By: Lyssira Miokii
see part 1 for warnings, disclaimers
on Peacemillion + Part 2
Now nearly to the pilot's hangar,
Duo felt his feet slowing, his heart racing quickly.
Is there anyway I can make it up to him? I shoved him away...Is that
something a person can fix? I was afraid of what he could mean.....That
I'd trusted someone...That I could possibly have hope. Maybe it just means
I'm gay...but I don't know how to deal with it. How do I make him understand
that? Flustered, he ran shaking fingers through his long bangs.
I did freak out this morning. I'm surprised he didn't...I guess I shouldn't
be. Nothing gets to that guy, least of all me! Cept I did. He reached
out, not me....Dammit! If it wasn't so confusing it might be funny. -Heero's-
the one who reached out. I guess I always though he'd be the follower
in a relationship....I mean the whole lack of emotion has its disadvantages
when not decimating a bloodthirsty military organization....But what can
I say? Sorry pal, I didn't think I swung that way? Or I'm just not ready
for that Heero...even though we did screw each other silly last night!
letting a out a less than gentlemanly snort, he was so consumed in his
own thoughts that he didn't notice the slender figure not three feet in
front of him. Sally Po felt herself be pulled up only minutes after the
collision, realizing that it must have been one of the pilots she crashed
into. Any normal person would be out just like she was.
"Doc! Jeez I'm sorry...didn't see ya there," chirped a cheerful
voice, that was recognized as Duo's after a few minutes of trying to get
"Ooohh....That's alright...I'll be okay," she replied woozily,
swaying on her feet.
"Ack! Actually, I think we better get you sitting down, just my unprofessional
opinion but you look just a tab unstable..." the easy grin appeared
on the youth's feet and he led her into yet another lounge, carefully
settling the older woman on a couch.
"Unn...Thank you," she replied automatically, closing her eyes.
"Heh! For knocking into you? No I must say the pleasures all mine,"he
gave her a sly wink, then brought over some water and a bottle of Advil.
Gratefully, she popped the pills in.
"Hmm...Well, while you're taking care of the doctor," she gave
him a wink of her own, teasingly before continuing, " Is there anything
you needed Duo?"
His expression turned sheepish and serious suddenly, round cheeks flushing
to an almost painful shade of red. "Actually, Doc, I guess...Well
I needed to talk with someone, if you're not busy, I mean if you are....."
he stuttered, completely unlike the smooth talking soldier she'd taken
into her care recently.
"Duo, I was just nearly knocked out on the floor of the upper-deck.
I don't think they'll mind if I take a little while to recover or even
a little longer to give you a listening ear," she smiled comfortingly,
an expression that had only confused Wufei. It seemed to reassure Duo,
the braided pilot relaxing visibly.
"That was my fault too," he added quietly. She laid a comforting
hand on his shoulder.
"Well in all fairness, I'm not suffering and it's not like you left
me there and ran off. Now what's the matter?"
"Jesus, I don't know how to word this, Sally, but do you know what
love is? What it's supposed to be? I don't think I know anymore,"
he mumbled quietly, more to himself than to the blonde woman next to him.
Gray eyes widened at the question and she slipped her arm around the slender
boy, drawing him closer.
This war is deadly in more ways than one...But I'll fight. if only
to save these boys, I will fight. Dammit, if this goes on what's left
of them? Of their souls... Sally said to herself, making another solemn
vow, like many promises she'd made to herself in the past year. Aloud
she whispered, "Well that's not my expertise, but I'll do my best.
There are so many different kinds of caring, Duo. But love is the deepest
form of trust, loyalty and affection there is. It's good feeling associated
with one person...Love is the ultimate way of caring."
"And...it can't be tainted...can it? Love can't be stained..."he
sounded so unsure of himself, it dug deep into her. "No, you can't
twist it when it's real."
"And if you hurt someone...can't caring about them make it better?
Or don't you deserve to be forgiven? If you made a mistake...God was suppose
to forgive that...but I don't know if I can believe in Him anymore...or
if I ever could...Are mistakes not fixable...dammit..are they?" Sally
began to wonder if he remember she was in the room.
"Anything is fixable Duo, if you believe in a cause enough,"
she tried to keep her voice steady, but the look in those eyes. There
was so much guilt there. For what she did not know, but something weighed
heavily on the youth's mind.
"He does...Sally, I have another question...Does it matter who you
care about? Does it matter if you're not worthy?" his voice was muffled
slightly, by his own hair and by the quick hug she pulled him close for.
"Everyone is worthy. And everyone deserves a second chance.
Just believe in yourself!" she urged, before releasing him. A familiar
glow reappeared in violet eyes. Before the blonde doctor could resist,
she was pulled close for a quick kiss, right on her lips. Now her eyes
nearly bugged out, large gray orbs huge and shocked.
"Thanks doc! Thanks for everything!" he called back racing towards
the door with all the speed of...of a trained gundam pilot. Sally was
blushing furiously, redder than should have been humanly possible.
