Me Up (cont)
I pass out. When my eyes open again, I'm in the cockpit of Deathscythe,
naked and wrapped in the soft blanket I always keep just for such emergencies.
The lights of the control panel blink at me. I check them automatically
and am pleased to find everything working and in order.
"We have to maintain silence for awhile." Heero was busy tapping
at his laptop, perched precariously in the small space and face intent
on the screen. I see him hit the send button. He's still wet and in his
clothes. Duty first before comfort, always.
"K," I manage to croak. The pain is fuzzy now, kept at bay by
pain killers. My hand is splinted. My ribs are wrapped in thick gauze.
I feel stitches under my chin and along the inside of my broken hand.
Curled up in the control chair, I'm almost comfortable, except that I'm
freezing. A Gundam has heat and air conditioning, but it's minimal. It
wasn't meant to keep someone who's naked, and partly in shock from wounds,
The laptop beeped. Heero reads something intently.
"What?" I wonder.
"From Dr. J," Heero explains shortly and keeps reading.
I hate that man. Heero does too, but he never disobeys the man's orders.
Everyone knows why. I don't have to describe the torture he put Heero
through to train him to be the obedient robot he is now. I'm sure the
message he just sent the man detailed the mission down to my stuck hair
and the fact that he had almost fucked me in the mud. What will Dr. J.
think of that? It didn't follow any mission parameters I knew of. I wonder
how he had answered Heero? Kill the Baka before he shakes your training
any more or, maybe, come back and be tortured into being obedient again?
You can't tell hormones to be obedient, especially not a young man's.
Surely Dr. J knows he can't fight against that? I think about it and my
curiosity can't be bottled up any longer.
"So?" Heero repeats absently.
"What did he say? Good mission? Thanks for the information? What?"
Heero closes the laptop and looks at me, just looks for the longest time.
His black eyes burn with some emotion I can't begin to describe. I'm suddenly
"I told him that the mission was completed. I briefed him on all
the details. I...," he falters, pressing his lips together for a
moment, and then he begins speaking again, "I told him that you had
breached my training. That I had sexual urges for you. I asked him if
I could be retrained."
That hurt worse than my wounds. "So, what did he say? When do you
Heero shakes his head stiffly. "I'm not to report. Dr. J. explained
that I have reached an age where it is necessary to have sexual contact
in order to maintain my peak performance. He told me that it is good that
I wish to have sexual contact with men rather than women. No commitment.
"Did you tell him you wanted to fuck me?"
"He was pleased," Heero replies. I was stunned until he adds,
"Dr. J believes that my training is sound and that I will not hesitate
to order you into dangerous situations. He is pleased that I chose you,
mainly because of security considerations. Outside sexual contacts endanger
"No commitment. No entanglements." I sigh. The drugs were making
me dizzy, pulling down what common sense I had left to me. I can't stop
my tongue as I wrap my blanket tighter about my shivering body. "I
guess you didn't tell him that you love me."
I duck into a ball as best I can, realizing what I had said too late.
When Heero doesn't move to murder me, I cautiously uncurl enough to look
at him. He's still staring at me intensely. He says one word that makes
my world stop. "No."
That could mean two things. No, he doesn't love me, or no, he didn't tell
Dr. J he loves me. I'm an optimist. I chose to believe in the latter.
I know better than to ask Heero which he meant. He's gone far enough already.
The world starts again. I smile and close my eyes. I need sleep. I need
strength. I need to plan my next attack on my Heero tiger. I'm shocked
when I feel Heero take hold of my legs and begin pushing them up. My eyes
fly open again and I see that he's pulling down his spandex. It's obvious
by the way he's hitching my legs up, and pushing away the blanket, what
he wants with me.
"Heero?" I squeak it.
Heero comes close to a satisfied smile. "I have permission."
Maybe that's all he had ever needed. The Perfect Soldier wasn't in conflict
any more. His god, Dr. J., had told him it was all right to be this Human.
"My ribs," I whisper, hating to kill the moment yet again.
"Cracked, not broken."
"The pain.." I'm doubtful of his diagnosis.
"Torn muscles in your side."
