Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
( mini-sequel )
I'm in the middle of a lecture
when I feel his eyes on me. I look up towards the door of my classroom
and catch Heero watching me. I don't pause in my spiel; I only raise an
eyebrow at him. His class ends earlier than mine, so it's not a surprise
to see him there, but mine still has twenty minutes to go. I glance towards
He nods, a faint smile curving his lips, and slips away again. I know
that he didn't expect me to be finished. He was just making sure I was
It's been rough these last eight months or so. As much as I have loved
having Heero with me, loved house hunting, moving into our place, having
him with me everyday at work, it's been hard too.
Heero doesn't entirely trust me yet.
I can't blame him. I did run away. I was gone for two years before he
found me again and that was only a fluke- Relena had come to visit the
little church funded school that I work at here on L2.
But at the same time we've talked about it. He knows why I ran, why I
thought he and Fei would be better off without me. He knows that I have
promised not to run again and he knows I don't lie.
But he still checks up on me constantly.
He walks by my classroom several times a day. When classes are over he's
always right by the door, waiting for me to grab my case and go home with
He hasn't let me go to the store or run an errand by myself. He's gone
without me, but unless he's just gone down to the corner store, he'll
call me at least once while he's out.
But I can't blame him for it. I hurt him- and Fei- so badly when I left.
I thought they'd be happier without me. They were perfect together- or
so I thought.
Now Fei is with Sally, who is due to give birth any minute now, and Heero
is with me. He left the Preventers, left Earth, left everything and moved
here. Got a job at my school...
I know Heero loves me. I love him too, but I don't know how long I can
But he's so afraid of losing me- and that's my fault.
Class ends, and Heero is by the door, his case in hand, ready to go home.
I pick my case up off the table and join him by the door.
I lock my classroom door and follow him down the hallway quietly.
Do I bring it up again? That he's suffocating me?
Or will that just terrify him more- like it did last time?
Last time, when I had slipped out to get the mail and spent a few moments
chatting with our neighbor- and gone back inside to find Heero frantic,
because he had just realized that I wasn't in the house and I hadn't told
him that I was just getting the mail.
"Tell me when you leave!" He'd snapped.
"I just went to get the mail!" I had snapped back, temper already frayed
from his constant supervision. "All you had to do was look out the window!"
"It only would've taken a moment!"
"Heero! Goddamnit! If you don't stop suffocating me like this..." I paused,
realizing that I couldn't finish the sentence.
I didn't need to- Heero knew what I was going to say. "Then you'll leave
again. You'll break all your promises to me and run!"
"I said I wouldn't!"
"But you want to!"
"Because you're driving me crazy! I know you don't trust me, but quit
acting like I'm your prisoner!" Heero stared at me for a moment
and I mentally cursed myself. That didn't sound right...
He turned and walked out of the room.
Damn it. I gritted my teeth in frustration, counting to ten silently in
Then I followed Heero. He was in the kitchen, pulling out ingredients.
"We're missing the cheese," he said, not looking at me, "I'll be right
Before I could open my mouth, he was out the door.
I debated chasing after him for a moment.
No, we needed the space.
He came home a quarter of an hour later, and apologized to me.
I had apologized too- and he had eased up a little.
A little- not immediately panicking when I go out to get the mail for
example- but not a lot.
How long do I have to do this for? How long until he trusts me again?
I know I'm not being fair. If I was in his shoes and he was the one who
ran, once I found him again I'd tie him up somewhere for a long time.
I wonder if Heero's considered that. Maybe I'm luckier than I realize.
"Duo?" Heero asks me as we got closer to home. "Is something wrong?"
"Nah," I smile for him. "Long day, that's all."
I can't talk to him about this. It will panic him again. I need to be
patient. I need to remember that I brought this on myself.
I need a break.
I'm not thinking of...? No, I can't. Not even for a few hours.
Plus, I have forgotten something very very important.
Heero opens the door for us. I follow him inside placing my case on the
floor in the hallway as he locks the door behind us.
The next thing I know, I'm pressed up against the wall, Heero's body holding
me in place, one of his hands wrapped in my braid, the other holding my
hands above my head.
Damn, he's fast.
And I've forgotten how well he knows me, especially now after nearly a
year of spending practically every moment in each other's company.
His mouth touches my throat. "You're hiding something."
