Disclaimer:I don't own them and I don't make any money off of them.
Warning: Male/Male sex, graphic, violence, language, etc.,etc.
Crossing Paths + Part 10
"Duo Maxwell?" the nurse, a prim woman in a white uniform, smiled
crisply and motioned Duo inside the small examination room. It wasn't
a full fledged doctor's office, just an over-large room full of cabinets
and shinning equipment.
Duo blinked in surprise at the woman as Rashid took up his station outside.
"You were expecting me?"
"Mr. Winner informed us to be prepared to take certain tests and
to have equipment for them on hand," she explained as she began to
take instruments out of a drawer and spread them out onto a tray. Duo
eyed a long, thin scope nervously. "I'm afraid that your reputation
proceeds you as well," the woman continued apologetically. "I've
seen the vids enough times to recognize you."
"Oh," was all Duo could find to say as she handed him a paper
"The opening of the robe goes at the back. The doctor will be in
shortly," the nurse told him reassuringly and then left, closing
the door behind her.
Duo shivered with cold as he undressed and put on the robe. Sitting on
the paper covered examination table, his thin legs were left swinging
far from the floor, the sound of crinkling paper the only noise in a deafening
silence. He had far too much time to look at the waiting instruments before
the doctor made his appearance. By that time, Duo was ready to change
The doctor was a stern, no nonsense, older man with glasses perched at
the end of a thin nose. He eyed Duo over the rim and then glanced down
at the computerized chart he held in his hands.
"From government records?" Duo wondered.
"It's the only one you have," the doctor replied. He didn't
shake hands. He sat on a metal stool in front of Duo that put him level
with Duo's body. "I'm Dr. Kinson." His eyes were constantly
scanning Duo as he spoke, "I must confess, I've always wanted to
Duo frowned. "Why?"
The Doctor looked somewhat embarrassed. "I watch those silly vid
shows, I'm afraid, and when you appeared on them, I noticed... abnormalities.
It was obvious to me that you were not developing normally, that something
had affected you. War time after effects have always been an interest
of mine. From what I understand of Gundams, they had minimal radiation
shielding to make them light and maneuverable, they put great stresses
on the mind and body, and they put a pilot in dangerous proximity to extraordinary
weaponry. A boy is flexible, heals quickly, and can take much more punishment
than a man who's skeleton and mental faculties have set. I could see the
method behind the choice of young men for pilots. I could also see that
there was the possibility for permanent damage. Quatre and Trowa both
have permanent skeletal damage in certain joints and they have both displayed
unbalanced mental processes on occasion. Trowa Barton was, unfortunately,
made sterile by long term radiation exposure. Heero Yuy, after a brief
examination, seems the least effected, but I have been told that his Gundam
had been the most sophisticated in its operations."
"He's also genetically enhanced," Duo remembered and then said
impatiently, "I don't really care about all of that, okay? Yeah,
I know I'm probably messed up good from spending weeks floating in space
in a Gundam, getting blasted with ion cannons, and being shaken near to
death from impacts and explosions, but I think Quatre's already told you
what I'm looking for."
The doctor nodded, but said, "I simply wished to offer an alternative
explanation for your condition, Captain Maxwell."
"Just do the examination," Duo grated. He didn't want to hear
another explanation, another reason to believe that he was simply being
paranoid. He wanted clear, concise test results to tell him that and he
suddenly didn't care what test he had to suffer through to achieve that.
The doctor pursed his lips and made a note on his chart. Then he said
briskly as he stood up, "Let's get started then."
"Take him back to his room," the doctor's voice said near Duo
and Duo felt a strong hand take hold of his elbow. "I had to give
him a very mild sedative. Some of the tests alarmed him unnecessarily.
I believe that he suffered torture at the hands of Oz during the war.
I think some of the procedures reminded him of that torture. I tried to
convince him to wait, to take a few days to calm down and finish the tests
then, but he insisted on continuing. Here are his test results. They are
very interesting. Have Captain Duo read them and come back to me when
he's made a decision how to proceed." There was a pause and then
the doctor said apologetically, "I'm afraid that he reacted to the
sedative more strongly than I had anticipated. Now that I see the results
of his blood work, I can see why. If you like, I can send a nurse along
to monitor him, but he should be fine if you can manage to get him to
bed." Someone, Rashid, must have simply shaken his head. The doctor
said, "All right then. Thank you for taking care of him. Mr. Winner
is generous, but I still don't have a very large staff and nurses are
at a minimum."
