By: Kracken
Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of this.
Warning:Male/Male sex, violence, very rough sex, abuse, graphic, language, bondage.

Desires

What's it like to cut through a mobile suit with a laser scythe? Like hacking through a jungle with a machete... well, only if you don't remember that you're cutting flesh and blood along with suit metal and electronics, only if you don't think about someone's future your slicing in half, someone's career, someone's family, someone's son or daughter.... Yeah, I try very hard never to think about that. Instead, I think about winning, I think about computer simulations... hack, slash, bang, you're dead... just electronics and digital ghosts.... just beating the bad guy... just trying to stay alive another day. It worked for me, as long as they didn't try to talk to me over their coms. It was hard to concentrate on my mental cover story when they were screaming for their lives.

Shinigami, God of Death, protege' of the God of Pestilence, Dr. G., It got me through the tough days, imaging myself bigger than life and protecting the colonists. Sometimes, though, it wore thin, and today was one of them. There had been too many young kids, like myself, in those suits, and they hadn't died with that noble, military fortitude. Fuck Oz for turning out the kids when they were running short of real soldiers. Fuck me for having to kill them. Fuck the war for making it all necessary.

I left a field of debris, and cut short hopes and dreams, and turned Deathscythe back for home. Not a house with comforting family, ready to hear about my troubles, but a dark forest thick enough to hide a suit, rocky mountains to keep away casual sweeps, and a ramshackle hut some poor hunter probably used on weekends... or did before Trowa shook hands with him and then buried him downwind under a tree. Non combatant? Not fair? You tell me what about a war is fair? I have enough personal experience to think he did good to even get a burial.

We used our 'home' to fan out and terrorize the countryside. A few days forays, a few installations and weapons depots trashed, and then new orders will send us slipping off into the shadows again and finding a new place to call home base. Wether together or apart, there wasn't any knowing, so my time with Heero was something that I was taking full advantage of.

I tore off my shirt in the heat and tied it around my waist as I hiked through the forest. I followed a compass and directions coded on a napkin back. There wasn't a trail and remembering the way through thickets of ferns and huge tree trunks in the gloom was completely impossible for someone like me, raised on space station city streets. I wasn't surprised when the welcome mat included a glock and the dark, glaring eyes of my lover, Heero Yuy.

Heero grabbed the napkin out of my hand and glared at it in disbelief before he crumpled it into one, hard fist. I grinned and held out my hands, looking defenseless, but ready to block and run. "Hey, it's the only way I can find this place," I began, but the hand with the glock snagged me behind the neck and Heero pulled me close with a violent jerk.

His eyes are dark blue. When he gets really pissed, they almost turn black. Right now, I was looking at twin, black windows of death. Distraction works, especially when that distraction was something that Heero wanted to hear.

"Mission complete," I told him, trying not to squeak it and trying to look relaxed and cheerful. I wasn't going to add fuel to the fire. I had to light another fire as a fire break. "I destroyed the munitions dump and the suits guarding it. No witnesses."

The hard grip tightened and then Heero grunted and let me go. I staggered a little and rubbed at the back of my neck. There were going to be some painful bruises there, but he'd given me worse in the recent past.

"Any new orders?" I asked, another good distraction. Heero lived for specs and mission parameters.

"Negative," Heero replied. "The perimeter is secure and radio chatter hasn't included any reports of scouting missions in this area. They believe that our Gundams can't maneuver in these mountains, so they think that it is unlikely for us to be here."

My grin widened. "Idiots."

Heero nodded in agreement.

There was a pause, a moment when Heero was completely still and... not doing anything. If you know him, like I do, you realize how wrong that is. Heero is always alert, always moving, always doing something. I knew the sign, knew what he wanted, knew why he had been waiting for me so far from our one room hut and the other pilots.

