By LoneWolf (kodoku na okami)
COMMENTS: Cutter and I were emailing and the subjects of back rubs and phone sex services were mentioned in passing. Which led to this.
WARNINGS: yaoi, humor (within reason), heavy lime

Inbound Telemarketing

The phone rang.

If he'd been able to find any other job after the war...

The phone rang.

Well, he had actually, but he'd always ended up threatening to kill the wrong person, or getting bored and breaking into the wrong computer, or just quitting because he was tired of the same dull job every day.

The phone rang.

On this job, some of the people wanted to be threatened, and he was kept busy enough that he didn't have time to use the palm computer to hack anything, and while it was frequently wearing, it was never dull.
The phone rang.

Heero adjusted his headset and pressed the receive button on the palm computer. He put on his best sultry/bubbly tone, which wasn't very good, pitched his voice a little higher than normal and said, "Hello and thank you for calling the 'Hot Horny Hardcore Gay Asian Teen Boys Live Line'. My name is Yuji, and I'm your stud for this call. What would you like this afternoon?"

"Yuji? Nihonjin?"

Damn, that voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. Well, whoever it was, they wanted a Japanese stud and Heero was definitely Japanese. "Aa. Nihonjin."

"Sugoi! One more thing, can I call you Heero?"

Alarms went off in Heero's head. How did this person know his name? And that "sugoi"... he definitely knew it from somewhere.

"I'm really hot for this friend of mine, and his name is Heero."

Oh SHIT! It was Duo. Why in Hell was Duo calling the "Hot Horny Hardcore Gay Asian Teen Boys Live Line"? It was one thing for Heero to be working it. He didn't have to be gay to do that. Hell, he didn't even have to know exactly what he was talking about. He had scripts and other material that had come with his deluxe starter kit so he could put on a good act for the callers. But why in Hell would Duo call. Unless he knew Heero...

No. There was no way. The calls were delivered to the next available operator unless the caller dialed a specific extension, and Heero only had two regular callers, both of whom were fifty year old men going through a midlife crisis, playing their perverse little games over the phone, but too afraid -- or too smart -- to play them in real life. Which meant...

Oh, shit! Duo, gay? And hot for him? For him? Why the Hell would Duo be hot for him?

"Anou... Yuji? You still there?"

He was losing his train of thought. He needed to stay focussed on the call. "Aa. You can call me Heero." That was in the handbook. If the caller wanted to use a specific name, accept it. If you didn't they might think it was your real name. Heero definitely didn't want that -- especially on this call. "Tell me what this Heero is like." To be sure I'm not imagining things.

"He's a really nice guy, especially considering all the shit he's lived through. We were in the war together. At first I was just his friend, and I liked that a lot, but then I started noticing his body and realized I wanted to be more than just his friend. That weirded me out for a while, I was raised Catholic, y'know, so it took me a year or two to get over the whole gay thing. In the end, I decided, what the Hell, Heero's never gonna go for me, but I can always dream, and we can still be friends."

He'd had many different callers talking about much more explicit things, but being the real-life subject of this call made him far more uncomfortable than even the worst of those. Duo's confession fit one of his scripts, though, so he modified the next line to pick up where Duo had left off. "Dreaming wasn't enough?" Maybe he could get stay with a script. That would be easier to control.

"Hell, no. You should see him. He usually wears these Spandex biker shorts that show off his ass -- which is the most gorgeous ass you have ever seen, and we were roommates for a while, so I got to check out the uncovered article. It's even better in the flesh." He chuckled. "And his front's great too. He works out and keeps in shape. Lean, muscular, but not all bulgy, y'know. He's nicely hung..." He sighed. "God, I'd love touch his chest."

Heero was doubly glad that phone sex lines were legally limited to audio-only. He could feel a warm sensation creeping up his face and knew he was blushing. Or maybe it had something to do with the way his Spandex shorts were starting to feel tight in the crotch. "Aa. Why don't you, koi?"

"Oh God, do you know how badly I've wanted you to call me that, Heero?"

Duo was into the fantasy. The rest should be easy. Heero found his place in one of the scripts he'd memorized, making appropriate modifications as he went. "Oh, koi. I'm sitting here on my bed in nothing by my Spandex shorts, talking to you on the phone and the sound of your voice is making me so hot. I'm sliding my hand along my Spandex-clad leg, imagining it's--"

"Uh, Yuji?"

"You wanted to call me Heero."

"You're just reading a script, aren't you?"

Heero muttered an embarrassed, "Aa." He wasn't exactly reading, but it was a script.

"Just do what I tell you, Hee-koi, and let me hear you doing it. That's what I want."

This was definitely too strange. Heero shifted mental tracks to the "Oh Ah" script. "Okay, koi."

"So, I come into your room and find you laying on the bed, resting from a hard day's work. You're in your Spandex and green tank top. Laying on your back, one arm over your eyes. You hear me walk in, of course. You have good hearing. You wait as I walk over and sit on the bed next to you, a little annoyed that I've come over and interrupted your rest. Then I say, 'Heero, I love you.'"