"I will take care of him." It was Heero's voice and Heero's
hand supporting Duo as the ex pilot helped Duo leave the doctor's office.
Once in the hallway, Duo pulled his arm out of Heero's grasp. He staggered.
The world blurred and then came slowly into focus. Heero's serious face
was watching him in concern, his chocolate hair a tangle over his dark,
blue eyes. "I'm NOT sleeping my life away," Duo protested, "and
I don't want YOU to help me!"
Shit! He had sounded like a whining child, Duo thought. His tongue felt
two times too big for his mouth and he was as incoherent as a drunk. He
should have refused the drugs. His determination to complete all of the
tests had made him vulnerable.
Heero surprised him by agreeing. "All right, I will help you walk
until your head clears.
"No!" Duo leaned against the wall and stopped himself from sliding
down it to the floor with a tremendous effort. "Where's Rashid? He
can help me."
"I came to see how you were doing," Heero replied, his face
swimming in and out of focus. "I guessed that you would try to go
to the doctor today. When I saw Rashid here, I told him that Quatre had
been looking for him and that I would make sure that you didn't cause
"You lied and he left?" Duo growled. "He doesn't trust
you either. Why would he do that?"
Duo imagined Heero shrugging, though he couldn't see it. He could hear
the rustle of cloth, Heero's shirt moving at a motion. "Perhaps you
gave him reason to trust the both of us."
Duo didn't think that was likely. It was more likely that, after seeing
Duo hobble, out of breath, down the maze of Quatre's estate, Rashid's
estimation of Duo's danger had down graded considerably. "Why did
you lie to Rashid?"
"I knew that you probably disliked his presence, that having a guard
most likely upset you," Heero explained smoothly. "I thought,
especially after seeing the doctor, that you would feel more comfortable
"You did?" Duo's voice was sarcastic. He wished that his head
would stop spinning enough to think clearly, to really tell Heero what
he thought of him. Instead, he said, "I kicked you in the balls the
last time we were together. Can't you take a hint?"
He could imagine Heero being angry. He tried to see it, squinting at Heero's
face. Instead, he saw heavy guilt. "I shouldn't have made those kinds
of advances towards you. Punishment was given where punishment was due,
though it was excessive," Heero replied tightly.
"You weren't the one being attacked," Duo snapped back. He shoved
at Heero, but it put him off balance instead of Heero as he said viciously,
"I don't want you to think that you can do that again. I don't want
you around me. Go find someone else to fantasize about!"
The drugs were making Duo stupid, letting him say his thoughts without
realizing it. Duo took a few steps before Heero came out of his shock
enough to move and block his way. A thundercloud full of lightning and
rain couldn't have been darker than Heero's expression. His eyes were
panicking though and his skin was flushing and then growing pale. It was
easy to tell that he was finding it hard to decide whether he should be
angry that his privacy had been violated, or embarrassed that he had been
caught masturbating and fantasizing about Duo.
"What are you thinking?" Heero demanded. Heero didn't deal in
subtleties. He always went straight to the point. "It is obvious
that you came into my room earlier without my knowledge. It is also obvious
that you have judged me."
"Why shouldn't I?" Duo wondered. "You were jacking off
and thinking about 'doing it' to me!"
Duo tried to get away again, tried to escape before emotions pulled him
down and drowned him. It was Heero's words that stopped him, as powerful
as any hand on his arm. "I am only human."
Duo turned, staggered, and couldn't do anything but sit down hard on the
floor as he lost his balance completely. The world did a sickening flip-flop
and he put his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes tightly shut against
nausea. He replied, "Human? I think 'pervert' describes you better."
Duo lifted his head again when his stomach decided to stay where it belonged.
He cringed and gasped when he found Heero crouched in front of him, face
not more than a few inches from his own. He was given the full force of
Heero's blue eyes. They were full of pain and confusion even though his
expression was tight and angry. "Pervert?" Heero echoed and
it was as if that one word weighed a ton and he was settling it onto Duo's
shoulders as a punishment, something Duo could only escape with an explanation.
"Yeah!" Duo exclaimed, straightening as best he could and meeting
Heero's eyes with a glare. "You have to be a pervert to get off on
thinking about me."
Heero suddenly sat on the floor as well, cross-legged, hands limp in his
lap and body slumped as if he were a puppet and someone had cut his strings.
He stared at Duo in incomprehension. "Explain," was all he seemed
to be able to manage to say.