"I don't have to tell you everything," I counter, and he nips me. Not
hard enough to hurt, just enough to tell me that he isn't happy with my
It's almost enough to really piss me off.
But Heero knows that too.
The nip is followed by a swipe of his tongue and then the warm press of
his lips. The hand holding my braid begins to undo the buttons of my shirt,
teasing me with the brush of my own hair against my skin and I can't help
but moan. Heero knows too well how to arouse me.
His lips move to mine, licking and teasing, his tongue sliding inside
my mouth, exploring and gentle, even as his hand slides further down between
The wall behind me vanishes and I'm tugged down the hallway, towards our
bedroom, Heero's hands removing my clothing as we go and apparently his
as well, since when we fall on the bed together, he only has his shirt
I'm not complaining- at least not at first. When he uses the shirt to
tie my hands to the bed frame I manage to pull myself together a bit.
"What are you doing?" I demand.
"We're going to talk." He slides further down in the bed, parting my legs,
pinning me to the bed with his body.
"Like this?" Talking is not the first thing on my mind at the moment.
"Like this," he nods and bends his head to my chest, his mouth finding
a nipple. "What is bothering you?"
"Nothing." His teeth press down, making me arch against him.
"Don't believe you."
"Heero- it's nothing..." His mouth moves farther down my body, finds something
to keep it occupied, and my mind temporarily vacates the premises.
I close my eyes and let the sensations build up, familiar and exciting,
And then they stop. I manage to pry my eyes open, trying to catch my breath,
wondering why he stopped...
Heero rubs a cheek against my thigh. "What is bothering you?"
"Heero!" He stops now? I will kill him as soon as I get this damn knot
"Duo, if you tell me, I'll do this..." And that mouth of his makes a brief
visit. "If not..." his mouth touches the inside of my thigh. "You have
a lot of skin I don't think I've gotten to taste recently..."
"Evil..." I gasp, feeling his teeth.
"Where you and I are concerned, yes. You knew that already Duo. I will
not let anything come between us again. So tell me."
His mouth gives me another reminder. My blood feels like it's caught fire.
"You... don't trust me yet. I want you to trust me. I want to be able
to go on errands by myself again... I love you. I don't want to leave..."
"But you will if I don't give you space again?" His hands join his mouth,
making me writhe for a too-brief moment.
"No. I'll stay, I don't care, I just get that suffocated feeling... I'm
sorry. I know I don't deserve your trust yet..."
His hands and mouth move to the one part of my body that wants them the
most, leaving me weak and gasping and unable to think clearly anymore...
Then he's moved higher in the bed, freeing my hands, finding the place
he prepared for himself between my legs.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs in my ear as he slides inside me. "I'm sorry.
I don't mean to do it. I know I'm suffocating you... but..."
I wrap my legs around him, taking him deeper. "It's my fault..."
"It's our fault." He rests his head against my forehead for a moment.
"I don't want you to leave me because of this. Help me..." He's inside
me completely now and I have to take a deep breath. He waits, letting
me adjust to him.
"I run and hide, Heero, but I don't lie." I rock my hips against his,
encouraging him to move. "Remember that too. I love you. I won't leave
you again. I promise..."
And then I don't have the breath to spare for words. So I show Heero how
much I love him the best that I can.
When we finish, he rolls off of me and gives me a faint smile. "Hungry?"
I smile for him. "Starved. Do we have anything to cook?"
"No- tomorrow is grocery day."
"Should we call for something? Or do you want to run down to the corner
and bring back some food for us?" There's a good take-out food place only
a block or so down. Heero's often run out for food for us there when we're
too tired to cook.
"Why don't you go?" His smile gets slightly wider as I blink at him. "I'm
pretty comfortable right here."
"Are you sure?" I ask before I slide out of bed.
I get up, quickly wash and throw my clothes on quickly, half-worried that
he might change his mind, but more concerned about getting there and back
quickly so that Heero isn't worried for too long.
He's propped up against the pillows, book in hand when I emerge from the
bathroom. "I'll be right back," I tell him. "You want your usual?"
"Please," he says, and I can see the lines of tension in his body as he
holds himself in that casual position for me. I realize then how much
he trusts me, even as he fears what I might do.
I lean over and kiss him. "I promise- right back."
It's a small step, but that's okay. I'll take whatever I can get. Heero's
peace of mind is worth it.
[part 16] [back to Merula's