Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
Yes, I played merry hell with the end EW. Just go with it.
+ Part 1
Impossible as it is to believe,
I wanted him from the first moment I saw him. As he stood on the bow of
that submarine, scolding me for trying to kill Relena, I looked and wanted
him. Otherwise, I would've just shot the both of them and got the hell
out of there. The Perfect Soldier half of me was furious that I had let
myself become so distracted.
Of course, at the time, the rest of me was beyond annoyed too. Why was
he sticking up for that silly girl?
I was happy when he showed up at the hospital, even though I shouldn't
have been. I knew he was there to get the other gundam pilot, not out
of any particular concern for me. No one cared for me. The Perfect Soldier
almost won that round. No reason to stay alive after a failed mission,
right? Especially not for some lovely braided idiot who apparently really
liked to blow things up.
Now I know better of course. Duo isn't an idiot. He didn't come to the
hospital just for the other gundam pilot. Duo does care- about everyone
and everything. He also has a sense of honor and justice. He put me in
that danger, so he got me out of it. He's just that kind of person. It's
one of the things that I love about him.
Why didn't I do something? Say something? Are you kidding me? Not only
were we in the middle of a war, but also J would've had a fit. Soldiers
do NOT get distracted in the middle of a war- there's time for that afterwards-
if you make it. Which I nearly didn't. Sometimes I wish I hadn't managed
to pull up and out of the Earth's gravity in time. Things would've been
a lot easier.
We all made it to the end, but he left with Hilde. It wasn't a surprise.
I had figured by then that I never had a chance anyway. Duo was obviously
into girls, not guys. That realization didn't make me hurt any less, or
make me stop wanting him. Sometimes I wondered if anything could. Believe
me, I tried. I know how stupid it is to pine after something that you
can't ever have. But I couldn't help it, no matter what I did.
I roamed around for awhile after the first war, trying to find a place
for me, but then Relena got herself in trouble again.
Relena is a sweetheart and I am fond of her- but she has no common sense
whatsoever. None. As much as I admire and fight for her ideals, let's
face it- she's a bit too idealistic. It drives me insane sometimes. Maybe
it was J's training- maybe it was Odin's, but I still see fighting for
what you believe in as an option. Not the optimal one perhaps, but then
I was created to fight.
I still went to rescue our 'princess' anyway. It was the right thing to
do. Relena was the key to peace, and I had lost a hell of a lot to the
fight for her peace. I wasn't going to let it all go without a struggle.
Besides, I got to see all the pilots again.
After all that mess was over, I woke up in the hospital, with Relena hanging
all over me. Luckily, Duo and Trowa were there as well, for which I was
Especially since Relena launched into one of her little fits of rapture
the moment I opened my eyes, which frankly I wasn't up for at all. I don't
have a lot of patience and at that moment, I had none. I hate hospitals.
I hate being in them, and I hate being fussed over. Poor Relena was an
"Oh Heero, thank goodness you're awake! We thought we'd never get you
out of there! I've been so worried, I thought you were going to..."
"Relena," I cut her off a bit sharply. "My head is pounding, could you
please stop chattering?" She stopped, and looked a bit upset. Apparently
the knight isn't supposed to tell the princess to shut up- even in a polite
way. I looked towards Duo and Trowa so I wouldn't have to see the hurt
in Relena's eyes. Duo's eyes were wide with surprise, but Trowa's were
amused. "How are the others?" I asked them.
"They're fine," Trowa answered in his honey smooth voice, a relief after
Relena's higher pitch. "Quatre is working with Une to secure a deal for
Wufei." He added a bit hesitantly, obviously unsure of my response.
"Good," I replied. Duo grinned at me.
"I thought you'd want to hunt him down," he remarked with a lift of his
"No," I replied calmly, as I levered myself up. I ran an internal check-
everything seemed to be healing nicely.
"Heero!" Relena began her hover again. "You can't just sit up, you've
been injured! You need to stay down until.." I wished with all my heart
for a gag. Or duck tape. Or anything to make her shut up. "You need your
rest! Don't worry! I'll be here..."
"Relena," I snapped again. "You're giving me a headache! Be quiet!" This
time those big blue eyes filled with tears. Ah gods. I hate when she does
this. Luckily, Duo came to my rescue.
"Hey Miss Relena, don't be upset," he stepped towards her and patted her
shoulder comfortingly. "Heero is an awful patient- as I know from experience."
He gave her one of those beautiful smiles and she stopped sniffling. "Why
don't you go home and we'll call you when he's less grumpy?" I frowned
at him, but he ignored me.
"Promise, Duo?" She asked, turning those big blue eyes on him. Duo has
always been a sucker for a damsel in distress and Relena knows it. And
uses it to her advantage frequently. The girl is a born politician.
"Of course," he nodded agreeably. Relena got to her feet, and for an awful
moment I thought she was going to lean down and kiss me. Instead, she
just touched my hand with a wistful look and left the room. I sighed in
relief when the door closed behind her. "You weren't very nice to her,
Heero." Duo looked at me reproachfully.
"Was I supposed to be?" I growled back. I hated hearing him defend her.
Almost as much as I had hated listening to his admiring comments about
her during the war. At least he had had brains enough to hook up with
Hilde, nice, sensible girl that she was. You wouldn't catch Hilde driving
a pink car.
"You are supposed to be nice to the girl you love," he scolded. "Don't
you know that?"
"Great. When I fall in love with a girl, I'll be nice to her." Duo blinked
and looked surprised. I continued, not wanting to go into that subject
at that moment. "How long am I supposed to be in here for?" Trowa stepped
forward a bit, and I saw that his grin had widened.
"Days, the doctors said. Of course, you weren't supposed to wake up this
"I'll go find a doctor to look at you," he added. "Duo, make sure he stays
in bed til I get back." Trowa left and Duo sat down in the chair Relena
had abandoned. He was quiet, and I was amazed. After a moment, I frowned
"Why aren't you talking, baka?"
"I didn't want to make your headache worse," he said easily.
"Your voice doesn't bother me," I told him truthfully enough, "but you
sitting there quietly does. It's unnatural." He grinned.
"Were you serious, a moment ago?" He asked, curiosity obviously aroused.
I knew it would be. He's worse than any cat.
"About Relena?" He nodded, braid bouncing. "Of course. She's a nice girl
and important to this world, but I don't care for her that way."
"Really?" His eyebrows shot upwards.
"Yes, idiot. If I did love her I wouldn't have left her after the first
war." He smiled.
"Not the kind of guy to leave the one you love behind?" Duo teased, not
realizing how much his words stung me. I had left the one I loved behind.
"Not if they love me back. If they loved someone else, then I'd have to
leave them behind." I said thoughtlessly. A stupid move on my part. His
gaze turned speculative.
"Personal experience talking there pal?" Damn, sometimes he sees me a
bit too clearly.
"Obviously," I snapped back.
"Want to talk about it?"
"No." Not ever. Not with you! I added mentally.
"Hopeless case, huh?" Duo was looking at me with a trace of pity in his
expression. I didn't want it. Why had I let my mouth run away with me?
Good gods, I was getting as bad as he was. I fell back on the familiar.
"Hn." He leaned back in his chair.
"Is it that girl Sylvia? Or Dorothy? Maybe Catherine?" His voice had turned
wheedling and I knew he wasn't going to stop. "I know, it's some gorgeous
babe you met on a mission somewhere. Your eyes met across a crowded classroom-
or maybe at a dance. I'll bet she's a leggy redhead. Or maybe it's one
of Quatre's gorgeous siblings?" He raised his eyebrows questioningly.
"Or do you prefer older women? Like Sally or Noin?" His eyes narrowed
a bit. "Or is it Hilde?" Oh great. I so did not need this!
"Idiot. Who said it was a girl?" That made him close his mouth. Finally!
I nearly laughed at the shocked expression on his face, before realizing
that telling him that might not have been the best of ideas. What the
hell was wrong with me today? Why couldn't I just ignore him?
Thankfully, at that moment, Trowa came in with the doctor. Duo moved out
of the way automatically, still looking stunned. I had actually managed
to shock my unshockable friend. I nearly laughed out loud.
The doctor checked me over and I could see his amazement. "No one can
heal this fast."
"I can," I informed him briskly. "Can I go now?"
"I guess so- but how is this possible?"
"I've always been a fast healer," I answered shortly, not willing to explain
about the nanites J had installed me with. The doctor gave in and went
to get my release papers started. Duo, of course, could not drop the subject.
"You're gay?" He burst out with that question the moment the doctor left
the room. Trowa's eyes widened and he blinked at Duo, before he realized
that Duo was talking to me.
"Amazing deduction," I said dryly as I got up from the bed and headed
towards the bathroom with my clothes. I got dressed quickly, door ajar
and listened to Duo tell Trowa about his conversation with me.
"And you're surprised by this?" Trowa drawled when Duo had finished. I
opened the door all the way at that moment and had to laugh at the expression
on Duo's face.
"You knew?!" Duo managed to get out.
"As you would say, Maxwell- duh." Trowa turned to face me. "Are you ready
to go, Heero?"
"How come you knew?" Duo had pushed himself away from the wall and I had
to stop laughing at the hurt expression on his face as he turned to me.
"You told him and not me?"
"Duo." I shook my head at him. "You know better than that." I looked at
our green-eyed partner. "Quatre told you?"
"Yes," Trowa replied calmly as he handed me my jacket. The nurse came
in at that moment and I quickly signed the release papers and growled
at her when she suggested a wheelchair.
"Where are you headed, Heero?" Trowa changed the subject as we left the
room, Duo trailing in our wake, muttering under his breath about friends
that never told him anything important. At least the hurt look was off
his face. Quatre was everyone's confidant, even Wufei's.
"Don't know," I replied truthfully.
"You can come stay with Quatre and I," Trowa offered.
"Thanks Trowa, but I'll manage."
