Author: Mair
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nadda, zip, zilch! Fan purposes only!

Love Potion #9 + Part 5

The alarm rocketed through his consciousness and Duo groaned. One hand moved from its resting place near his head to grope for the alarm clock. Just as he found it, his hand met cool fingers that turned it off. Duo looked up to see Heero staring down at him. Heero's eyes never moved from his and Duo started to squirm under the look he was getting. "Uh... Heero?"

"What did you do?"

Duo blinked. "Huh?"

Heero's eyes narrowed into a slight glare. Duo's mind raced as he tried to figure out what Heero was talking about. Then memories of last night clicked. He flushed, then paled, trying to come up with an explanation that would have him survive the morning. "I... Uh... I think we can both ask that question."

The glare grew in intensity. "Heero... You were the one who told me what you did... Are you telling me now that you didn't mean it?" Zorah's words drifted back into his mind; "The love potions take away free will... He wouldn't be able to do anything but be in love with you."

"You aren't answering my question."

"Neither are you!" Duo sat up, his mind actually coming alive this early for once. He sat up. "Heero, last night I asked you if you loved me. You said yes. I told you that that was good 'cause I loved you too. Are you taking that back?" he demanded.

Heero crossed his arms across his chest and turned away, silent.

Duo could feel something cracking inside of him as his hopes for the two of them started to shatter. "Heero... please... answer me." He watched the motionless figure. "Heero... if you answer me I'll answer your question. I won't... I won't dodge it any more..."

Heero turned to look over his shoulder at Duo. "You will answer me first. I asked my question first. I need to know that answer just as much as you need your answer."

Duo closed his eyes. "The last time I gave you an answer for a question nothing changed. I told you how important my braid was and the first opportunity you got you yanked on it."

"You will get your answer when I get mine."

"Damn it Heero! My question came first! It came last night! I asked you... Now you are telling me that you don't know and you're trying to distract me from a firm answer by asking me what happened!" Duo knew his voice was rising and checked it, quieting down to a hiss as Heero turned to face him. "Last night I figured that if I used the love potion something might crack in you. If you felt anything for me that you would have the strength to tell me the next morning instead of retreating. I thought that me telling you how I felt would give you the strength to face your own emotions!" Duo looked away from Heero's cold blue eyes and stared at the foot of his bed.

He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around them and continued. "I wasn't expecting the love potion to work. Up until the point that Quatre came and knocked on the door I still wasn't sure that it had. Then he, who only has eyes for Trowa, starting lusting openly after me." He looked back to Heero. "Now answer me Heero... answer the question I asked first. Do you... did you mean what you said." The tension in his voice left his voice at a whisper.

Heero stood there staring, not speaking.

"Heero!" Tears started to gather in the corners of his eyes. I will not cry. I willNOTcry... Iwon'tcryIwon'tcryIwon'tIwon't I WON'T!

"Never do that again."

"That isn't an answer Heero Yuy!"

"You're right. It isn't."

"Tell me Heero... please."

"All's fair in love and war."

Duo sat stunned on the bed. "You aren't going to tell me are you? I told you what you wanted to know because I trusted you. I trusted you to keep your word and tell me!"

Heero stared at him. His eyes left the stunned figure staring at him on the bed and he grabbed a shirt, pulling it down over his jeans. Heero strode to the door and left.

Duo couldn't believe it. He stared at the closed door that, just a moment ago, let the one he loved leave. The tears that threatened the whole time spilled over. He wiped at them furiously, ashamed at his own weakness. He thought back to last night and flopped down on his pillow, allowing the tears to fall.

+

Heero strode down the street, glad the idea of signing out of his classes for the day came to him. He couldn't face Trowa or Duo in his classes. Not today. He couldn't lie to Duo about his feelings and until he came to terms with them, he couldn't see him. He knew that Duo's use of the love potion worked. He also knew that if it weren't for him using it he probably wouldn't ever have told Duo he loved him. However, he needed to tell Quatre about the love potion. He was affected by it last night and Quatre didn't need it interfering with his relationship with Trowa.