The script didn't cover anything quite like this. None of them did. He'd just have to play along and see what happened. What would he really do if Duo walked in and said, "I love you"? "I move my arm from my face and look at you, frowning. 'Nani?'" He walked over to the bed and lay down. It would be easier to play the game if he was mimicking Duo's fantasy.

"I love you, Heero. I love you as my best friend, but... I want to be more than that. Can I touch you... please?"

Heero was silent for a moment, thinking. His first reaction would be shock followed by flat refusal -- or maybe a fist in Duo's belly. He'd never been touched that way before. But this was just a phone call, just a fantasy. Duo wouldn't actually be touching him. Besides, he wanted to know where Duo's little fantasy led. And how fast. "Aa." As he said it, he realized he'd have to touch himself to try to draw the reactions to satisfy Duo. He gritted his teeth. Ninmu ryoukai.

"I smile and lay my left hand on your belly, feeling the shallow ripples through the cloth."

Heero put his hand on his belly, imagining it was Duo's hand. It did feel nice. "That feels nice, koi. Your hand is warm." During the war, he and Duo had tended each other's wounds often enough that he knew Duo's hands were warmer than his.

"I rub gently, letting my fingers run along the ripples... between them."

Heero moved his hand, and was surprised to find he enjoyed the feeling. It tingled. He'd have never guessed that something so simple could be so pleasing, especially after all the theatrics some callers wanted. He wondered how much of his excitement was because he knew who was on the other end of the phone. "Nnnnn," he sighed. It was a slight exaggeration, but if it had been someone else's hand, instead of his own, Heero thought he might have "nnnnn-ed". He was damn close as it was.

"You look so tense, Hee-koi. Let me give you a nice back rub."

Ah. Now he's going for my ass. "Anou, I can't give myself a back rub," he said, breaking the story.

"Oh, could you get one of the other operators to do it?"

Duo dropped in and out of the fantasy easily. That was good. It meant he had it under control. "I work from home."

"Oh... Well... just imagine?"

"Aa." Heero had never had a good back rub, but that wasn't something he could say to a caller. Callers always expected their studs to be knowledgeable and very experienced, even when they wanted them to pretend to be inexperienced. Several of the scripts included short back rub scenes, though. Heero was sure he could pull it off. It was his mission.

Then he remembered something. "Just a second." He dashed over to his work desk and opened the toy drawer. He used most of the equipment from his starter kit purely for reference, but there were a couple of pieces like... Aha. "I have a hand-held massager." It *was* the *deluxe* starter kit.

"Sugoi! Thanks, Yuji."

"Heero." He lay back on the bed.

"Okay! Heero, I roll you over onto your belly, and ... I'm captivated by your ass. I whisper, 'You have such a beautiful ass.'"

Yes. As expected. Here we go. "You think so?"

"Hai. Definitely the most beautiful butt I've ever seen on man, woman, boy, girl or beast."

"I push myself up on the bed and..." He pushed up and began pulling off his tank top. It was harder to get out of it this way than he'd expected. "... struggle out of my tank top, tossing it onto the floor, then lay down again and say, 'Ready, koi.'"

"Mmmm. Hee-koi. You're making me hard. Your body is sooo gorgeous. I can see the muscles of your back rolling beneath the skin as you sink back onto the bed. I move to sit on your ass. It's nice and hard, like the rest of you. Like you're making me. And I lay my hands on your back, between the shoulders and... Oh shit! There's the boss. I gotta go. How can I be sure I get you next time?"

When they started, Heero hadn't been sure he wanted there to be a next time. Now, he really wanted to know where Duo was going next. He'd been certain Duo was about to rip off his shorts and begin the sexual part of the fantasy. Instead, Duo had acted like he was actually going to start the back rub. Oh, sure, he'd gotten a good look, but that was all. And in the time they'd spent on the phone, most callers would have done a Hell of a lot more than that. He dropped into script mode as he grabbed the palm computer from the bedside table and punched up the extension applet. "When you get the intro message, dial... 1221 ..." He entered "Duo -- Koi" next to the extension and tapped the button to assign it. "... and you'll get me -- or my voice mail if I'm busy. Voice mail isn't charged, so leave me a brief message and a pager number and I can page you when I'm free." That was more than he'd done for his other two regulars. "Oh, and I go off shift at 18:00."

"Damn. I'll have to call you again tomorrow. I'll do it during lunch, though. Think you could get some Spandex shorts by then?"

"Sure." Heero stifled the desire to laugh. If only you knew, Duo no hentai okama. "I'll try to keep lunch open for you, koi."

"Thanks." Then, voice fading as the phone moved toward the cradle, "Hello, Commander Ki--." Click.

Heero lay on his belly on the bed, thinking. So, Duo was horny for him. But it was more than that, wasn't it. Duo had made it clear that he'd started with something more complex than simple lust. He'd started with friendship. Well, they could still be friends, but Heero could never tell him about this or Duo would be mortified. Maybe he'd explore how Duo really felt next time.

The phone rang.

