Author: Merula
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Run and Hide + Part 14

He promised me! He said that he wouldn't leave me! They all leave me. They all die- and it's my fault! He's gone. I killed him. I knew it. They all die. Everyone that loves me dies. Why? It hurts... it hurts so much....

"You're mine. Always. I never want to be without you."

I didn't want to be without you Heero, but it was safer that way... You were safer away from me. I should've run farther, should've thrown my miserable self out an airlock, should've run the other way when I saw you in the back of my classroom.

But I had missed you so much. I was weak. I needed you...

Quatre was talking to me. I think he was, anyway. I could hear his voice but I couldn't make out the words. I pulled my legs up closer to my chest, buried my head in my arms. I didn't want to deal with Quatre- well meaning Quatre. He couldn't tell me that this wasn't my fault. I had killed Heero.

"I promise I won't leave you. I won't- no matter what."

"You can't promise me that."

"I can and I will promise it-

The pain surged up again at the memory of Heero's words to me and I couldn't hear Quatre anymore. I curled in on myself, not wanting to reach out beyond my small pain-filled world. God knew who I'd kill next.

"You are my life! If loving you means that I'm going to die, I don't care! It would be better than just existing without you!"

Shinigami heard that. You did, didn't you my hated deity? You heard him say that to me, heard his promise and took him away just to show that I will never be free of you! I hate you! When I find you in hell you'll pay for this!

My emotions are telling me to grab on to you and never let go. I'm going to follow them.

I should never have let you go! I should've held on to you! Heero... oh gods... Leave me alone! Your voice is in my head, I can feel your body against mine, but you aren't real! I lost you. You left me.

I'm not letting you go again, Duo, do you hear me?

Let go...gone... he's gone.

And I'm alone again.


I don't know how long I stayed in that world with only my memories of Heero's voice to keep me company, to torment me. It was a touch that pulled me back to the real world.

A hand touched my back, stroked down my braid. A familiar caress.

"Duo, please, please, you have to listen to me." A familiar voice. A voice I loved. "Duo? I need you to talk to me, beloved. Can you hear me? Duo, I need you to look at me. I'm here for you."

The voice was pleading, gentle and hopeful. I couldn't refuse that voice's requests. It wasn't Heero's voice, but the one I loved almost as well.

I raised my head and looked up into Fei's eyes. He was standing in front of me, looking concerned.


"It's me," he smiled faintly. He held out his arms to me and I flung myself into his embrace, shaking.

"I killed him, Fei... I killed him...." Oh gods! What was I doing? I can't touch him! I flung myself backwards, tripping over my feet.


"Get away!" I snapped at him. "Do you want to die too?" Before I could scramble to my feet, Wufei reached down and hauled me up.

"Duo," his voice was soft, even as his fingers wrapped tightly around my arms. "Have you given up on Heero already?"

"The shuttle..."

"Dropped off the radar, yes. But they have not found anything yet. No sign of a crash, nothing. Don't you dare give up on Heero this easily." Fei shook me a bit. "If there is a way in hell for him to survive and come back to you, he'll do it."

"I promise I won't leave you. I won't- no matter what."

"Don't give up on him, Duo." Fei pulled me back into his arms and I held on to him tightly. "Not yet."

I leaned into Fei's strength and tried to relax. They hadn't found anything yet. How long had they been searching? And...?

"How did you get here?" I pulled away from Fei and blinked up at him.

"It pays to still be in good with the Preventers," he grinned. "Sally and I borrowed a shuttle."

"Borrowed a shuttle?" I repeated. I heard Sally's laugh ring out. Turning, I discovered her perched on the desk, a small transmitter held up toher ear.

"Sounds better than commandeered," she smiled at me. "Lu's with one of the search and rescue teams, she's keeping me updated."

"You aren't with them?" I asked without thinking.

Sally slid off the desk and approached me. "You needed us more Duo." She said and I saw her eyes flick to her husband. I reached out and hugged her then.

"Thank you Sally," I told her. She hugged me back, shared some of her strength with me.

"You're welcome Duo." She let me go and wandered over to where Trowa was flipping stations on the TV. I saw water and headlines about the missing shuttle go by.

"They haven't found anything?" I turned back to Fei.

"Nothing yet. They aren't exactly sure where the shuttle went down. There's was a storm in the area- it might have messed with the radar and the radio transmissions." He smiled for me again. "It's not the time to give up hope."

Before I could respond to that, Quatre let out a whoop. He was in the corner on a phone and I hadn't noticed him before.

"Trowa! Station 20!"

I moved closer to the TV. The picture showed a battered looking shuttle half-buried on a beach, it's nose in the sand.

[part 13] [part 15] [back to Merula's fic]