"Jeez!" Duo swore. "Do I have to spell it out? I'm skin
and bones and I look like a kid! I'm not the kind of person people have
wet dreams over unless they like-"
Heero reached out and put a sun bronzed hand over Duo's pale lips, silencing
him. "Don't," he said, "Don't say it. If you do. It will
be between us forever." He leaned closer, until their noses almost
touched, not dropping his hand and Duo too confused by Heero's intensity
to think to react. "Duo Maxwell," Heero said very clearly and
then paused, as if he were fighting every bit of training ever imposed
on him. Duo saw him shiver ever so slightly and then he continued, his
next words shocking Duo to the bone, "I have always dreamed about
you. I have always wanted you. I spent the war in agony, denying myself,
denying how I felt, refusing to approach you and break the training that
I knew that I had to have to win the war. That war is over. That training
I still need, in part, but the missions I perform now are far different.
They don't require that I be, as in the war, more than human. They don't
require that I deny myself a life. I am a man now. I am a man who is allowed
now to make the choices that I couldn't during the war." Heero paused
again, searching Duo's eyes intently, trying to see his reaction. "I
came for you, Duo, not just to evaluate you for a mission. I came because
Duo jerked away, turned his body from Heero and wrapped his arms about
his knees. He hitched on a sob and shook his head hard, making his braid
whip over the floor behind him. "You're going to lie, aren't you?
You want something from me. You want me to go on some mission for your
baby killing Tiger Cell. You are part of the anti unification forces and
what you're doing now is just a con to get me to cooperate. There is no
way in Hell that Heero Yuy can care anything about me."
"It's true that there is a mission that would benefit from your skills,"
Heero admitted, "But it doesn't have anything to do with the Tiger
Cell. If it's that belief that is keeping you from trusting me, then I
will never ask you to be a part of that mission or any other again."
Duo was quiet, his mind trying to make sense of that, still trying to
hold on to the belief that it was a con, because if it wasn't, if what
Heero was trying to say to him was... what was he trying to say? That
he had always wanted him? That he...
"Say it again," Duo asked, hunched over, forehead pressed against
his knees and every nerve and muscle tight, ready for his heart to be
shattered by one wrong move, one wrong word from Heero. "Say why
I'm not just a perverted fuck you want. Say why I'm not a con you have
to run so that you can get me to do what you want. Say- Say what you had
been going to say before-"
"I love you," Heero interrupted very softly, but as strong as
steel and without any reservation.
Time stopped. Everything inside of Duo said, 'does not compute'. It was
the drugs, he thought. He had to be hallucinating. This couldn't be real.
When he felt the hand on his braid, touching it, caressing it, he sucked
in a deep breath.
"I used to do this while you were sleeping, during the war,"
Heero said thoughtfully. "I used to do it when you had your back
turned, just touch the end, hoping that you wouldn't notice. Wu Fei noticed
me doing it one day. He called me weak and warned me that you were a distraction.
He's the one who convinced me to keep our mission separate."
"After the war, I was ready for love," Duo said bitterly as
he let out his breath in a gusting sigh. "I was young. I was healthy.
I was looking forward to life. I looked for you, but you had already run
away. I should have run too. Now... I don't have anything to offer you.
The Duo Maxwell you knew is gone. He's the one you really want, isn't
it? When you were playing with yourself in your room, you were dreaming
of him, right?"
Heero's chest was suddenly against Duo's back and strong arms pried him
out of his fetal position, slipping about his waist and holding him in
a comforting embrace. Heero's lips ghosted along Duo's neck. Duo shivered
and another sob threatened to tear itself from his lips, a sob of wonder,
a sob of a man who was getting his heart's desire.
Heero said in Duo's ear, his breath hot. "I'm inexperienced in expressing
myself. I've had sex, but I've never had to be a lover. I don't know the
rituals, the correct way to approach you. I've already made mistakes.
Duo, I can only speak plainly and hope that I am saying what must be said
correctly- well enough so that you understand my intentions, my feelings."
He groped for words. "You think that I want someone from the past,
that what I feel is lust for a handsome boy. What I want is Duo Maxwell.
All of Duo Maxwell. The Duo Maxwell that I hold in my arms right now.
Perhaps there aren't any words to explain this feeling that I have. None
of the ones that surface in my thoughts seem logical or able to encompass
it. It's more than just the body that you have and my like or dislike
for it... I think that I would feel the same no matter how you looked.
It's deeper. Much deeper. From the moment that I first saw you, when you
were trying to 'save' Relena Peacecraft from me, this feeling was with
me, just as strong, just as powerful. It didn't matter where I went, or
how long it was between glimpses of you, it never went away. The mission
was valid, but only an excuse to see you, to know, once and for all, if
you felt the same way about me."
