Tie Me Up (cont)

+

I pass out. When my eyes open again, I'm in the cockpit of Deathscythe, naked and wrapped in the soft blanket I always keep just for such emergencies. The lights of the control panel blink at me. I check them automatically and am pleased to find everything working and in order.

"We have to maintain silence for awhile." Heero was busy tapping at his laptop, perched precariously in the small space and face intent on the screen. I see him hit the send button. He's still wet and in his clothes. Duty first before comfort, always.

"K," I manage to croak. The pain is fuzzy now, kept at bay by pain killers. My hand is splinted. My ribs are wrapped in thick gauze. I feel stitches under my chin and along the inside of my broken hand. Curled up in the control chair, I'm almost comfortable, except that I'm freezing. A Gundam has heat and air conditioning, but it's minimal. It wasn't meant to keep someone who's naked, and partly in shock from wounds, comfortable.

The laptop beeped. Heero reads something intently.

"What?" I wonder.

"From Dr. J," Heero explains shortly and keeps reading.

I hate that man. Heero does too, but he never disobeys the man's orders. Everyone knows why. I don't have to describe the torture he put Heero through to train him to be the obedient robot he is now. I'm sure the message he just sent the man detailed the mission down to my stuck hair and the fact that he had almost fucked me in the mud. What will Dr. J. think of that? It didn't follow any mission parameters I knew of. I wonder how he had answered Heero? Kill the Baka before he shakes your training any more or, maybe, come back and be tortured into being obedient again? You can't tell hormones to be obedient, especially not a young man's. Surely Dr. J knows he can't fight against that? I think about it and my curiosity can't be bottled up any longer.

"So?"

"So?" Heero repeats absently.

"What did he say? Good mission? Thanks for the information? What?"

Heero closes the laptop and looks at me, just looks for the longest time. His black eyes burn with some emotion I can't begin to describe. I'm suddenly very afraid.

"I told him that the mission was completed. I briefed him on all the details. I...," he falters, pressing his lips together for a moment, and then he begins speaking again, "I told him that you had breached my training. That I had sexual urges for you. I asked him if I could be retrained."

That hurt worse than my wounds. "So, what did he say? When do you report?"

Heero shakes his head stiffly. "I'm not to report. Dr. J. explained that I have reached an age where it is necessary to have sexual contact in order to maintain my peak performance. He told me that it is good that I wish to have sexual contact with men rather than women. No commitment. No entanglements."

"Did you tell him you wanted to fuck me?"

Heero nods.

"And?"

"He was pleased," Heero replies. I was stunned until he adds, "Dr. J believes that my training is sound and that I will not hesitate to order you into dangerous situations. He is pleased that I chose you, mainly because of security considerations. Outside sexual contacts endanger our secrecy."

"No commitment. No entanglements." I sigh. The drugs were making me dizzy, pulling down what common sense I had left to me. I can't stop my tongue as I wrap my blanket tighter about my shivering body. "I guess you didn't tell him that you love me."

I duck into a ball as best I can, realizing what I had said too late. When Heero doesn't move to murder me, I cautiously uncurl enough to look at him. He's still staring at me intensely. He says one word that makes my world stop. "No."

That could mean two things. No, he doesn't love me, or no, he didn't tell Dr. J he loves me. I'm an optimist. I chose to believe in the latter. I know better than to ask Heero which he meant. He's gone far enough already.

The world starts again. I smile and close my eyes. I need sleep. I need strength. I need to plan my next attack on my Heero tiger. I'm shocked when I feel Heero take hold of my legs and begin pushing them up. My eyes fly open again and I see that he's pulling down his spandex. It's obvious by the way he's hitching my legs up, and pushing away the blanket, what he wants with me.

"Heero?" I squeak it.

Heero comes close to a satisfied smile. "I have permission." Maybe that's all he had ever needed. The Perfect Soldier wasn't in conflict any more. His god, Dr. J., had told him it was all right to be this Human.

"My ribs," I whisper, hating to kill the moment yet again.

"Cracked, not broken."

