By: Lyssira Miokii

Duo Maxwell's Guide to Surviving Highschool
# One: High School is funny.
# Two: Laugh at it.
# Three: A lot.

-Books (or so I'm told)
-Sharpie Markers [1] (graffiti is an art form not a crime)
-Thermal Scythe
-Pocket knife
-Lock-pick collection
-Various types of Explosives (travel size only)
-Irreplaceable Japanese partner with self-destructive tendencies (handle carefully)

Duo: How the God of Death survives High School....Some policies should be saved for emergency situations only.

I. Your Peers:
*First thing, assure everyone Heero is not going to hurt them.
*Second, assure self that Heero is not going to hurt them.
*Evacuate Relena and Relena look-a-likes. [2]
*Appeal to one's classmates. They are less likely to suspect you later on.
*Attempt to discover the ins and outs of each fad in order to avoid awkward situations.
*Smile at the girls, make sick jokes with the boys. Everyone's happy.
*Do not, under any circumstances, be talked into accompanying girls to the mall.
*Don't be talked into accompanying them anywhere.
*Earplugs are not necessarily unwanted.
*Avoid: Druggies, boardies, wannabes and all who bear the name Otaku for one's own mental or physical health.
*Heero-rescue might be required daily, so be prepared for a dramatic exit at all times.

II. Vocabulary:
* Speak good, proper English with one's teacher. They appreciate it.
* Speak good proper slang with one's classmates. They also appreciate it.
* Speak carefully to partner. You'll appreciate it later on.

III. Transportation:

*Bus is....unreliable at best. Kamikaze at worst. Usually dangerous to some degree.
*Gundams are blatantly obvious.
*Talking Heero into renting a car or calling a taxi is impossible and also Kamikaze.
* Walking is good for you, even in blizzards and -20 degree weather. Really.

IV. Wardrobe:

*Never wear anything that will label you as a geek. Includes suspenders, overalls, granny-sneakers.
*Convince Heero to leave the spandex at home.
*Convince Heero to leave the spandex's altar at home.
*Convince Heero to save packing for later. ^_~

V. Cafeteria Meals:
*If faced with dreaded cafeteria poison, be smart and fake an ulcer.
*If faced with dreaded tasteless rations, lure partner to nice secluded spot to...negotiate.
*Twinkies are the ambrosia of the modern world.

VI. For Emergencies
*Pull the fire alarm
*Scream "FIRE!" and run away.
*Scream "Dennis Rodman!" and run away.
*Scream "MADONNA!" and run away.
*Do a strip dance on the cafeteria table while others escape.
*Randomly start a fight between two students and make a hasty exit.


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