Summary: The rules are different in peace than they are in war.
Notes: Some gun!kink, which is really the only reason I wrote this. The
romantic parts were entirely accidental.
War leaves no room for love, for romance, for anything but tension and
release. Certain emotions, if channeled properly, can motivate a man to
balance on the fence between bravery and insanity and, if he's lucky,
help him come out on top. Affection of any kind is not one of those emotions.
In war, attachment is a liability; it will almost always lead to loss,
which begets either righteous anger and a need for vengeance or devastation,
grief, and disillusionment. Vengeance is the sort of motivation that causes
mistakes, deadly more often than not. Disillusionment is worse.
Based on past experience, these are the things Duo can tell you about
love and war. What he cannot tell you, however, is how he manages to forget
these principles when Heero's around.
Oh, Duo isn't stupid; there's no chance he'll fall in love here and now,
no chance he'll let himself want more than Heero's hot, hard body against
or around or inside his, but he also knows that attachment comes easy,
that he's playing a dangerous game by toeing this line.
Now that they're used to one another, Heero's too easy to get his hands
on and too hard to give up. And there are some things that are easier
without attachment, with war as a convenient excuse for the things they
do to each other.
For instance, right now, Heero's pressing the cold barrel of his gun into
the hot skin just under Duo's jaw, and if Duo's mouth weren't already
full of Heero's cock, he would be absolutely begging to do just this.
He's aching and hard in his pants, and he digs his fingers tight into
Heero's hipbones to keep from caving in just yet, leaving red crescent-moon
prints under the pressure of his jagged fingernails.
Duo's jaw starts to ache as his mouth stretches wide around the girth
of Heero's spit-slick cock, but the insistent pressure of Heero's hand
in his hair and the gun against his skin and, maybe most of all, the heat
in Heero's eyes -- blue-black in the dim light -- keep him going.
He loves this, too, loves the feel of Heero in his mouth, hot and heavy
on his tongue. Duo knows exactly what to do after so many times, just
how much tongue to use and where, when he can scrape his teeth along the
base. He does it just the way he knows Heero likes, swallowing as the
head of that cock slips into his throat.
His intimate knowledge works quickly, because he feels Heero's fingers
tighten on the back of his head and hears the short, high double gasp
Heero always gives just before, and he slides back a little. As easy as
it would be to let it all slide down his throat, Duo wants it on his tongue.
And then it's there, coating his tongue in long spurts, sticky and thick,
heady with Heero's flavor. The gun shivers against Duo's jaw, Heero's
hand trembling, and Duo looks up, sees something in Heero's eyes that
Duo surely imagines, because there's no room for things like that. It
is a moment of weakness, and besides, Heero's eyes are shadowed by a thick
fall of hair, impossible to see clearly in the near darkness of the room.
Even so, Duo can't look away, and he shivers as he swallows the last remnants
of Heero's come.
Duo is restless, and he has to focus so he doesn't shift from foot to
foot. He is anxious to get out of here, to get on to figuring out what
civilian life has to offer, if anything. Duo fears it will be incredibly
boring, purposeless, and he wonders how lifelong trained soldiers are
meant to cope with peace as more than a concept.
Anxious as he may be, he has one more thing to wrap up before he can go.
His hands are in his pockets, and one is fisted around a crumpled note,
one he's read more times than he can recall, even though the words in
their hasty, slanting script are burned into his memory. When he closes
his eyes, he can still see it: Meet me. Please. Then a time and address,
with no signature -- not that he needed one.
Heero arrives at exactly the scheduled time, possibly on the nanosecond.
Oddly, he's carrying a small brown paper bag, but more than that, he seems
to be walking more easily. War is over, and the burden riding on them
has been lifted.
Heero smiles, and if it still seems more solemn than the average person's
smile, it is still something amazing to behold.
"I thought you might have gone back to L2," Heero says by way of greeting.
Duo smiles a little. "I wasn't going to ditch anybody without saying goodbye."
Heero looks uncomfortable for a moment, then thrusts the brown paper bag
at him. "I brought you something."
Duo takes it, unsure of what to say, and he peeks inside the bag. Then
he laughs. It's Heero's gun. "That's a hell of a gift, Yuy," he says wryly.
Surprisingly, Heero flushes a little.
"I... thought you should have it. I know it's not flowers, but--"
"Flowers, huh?" Duo asks, a little amused and a little more wary. He lowers
his voice. "You don't have to give me gifts, Heero."
"I know. I want you to have it." And Heero looks at him, eyes closed off
and calculating. Duo does his best to return that look, but he's sure
that his comes across more confused, maybe even vulnerable. Again, he
isn't sure what to say, and an awkward silence passes. Then Heero says,
"I think you're the only reason I'm still sane."
Duo is uncomfortable, uncertain, so his lips twist up into a half-smile.
"If you can call it that."
Heero's almost pained expression closes his mouth again. "I think you're
the only one who can keep me sane now."
Duo looks at him long and hard, and the weight of the gun in its bag is
making his fingers cramp a little. Finally, he says, "I'm feeling a little
slow today. Spell it out for me."
"I'm afraid nobody else will understand what it was like then. There was
so much to keep under control during the war and so many opportunities
we could have missed." Heero brushes a hand through his hair, though he
could hardly mess it up more. "I just want the chance to see what there
could be now that there's peace. I want to know if love could be an option."
Duo realizes he is holding his breath, and he lets it out slowly. Heero
looks so exasperated at having to explain himself, and that may have been
the longest speech he's ever heard Heero give, and Duo thinks he could
get used to seeing Heero out of sorts.
"Okay," he says.
"'Okay'?" Heero repeats, a tiny wrinkle forming between his brows in his
"Okay," Duo says again. As far as declarations of heartfelt and undying
love go, it isn't much, but Heero seems to get it and begins to smile.
Then Duo laughs and pulls their mouths together, hot and sweet and hungry
all at once, and civilian life seems like it might not be so boring, after
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