"The pain.." I'm doubtful of his diagnosis.

"Torn muscles in your side."

Still, I don't want my knees pushed down on those tender ribs. I don't want to take the chance that they are worse than Heero thinks. I also don't want to remember this moment in pain and fear of death. I want to enjoy every moment.

"Let me..." I push his hands away. Maybe he thinks I'm rejecting him. He isn't gentle, my lover. He doesn't know how to be. Sex and the emotions that go with it are too new to him. His skill is sorely lacking in both areas. At that moment, he only knows that he 'wants' and that I'm denying him satisfaction.

Heero grabs me hard and I think, 'he's going to do it anyway. I'm about to be raped.'

"No," I say, loud enough to startle him and make him pause. "I'll use my mouth on you so you won't hurt me." I take his large cock in my hand. My hand looks like a child's next to it. "I'm fragile, Heero. You have to not squeeze, not grab, not hit. I'll be your toy, your good fuck, and your love, but... don't break me. You can, very easily. Just...," I think quickly and then I know what to say. "I'm like the controls on your Gundam Wing when you're flying her. Light and gentle or you'll crash, k?"

Heero thinks this over as I stroke him slowly. His face is flushed. He 'wants' very badly. He nods, once. "Hai."

"Training session, number one," I say to lighten the mood. "How to fuck Duo Maxwell and have him survive it."

Heero's mouth twitches. It's more than his usual grim smile. He looks down at my stroking hand. "Teach me," he says simply.

I pull him forward with my hand and take him into my warm mouth. I'm tired and drugged. I don't know if I can last long. I don't need anything for myself, the drugs have killed that along with the pain, but I want to give Heero first class pleasure and I fight the drugs to stay alert and concentrate on my art. It was art and I am good at it. On L2, people had paid good money to have my talented lips on them. It felt wonderful to give it for free, to give it all to someone I loved.

Heero shudders and groans as my warm mouth strokes up and down on the monster between his legs. I take it deep, past my tonsils, the drugs helping my muscles there to relax. When I come up to the tip, I swirl my tongue roughly around the gland, dipping it into the slit deeply as if it were the center of a whirlpool of sensation. My good hand massages his balls, strokes the sides, rubbing the sensitive spot just behind. He bucks and grabs my hair with both hands hard, but I simply stop all motion until he takes the hint and releases me. His reward is having me continue deep throating him and swallowing to make that ring of muscle just past my tonsils contract on him.

"I can't... I need...," Heero stammers. "I need in you!" he finally forces out. He pushes me back into the chair. It's padded and comfortable, but I know what Heero has in mind won't be. He reclines the chair with feverish speed and pushes me down onto my back. It's hard to fight back. I'm almost out of strength.

"You can't!" I argue as he hooks his arms around my legs and begins pulling me towards his pelvis. "We need oil. You'll split me wide open! You can't just spit on a huge cock like that and expect it to go in!"

Heero groans. "There must be something!" He begins rummaging through compartments. Things fall out, manga, fast food bags, plastic knives and forks, a porno magazine with men in it. Heero throws things right and left. Some of it lands by me. Some unintentionally hit me. When small packets rain down on me and the chair, I lift one and squint in the dim light to see what it is. Mayonnaise. An idea comes to me. I'm almost reluctant to suggest it, imagining what I'll have to do later to clean myself out, but Heero needs me so badly. Nothing like sacrificing for someone you love.

"Uh, Heero?"

He turns and looks at me hopefully. I waggle the packet at him. He comes over to see what it is. "Mayonnaise?"

"It'll work, I think," I tell him, still reluctant.

Heero is running his hand up and down his hard on. It's such a deep red. He must be in pain. What he says next, stuns me, and makes me believe that there's hope for him yet. "Gentle."

"Gentle," I echo.

"Like the controls on my Gundam Wing."

"Yes, or you'll be burying me in the morning." I didn't want to kill the mood, but talk like that didn't phase the Perfect Soldier. It was as if I was giving him a mission. He was taking his training session seriously. I almost expect him to say, "Mission accepted", as he breaks open the mayonnaise packet and squirts its contents over his cock.

