Author: pyrzm
see chap. 1 for warnings, notes, disclaimer

Summary: Trowa gets his memory back! Yay? PG

Lost Souls + Chapter 31
Recovery of a Sort

The next day they were all on the bridge when Howard intercepted an OZ communication.

"We have taken control of colony 8-32X," a deep voice intoned as the camera swept the open space of a colonial park. There were thousands of helpless citizens there, cowering in the shadows of the Taurus suits looming over them. "Unless White Fang surrenders Libra this colony will be destroyed in reprisal for the depredations of the traitors."

"Those poor people!" Quatre gasped, and felt a flicker of guilt as he thought of the colonies he had threatened and destroyed in his madness.

Suddenly Trowa leaned over Noin’s shoulder for a better look at the screen. "Oh my god! That’s Catherine!"

Quatre looked where he was pointing, and there she was, standing next to the circus manager in his red coat. Trowa was already propelling himself toward the door.

"Hold on!" Sally called after him. "Heavyarms isn't completely repaired yet!"

Heero pushed off from the seat he'd been using to join Trowa. "You can use Wing."

"Heero, are you sure that's a good idea?" Quatre asked, worried.

Heero gave him an inscrutable look and disappeared with Trowa.


"Trust the Zero system when it kicks in," Heero said, floating outside the cockpit as Trowa buckled in.

"That's what made Quatre crazy, isn't it?" asked Trowa.

"He told you about that?"


"It did, but you're prepared for it; he wasn't. Trust the system, and let it help you."

Trowa flexed his hands on the controls. It felt familiar, though there were some readouts in front of him that he did not recognize.

Heero reached in and squeezed his shoulder. "Trust it. And be careful with the controls. Your suit is harder to manage. If wrench the controls around the way you did with him, you'll end up crashing into the ship or the colony."

"Understood. Thank you, 01."

Heero gave him the faintest hint of a smile and pushed away from the suit.

Trowa waited until he was clear, then began the power-up sequence. In the back of his mind, the touch of Heero's hand on his shoulder pushed at some memory. He couldn't place it, or the slightly uneasy feeling this all caused.

He handled the controls with a light touch and managed to get out of the suit bay without running into anything. Once outside he opened the throttle and shot away toward the imperiled colony.

Wing Zero handled smoothly, but Trowa was glad of Heero's warning. His hands and muscles did remember flying Heavyarms, even if his mind did not.

He had the colony in visual range when the Zero system took over. It was subtle, so subtle that he didn't even realize what was happening. It seemed the most logical thing to begin weighing who was friend and who was enemy.

Everyone was the enemy.

He reached for the firing sequence lock, but it was already open. His hands tightened on the controls as his heart hammered in his chest. "All my enemies." He wasn't aware of how his lips pulled back from his lips in a vicious grimace. Battle memories streamed over him, strangely mixed with sexual ones; most of them of him with some faceless man's dick down his throat. It was distracting. He was almost surprised when he made the first pass and started firing.

"Trowa, what are you doing?" Quatre's voice sounded faint and far away.

"What I was born to do," Trowa growled, blasting a solar panel array to sparkling dust. He'd been aiming for the surface of the atmospheric dome.

"Trowa, no!" Quatre shouted. "It's the Zero system. It's warping your thoughts. You have to control them. Control it. I couldn't and you had to stop me. Please, Trowa, don't make me have to do the same thing. What?" He seemed to be talking to someone else. "No Heero, just give me a little more time! Trowa, listen to me. Those people down there, Catherine's with them. And all your friends from the circus. Remember, Trowa. Please remember! That's why you're there. To save her! If you blow that colony, you'll never ever forgive yourself."

It wasn't just the words or the sound of his beloved's voice; it was the pain. