I Do (cont)
Look into my heart -
you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
"Are you crazy?!" Duo cried, his voice ringing loudly throughout the hospital
Heero kept his back turned to the other boy, reshuffling the photos in
his hands. "It can't be helped," he said flatly, glad that Duo couldn't
see his trembling hands. Now wasn't the time to be getting all overemotional
over an injured, stubborn baka that just happened to be the one he loved
more than anything in the entire world.
"Like hell it can't be helped!" Duo snapped angrily at Heero's back, clutching
his sides in pain as he yelled. "Attack Fortress Barge?! It's suicide!
And without your Gundam! Don't go, Heero!"
By his final sentence, Duo had himself all worked up. He tried to jump
off of the hospital bed he was sitting on, but ended up gasping in pain
and grabbing his left side as a sharp spike of agony lanced through him.
Heero turned around and watched without a flicker of emotion in his eyes
as Duo shut his eyes tightly and slowly eased himself back on the bed,
clearly regretting his actions.
Take me as I am - take my life
It broke Heero's heart to see Duo like this. He hated to see the look
of pain on Duo's face, both from his injuries and from the emotional torture
Heero was putting him through. For a moment, all he did was stand there,
watching Duo's chest heave for breath until he finally regained his composure.
Still clutching his side, he opened his eyes and fastened those beautiful
violet orbs on Heero, glaring daggers at him.
"Don't go," he ordered harshly, but he was unable to hide the waver in
his voice. There was a brightness in his eyes that looked suspiciously
Heero turned away abruptly as his heart sought to betray him. "I'm going,"
he said coldly. "And there's nothing you can do about it so just shut
Duo's mean expression vanished instantly, replaced by a look of hurt.
Heero half expected him to burst into tears, but he knew that Duo had
a will of iron that prevented him from doing things like that. Instead,
his shoulders drooped almost comically, his braid flopping over his shoulder
and into his lap as he lowered his head. He was trembling.
I'm sorry, Duo... so sorry...
But Heero clung tenaciously to his mask of cool and cold as he turned
his back to Duo's defeated figure and began to methodically pack up his
belongings from the table in the room.
I would give it all I would sacrifice
"Instead of complaining, you should stay here and concentrate on getting
better," he deadpanned as he shut down his laptop. He needed to talk,
do something, anything to fill the silence that Duo refused to alleviate.
"You'll only end up hurting yourself again if you overdo it."
Duo... say something, goddammit.
"Why don't you go to school?" Heero continued, as if he had no interest
at all in the conversation. "I... I registered under your name."
Still no reaction. Damn. Heero had thought that that comment would surprise
a response out of the other boy, but apparently not. His throat suddenly
constricted, and he couldn't talk anymore. He numbly finished gathering
his meager belongings that he had brought with him to the colony. Heero
knew that he should say something to Duo, anything to ease the other boy's
pain a little...
Something brushed the back of his leg.
Heero immediately stiffened and straightened, his muscles going rigid
at that familiar touch. Duo tapped the back of Heero's thigh with his
bare toes again, his head still lowered and his eyes downcast. Heero shut
his eyes tightly, telling himself fiercely that he should just grab his
bag and leave. But he found that his body and heart had different ideas.
Slowly, he turned around to face Duo.
The boy was still sitting with his head down, long bangs not allowing
Heero even the barest glimpse of his face. His hands were gripping the
edge of the hospital bed in a white-knuckled grip, his elbows trembling
slightly. One bare leg was swinging gently back and forth in the air.
He was caressing Heero's leg with the other one, rubbing his calf across
the side of Heero's thigh, a motion that was unbelievably sensuous, but
Heero could tell that Duo wasn't trying to seduce him.
Suddenly releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding, Heero
crossed the space between them in a single stride and wrapped his arms
around Duo, gently holding the battered body against his own. Duo flung
his arms around Heero's neck and gripped the other boy with startling
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
"I wish you didn't have to go," he muttered, resting his head on Heero's
Heero closed his eyes and stroked the section of Duo's smooth back exposed
by the hospital gown. He had missed the braided pilot so much. "I can't
stay," he murmured into Duo's soft hair.
Duo suddenly shifted position, spreading his legs and wrapping them around
Heero's waist. He pulled the other boy closer to his warmth and buried
his fingers in Heero's hair. "Are you sure?" he whispered softly into
Heero's ear, nibbling on his earlobe.
The abrupt change from vulnerable to desireable left Heero dizzy. Duo's
supple body was warm in his arms, and suddenly the memory of their two
lovemaking sessions rose fresh in his mind like the Phoenix from the ashes.
Heero had to admit that he was sorely tempted to take Duo up on his offer,
but it just didn't seem right somehow. It felt like Duo was using his
body as a bargaining tool.
"Duo, I can't stay," Heero said firmly, stroking Duo's braid gently with
Duo's muscles stiffened, then relaxed as he sighed in defeat. He dropped
his legs from around Heero's waist and buried his face in the other boy's
neck. "Oh well," he murmured, lips moving against the fabric of Heero's
turtleneck sweater. "It was worth a try, I guess."
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
"Did you honestly think I would stay just to have sex with you?" Heero
"Who knows," Duo said wryly. "You might have."
For some reason, those words stung. Bad. Heero abruptly drew back from
the embrace and slapped Duo on the face. Not hard enough to hurt him,
or even to make his head snap to the side. He applied just enough force
to stun the other boy.
"Don't say stuff like that to me," Heero growled through his teeth. His
throat had suddenly gone tight again. "What kind of person do you think
Duo didn't say anything, just raised a hand to his face and felt the place
Heero had struck, long fingers running gracefully over the warm, unreddened
skin as he blinked up at Heero.
His violet eyes suddenly darkened with anger. "Don't ever hit me again,"
he seethed in a low, dangerous voice. "Or I'll teach you just why they
call me the God of Death."
Heero scowled, his heart on fire with a mixture of rage and passion that
only Duo could bring. "I'll hit you many times as it takes for you no
to say those sorts of things to me."
"No one hits me without getting hit back," Duo threatened. "You'd best
stop while you're ahead. Remember what happened the last time we squabbed?"
Heero blinked, all the rage leaving his face. "Oh yeah," he breathed,
leaning in closer to Duo again. "I remember." Cautiously, not wanting
to make Duo any angrier than he already was, he slipped his arms gently
around Duo's waist again, pulling the boy's warm body against his own
and staring into his violet eyes as he remembered that night back at the
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
For a second, Duo was rigid and unyielding in his arms, about as pliant
as a statue with a heart fashioned of the same unfeeling stone, but tears
suddenly welled up in his eyes, and he slid his arms around Heero's neck.
Something in him, some barrier around his heart, seemed to shatter.
"Heero, I missed you so much!" he confessed, face only inches from the
"I did too, Duo," Heero whispered feverishly, then moved forward and pressed
his lips desperately to the other boy's.
Their first kiss was clumsy and blind, both of them trying to taste as
much of each other as they could, knowing that soon they would have to
part ways and maybe never see each other again. It had been so long since
they had had each other like this. Too long. Duo moaned softly and buried
fingers in Heero's hair, opening his mouth so that Heero could slip his
tongue inside. He brought his up to spar with Heero's, and Heero savored
the long lost sweetness that he had missed so much. This was what he wanted,
this soft mouth, this strong body, this boy's heart and soul and body...
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
If only it would never end.
The nurse in charge of taking care of Duo suddenly strode in through the
open door to be greeted with the outlandish sight of two young males kissing
each other passionately, Heero's hands roaming all over Duo's back while
the other boy ran his fingers through Heero's mop of dark brown hair.
"Excuse me, gentlemen!" she exclaimed, outraged at the public indecency
that the youth was evincing these days.
Both boys jerked back from each other in surprise, and two sets of eyes
- one a surprised violet, the other an infuriated Prussian blue - fastened
on the bony figure of the nurse standing indignantly in the doorway.
"Visiting hours are over, sir," she told Heero nastily, unfazed by the
wild look in the boy's eyes.
"Can you just give me a few more minutes?" Heero said through gritted
teeth as he tried to catch his breath, his arms still wrapped around Duo.
"Young man-" the nurse started to say.
"We're BUSY here. Go away," Heero snarled, and Duo laid his head on Heero's
chest to reaffirm the statement.
"Well," the nurse huffed, turning her long nose up in the air. "At least
some parts of Mr. Maxwell are still working properly."