Heero turned down an alley and opened the gate at the end. He cut through the garbage dump, avoiding the towering piles of stench to the gate. He slipped out and into the scrap yard next door. He stepped over an old bumper and strode over to the pile of old junked mobile suits. Heero lifted the panel on one of the legs and climbed down into the small compartment. Once the panel set back down again he lifted a cut hatch just down the leg and dropped down inside.

"Heero! What are you doing here?" Quatre asked, lowering the handgun.

"I need to talk to you." He said, straightening from his crouch on the floor.

Quatre flushed, holstering the gun. "If it's about last night... I'm sorry... I don't know what came over me... I never want to get between you and Duo but last night I just couldn't help it. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Where's Wufei?"

Quatre blinked. "Out getting breakfast. He wasn't expecting me to show up, he was asleep when your message came in so he went down to the corner drug store."

"When?"

"About five minutes ago..."

Heero nodded. "Enough time then." He sat down and leaned against the earthy walls. "This is about last night, but it wasn't your fault." Quatre blinked and opened his mouth to speak but Heero cut him off. "Duo tried a love potion. Remember the one he came down stairs with back at the safe house?"

Quatre nodded. "But how-"

"It's voice activated."

"Oh." Quatre said. "How did you find out?"

"I asked him what happened."

"And he told you?" Quatre asked, clearly not believing it was that easy.

"I made him tell me."

"How?"

"By telling him I would tell him something in return."

Quatre's eyes widened slightly, then narrowed as he studied Heero. "You didn't keep up your end of the bargin did you?"

"No. I can't."

"Why not?"

Heero met Quatre's eyes. "Because I don't need distractions. We are in a war and our minds and bodies should be used for the missions, not for physical distractions. We must always be on alert if we want to succeed."

Quatre's face grew stoney. "This coming from the man who traveled around Europe asking people to kill him. How is that successful to the mission?"

"It was necessary."

"J didn't order it. It wasn't a mission. It wasn't necessary." Quatre challenged.

Heero's eyes grew cold as he glared at Quatre. "It had to be done. I caused the situation, I needed to rectify it."

Quatre smirked at him. "Just as you created a situation with Duo this morning, you now need to rectify it by a result of your own logic."

Quatre didn't think it was possible for Heero to glare any harder or colder but somehow he managed. The hatch in the dug out room lifted and Wufei dropped down into the room.

Quatre smiled at Wufei, then turned back to Heero. "Thank you for telling me your information, but I think you have something to take care of now."

Heero rose to his feet, the glare firmly fixed on his face. He brushed passed Quatre and walked down a half hidden hall toward the exit.

"What was that all about?" Wufei asked.

+

Heero stomped out of the hide out. He couldn't believe that Quatre told him that. He took a deep breath trying to regain control. His thudding steps slowed and eased into his normal walk. His glare still firmly in place, he took off running. Mentally he plotted a route out of town and turned a corner. This wasn't the same. He failed on a mission. That was why he had to do what he did. This thing with Duo wasn't a mission. It wasn't the same. The reverberation of his feet on the pavement echoed his thoughts.

He loved Duo. He knew that. He knew his lack of response hurt Duo but it was for the best. He couldn't get involved with Duo. One could get addicted to sex just as easily as a drug and that would interfere with the mission. It had been hard enough to leave Duo this morning. His mind, his body remembered the feel of Duo's lips on his. He remembered the feelings generated from the feel of Duo's tongue tangling with his. It would only get worse if he gave in. They couldn't afford a risk like that now.

He hit his stride as he hit the main street, turning. and dodging pedestrians to continue on his way. But what if Quatre was right? He wronged Duo just like he failed in that mission. The set of circumstances were .different, but they weren't dissimilar. He killed .those in favor of peace through an error in judgement. With Duo, he potentially destroyed a hope for domestic peace through an error in judgement. To remedy the mistake he took his own initiative and .hunted down the slaughtered family members to ask them .to take his life in retribution. To remedy this mistake he would have to ask Duo to forgive him and .tell him the truth.