"Your welcome!" she called after him, " DON'T EVER DO THAT
AGAIN!" "Sure thing, doc," came the faint reply, leaving
her alone in an empty room.
I needed to hear that...I need to know what love is...I don't think
I know yet. But I know that I can fix what I did wrong this morning. If
anything, I -know- I can make Heero forgive me a little at least. If only
so that we work together for the colonies. Sally's right. I need to believe
in myself or I'll never get anywhere. If I can fix one thing today, it
has to be this. I never meant to hurt him, which is the last thing he
needs...And I can't concentrate with all this guilt....Or with people
following me around!
Duo turned to face a stone-faced Wufei, the Chinese man glaring like Heero
for all he was worth.
"Did I just see you kissing Sally?" he snarled, more than a
hint of envy in his voice.
Dude's got it bad...hmm...maybe I can fix something else this morning....
"What, jealous?" the Deathscythe pilot taunted, turning around
to continue walking.
Almost there...Heero...I can survive you hating me...but I have to
make sure you understand.
"That doesn't matter...But does it have something to do with why
Yuy won't stop moping this morning?" Wufei replied cooly, trying
to dispel the green eyed beast inside his head. Duo and Sally. The very
idea was ludicrous! Or..he hoped it was.
Duo threw him a sidelong glance without slowing down, "Heero? Moping?
Dude, he doesn't know how to mope!"
"That may be true," Wufei allowed, knowing the idea didn't sit
well with himself either, " But he won't come out of his gundam,
hasn't all day."
Figures he'd bury himself in things to do until he could forget I told
him off...Shit! I wish I hadn't been quite so forceful....Okay that's
an understatement...never come near me again isn't forceful it's cruel.
He didn't deserve that...
"That's hardly my problem," Duo snapped, always harsher than
he meant to. I've been a real ass, lately haven't I? I doubt Wufei
will be crushed though...
"Yes it is. I know it is. I'm not a fool, Maxwell," Chang snarled,
look of contempt clear on his face.
Always the bad guy...
"You were watching us!?!" the braided pilot exclaimed. Despite
his earlier assumptions about the other boy, no blush rose to his cheeks,
neither did he look at all squeamish. Cooler than rock that one.
"Yes. And I know enough that it's you who caused this. You're the
one who should fix it," pilot 05 glared, fully expecting to win the
"You're absolutely right Wufei, I'll go right now," Duo took
off at full speed down the hall, much to Wufei's disbelief. I never
expected him to actually comply...He stood gaping before he composed
"By the way," the violet-eyed thief called back, " You
might wanna check on Sally...I hit her pretty hard!!!"
"NANI???" he roared, "Maxwell! You dishonorable cur...."
"Yep! She needs your big, strong, sexist protection. Get moving,
man!" Duo grinned wider, watching with glee as Wufei did just that.
Howard's men were about ready to forcibly remove the Japanese boy from
his cockpit when a blur of braid, black and violet interupted their plans
and blew through the hanger. After waving a hello to Trowa and reassuring
Quatre that he was alive, well, and as sane as he could possibly he hope
to be, Duo set his jaw determinedly and set out for Gundam Zero, the nightmare
gundam of all gundams. Squirming with distaste, he scaled the white suit
anyway, set on his goal. He made mistakes, he knew that now. But he could
and would fix them. Whether Heero wanted his interference or not. The
hatch sprung open after some of his tampering, knowing full well the Wing
pilot would never open it willingly. Duo found himself staring into Prussian
blue oceans for the third time that day, losing himself again. Falling.....
Always falling. never caught.
He jerked his head up, forcing them both back into reality, noting that
Heero had been just as lost as he for a moment. Now the other boy glared
harshly, regaining his normal glower and losing that lost, frightened
look Duo was beginning to see more often than he would like. One night
had certainly messed with their minds, twisting thoughts and feelings.
One morning had brought it all to hell. But Duo was going to return from
the fiery depths once more and damned if Heero wasn't coming with him.
He started to turn away again, fully prepared to ignore the violet eyed
pilots in front of him. Heero wouldn't allow any slips.
"Go away," he snarled softly, so only Duo heard the words. Strong
hands lifted him by his tanktop, the slender weight of the Wing pilots,
not too much to Duo, who was used to hauling heavy salvaged metal. He
dragged Heero out of the small confining space, glided down on the grappling
hook attached to the inside of the cockpit, one arm cradling his cargo.
Only when they reached the ground did Heero struggle at all, but he'd
forgotten just how strong the Deathscythe pilot was. He couldn't escape,
not without seriously injuring or killing Duo. And he wouldn't do that,
no matter how mad he was. "I said go away," he hissed in the
other's ear, not at all pleased about being hauled around like so much
baggage. Duo didn't seem to care.
Of course he doesn't care. He made that clear this morning!
"And I'm saying that I won't," the braided boy replied softly,
none of his characteristic buoyancy in his voice, "We need to talk.
