Disclaimer: I completely understand that the characters and setting of
the Gundam Wing Universe do not belong to me. I make no profit off of
this piece, have only written it for my own enjoyment and, hopefully,
for the enjoyment for others. However, I hope YOU understand that this
is MY storyline, MY writing, no matter how warped or morbid. I respect
your claims. You respect mine. Fair enough?
Warnings: ANGST. Dark, creepy story. Blood. Violence. Warped-ness. Shounen
Ai. Language. POV (Mostly Duo's I believe) Not for the very religious...including
Rating: Drama/Horror-R (just to be on the safe side)
Whispers To Me + Part 3
I don't think I'll ever know how long I stayed in that graveyard, how
much time I spent crying (or not depending on how macho I feel like being
each new day) and thinking. It was such a relief to sob and not have anyone
hear me. If it wasn't so painful I think I would've done it more often.
I hadn't been a child who could simply shed tears. Crying never solved
anything. My nose felt like it had been scraped raw, then pressed with
salt. My cheeks had dredges from the passage of acidic tears. I probably
looked like shit. But, fuck, inside it felt good.
No one visited the yard often; there were weeds overgrown around the fence
and I was still prepubescent the last time they mowed the lawn. My sneakers
were probably the first to mar the firmly packed Earth for years. That
didn't surprise me. This was an average suburban community. Their dance
was simple. Birth. Growth. Death. They didn't dwell on the dying because
there was no need. Funny, it was all I'd ever known. Death. Growing wasn't
important. You're born, you die. Only the lucky get to live in between.
I shut the gate behind me, leaving their dead behind. They'd never know
I was here. No one would find the tear stains on the old tree or the imprint
in overgrown grass of a lost boy...man? Soldier?
I didn't hurry on the way back to the safe house. I could imagine the
greeting I'd have. They'd think I was a traitor, Heero would do his little
song and dance about removing all obstacles, then I would talk my way
out of it. Talking had never been a problem for me. It was admitting the
`personal stuff' that always got me. Go figure. Quatre would be compassionate,
Wufei would be skeptical and Trowa-Trowa would stand there. I never knew
what I'd say to the guys in charge until I arrived at the right place,
like an improvisational actor without the applause. If Heero didn't finally
kill me, I'd consider myself a hit.
I avoided all people on the way home, taking a winding, twisting route
that only the mad or the desperate could understand. That morning's nightmare
might have faded within the wrought-iron barriers of the graveyard. But
on the sidewalk it returned, fresh in my mind, a horror movie on repeat.
The memory of rotting flesh sent shivers down my spine. Where had that
come from? Was I finally really succumbing to this? Or was I still dreaming?
Does a lunatic know he's insane? I wondered, keeping my eyes on the trees
as I walked, willing them not to shrivel and die under my gaze.
They stayed green.
Sunlight flickered off the pavement, warmed my back as I walked. It's
golden glow soothed my nerves somewhat and I willed myself not to think
anymore until I got back. The less thinking, the less time to regret what
might've happened to Wufei if my aim hadn't been off. The less time to
think what could've happened on my run away from that house if I'd had
my gun. Less time for worrying and regretting. All thinking did was cause
grief and drive me closer to the brink. If man had never learned to think,
everything would've been so much simpler-- no war, no peace, no need for
I studied the blossoms on the fruit trees and smiled. If only. The house
we were staying in arrived on my path all too quickly. I watched the spring
sky for a long time, standing out on the lawn. The curtains shifted on
the windows. I saw them, though no one else would. No one else would be
looking. The birds sang above me and I raised my eyes to them. The others
could wait, especially if this was the last day I would see the sun. It
I searched the puffy, white clouds for a sign I should say something.
What could I say? I'm sorry? Really, sometimes I wondered if I was at
The curtains shifted again. I smirked. Impatient are we?
"I didn't lie," I told those clouds, finally. Raising a hand
to the heavens, I told the sun goodbye. I told the birds and the grass.
I told the kids across the street, even if they didn't hear me.
The door opened without a creak. I stepped across the threshold, allowing
it to slam behind me. Quatre, blonde hair nearly white in the gloom, stood
before me, shifting his weight. I shrugged, waiting for him to speak.
Heero lurked behind the door. Trowa crouched in the next room. I think
Wufei was somewhere under the stairwell. If this wasn't an obvious set
up, I didn't know what was. Winner's son bit his lip. I could read the
war going on behind the blue-green screens. He knew he was supposed to
be my friend. But it was his mission to `lure me in.'
"Are you alright Duo?" he asked, taking a step towards me. I
took another back.
"I'm just wonderful, thanks."
"Wufei told me you...were kind of upset this morning," he persisted,
"Oh really," I faked a yawn, studied my fingernails. Grass and
gunpowder had mixed under them.