Dr. J strongly disapproved of his actions in the aftermath of his healing. Undoubtedly he would be equally disapproving about his actions toward Duo if he so chose to follow through with them. He darted out into the street as the civilians on the sidewalk started to inhibit his forward motion. Heero slowly picked his speed back up, beginning to pant. His face relaxed out of the glare. On the other hand, though physical distraction may lead to a mental occupation with the pilot, it might cause the obsessive-compulsive behavior he'd been exhibiting lately toward the other pilot to diminish. A decrease in sexual tension could aide in battle readiness. That would keep him from having to take cold showers .in the morning and decrease the number of extra curricular activities he had to participate in when in those showers.

Heero slowed as he reached the end of a row of shops, .deviating from his planned activity of running to the outskirts of town. He came to a halt and leaned against a light pole. Duo had used unethical and dishonorable behavior to get the confession of love from him. He couldn't ignore that fact. He wiped his now sweaty brow, his breathing calm once more. There would be more missions for them and they would be forced to spend more time with one another. Heero knew he needed to be able to depend on Duo. He couldn't depend on him, nor Duo depend on Heero, if they didn't clear this up. Conclusion: talk to Duo and tell the truth. Which truth, he didn't know.

He pushed off of the lamp-post and turned back toward town. He only hoped that Relena wouldn't find him before he found Duo.

+

When Heero reached the room, it was a mess. Duo stripped his bed this morning by the look of the sheets on the floor but had yet to put new ones on. It also looked like Duo searched hard for something. A messy room wasn't conducive to a learning environment.

He dropped the key on the desk and started cleaning the room. Sheets met the laundry basket and new ones met Duo's bed. Clothing returned to its proper place on the end of Duo's bed once it passed Heero's inspection. Once he finished with all of that, he made up his own bed.

Flopping down on the newly made bed, Heero retrieved his gun and a protien bar from under the mattress. Nothing like squashed breakfast and gun cleaning to pass the time.

He occupied himself with the task at hand and realized half way through that he didn't find the love potion when he cleaned up. He knew it had fallen somewhere.

He heard it hit the floor the night before. Duo must have retrieved it. He pushed his thoughts from his mind and continued cleaning. When he finished with the gun he traded it for his binoculars to check the alignment. Heero had them cleaned and halfway put together when a knock sounded on the door. Mentally, he cursed his luck and picked up the pieces and set them in the open desk drawer. He got up and slid the drawer almost all the way closed with one fluid movement. He padded over to the door and opened it, immediately wishing he hadn't.

"Heero I heard you were sick! Is there anything I can do?" Relena asked, concern coloring her voice. When he didn't immediately answer, she spoke up again. "What are you doing out of bed? You shouldn't be up opening the door, you could have just called for me to come in." She pushed her way into the room, content in the knowledge that Heero couldn't force her to leave without raising quite a ruckus.

Relena tugged on his arm, guiding him sullenly back to bed. "Lay down. I'm going to get you some soup. I didn't see you at breakfast and since you're here I know you're not at lunch so you must be starving." She watched as he layed down on the bed. Silently he berated himself for not answering the door gun in hand and to hell with the mission. She sat down on Duo's bed chattering away about different kinds of soup. He rolled over toward the wall trying to think of a way to get rid of her. "I really don't care what kind of soup or for any kind of soup. If you want to bring me some, fine."" He hoped that would get rid of her. Once she left he'd lock the door.

Relena pouted prettily at Heero's back, setting her hands on the bed, fighting the urge to slouch. Something rolled down and touched her hand. She looked over and saw a small spray bottle. It must have been in the clothes. Then she recognized the clothes. She picked up the bottle and glanced at the label. A love potion? Why would Duo need a love potion? She looked over at Heero's silent form. A slow smile started to spread across her features. She would just have to try this out. She pocketed the bottle. "I'll be back in a second with your soup, Heero."

