting anymore, but kissing one another hungrily, hands
roving all over each other's bodies, completely out of control. Clothing
was soon discarded and flung carelessly to the floor, one article after
another until they were both completely naked in the sanctity of their
room. Heero had never known such joy - such completion - as he had the
moment Duo had slid inside him, producing a mixture of pain and pleasure
that Heero had never experienced before. And suddenly the mission didn't
matter, peace and war didn't matter, nothing else mattered but the boy
moving inside him, striking that secret spot deep within him until finally
they both cried their release and let their trembling, sweat-soaked bodies
tumble against each other amongst the pristine sheets. Both exhausted
boys had breathed in the scent of sex in the air until they had both fallen
asleep, their naked arms wrapped tightly around each other.
Heero had been the first to wake up in the morning, and he had just lay
there in bed, watching the sleeping boy in his arms and wondering what
one so beautiful and pure of heart was doing in the middle of a bloody
war meant for lost soldiers like himself. He remembered not being able
to stop staring at Duo in all his glorious nakedness, smooth skin unbelievably
enticing in the sunlight streaming in through the window. Heero had played
with Duo's soft, chestnut hair - which had been unwound from its braid
by over eager hands - for what had to have been nearly half an hour, soothed
by the way the silken strands slid easily between his fingers, as if they
had been meant for such a purpose. Heero had suddenly decided then and
there that what he and Duo had done last night was not have sex like two
teenagers with out-of-control hormones. No, what they had done the last
night could only be called "making love." Heero had never thought that
the two phrases could have totally different meanings. Before Duo, Heero
had viewed sex as just a dirty yet pleasurable act that one had to do
when they needed to relieve stress or satisfy the driving human need to
But he hadn't known then that he had fallen in love with Duo. Heero had
refused to admit it to himself as he reluctantly disentangled himself
from Duo and started to get dressed for his morning class. When he had
returned to the room that afternoon, he had found all of Duo's stuff gone.
For a moment, his mind had raced wildly, but he had eventually come to
the conclusion that Duo had been sent off on a mission. He had immediately
thrown his books to the floor and attacked his laptop, wanting to know
where and when and why Duo had been called off so suddenly. However, his
extensive search was interrupted when its subject had entered the room,
dressed once again in his priest garb, to say goodbye to his new lover.
Heero remembered the guarded look in Duo's eyes, as if he wasn't sure
how to behave around Heero after what had happened between them. Heero's
own heart had been aching painfully with knowledge that he and Duo would
be on opposite sides of the world, unable to see each other.
He wanted to talk to Duo about many things before they parted ways, but
he couldn't find the worlds to relay what he was truly feeling inside.
Yet, in the end, no words had been needed. Stepping into the room and
locking the door behind him, Duo had walked over to Heero and kissed him
gently on the mouth, giving the other boy time in case he wanted to pull
away. Heero had gladly forsaken the opportunity and wrapped his arms tightly
around Duo, pulling the braided pilot into his lap. They had enjoyed each
other one last time on Heero's bed before cruel destiny sent them down
separate paths again.
But just because they had been divided didn't mean that Heero had to stop
thinking about Duo. He tried his best to force the other boy from his
mind and focus on matters at hand, but at night, when he was all alone
in his cold bed, he found Duo's handsome face with its large violet eyes
and disarming smile floating in front of him, warming his heart and entering
his dreams. And so he kept fighting. Fighting for the chance to see Duo
again. Fighting for peace, for Relena, for his new friend Trowa, for warriors
like himself and Zechs Merquise. But for Duo, above all things.
And finally, on that fateful day in the library, he had finally gotten
a chance to once again see the face that had haunted his lonely nights
for months. But to his dismay, the owner of that face was in the hands
of the OZ forces, a nameless Gundam pilot with no past and no future,
soon to be executed for crimes that were not his own. Fifteen years of
extensive training as a soldier had suddenly risen up in Heero's moment
of vulnerability, overriding his feelings for Duo Maxwell, his lover and
And so Heero had boarded the next shuttle heading to the colony Duo was
being held on, with the intention of killing him...
... only to get there and find he couldn't. When he beheld that gorgeous
face, cut and battered but with a smile still on it, the casing of ice
that had carefully arranged around his heart began to melt into nothing.
Duo smiled and joked as he rose shakily to his feet and offered himself
up to Heero, closing those beautiful violet eyes and practically putting
his heart on his sleeve for Heero's bullet to pierce.
Everything I do - I do it for you
In the end, Heero couldn't do it. He couldn't kill his friend. And it
was then that he realized he had fallen in love with Duo.
But could the Fates be any more cold and heartless? He had just found
love, and now he was being forced to leave it. Peace came first, the Soldier
told him. And that meant that Dr. J and the others had to die. It also
meant that he had to leave Duo behind if the mission was going to be any
Heero folded his arms across his chest again, wincing at the smell of
blood and death that clung to his sweater and slacks. But he knew he would
have no time to change clothes before he had to get on the next shuttle
to outer space.
I should leave right now, he thought coldly, watching as Duo shifted his
sleep again. Leave before I'm forced to say goodbye to him... again. God,
I wish I could take him with me! But I can't - he's still too weak, and
he'll just slow me down. Besides, he'll be safer here, won't he? Maybe
not. Knowing Duo, he'll probably find some way to get into trouble. I
hope he doesn't do anything stupid...
But as Heero shifted again in the chair, getting comfortable as he felt
exhaustion creeping up on him, he couldn't fight the thought that if he
left Duo, he would never see him again. What if he meets someone? Heero
wondered. With a face and a personality like that, it wouldn't be hard
at all. But... please, don't forget about me, Duo. I don't want to lose