"No..." Heero wretched around more, trying to break free.
"I didn't say you had a choice. You're coming whether you like it
or not. I want my say. And you're gonna listen," Duo growled, sounding
much more like himself than the almost foolishly cheerful American.
And with that, black clad pilot and his charge disappeared into a smaller
room, leaving Quatre and Trowa standing there, more than a little bemused.
Trowa blinked confused green eyes at his companion. "Do they always
do stuff like this? Or is this something new I missed?" he wondered.
"I'm just as lost as you...."Quatre shrugged and the two left,
together, maybe to play chess or get some food. A long time ago each had
given up normalcy...what was the point, since they were gundam pilots?
Normal simply was not an option.
He doesn't realize... I woke up this morning and I felt safe... I felt
-needed-. And it took him all of an instant to destroy that feeling. Is
peace really that fragile? Because for the first time in my life... I felt
peace! Damn you, Duo. Peace is like a butterfly, just so fragile... and
easily crushed... He killed it so easily... with one simple movement... But
I can't hate him no matter how much I try... only... feel that loss... Heero's
thoughts ran wild as he studied the youth in front of him. Duo returned
the stare, eye for eye, at a loss for words. But, evidently Heero wasn't...
"Is this stay away from you thing only when you say so? Or do you
prefer I be at your beck and call?" he spat cynically, anger tinging
the low monotone.
"No...." hurt actually flashed through the violet, like a fleeting
breeze. He almost felt bad for saying it.
"What then? Is there some part of stay from me, you felt I didn't
understand? Haven't I left you alone all day? Or do you prefer I leave
the ship....Can't do that Duo. The mission, remember? the colonies come
before your own wishes!" Heero continued in a low snarl, not quite
Why am I doing this to him?
"The colonies always came first for me, Heero. But I have to say
this...because right now there's something more important than the colonies..."the
seriousness in that voice didn't belong there. He'd never heard it before,
even in the most desperate of battles.
"Hn," Heero grunted, certain there was nothing he could say
What could possibly be so important?
"You," Duo finished softly, answering the unspoken question,
not meeting his eyes for a moment.
"Hm?" wide-eyed, the bowed head snapped up. The expression on
the chiseled Asian features was priceless, vulnerable and confused, almost
like a child met with a new concept he didn't understand. "Me?"
Duo suppressed a chuckle.
"Yeah...I...shit! Heero. You scared me this morning. And not because
of...of what we did last night. I mean...I was a little scared of that
at first...but it's not that, that bothered me. I didn't have a great
childhood, Heero...it's not excuse I'm not trying to excuse hurting you...I
never should have pulled away...Every instinct I had was telling me to
let you touch me...." Duo paced, despite his long walk earlier that
day, despite the fact all he really wanted to do was run.
Run...hide...but he has to know the truth before I can do any of those
Prussian blue eyes were focused and attentive, watching him, letting him
speak. They offered him some strength, mostly courage to go on. Heero
wasn't rejecting his words just yet.
"As a kid everyone who protected me...well...they bit the big one...kicked
the bucket...they're gone now...I just couldn't accept the fact someone
else was keeping me safe cause for a minute Heero, for once minute before
I opened my eyes, you kept me safe, from everything. Man! Do you have
any fucking idea how terrifying that was?" Duo continued, resorting
to profanity when he had nothing left.
"I do..." that quiet voice said, never obtrusive but getting
his attention all the same, "I felt the same way...I've never felt
that way...I guess it was selfish of me, wanting it to last.."
Duo grabbed the narrow chin with a almost bruising force, halting his
words, "It wasn't selfish... I was scared...but I hadn't wanted it
to end...that scared me more...so I tried to get rid of you. I'm so sorry..."
the words leapt from his mouth, an apology he'd never intended to say
put into the light, earning a slight smile from the Wing pilot. Silently
Heero got up, hesitantly lifting one hand to the others face, fully expecting
to get slapped away. When he wasn't, nimble digits traced the corners
and lines of the braided boy's face, getting a shocked a expression from
"Heero.... I... dammit... I never did figure out what love is,"
unconsciously he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes slightly.
"If you're asking I don't know either..." Heero murmured back,
hand slipping along the edges of the wide, constantly grinning mouth.
"I do know I care about you...I don't know how or what it means...And
we don't have time to find out," worry clouded his features for a
"The colonies come first. That's always how it's been," Heero
agreed, reassuring him through words and touch.
"Listen, neither of us knows where this gonna go... but we can try
to survive and find out. We can wait and figure this out, " Duo smiled
a little, hoping that they could discover what all this meant. It might
be love. It might not. But something drew him to this boy in front of
him and he would not risk destroying it again. Gentle lips touched his
cheek before Heero pulled away completely, giving him an open, honest
I don't know either, Duo. But we can find out. I know that. I can do
this, the Wing pilot said to himself.
To his comrade, his friend, his lover, he whispered:
"I'm okay with that."
[part 1] [back to Lyssira's