Still, I don't want my knees pushed down on those tender ribs. I don't
want to take the chance that they are worse than Heero thinks. I also
don't want to remember this moment in pain and fear of death. I want to
enjoy every moment.
"Let me..." I push his hands away. Maybe he thinks I'm rejecting
him. He isn't gentle, my lover. He doesn't know how to be. Sex and the
emotions that go with it are too new to him. His skill is sorely lacking
in both areas. At that moment, he only knows that he 'wants' and that
I'm denying him satisfaction.
Heero grabs me hard and I think, 'he's going to do it anyway. I'm about
to be raped.'
"No," I say, loud enough to startle him and make him pause.
"I'll use my mouth on you so you won't hurt me." I take his
large cock in my hand. My hand looks like a child's next to it. "I'm
fragile, Heero. You have to not squeeze, not grab, not hit. I'll be your
toy, your good fuck, and your love, but... don't break me. You can, very
easily. Just...," I think quickly and then I know what to say. "I'm
like the controls on your Gundam Wing when you're flying her. Light and
gentle or you'll crash, k?"
Heero thinks this over as I stroke him slowly. His face is flushed. He
'wants' very badly. He nods, once. "Hai."
"Training session, number one," I say to lighten the mood. "How
to fuck Duo Maxwell and have him survive it."
Heero's mouth twitches. It's more than his usual grim smile. He looks
down at my stroking hand. "Teach me," he says simply.
I pull him forward with my hand and take him into my warm mouth. I'm tired
and drugged. I don't know if I can last long. I don't need anything for
myself, the drugs have killed that along with the pain, but I want to
give Heero first class pleasure and I fight the drugs to stay alert and
concentrate on my art. It was art and I am good at it. On L2, people had
paid good money to have my talented lips on them. It felt wonderful to
give it for free, to give it all to someone I loved.
Heero shudders and groans as my warm mouth strokes up and down on the
monster between his legs. I take it deep, past my tonsils, the drugs helping
my muscles there to relax. When I come up to the tip, I swirl my tongue
roughly around the gland, dipping it into the slit deeply as if it were
the center of a whirlpool of sensation. My good hand massages his balls,
strokes the sides, rubbing the sensitive spot just behind. He bucks and
grabs my hair with both hands hard, but I simply stop all motion until
he takes the hint and releases me. His reward is having me continue deep
throating him and swallowing to make that ring of muscle just past my
tonsils contract on him.
"I can't... I need...," Heero stammers. "I need in you!"
he finally forces out. He pushes me back into the chair. It's padded and
comfortable, but I know what Heero has in mind won't be. He reclines the
chair with feverish speed and pushes me down onto my back. It's hard to
fight back. I'm almost out of strength.
"You can't!" I argue as he hooks his arms around my legs and
begins pulling me towards his pelvis. "We need oil. You'll split
me wide open! You can't just spit on a huge cock like that and expect
it to go in!"
Heero groans. "There must be something!" He begins rummaging
through compartments. Things fall out, manga, fast food bags, plastic
knives and forks, a porno magazine with men in it. Heero throws things
right and left. Some of it lands by me. Some unintentionally hit me. When
small packets rain down on me and the chair, I lift one and squint in
the dim light to see what it is. Mayonnaise. An idea comes to me. I'm
almost reluctant to suggest it, imagining what I'll have to do later to
clean myself out, but Heero needs me so badly. Nothing like sacrificing
for someone you love.
He turns and looks at me hopefully. I waggle the packet at him. He comes
over to see what it is. "Mayonnaise?"
"It'll work, I think," I tell him, still reluctant.
Heero is running his hand up and down his hard on. It's such a deep red.
He must be in pain. What he says next, stuns me, and makes me believe
that there's hope for him yet. "Gentle."
"Gentle," I echo.
"Like the controls on my Gundam Wing."
"Yes, or you'll be burying me in the morning." I didn't want
to kill the mood, but talk like that didn't phase the Perfect Soldier.
It was as if I was giving him a mission. He was taking his training session
seriously. I almost expect him to say, "Mission accepted", as
he breaks open the mayonnaise packet and squirts its contents over his
I reach out and help smooth it all over, taking some of it on my fingers.
