Part 1
Title: ?
Author: Mair
Genre: Uhhhh... Drama?
Pairings: 2+1, nothing else touched on.
Warnings: Hm. Um. Angst. Yeah. Definetly angst. No warm fuzzies here. Rembrant wouldn't let me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wrote the words but I don't own the characters mentioned. Much to my chagrin. *grins*

#1

I hate being alone. I want to reach out. I want to feel. I can't though. It's not aloud. Last time that happened it was flames and bangs and crashes and people dead. People I cared about. It hurt.

So instead, I find myself lost in shadows. The night wraps around me with only the moon to guide my weary steps.

It's cold. I really need a jacket. Maybe I just need someone's arms around me instead. Hands to run up and down my arms to warm me up. It won't ever happen though.

Y'see, Duo Maxwell doesn't need anyone. In the few months that the war's been over, everyone has found a place to belong. Even me. It's just that no one else is here with me. Mr. Smiles-happy-go-lucky doesn't need company. He has friends. He can make friends easily. Yeah right.

Mr. Smiles died two months after the war when he realized that none of the pilots cared enough to find out what he was up to. None of them needed him. Awe fuck it.
I dig my thoughts out of the self pity. What I really need is a good lay. Pent up sexual frustration and pity really is a bad combination. However, I really have got to remember that it's kinda hard to pick up a partner for the night when your out on some now deserted island in the pacific ocean.

I grab some of the sand next to my foot and sit, watching the sand run out of my hand. What I really need are hands... hands and arms. I need them to encircle me, caress me... Make me feel special.

You know things are fairly bad when your imagination can actually make you feel them... almost... I can feel lips press against mine and I close my eyes. Hell, your imagination can't hurt you. I imagine how the kiss would go. A slow easy kiss that slowly escalated to a teasing-I-want-you-now kiss. I imagine those same lips kissing my neck, right where it meets my shoulder.

Those hands, almost forgot about them. They would be ghosting along my back. Barely able to be felt, relaxing me. God I don't want to be alone. Not tonight. Not ever.

I cross my hands infront of my legs and let my forhead rest on my kneecaps. How could they all forget? How could they all return so easily to their lives and society. Quatre had to. Trowa had a place, the circus, but Wufei? Heero? I could feel my stomach clench.

Wufei I could understand having a reletively easy time but Heero? I never expected him to leave... leave me alone...

It wasn't my choice. He just up and left. None of them stayed. My shadow lover just isn't working. It takes too much effort for my mind to have everything work. Even if people can't get close to me, I can't stand this any more.

God I need to have someone here... Someone to take away the pain. They can't get close but they're gonna have to. Maybe... maybe there isn't a curse... Maybe Heero's strong enough if there is one... I just need someone. It hurts. It hurts... It hurts to have no one, not even my adopted family of the pilots.

The waves crash down on the shore. They're alone too. How fitting. The sound of the waves... it's the only sound in the night aside from the bugs. It's completely silent. I'm completely alone. But I don't want to be alone any more.

[part 2] [back to Mair's fic]