Author: Flamika
Category: Romance
Warnings: shounen-ai
Pairings: 2+1
Rating: R
Archiving: It's yours. ^_^
Notes: ficlet, Duo's POV


I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you


"Hanging By a Moment"
Lifehouse

Hanging By a Moment

I really don't know when I started to notice Heero's scent on my pillow.

Seriously, you'd think that since, you know, I was a big-ass Gundam pilot, super powerful, super aware, nothing escapes my detection bwa-ha-ha kinda thing, I would have noticed it sooner. It was just sorta there... and I guess I got used to it after a while. I'm probably one of the only people in the world who can identify Heero by his scent alone. He wears cologne sometimes, but I'm not talking about that stuff (even though it smells pretty good). No, I'm talking about the real stuff. His actual, personal scent that I smell on the towels he uses - the one that clings to his skin after he's just gotten through taking a shower and is standing in front of the chest of drawers in only a skimpy towel as he digs for a pair of boxers

Please excuse me while I drool all over myself. But getting back to the subject at hand, Heero smells really good. Maybe I only think that because I'm totally head-over-heels-no-way-around-it in love with the guy but, I don't know, I've always noticed the way people smell. Quatre smells like a mixture of sea breezes and clean clothes - fresh smells. Trowa smells like grass. I'm not kidding! I know it sounds stupid and everything, but whenever I smell Trowa, I think grass and trees and forests and little squirrels frolicking around until a big bad wolf comes and eats them. Yep, that's Trowa. And Wufei - he smells like spices and fire.

Now Heero... I can't even begin to describe his scent. I just know that it's Heero's and that I could never mistake it for anyone else's. If I had to say Heero smelled like anything, I would have to say... danger. Danger and blood. It's not as bad as it sounds. I actually find his scent rather soothing, but then again, I'm a freak who calls himself the God of Death.

It was when we were getting ready to hit the sack (in our separate beds, mind you) for the night that I recognized the scent clinging to my pillow. Heero was already wrapped in his sheets across the room, and I was in the process of getting warm and cozy in my own blankies. I buried my face in the cool material of the pillow because, yeah, I find that refreshing to do just before I try to start falling asleep. Kind of like when you stretch right after you wake up. Can you tell I'm easily amused?

Anyways, so I shoved my face in my pillow and was just about to fluff it up its extreme level of fluffiness when I suddenly froze and sniffed the right side of it again. No way that was my cheap old generic brand shampoo. I didn't believe it was the scent of Heero until I took another big whiff of it and realized that oh my frickin' god it WAS!!

I looked over at where Heero was lying quietly in his bed, his smooth, naked back turned towards me. Our air conditioner is a feisty little bitch so both me and Heero usually sleep half-naked. No complaints from me, naturally. I was just about to open my mouth and ask him if he had been using my pillow, but something made me shut it again.

//Better not disturb him// I thought, but I was lying to myself. Since when do I worry about disturbing people? I excel at such things. But still, what if I had been mistaken?

But as I lay down again, there it was on the pillow, clear and unmistakable. Definitely the scent of Heero. Of course, I was totally floored. Why would my pillow smell like Heero? Did he borrow it without my knowing? Not likely. I have an uncomfortable, lumpy pillow that no one in their right mind would want to borrow. Fine... did our pillows get mixed up somehow? We had had a pillow fight a couple of days ago. (Heero won, go figure) But, nope, I checked the pillow and my cute not-so-little drool spots were still on there. The pillow was 100% pure Duo's. Then how the hell did it end up smelling like Heero? Mind-boggling.

And it was as I was laying there in the dark, listening to the light, soft sounds of Heero breathing that something rather shocking occurred to me. Was Heero crawling into bed with me in the middle of the night? No way. No fucking way. He would never do something like that. Not Mr. Me-Fierce-And-Independent-Yuy-And-You-Weak-Baka-Maxwell. I swear sometimes Heero acts like he's going to catch the "stupid" disease from me or something. I just couldn't imagine him sliding out of his bed, tiptoeing across the floor and snuggling up next to me while I'm snoring and slobbering all over my pillow. Or even worse! Shit! What if he saw me jerking off in my sleep?! I've caught myself with my hands down my shorts a couple of times. Damn, that would be so fucking embarrassing! And of course, the arousing dreams had been about me, a naked Heero, and a can of whipped cream. Probably not something he wanted to hear about.

I nearly gave myself a migraine trying to wrack my brain for another way my pillow could have ending up smelling like my roommate, but for the all the life in me, I couldn't think of another one.

I stayed awake for almost the entire night, but Heero only got up once to go to the potty. It was dumb, but it made me smile to know Nature calls upon the great Heero Yuy in the middle of the night.

+

I woke up feeling all warm and fluffy inside, like a fresh loaf of bread. I thought it was odd that I was waking up because I couldn't even remember falling asleep. I wondered if I was getting sick or something. I knew that UDD last night had tasted especially nasty. Oh crap! What time was it?! Did I have to go to work? First Wufei - my "supervisor" - was going to kick my ass for being late then Une was going to call me up to her office and kick my ass AGAIN for being late... shit, shit, shit!

My eyes still closed and my brain all foggy, I reached behind me and started to grope blindly for the alarm clock that we keep on the little table between our two beds.

My hand hit something warm. Something warm that grunted softly when my fumbling fingers made contact with it. Our alarm clock may make all kinds of annoying noises, but it doesn't grunt.

I froze, my eyes flying wide open. Now, either the bogeyman had decided to hop into bed with me or... Slowly, I rolled over. And there Heero was, fast asleep next to me, his head resting on - can you guess? - the right side of my pillow. Fancy that. I see now. So THAT was how my pillow had ended up smelling like Heero. The mystery has been solved!

But I still couldn't believe it. I mean, do you have any idea how fucking LONG I've been wanting to cuddle under the sheets with Heero? And now I find out that I've been doing it all along and I didn't even know?! Just how long had he been crawling into bed with me? Had it all started recently? Was it just these two times? Or was it since the time way back when we went to school together during the war? His body was unbelievably and deliciously warm in the wee, lonely hours of the morning. His chest rose and fell almost imperceptibly as he breathed, his brown bangs spread out on the blue pillowcase underneath his head. It was like a dream come true. Hot diggity dog.

I felt this really dumb, goofy smile spreading across my face as I propped myself up on one elbow to stare down him. Well, spank me and slap me with a piece of wet baloney if he wasn't the most gorgeous thing in the entire world. I just wanted to squeeze him tight and start kissing him all over, but something told me he wouldn't be happy if he woke up to find himself being lovingly smothered by an overly giddy Duo Maxwell.

I managed to contain my wild urges until I saw his eyelashes begin that telltale fluttering. He started to stir. I had half a mind to pretend that I was still asleep, but I knew it was too late to keep up the charade any longer. So I watched in rapt fascination as he slowly stretched with his eyes still closed, arching his back so that his silken skin was drawn taut over his ribcage and abdominal muscles. Oh yeah, now that was nice. Heero Yuy: a wet dream come true.

Then he suddenly froze, apparently feeling my eyes on him. It was then that I knew that he knew that I knew his little secret at last. (Try saying that five times fast. Hey! That rhymed!) So he settled back down onto the bed and opened calm blue eyes, turning to look at me in one fluid motion.

He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, either (it's a miracle!). We just lay there staring at each other, our bodies pressed up against one another in the limited mattress space. Heero had this really kooky look in his eyes, a totally whacked mixture of vulnerability and indignation. One minute he reminded me of a puppy that had been kicked one time too many and the next he was glaring at me like it had been me who had been caught crowding up his bed. Crazy guy, my Hee-meister.

I opened my mouth, and Heero sorta flinched away, as if he was expecting me to yell at him. Or maybe it was my stinky morning breath.

"Good morning," was all I said, my voice hoarse with sleep.

Now he just appeared completely dumbfounded, like I had been gibbering in some foreign language. Poor Heero. I wondered if anyone had ever said "good morning" to him before?

Heero jerked slightly when I lifted one of my arms and reached across his chest to snag the alarm clock off the bedside table. Trying to ignore his intense gaze, I squinted at the fluorescent numbers with night-blind eyes. 5:45. Heero and I weren't due into the Preventers headquarters until 7:00. Ah... what to do with all that darn extra time? Hmmm...

I yawned. "We got 'bout another hour," I said blearily, putting the alarm clock back on its table but leaving my arm draped across Heero's well-muscled chest. Smooth move, right? I was surprised to feel his heart beating underneath the skin, faster than usual. Was he scared? Embarrassed? Nervous?

"Duo... " he whispered as I lay my head down on the pillow next to his.

I watched his face through half-shut eyes, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't. His eyes looked into mine, the ocean-deep blue of them visible even in the semi-darkness. God, he was beautiful.

"Do you get cold at night?" I asked him softly.

There was a brief silence, and then he said, "Yeah." I smiled sleepily and rubbed his arm gently before letting my fingers curl around his bicep. The muscle jumped underneath my touch, then relaxed. "No sweat," I said around another yawn. "I'll be here to keep you warm, buddy."

"Thank you," he whispered quietly, his face only inches from mine. I could feel his breath against my cheek.

We were on the brink of something incredible. He was so close we were literally breathing the same air. I found that I couldn't look away from his eyes no matter how hard I tried. I could still feel his heart beating underneath the weight of my arm; one of my wrists was resting on his nipple. His scent was all around me, whispering across my skin and caressing the area between my legs. I didn't think I'd ever been in such an intimate position with him before. Be still, my lustful heart.

But it was more than just lust. You guys should know this by now. I only use lust as an excuse. The look in Heero's eyes was making my heart pound painfully loud in my chest. It suddenly occurred to me that if he kissed me then, or I kissed him, things were going to change completely. We'd either separate, or become one. It was so tempting, just to lean forward and see if that mouth was as soft as it looked. But I was scared shitless. Did he like me? Did he want to kiss me? Did he want me to kiss him? How friendly is too friendly?

And his eyes, like endless oceans given the ability to speak voiceless words, were telling me something - giving me an answer. And what I was seeing and hearing only frightened me even more.

All or nothing, Duo. I might not be around for forever.

Breaking off eye contact with him, I leaned up and pressed a desperate kiss to his forehead, his bangs tickling my nose. With my arm, I pulled him closer, and he offered me only minimal resistance. I tangled one of my legs with his, and after a second, he brought his other leg over to entrap mine. My thigh was nearly pressed into the heat of his loins, so close yet so far.

I buried my face in his hair and muttered something senseless about waking me up in an hour. He grunted in response and relaxed against me, his body warm and pliant in my arms. I wanted to drown him in kisses and run my hands all over his body, touching him in places I had only dreamed of venturing before. And something frightening and wonderful in the back of my mind told me that he would let me, but I ignored its words.

Only for now though. So I could enjoy the feel of Heero in my arms, no matter how short-lived our time together was. I was willing to hang from this one moment, satisfied with what we had, if it meant that one day total completion would be ours. This was the promise I asked of my weak and cowardly heart as the sun started to peek through the window shades, little golden flecks of light flitting around the sheets and dancing over the intertwined forms of Heero and me - best friends locked in a lover's embrace.

~fin

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
In chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...
There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That could change my mind
There is nothing else...


"Hanging By a Moment"
Lifehouse

Author's Notes: Well, this here is sort of a "breaking point" fic - where the boundaries in Duo and Heero's relationship begin to blur. Best friends? Soon-to-be lovers? Of course, you guys already know the answer. ^_~

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