"Oh yeah," Duo muttered affirmatively as she left the room.
Heero growled under his breath and buried his face in Duo's hair in an
attempt to calm himself, breathing in the scent of the soft strands deeply.
Duo had just bathed that morning, and he smelled of shampoo and that unique
male musk that Heero had come to instantly recognize at Duo's personal
scent. He almost found it funny, how he derived such simple pleasure just
from holding Duo like this. No other individual had this sort of effect
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way
Heero didn't want to leave; he really didn't. But peace came before love.
The mission was all important. Goddamn Dr. J and all his training. Heero
had half a mind to laugh as he executed him and his other colleagues.
Duo suddenly stirred in the circle of Heero's arms, lifting his head and
looking up into the Prussian blue eyes that everyone seemed to fear but
that he adored so much, especially when they were half-shut and heavy-lidded
A smile suddenly came to the braided boy's lips, an expression that Heero
had taken for granted until it had seemed Duo had no smiles to give. "So,"
Duo said, eyes shining. "You think we can finish what we were doing before
she comes back and tosses you outta here?"
Rare laughter flashed in the depths of Heero's normally cold eyes. "We'll
just have to see," he murmured before leaning down and bringing his lips
to Duo's again, kissing him slowly but firmly and sliding his tongue inside
the warm, wet mouth again, the sweetness there making him moan.
By the time Heero pulled away, Duo's lips were full and swollen from his
attentions. Seeing what he had done, Heero leaned forward and pulled Duo's
lower lip gently into this warm mouth, suckling and lapping at it with
his tongue apologetically. Duo moaned, and Heero felt a wet tongue brush
across his lips, requesting entrance. He eagerly opened his mouth and
allowed their tongues to tangle briefly before pulling away again.
"I have to go now," he whispered against Duo's lips, which seemed to taste
of salty tears and exquisite pain.
Duo kissed him once, very softy and sweetly, on the mouth before drawing
back so that that Heero could see his face. "I understand," he said reluctantly,
eyes tragically sad. He gave Heero a watery smile, a ghost of his old
humor starting to return. "Blow some shit up for me, eh?"
On impulse, Heero kissed the other boy on the tip of his nose. "Sure,"
he said calmly, though his Prussian blue eyes were infused with emotion,
trying to say all the things he couldn't say aloud.
"Duo," he suddenly said, lost in the violet sea of Duo's eyes.
Duo lifted a graceful eyebrow. "Yeah, Heero?"
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I love you.
"Nothing," Heero said, kissing Duo one last time before reluctantly releasing
him. "Be good," he ordered as he moved to gather his stuff.
Duo grinned and gave him a mock salute. "Yessir!"
Heero rolled his eyes and turned away so that Duo wouldn't be able to
see the smile that threatened to come to his face. If space went mad and
everything got shot to hell, Heero hoped that he would be able to see
that smile one last time before it all hit the fan. The Perfect Soldier's
The nurse suddenly stomped in, her face stern and her hands on her bony
hips. "Are you boys done with your hanky panky?" she barked.
"Hn," Heero grunted, eying her with displeasure.
Duo just smiled at her cheekily.
"Mr. Maxwell needs to take his medicine," she growled, glaring at both
boys but Heero in particular. "And then he needs to take a nap, young
"I think he gets the hint already," Duo quipped cheerfully, carefully
hiding the waver in his voice behind his mask of laughter.
"I was just leaving," Heero told the nurse, gripping his belongings tightly
and forcing himself not to look at Duo for fear that he would run over
there, grab hold of him, and refuse to let go.
The nurse sniffed and moved aside so that she could point to the open
doorway with one skinny finger. "There's the door then. Good day to you."
"Hn," Heero grunted again, sending her a deathglare that had absolutely
no effect at all.
He stood there for one more second, belongings in his hands and the mask
of the Perfect Soldier form-fitted over his features, not allowing a single
shred of emotion to peek its delicate head through to say farewell to
the one he loved. But as he began to walk to the open door, his feet felt
as if huge weights were dragging them down, trying to keep him there,
in that hospital room with the indignant nurse and the beautiful God of
Death with the heart of glass sitting on the bed, his violet eyes following
Heero's every move until the blue-eyed boy stopped in the doorway and
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Duo sat on the bed, his bare feet swinging a couple of inches off the
metal floor and his lips still a bit puffy from Heero's kisses. His eyes
underneath that mop of chestnut bangs were sad and filled with tears,
but when he saw Heero looking at him, the light of love illuminated them
from within, and he smiled at his friend and lover, winking at him and
making a shooing motion with his hand. He then pointed to the nurse -
who was busy glaring at Heero - and wrapped his hands around his own throat,
making silly faces and pretending like someone was strangling him.
