~blip~ = lyrics.
I don't own any part of this song. I borrowed it for fan purposes from Sister Hazel!
author: Mair

Your Winter

~Gray ceiling on the earth,~
~Well it lasted for a while.~

Duo looked out the window at the gray sky. It seemed to dampen his mood even more. It had either been raining or cloudy or foggy for the past two weeks. Heero had ignored him as usual even though he had done his best to try and distract him. He had leaned over his shoulder, he had sang and hummed aloud on a regular basis, he had stayed in the same room as Heero when he had been reading... All Heero had done was mention killing him about 42 times, told him to shut up 29 times and ignored him the rest of the time.

~Take my thoughts for what their worth,~
~I've been acting like a child.~

Duo pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He sat on the desk, still thinking. Maybe he had been taking the wrong tack with Heero. Drawing him out just wasn't working. Getting him to like him wasn't working. He sighed. Maybe things just weren't meant to work out. An odd twist of pain twinged in his heart as he thought of that. He set his chin down on his knees, starring moodily out the window.

~Your opinion, what is that?~
~It's just a different point of view.~
~Oh yeah...~

The door opened and he looked over. Heero closed the door softly behind him. Heero walked over to the desk and gave Duo a dark look. "Get off."

Duo smiled. "Make me. You spend too much time on that thing as it is." He said, jerking his head in the direction of the closed laptop next to his hip.

Heero frowned, thinking. Duo sat watching him with a smile on his face, enjoying the effect of his challenge. This was a newer reaction that he was getting. Suddenly he found himself being picked up, the room turning, and him falling onto the nearest bed.

He blinked now seeing the ceiling. "Gee Heero, if you wanted to get me into bed you should have just told me..." He said sarcastically. He had probably lost Heero's attention already.

A fist whacked the side of his knee and Duo gasped and looked up over at Heero.
Heero turned back to his computer and opened it.

~What else oh what else can I do?~
~I said I'm sorry, yeah, I'm sorry...~
~Oh oh oh...~

THAT SUCKED! Duo looked at Heero with wide eyes. "Sorry Heero... I didn't think you'd take that personally..."

~I said I'm sorry but what for?~
~If I hurt you then I hate myself.~
~I don't want to hate my self.~
~Don't want to hurt you!~

He didn't want to be sorry though... His heart sunk out of his playful mood at Heero's reaction. It wasn't fair. Miserably he watched as Heero started to type, ignoring him again.

A tenseness had collected across Heero's shoulders, the first bit he had ever seen. He must have really pissed him off. Maybe he had set some kind of memory off about his training. He couldn't believe he had managed to cause Heero pain somehow.

~Why do you choose your pain...~
~If you only knew how much I love you,~
~Love you!~

Slowly, he sat up. He wished he could tell Heero how he felt. How much he loved him. He didn't... He didn't want to cause pain to anyone... He didn't want to cause anyone's death either... Not like last time...

He had loved the people back on L2 that had helped him, raised him, given him his name... But he killed them just as much as the Alliance soldiers that had taken out the orphanage.

~I won't be your winter.~
~I won't be any ones excuse to cry.~
~We can't be forgiven~
~Oh yeah~
~I will be here...~

He swung his legs off of the bed and stood. Slowly he walked over to stand in back of Heero. He put his hands on his shoulders, hoping Heero wouldn't smack them away, and started to massage the shoulders.

~Oh picture on the shelf,~
~It's been there for a while.~
~Frozen image of ourselves,~
~We were acting like a child.~

Instead of slapping them away like he expected, Heero stiffened even more, then slowly, almost unwillingly, started to relax.

Duo smiled to himself and closed his eyes momentarily, deciding that he had been forgiven. His eyes opened slowly as he studied the back of Heero's head, using his palms, digging in. Heero's hair shot wildly in every direction. The dark brown color had some highlights, gold ones that in this light looked almost green. He started to use his thumbs a little more, seeking out the knots, wishing he dared to touch him in a way other than a massage.

He shook his head at his thoughts and looked around the room, his eyes finding a picture near his bed. That caused him to smile.

~Innocent and in a trance,~
~A dance that lasted for a while~

They had all been at a school dance. Heero hadn't wanted to dance and so he and Relena dragged him out onto the dance floor. They had been whirling around in a circle and someone had gotten a picture. Relena and I were laughing while Heero looked like he was going to murder someone.

~Y' read my eyes like your diary!~
~Oh remember, please remember...~
~Oh lord...~

Relena had been trying to get him on the dance floor for a long time. Eventually she enlisted my help. I wanted to see you having fun. I had talked you into the dance but you were just drinking punch, staying close to the bowl. Maybe you thought I would spike it if you left. You were right, of course, but when Relena asked me to help get you onto the dance floor it was too much of an opportunity to pass up.

When you didn't respond to her pleading, or my asking, I looked at you. I wasn't going to beg so I asked you the only way I knew you'd understand.

~Well I'm not a beggar...~
~But what's more,~
~Well if I hurt you, then I hate myself.~
~I don't want to hurt myself~
~Don't want to hurt you!~

We got you out there and we started to spin. I guess when the flash went off it blinded you momentarily because you fell. You got up, gave me the glare of death and stalked off. We stopped laughing.

~Why do you choose that pain?~
~If you only knew, how much I ~
~Love you!~

You're relaxing and turning into a pile of goo in the chair. I mean, you're actually slouching. I smile at this. If you wanted me to, I'd get rid of your tension and pain every day like this. It may not be the way I'd like to touch you but it's something.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you. I'd hate to see your reaction though. You punched me just for the bed joke. But it wasn't a joke...

~Well I won't be your winter.~
~And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry...~
~We can't be forgiven.~
~And I will be here.~

I'm not going to bring you down. I'm going to make you happy. I don't ever want to hear or know of you being anything other than happy. I bite my lip, lifting my hands from your shoulders and flexing my fingers.

Even if... even if what makes you happy is Relena. I'm not going to tell you how much I love you, I value your friendship so much more. If I told you I'd end up asking you to forgive me and things would get weird and never be the same again.

So I'll just be here... I'll be here for you as your friend.

~Well I won't be your winter, I won't.~
~And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry.~
~And we can't be forgiven, I know.~
~And I will be here...~

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