"Tanaka-sama," his headset whispered in his ear. Thursday. 16:34. Right on schedule. "Tanaka-sama" was one of his midlifers. Heero walked back to his work desk and...

The phone rang.

... pulled out a couple of magazines that had the kind of pictures and stories that Tanaka-sama liked to play. He began getting his...

The phone rang.

... thoughts together. Tanaka-sama was a VP at a pharmaceutical company. He left at 16:00 on Thursdays so he'd have extra time for his daily fix. His wife went to her bridge club on Thursdays. He liked...

The phone rang.

... to pretend he was "teaching" a fifteen-year-old, virgin bottom-boy. Heero felt he qualified on the virgin and boy parts, but none of the rest.

The phone rang.

"He... Hello?" Tanaka-sama liked him to pretend he didn't know who was calling.

"Yuji, my sweet boy."

"Oh, Tanaka-sama. I'm so glad it's you." Not really. "Some of the older boys at school were talking about something called sex and it scared me." Duo's call had been much more interesting that Tanaka-sama's was likely to be. But this call should take him to right before 18:00. That would leave him an hour before he was supposed to meet Relena for a movie and dinner. Just enough time.

"Just relax, Yuji, l'm standing beside you now, and I'll teach you everything you need to know."

"Oh, Tanaka-sama. You're so kind. I'm so small for my age." Tanaka-sama couldn't admit that he really wanted a twelve-year-old, but Heero had figured it out quickly enough. The man was such a pervert.


"How was work?"

Heero looked up from his dessert -- Relena had insisted he try the cherries in creme over shortbread. It wasn't bad. He frowned faintly. He didn't like people asking him about work. "It was the usual grind." Maybe she'd drop it.

"What did you say you do again?"

He should have known better. She didn't know what "the usual grind" was -- even for people with normal jobs. But he had the answer for this one down. "Inbound telemarketing." It was the recommended response from the handbook. "People call me, not the other way around." It was true enough. Of course, the product he sold was time and fantasy, but each week his paycheck showed that he did it well. He was consistently one of the top ten operators on the service. "Would you like another cappuccino?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Oh, no thanks. It'll keep me up all night." She smiled. "What did you think of the movie?"

"Hn. It was okay." He'd only half watched the movie, spending the time thinking about Duo's call and his job mostly. He found it interesting that he was so good at male-male phone sex, despite the fact that he was a poor conversationalist in real life, had never been attracted to guys ... or anyone for that matter. He went out with Relena occasionally, but they were more friends than anything else. Hell, he'd never done more than masturbate -- usually when he was reviewing the magazines and videos that came with the starter kit, or the ones he'd acquired since to serve as "working material".

"Mm-hm. We should have seen something that didn't have so many bullets flying around."

"I like guns." Well, he did. He may not kill people anymore, but he enjoyed going to the gun range and firing off a few clips on target practice.

"Heero Yuy, you're hopeless." Relena chuckled softly. "Next thing you know you'll want to be a hit man for the Mafia."

He looked at her thoughtfully and she glanced away. That could be an interesting career move. Except... "I would join the Yakuza. And I said I liked guns, not killing." Threatening to kill someone. That was a different story. He sucked the last cherry into his mouth. A moment later, the smiled faintly as he pulled out the stem and examined the knot. He'd seen that in one of his movies and had been practicing off and on for weeks. He dropped it on the plate before him.

She smiled at him. "I'm glad," she said, apparently not noticing what he'd just done. Something told him he really didn't want Relena seeing that. She watched him as he toyed with the remains of the whipped cream and shortbread, casually concealing his little accomplishment. "Do you enjoy our little dates?" she asked.

His first impulse was to shrug. He knew better. Relena had just moved the conversation into deep water. "They're different."

Relena nodded. "Just friends, huh?"

There was no easy way out, so he chose to tell the truth bluntly. It was always the best choice. "Yes. I like being friends." He left unsaid that while she was beautiful, she just wasn't his type. He wasn't sure what his type was. He'd never really been attracted to anyone that way. Maybe something was wrong with him. Maybe Dr. J's manipulations had left him without a libido. No. He knew that wasn't true. He was about average in that department -- maybe a little above based on what he read in his magazines and saw on his videos.

"Oh well." She sighed. "I can live with that. I'm really too busy to try to have a boyfriend now anyway."

Heero could tell she was trying to make herself feel better about his rejection. "Relena." He caught her hand, and her eyes. "I like having you as a friend, especially now that we don't have all the war mess getting in the way, but..." He shrugged. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I think we can be more. If I did, I wouldn't be your friend."

Relena stared at him. He could see she was a little hurt by his bluntness. "You never sugar-coat anything. I think that's part of what makes you Heero." He waited. "Okay, then. We'll be friends. But if you ever change your mind, let me know."

He nodded.

"Want to do this again sometime?"

"Aa." He nodded again.

"I pick the movie."

"No chick-flicks."

"No guns," she countered.

He let a small smile creep onto his lips. "The university anime club is running a 'Dirty Pair' marathon next week."

She laughed. "A chick-flick with guns. I'll check my calendar and give you a call."


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