It was a question. Duo's thoughts were swimming. His anxiety was making
being ill a real possibility. Their positions on the floor, just down
the corridor from the doctor's office, sitting where anyone could see,
was starting to disturb him. He needed safety. He needed to know where
his pills were. He needed...
"Help me back to my room," Duo said and Heero stiffened, not
sure whether his worst or best hope had come true. Duo couldn't enlighten
him. He was too weak, too unsure if his drugged mind was really experiencing
all of what had just happened or imagining it. He needed a safe, quiet
place to process it, to let it sink in. He couldn't begin to express how
he felt to Heero until then.
"It's okay," Duo said, a blanket reassurance to Heero that he
hadn't been rejected outright, that Duo wasn't angry, and that Duo was
all right. It was all he could say, all he could do to simply lay limp
in Heero's arms as the man lifted his aching body off of the cold floor
and the world slipped out of focus all around him.
"I need something to eat," Duo said as he limped to his bed
and stretched out onto it with a groan. The joy of having the weight taken
off of his joints were close to nirvana. "Something light. Soup,
maybe, and some bread."
Heero hovered, making sure that Duo didn't fall, and then he nodded and
used the phone to call the kitchen. When he hung up, Duo had slipped into
a calm place, lulled by the drugs and the sedative, body ready to slip
into oblivion, but mind fighting it stubbornly.
Heero pulled a chair close to the bed, turned the back facing Duo, and
then straddled it. Resting his arms on top of the back, he watched Duo
anxiously. "I ordered an onion broth soup. It will be easier on a
Duo made a face. It didn't sound like that was possible, but he was too
far gone to care. "You can go, I guess. I'm almost asleep."
"I'll wait until your food arrives," Heero said, "That
way you won't have to get up."
"If you're waiting for me to discuss a relationship, you'll be disappointed,"
Duo warned. "I have a lot to think about... I'm not going to try
and talk about it when these drugs have me so messed up."
Heero was quiet and Duo was close to forgetting that he was even there,
when the man said, "I can wait to talk, but... I've waited a long
time to ask you how you feel about me. I think I know, but... "
Duo found himself saying, "You know...? How can you know how much
I love you? All I've done is hurt you, yell at you, and make you miserable...."
Heero sat up very straight. Duo wondered why and then his own words sank
in. He had just told Heero that he loved him. Duo felt a chill over his
skin that penetrated even the drug haze. He didn't know why it bothered
him to admit it to Heero. It was something he had dreamed about all of
those lonely years. What was wrong with saying it now, especially after
Heero had admitted to loving him too? Shouldn't it have been the happiest
moment of his life? Shouldn't he thank God that his dreams had become
a reality? Shouldn't he be holding Heero now and...
"I don't know you," Duo said suddenly and that was the whole
truth and the problem in a nutshell. "I don't know you at all."
Heero had started to reach out to him, to caress him maybe or simply take
his hand. Heero's face, slowly filling with some grand emotion, became
as still as stone. He nodded, once, and withdrew his hand. "I understand,"
was all he replied, but that reply meant everything to Duo. If Heero meant
to lie to him, to con him, then he wouldn't have given up just then. Duo
had admitted a weakness. A soldier would have gone in for the kill.
"You have my heart, I guess," Duo managed to concede roughly,
still wishing he could call back that admission. He hadn't been ready
to make it, hadn't wanted that vulnerability on top of everything else,
"You don't have my mind yet, though," he continued, "and
those two things go together, Heero. My mind still needs to know who the
Hell you are and what you're up too."
"Of course," Heero replied, as if that was completely logical.
There was a thrum to his voice, though. Happiness, Duo realized, a complete
joy he was trying to suppress.
"Not fair," Duo murmured as his eyes closed. "You should
have been an Oz interrogator. They went after a man when he was messed
"Duo," Heero began, shocked, but then said as if passing Duo's
words off as drug induced, "I'll check on your food."
"Kay," Duo slurred, "Have to sleep now. Eat later."
"Am I still a virgin, do you think?"
"Doctor. Tests. "
"Oh." There was a soft chuckle from Heero. Duo felt his hand
taken and warm lips pressed to the back of it. The ridiculousness of a
man doing that to another man kept Duo lucid for one more moment, long
enough to hear Heero say, "That doesn't count, Love."
"Good... was saving that for you."
[part 9] [part 11]
[back to Kracken's fic]