One corner of Heero's mouth tucked into a half-smile that was more readily
expressed in his eyes than anywhere else. He gave Duo one last nod and
walked out of the door before he could have any second thoughts, leaving
the love of his life behind in the hospital room.
The elevator ride to the lobby was torture. It was too quiet. He ached
to hear Duo's voice. Their shared kisses were still burning on his lips,
and his fingers tingled longingly, aching for the feel of Duo's smooth
skin and soft hair to soothe their desires. But Heero's heart hurt the
worst of all, and as the elevator doors slid open with a whoosh and he
walked out, nothing felt real to him. He had left his entire world back
up on Floor 6 Room 617.
In that moment, he loved Duo so much that it hurt.
The people milling about on the streets right outside the hospital couldn't
fill the horrible silence that inundated his heart. He felt the ache of
Duo's absence already, but it had been the same way the last time they
had parted. In a few days, he would be able to stop thinking about Duo
incessantly, right? The figure of Duo Maxwell, glad in his priestly garb,
would resort to visiting him in dreams, a phantom always there to remind
Heero Yuy of the humanity he still possessed, and maybe, to make sure
he remembered that there was someone out there that loved him.
Heero's steps faltered. Wait. Did Duo love him? Yeah, he did, didn't he?
The braided boy was all too easy to read at times and impossible to comprehend
at others. That was the complex paradox that was Duo Maxwell, and Heero
loved every puzzle and every brick wall he ran up against trying to figure
him out. But did Duo know that Heero loved him? What if one of them died
tomorrow? Heero wanted Duo to know that he was the one that had cracked
the Soldier's armor.
"Damn you, Heero Yuy," Heero suddenly growled under his breath, clenching
his hand into a fist and scowling deeply. "You should have told him, you
Walk the wire for you - Yeah, I'd die for you
"HEY! HEEEERRRROOOOOO!" a voice suddenly cried, shocking Heero so badly
that he nearly whipped out his gun then and there.
That voice! It can't be...
But sure enough, when he looked up at the hospital building to his left,
he saw a lean figure dressed in an hospital gown, with a braid dangling
over his shoulder, practically hanging out of one of the windows on the
sixth floor. Duo! Heero suddenly felt a smile spread across his face,
an unfamiliar expression for a boy that had been forbidden to smile at
a very young age. His heart leapt in his chest.
"Baka!" Heero declared, laughing and ignoring the looks people were giving
him on the street. "Get back inside before you fall!"
"You go up there and take care of business, okay buddy?!" Duo yelled,
smiling widely and waving his arms in the air. "I'll be seeing ya there!!!!"
He's not talking about Fortress Barge, is he? He's gonna try and follow
"No, Duo!" Heero cried, dropping his belongings on the floor, laptop and
all, and cupping his hands around his mouth. "Stay here! I mean it!"
"You can't run from me!" Duo teased, waving to Heero cheerfully and giving
him the thumbs- up sign. "Bye, honey!" And with one final grin, he disappeared
from the window.
"Duo!" Heero called, watching as the curtain flapped softly around the
frame of the vacant window that Duo had been standing in a second earlier.
"Get back out here, now!"
The curtain just flapped gently again, as if telling him to go and do
as he had been told. Heero stubbornly waited for a couple of more minutes
before giving up and gathering his possessions from the pavement. He resumed
his walk to the shuttle station, oblivious to the odd looks that passersby
who had witnessed his conversation were sending in his direction. Heero
was just happy that he had gotten to talk with Duo one last time. "I'll
be seeing ya there!" Duo had said.
Fine, Heero thought. I just can't win against him, can I? Stubborn baka
can follow me if he wants too. I'll fight until the day I can see him
again. I make my own missions now. Hurry up and come back to me, Duo.
I'll be fighting for you...
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
7 April 2001
[back to Flamika's fic]