"Let me get ready," I tell him as he starts right away to get
into position. He holds himself back with an effort, groaning. I wonder,
as I slide fingers inside of myself and make the ring of my anus relax,
if he's going to come without my help.
I don't need to worry. Heero doesn't fail missions. When I nod, though,
to let him know I'm ready, he turns into an over eager boy chock full
of hormones in an instant. He can't control himself very well. He yanks
me against his pelvis and grinds his cock into me. At least he doesn't
try to lay on top of me or hike my legs up against my chest, I think as
I grit my teeth and refuse to scream. Heero just uses his strength to
hold me in place and fucks me sitting in the chair.
There's a point where pain became pleasure, or, maybe, one in the same.
I know, with more sessions with Heero, my body will get used to him and
it will stop hurting, but for now, adrenalin kicks in and helps the drugs
put me in a place where that pain can't reach. I drift, just liking the
strong feel of his body, his arousing grunts, and his masculine thrusts
in and out of me. I love men. I love their smell and their sex. I love
being dominated by their strength. I have all of that with Heero and much
more. He's definitely a man's man and I love him, which is the most important
thing of all. I can do without the rest if I can just have that.
Heero comes with a strangled cry. I had drifted, missing the moment of
release when his contorting face had become almost animal. I do get to
watch it regain its humanity, slowly coming back from the plateau of delight
to stare down into my bemused face.
Heero utters a Japanese word, softly, distinctly, all of his walls and
defenses lowered for one brief moment.
"What?" I smile up at him.
Heero touches my face, caressing my bruised skin, unintentionally rough.
He can't say it again in English, but I think I know what it is he's trying
to say. It's in his eyes for any fool to see. Who needs words?
Squeezed between me, the chair, and the console, Heero's butt is almost
against the comlink screen. Still, he stays in that uncomfortable position,
wanting, maybe, like me, to make the moment stretch as long as possible.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring or even the next moment?
"Duo!" Quatre's outraged voice booms through the speakers. "Don't
moon the view screen! Where are you? You should have reported an hour
ago! Stop this silly prank at once and look me in the face!"
Heero looks as embarrassed as his stiff face can manage. I wonder if he'll
move and reveal this new relationship to the others. I wait and forget
to breathe. Slowly, Heero takes one step sideways. I see Quatre puzzle
over me, sprawled, naked in the chair and then he widens his eyes when
the owner of the ass turns and shows himself to be Heero.
"I uh," Quatre's fair skin goes as red as a beat.
"What is wrong?" Wu Fei's face appears beside Quatre's. By that
time, I've pulled the blanket over myself. Wu Fei scowls. "What have
you done to so upset Quatre?"
Quatre reaches over him, presumably hitting the termination switch of
the com link. "They uh, need some privacy, I think, Wu Fei,"
he says before the link goes dead.
I'm worried about Heero. This is all so new to him. I'm afraid he might
get violent again. I study his face. It's as blank as a board now, his
eyes distant. as he thinks.
"Heero?" I ask cautiously, tensing and getting ready to roll
into a protective ball.
"Acceptable," Heero says at last, meaning the revelation of our relationship.
I let out a breath of relief. I suck it in again when he leans very close
and kisses me quick and hard on the lips. I'll have to teach him a proper
kiss, I think, but that thought is lost in the maelstrom of emotion when
Heero says very seriously, "Very acceptable."
It's a declaration of love! It is! I am not crazy! I am not imagining
it! Heero Yuy loves me! Ah, you still think I'm crazy! Well, I'm Shinigami.
I kill. Heero is the Perfect Soldier. He kills. Our hands are steeped
in the blood of the enemy and the innocents who were unfortunate to get
in the way. We take what we can get when life tries to be kind to people
like us. We don't deserve love, but we want it anyway, hope and strive
for it, maybe even imagine it in a ruthless killing machine in the shape
of a dark eyed Japanese teenager. Yes, I'll take what l can get. I'll
take it with both hands and tie it up so that it never gets away.
[back to Kracken's fic]