Romance... Words of love...Foreplay? You've got to be kidding! Heero was only pausing because he wasn't exactly sure how to rip my clothes off of me, and stick it in, without it being rape. I'd warned him about that already. He was a powerful man and sometimes he didn't get that whole, 'get the hell off me or I'll kill you.' thing. He wanted. He knew I wanted too. He didn't know what my problem was when I wasn't in the mood or just wanted to do something else... like talk. We did talk... sometimes. Sometimes, he was even nice and showed me the side of him that actually cared... about me... sometimes... But time was short and, lately I was starting to wonder about tomorrow and whether I was going to make it, whether I was going to be the kid screaming for mercy while some guy, who was just doing what he had to, cut me in half.

I kept the lube and the condoms in my pocket. I knew stage one was to get Heero to take them and use them before we went any further. Heero is... large... and he gets a hardon like Gundanium. He also likes to pound... in me... hard... fast...

The glock went into its holster with a dangerous sound and Heero took the supplies. The hand returned to the back of my neck and he jerked me to his lips. He was better at kissing, but it was still like being eaten alive by a brick wall. The man was all planes and angles, not an ounce of fat, and he felt like it.

Why bother with kissing? It was one of my closely cherished proofs that the sonofabitch soldier boy actually did care about me. If I was just a warm place to stick his dick, then why exchange spit? No reason and no reason wasn't in Heero Yuy's war manual. Neither was wasting time. We were in a clump of large ferns before I realized it and Heero was showing an impressive tent in his spandex. I reached out and worked the stretchy material out and down and it sprang free, a good seven inches of swollen, rigid flesh that was as soft as a baby's cheek, but a softness sheathing an unforgiving hardness.

I went to my knees. I watched as his cock oozed and dribbled, twitched and stood up, almost putting him off balance. Looking up, I leaned forward and took the head in my mouth. The hand at the back of my neck tightened, but he didn't work me like I knew he wanted to. He waited, staring down at me, and watching as I slowly dipped my tongue into the dripping hole and then swirled hard inside.

We were young. Stamina when it came to sex wasn't ours just then. I couldn't tease him for long. I settled for a few sucks, liking the salty taste that told me he had been working out before I had arrived. That told me why he was so eager for me. Adrenalin and endorphines were aphrodisiacs to young men.

I was his bitch. I liked the thought of it. It made my blood sing and my own cock throb and want free of my pants. I licked at him, a complete whore for the taste of him, as I unzipped and pushed my pants down. We didn't undress completely, not there, not when danger might find us, whatever radio chatter said. My pants settled at my knees and I stroked myself.

I was shocked when I was suddenly pinned down and my shirt, still tied around my waist, was used as a convenient way to tie my hands behind my back. I bucked against Heero's knee holding me down, furious and... afraid. He was a crazy fuck. Who knew what he was up to? I felt precum drool onto my back, hot and thick. The bastard was enjoying himself.

Heero leaned and said with a tight, hard smile, "Payback."

I had tied him up early in our relationship, mostly to keep myself alive, but a little because I liked the thought of having someone as strong as Heero under my control. He'd had plenty of chances to get revenge since then, though, and hadn't taken them. Why now?

"Let me go," I fumed. "You just lost yourself a fuck, Yuy! I am NOT playing this shit!"

Heero grunted and pulled my hips up, making me take a very submissive posture. I held it even after he let go, though, and my curses were lacking in conviction even in my own ears. Chest on the ground, with ferns tickling my nose, and on my knees, with my ass in the air and dapples of sunlight playing over it, I tested the strength of the shirt. Heero knew his knots, though, and I wasn't getting free.

I had to know. "Why?"

Heero smoothed a hand over the small of my back and the curve of my ass. "You are always in control. How else am I supposed to change that?"

I gaped. I led in every thing that we did, sexually, because I was that sure that, if I didn't, Heero would end up killing me. The man was too strong, too inexperienced... I wanted to survive, pure and simple. He'd already shown a penchant for taking what he wanted. I supposed that this was just another aspect of that. I was being too careful and too controlling, so... he was going to rape me so he could feel like the big man.

"You could have just asked!" I snarled. "Talking is good, Heero. Tying up and fucking is bad."

Heero leaned in close and said, "We don't have much time."

I turned my head to stare at him and he looked back, blue eyes under dark, messy bangs. Okay, maybe I had been telling him what to do, not giving him any chance to rip me open... but maybe this was part of that relationship stuff, the part where you trust the other guy...or girl... or whatever, not to go too far? Maybe that's what Heero wanted, not just to screw me bloody without me fighting back, but for me to trust him to call the shots?