When Heero heard the door close he looked over at the .door, frowning. She would never learn. He rolled off of the bed, grabbed a sheet of paper from the desk and scrawled a quick note. He opened the door and stuck the note on and shut the door, locking it. Duo had a key. He opened the drawer and pulled out the pieces and resumed the rebuilding.

+

Duo trudged back to the dorm room. Heero hadn't been .in any of his classes today, one thing he was most grateful for. One thing less he had to contend with.

He was pathetic. How could he ever think Heero would return his affections? Lust was destined to be it and there wasn't a snowballs chance in hell that he would go along with that. It would be too easy to convince himself that the sex meant something.

There was a note on the doorway. Heero went out for a walk to get some fresh air. Great. He'd have another unobstructed shot at finding that damn potion so he could chuck it into the biggest furnace he could find. He unlocked the door and went in. He looked up to see Heero perched on his bed looking at him. Duo stared stupidly at him for a moment, wondering why in the hell he was here. Then it came to him. Relena. She must have paid him a visit.

"Duo."

"I'll leave." Duo moved to toss his books on his bed .then realized that someone made it.

"No. We have to talk."

"Who made my bed?"

"I did."

Duo looked over at Heero. He hadn't changed position. ."Wait one second. You want to talk." He paused, dumping his books on the bed. "You who walked out this morning and wouldn't give me a damn answer, want to talk?"

"Could you please shut the door?"

Duo kicked the door shut, gathering the remains of his pride about him. "Fuck you. I wanted to talk to you earlier today and you got up and left. You said you'd answer me. You didn't."

"My answer this morning was what I didn't give. I considered my answer to be irrelevant to our current situation and hence, detrimental. That opinion has since changed."

"Oh that's just great. That's just fuckin' great. Heero, I don't think I want to hear what you have to say. You avoided me all day long so I don't think I need a verbal answer from you. You don't love me and you never will and I fucked up last night and you can't trust me and you might as well get a different partner that you can trust instead of one that acts without honor. You are interested in me only as far as sex goes but you know what? I don't care. If you want a screw buddy you are barking up the wrong tree. You know it's-"

Heero stopped him by standing up and placing his hand over Duo's mouth. "Will you shut up?"

Duo hit his hand away. "This isn't promoting warm fuzzies here Yuy."

"I don't really care. The only thing I need to do is set you straight, now sit." He commanded.

"Bite me. Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Duo, I wasn't lying last night."

"That's reassuring." Duo spat out, then actually heard what Heero said.

Heero shut Duo's mouth with the aid of a finger under the chin. "I wasn't lying last night. I meant what I said and I still do. This morning however, I had to look at things in a different light. You are a distraction from the mission. I left. Quatre had to know about the love potion so I went and told him about it. When I got there, he asked me how I got you to tell me about it. He guessed."

Duo sank down on the corner of his bed, the clothing making an awkward seat.

Heero continued. "He also guessed that I didn't keep up my end of the bargin. He helped me see the error in my logic by comparing this incident to my mistake back at the base where I destroyed the plane and what I did to rectify, in my own mind, what happened with the surviving relatives."

Heero knelt down infront of Duo so he could see his face. Duo's face was a mask of amazement and disbelief. "I went for a run to clear my mind from his dismissal and think about what he said. I came to the conclusion that he was right."

Duo's mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. "What now?" he eventually asked.

"Would you accept my apology for my actions this morning?"

Duo nodded. He studied Heero's face infront of his. He hesitantly reached out and touched the side of Heero's face. He blinked. "I'm sorry about the love potion... I was so lonely and I didn't know what else to do."

Heero smirked. "Only if you're very good."

Duo blinked again. "And if I'm not?"

"Then I'll have to be very bad."

"And how do-" Duo's question was cut off by a very insistant pair of lips and a set of mischievous blue eyes.

+

[part 4] [part 6] [back to Mair's fic]