I reach out and help smooth it all over, taking some of it on my fingers. "Let me get ready," I tell him as he starts right away to get into position. He holds himself back with an effort, groaning. I wonder, as I slide fingers inside of myself and make the ring of my anus relax, if he's going to come without my help.

I don't need to worry. Heero doesn't fail missions. When I nod, though, to let him know I'm ready, he turns into an over eager boy chock full of hormones in an instant. He can't control himself very well. He yanks me against his pelvis and grinds his cock into me. At least he doesn't try to lay on top of me or hike my legs up against my chest, I think as I grit my teeth and refuse to scream. Heero just uses his strength to hold me in place and fucks me sitting in the chair.

There's a point where pain became pleasure, or, maybe, one in the same. I know, with more sessions with Heero, my body will get used to him and it will stop hurting, but for now, adrenalin kicks in and helps the drugs put me in a place where that pain can't reach. I drift, just liking the strong feel of his body, his arousing grunts, and his masculine thrusts in and out of me. I love men. I love their smell and their sex. I love being dominated by their strength. I have all of that with Heero and much more. He's definitely a man's man and I love him, which is the most important thing of all. I can do without the rest if I can just have that.

Heero comes with a strangled cry. I had drifted, missing the moment of release when his contorting face had become almost animal. I do get to watch it regain its humanity, slowly coming back from the plateau of delight to stare down into my bemused face.

Heero utters a Japanese word, softly, distinctly, all of his walls and defenses lowered for one brief moment.

"What?" I smile up at him.

Heero touches my face, caressing my bruised skin, unintentionally rough. He can't say it again in English, but I think I know what it is he's trying to say. It's in his eyes for any fool to see. Who needs words?

Squeezed between me, the chair, and the console, Heero's butt is almost against the comlink screen. Still, he stays in that uncomfortable position, wanting, maybe, like me, to make the moment stretch as long as possible. Who knows what tomorrow will bring or even the next moment?

"Duo!" Quatre's outraged voice booms through the speakers. "Don't moon the view screen! Where are you? You should have reported an hour ago! Stop this silly prank at once and look me in the face!"

Heero looks as embarrassed as his stiff face can manage. I wonder if he'll move and reveal this new relationship to the others. I wait and forget to breathe. Slowly, Heero takes one step sideways. I see Quatre puzzle over me, sprawled, naked in the chair and then he widens his eyes when the owner of the ass turns and shows himself to be Heero.

"I uh," Quatre's fair skin goes as red as a beat.

"What is wrong?" Wu Fei's face appears beside Quatre's. By that time, I've pulled the blanket over myself. Wu Fei scowls. "What have you done to so upset Quatre?"

Quatre reaches over him, presumably hitting the termination switch of the com link. "They uh, need some privacy, I think, Wu Fei," he says before the link goes dead.

I'm worried about Heero. This is all so new to him. I'm afraid he might get violent again. I study his face. It's as blank as a board now, his eyes distant. as he thinks.

"Heero?" I ask cautiously, tensing and getting ready to roll into a protective ball.

"Acceptable," Heero says at last, meaning the revelation of our relationship. I let out a breath of relief. I suck it in again when he leans very close and kisses me quick and hard on the lips. I'll have to teach him a proper kiss, I think, but that thought is lost in the maelstrom of emotion when Heero says very seriously, "Very acceptable."

It's a declaration of love! It is! I am not crazy! I am not imagining it! Heero Yuy loves me! Ah, you still think I'm crazy! Well, I'm Shinigami. I kill. Heero is the Perfect Soldier. He kills. Our hands are steeped in the blood of the enemy and the innocents who were unfortunate to get in the way. We take what we can get when life tries to be kind to people like us. We don't deserve love, but we want it anyway, hope and strive for it, maybe even imagine it in a ruthless killing machine in the shape of a dark eyed Japanese teenager. Yes, I'll take what l can get. I'll take it with both hands and tie it up so that it never gets away.

Owari

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