I licked nervous lips. Okay, not that I had much choice here, but as long as it didn't go too far, there was something about being tied up that was making me hotter than a mobile suit in overload. I wasn't into the rape shit, but I didn't think that was what this was. Heero wasn't humiliating me or using me, he was simply making sure that he was in the driver's seat. Okay, let's not start splitting hairs and pointing out how screwed up that is, and how screwed up I am.... I was Horny. I wanted to fuck... Heero... so... I sighed and relaxed. I rested my chin on the ground and lifted my ass higher.

Bitch. I felt hot between my legs, heavy and swollen, and I itched for Heero down deep, where I knew only he could scratch. I wanted to be his bitch, his tied up, Gundam pilot bitch if that's the way he wanted it.

Heero crouched over me. I heard lube and condom. That was a relief in itself. His lubed fingers, shoving into my ass, were less welcome, but I rode with it, and rode them when I grew used to them. He worked me, the bastard, and I heard him breathing hard, enjoying himself. One of his big, calloused hands, stroked me, weighed my balls, rolled them, and then gripped my sack at the base. No guy likes his balls used like reins, especially when he's being pulled up while a huge cock is being shoved into his ass. Think of missiles, torpedoes... I was spread wide and impaled. He left off his ball torture and used both hands to grab my hips. He pulled me back onto him, crouching behind, sheathing himself inch by torturous inch.

He stopped. I didn't expect that. He moved until he covered me completely, body to body, and cheek near mine. "All right?" he asked.

I grinned and turned to kiss what I could reach. "All right," I breathed and I was suddenly sure that I was safe, that this wasn't going to be more than I could stand. I was going to trust that Heero really cared for me.

Heero began to thrust, crude and deep. Rocking motions pulled that large cock in and out of me, first at a lazy speed and then quicker as I loosened. I whimpered and moaned, gritting my teeth, but it was because my own cock was being neglected, than from any real pain. The shirt loosened. My hands were suddenly free. I didn't use them to fight. I used my freedom to grab my raging hardon and to start pumping it.

Heero was pounding now, driving my hips forward and my face into the dirt. He never left my depths, though. He didn't stab. He just kept a maddening rhythm that massaged a part of me that only he could reach. I came explosively, hot white heat all over my hand, and Heero came inside of me, body clenching around mine as he groaned and shot his load.

We separated. I wiped my hand on my shirt and Heero used a long sleeve to clean himself up. Pulling up his spandex we sat, shoulder to shoulder, and caught our breaths.

Heero looked at me. I looked back.

"I..." Heero struggled.

If you're waiting for words of love, you'll be sorely disappointed. Maybe he thought them deep down, but I don't think I'll ever hear them. The hints he gave were enough for me. It gave me hope, after all.

"Are you all right?" Heero managed.

It was Heero's new, catchall phrase, I decided. It could mean anything I wanted it to. Right then, me and my sore ass, wanted it to mean that he cared about and loved me. Hey, if I'm delusional I might as well go all the way.

"Yeah," I replied as I leaned and bumped against his shoulder. "Let's talk next time instead of tie me up, okay?" Heero nodded and looked almost sheepish.

Heero stood and lowered a hand. I glared and stood on my own. Zipping up my pants, I hooked a hand in the waist line of his spandex. "Come on, Big guy, we should be getting back to the other guys."

Heero raised an eyebrow. "Big Guy?"

"What else should I call it?" I chuckled as I pulled on his spandex and pretended to look inside.

Heero smacked my hand aside and grunted irritably. I shrugged and took the lead toward the hut. A hand settled on the back of my jeans and Heero's fingers hooked into the waist of my pants, as if he didn't want to lose me in the gloom. I was suddenly pulled backwards into his chest. Lips sought mine as I turned my head to look at him, and then he was shoving me forward again. I stumbled, caught my balance, and then started walking with a happy grin on my face. Like I said, I'll take what I can get and read what I want into it. It was the first time, though, that I really felt that I was right.

end

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