"Yeah. I thought there might have been a mistake," Quatre looked
up at me. His eyes were full of hope. He didn't want to break up our fragile
"Do we have to talk about this now, Quat? I need to go work on Deathscythe,"
I tried to push past him to the living room and, beyond that, the door
to the hanger. Naturally, I didn't get that far. A cold ring pressed against
my forehead. I let an easy, silly grin spread across my face. My Prussian-eyed
counterpart didn't see the humor in the situation. Of course, I'd never
known him to find humor in anything that was really funny. The metal bit
into my skull. "Why, Heero," I quipped, "what a surprise."
"Confess," he ordered.
"To what, old buddy, old pal?" I asked.
"You're a traitor," Heero growled. I laughed.
If you were any farther from the truth, you'd be on Mars, chum.
"A traitor? Why would I betray you guys?" I blinked my big,
blue- violet eyes innocently, blinked for all I was worth.
"I don't know, why would you?" he asked.
Oh, great comeback! Been watching those old, detective movies, Heero?
"Well, if you don't know and I don't know, why doesn't Trowa tell
us? Or Wufei? Quatre? C'mon guys, somebody's gotta know," I called
Care to phone a friend?
"Why did you try to kill Wufei?" the `Perfect Soldier' asked
me, deadpan. I snorted.
"Kill Wufei? Me? Really, now! You know I'd never harm a hair on Wufei's
"You shot at him and missed," he continued.
"I must've misfired, that's all," I shrugged.
"I don't think so," Heero snapped.
You think? Really? I thought you just followed instructions like a
good, wittle puppet.
My smile hardened, "Heero, Heero, don't you know anything? If I'd
wanted to kill Wufei, he'd be dead. It was an accident."
The gun pressed harder against my skull. By the time this was finished,
I'd have a neat, little round mark in my forehead. Or large, bloody hole.
"What's really going on, Duo?" his glared intensified, as if
he could burn holes into my eyes with his own. As if he could see past
them into my soul. Ha.
"We can help you, if that's what you need!" Quatre said from
behind him, eyes brimming with compassion.
"I don't need help, Quatre, but thanks," I smiled for real.
Sweet, dependable Quatre. It's gonna get him killed some day. I moved
to walk away but Heero's gun followed me and his free hand moved to clench
around my arm. I ignored the pain.
"Admit you need help or admit you betrayed us," he commanded.
I laughed aloud again.
"What no choice C?"
"Choice C being I pull the trigger."
"Oh. Well I pick C, then. Cuz, as we all know, you don't have the
balls to shoot anyone up close, Heero. Maybe if you back up and climb
the stairs a bit, you'll being able to handle it," I said.
Go ahead, Superman, end it all for me.
If it was silent when I walked in, it was tomblike after that. I could've
heard a flea hiccup in the silence. Heero's fist tightened around my arm
until I couldn't feel it anymore. His eyes were blazing, now. Though,
the veins hadn't to start bulging out of his forehead yet. Quatre and
Trowa didn't say a word. Wufei, having missed my last statement, poked
his head in the doorway. I glanced around at the drab decor. What a place
to die. I should've chosen something coolermore dramatic. Heero's
index finger quivered at the trigger. I could see in his eyes he wanted
to badly. I wondered if he could see that I wanted him to just as much.
At the last moment, though, he was faltering and I decided it wouldn't
be today. I ducked under his arm (Not easy--he's not that much taller
than I) and kicked his legs out from under him. He, in turn, grabbed my
shirt and yanked me down with him. The gun slid across the floor as we
fought, I with no style and he with every method of hand-to-hand combat
that the old bastard ever taught him. I landed my share of blows, as did
he. We were pretty evenly matched to be honest. After all, Heero may have
been handling guns when he was seven, but I was beating the shit out of
kids three times my size. He was in the middle of pounding my ribs to
powder when Trowa hauled him off me.
"Goddamn you!" Heero growled me, restrained by the taller boy.
"Little late, Heero," I hissed and smiled, despite the blood
dripping from my lips. Wufei, pulled me up, hesitantly, as if he were
afraid to touch me. I offered no resistance. Trowa guided the Japanese
pilot off to the bathroom. He was still glaring so hard his face must
have cramped. I grinned. How lovely to infuriate someone. I admit making
others suffer when you're feeling shitty is great fun. Heero was an easy
target. And I was in the right kind of mood. Wufei's hands still rested
on my shoulders.
"Sorry `bout this morning," I said to him, wiping the blood
from my lip. It smeared across the back of my hand.
"Why...?" he asked, bemused.
"I'm sure you have bad dreams sometimes, Wufei," I said to him,
shaking off his touch.
"Sure," he shrugged.
"Sometimes the bad dreams are just too much," I said simply.
With that, I walked away, knowing he wouldn't follow. He was headed for
Nataku. He slept there sometimes, like with me and Deathscythe. Gundanium
was the strongest material after all. We were more protected in our suits
than anywhere else. I followed the moth-eaten carpet to the hanger door.
Time to give my buddy a visit.
[part 2] [part 4]
[back to Lyssira's fic]