"You could come stay with me," Duo hit the elevator button and grinned
at me. "We can always use a hand in the salvage yard."
"Shouldn't you ask Hilde before you make an offer like that?" I rolled
my eyes at him as we got in the elevator.
"And he says I'm clueless about girls?" I asked Trowa. Trowa chuckled
and Duo frowned.
"Hilde wouldn't mind." Duo put an arm around my shoulders briefly. "Any
friend of mine is a friend of hers." I smiled and shook my head.
"Thanks anyway, Duo, but no."
"Why not?" We got out of the elevator and headed towards the hospital
doors. "You said yourself you don't know where you're going. You can move
in with us and have a job at the salvage yard. It would be something,
right?" I stopped when we reached the sidewalk and smiled at Duo. He grinned
at me and I gazed at him for a moment, memorizing the way he looked right
then. The sun was shining down on his hair, making it glint with red and
gold. His violet eyes were wide and crinkled at the corners, his mouth
curved in that smile of his. He was simply gorgeous.
I was tempted to take him up on his offer- to see him everyday would be
wonderful. But, he belonged to someone else. Someone as nice and lovely
as he himself was. Duo hadn't been kidding when he said Hilde would welcome
me- she would. She was as kind and loving as Duo was. They were perfect
for each other.
I couldn't live around that. No way in hell. I smiled back at him apologetically.
"I appreciate it, Duo, I really do. But I can't." I turned to Trowa and
offered him my hand. "See you around."
"I hope so, Heero." Trowa took my hand and squeezed it gently. "You know
you always have a place with us when you want it."
"Thank you. Tell Wufei and Quatre goodbye for me?"
"Of course." Duo was bouncing on the balls of his feet as I turned to
"Good-bye Duo," I offered him my hand and he hauled me into a bone- crushing
"Why won't you stay, Heero?" He whispered in my ear.
"I just can't." I let him go and gave him a smile. Then I turned around
and walked down the street, not looking back. I should've known better.
A few moments later, feet came pounding down the sidewalk after me. Duo
does not give up easily.
"Heero," Duo caught up and reached out a hand to stop me. "I left Trowa
back there. He won't know if you come stay with me." Huh? What was Duo
"Duo, what does it matter if Trowa knows where I am?" I raised an eyebrow
"Because it's Quatre you're in love with. That's why he knew you were
gay- right?" I blinked at him and then burst into laughter. Second time
today. Duo has that effect on me.
"No," I managed when I got my voice back. "I'm not in love with Quatre-
or Trowa," I added, seeing him open his mouth again. "Quatre knows because
of his space heart. He asked me about it ages ago- at the end of the last
war." I started walking again and he paced beside me. "It's impossible
to hide anything like that from Quatre."
"Ah," Duo frowned and I started to get worried. With my luck he'd guess
and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I needed to lose him-
fast. I glanced around. There was a large outdoor mall a street or so
away. The best place to lose someone was in a crowd.
"Then who is it?" He asked me quietly.
"Just drop it Duo." I snapped.
"But I want to help you," he persisted.
"And you knowing who I'm in love with will help me?" I stopped again and
looked him in the eye. "You can't help me Duo. Not with this." He looked
straight back at me.
"Why not? Have you told him?"
"I told you- he's in love with somebody else."
"So it's hopeless?"
"Then maybe you should try to get over whoever-this-is and find someone
"That's what I'm trying to do," I said exasperatedly and started walking
again. The sidewalks were getting more crowded. "So just let me go do
"Maybe I could help you find someone else- I know lots of nice guys..."
Duo suggested and I felt like screaming. Have Duo help me find someone
else? No, no, no!! "Heero, please, you're my best friend! Let me help
you. I don't want you disappearing again. Hilde and I would love to have
you stay with us..." I took his arm and yanked him over to the side, next
to a big column in front of a department store. I tried glaring at him,
but he just glared stubbornly back. He wasn't going to give up. Damn it!
"Duo." I was resorting to begging at this point. Pathetic. "Stop. Please.
You can't help me, okay? No one can help me but me. I promise I won't
disappear on you- I'll send you e-mail or something. You'll always be
my friend- you know that."
"Why can't you let me help you? If I am your friend you should be able
to trust me with this." He looked at me pleadingly. I couldn't do this.
Duo wasn't going to give up- I could see it in his eyes. He was looking
at me steadily, seriously and I knew he was going to track me down to
the ends of the Earth if necessary trying to 'help' me. I loved him more
than ever at that moment- and knew that he was going to hate me in the
"Because, baka, you're the one I'm trying to get over!" His eyes widened
and he looked completely shocked. Second time today. I had reached a new
record. At least he didn't try to kill me. He just stood there blinking
at me, completely dumbfounded.
I took advantage of his state and headed into the crowd, vanishing the
best way I knew how, cursing at myself all the while. What the hell had
happened to me? Why did my Perfect Soldier mask slip so badly?
I knew why. Duo had happened.
And now I had lost even his friendship.
[part 2] [back to Merula's