8-10-01
Mair: Damn it Rembrant... We've got other stories to work on... why this one?
Rembrant Tycoon: Cause I like angst now get to work.
Mair: I dun wanna do angst!
Rembrant: Too bad. Just remember though, the faster you get it done the faster you can work on the other ones.
Mair: *muttergrumblemuttermutter*
Title: ?
Author: Mair
Pairings: 2+1
Warnings: If anyone hasn't guessed by now... ANGST!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's all in the name of fandom! If I owned 'em I'd be rich, since I'm not, there you go!

#5

I'm sleeping in one of the victorian houses. I'm a sucker for the hard wood floors. One of the rooms is my destruction room. I really have to spend some time there today. I can't take these trips to the mainland. When I went two days ago, I ended up practically running for the boat. I know I'll have to return in a week and that's what's sending me to the room today.

I slowly push open the door to reveal a neat freeks nightmare. Everything in the room, with the exception of the things in the box next to the door, is broken. I grab a lamp off of the top of the pile and pitch it at the wall. It shatters, sending porceline and glass showering over the floor. I heft a hammer which lay on the broken desk and start beating on the lampshade.

The lonliness is killing me. I can feel it gnawing at my insides, tearing at my soul. I don't want to be alone and yet I can't reach out. If I reach out then the person I reach out to will die. I know because I reached out to Solo, we worked as a team in a world that functioned on Darwin. Then entered Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I reached out to them, taking what I could from them and they died. They left me alone.

I abandoned the now unrecognizable lamp in favor of a plate. I pitch it at the far wall and follow it with another.

A saucer, two more plates and half dozen glasses later I snag a stuffed animal. I grabbed the knife from it's spot at the small of my back and pulled it from it's sheath. I hacked at the coarse fabric destroying the seams. Eventually I found myself stabbing a mess instead of a fuzzy pink turtle.

I stared at the knife, then blinked in surprise as a tear struck the blade. The lonliness inside must be making me cry. I wiped at the tears but instead of stopping they came harder, I whimpered and began to sob. I sat on the floor, sobbing, the alone feeling overwhelming and consuming me. God it hurt.

I toppled over onto my side, bits of plaster, glass, wood splinters and ceramic tile dug into my shoulder and side. I don't even know how long I stayed there sobbing.
When I finally stopped enough to tell what time it was, the light was orangish-pink outside. I sniffed and sat up. Eventually I pushed myself to my feet and looked out the window. Darkening blue sky and incomming clouds. Figures. The world around me even wants to mimic my mood. I suppose I should feel honored. The great Duo Maxwell finally gets recognition from something that couldn't give a damn if he lived or died.

I walked out of the room and down the stairs. I hadn't eaten since I went in the room at noon. Must be somewhere around 6pm. Maybe later. It hurts. 5 months and 4 days since I took off and no one cares. It's not even like anyone would miss me if I died. History books would probably just call me Deathscythe, not Duo Maxwell. Lets face it. History books probably wouldn't even have more than one line on me provided they managed to even get that much. I laughed hollowly. History books'll probably remember me better than anyone else on the planet.

God that hurts. That means no one would even care if I was gone. Maybe I should just take myself out of the equation. I'm on a dead island anyway. It's not like anyone would come here looking for me. Shit, the insect population and flora are the only things alive on this island other than me.

I get into the kitchen and imediatly decide I don't want to be there. I sigh and leave. Maybe I'll spend the night in the hotel on the beach. The water seems like a better thing to look at than food. It understands my lonliness.

The water isn't very far away. Then again, the place I'm in isn't very far away. One step, another step and another. It's twilight now. The ocean looks like it always does. Empty. Dissinterested. Callous.

The sand feels strange through the soles of my shoes. I sit down and take them off, stuffing the socks into each boot. I look out over the water, watching the waves.

Thats when I notice it. Something isn't right. Or maybe something is. There's a second boat in the harbor. I'm not alone any more. I am, but I'm not alone -here- any more.

Suddenly, I'm mad. Someone's tresspassing and they're tied up on my pier. I wonder why I never heard the boat arrive. Nothing else makes noise here so I should've heard it. Then I remember my tears. Loneliness surges through my veins again. God. Why can't people leave me alone with my loneliness... What more do I have to do? It's not like it's even anyone I know in that boat, yet there's only one person I would have it be.

"Duo?"

That voice freezes me. Thats impossible. There's no way it could be him.

[part 4] [part 6] [back to Mair's fic]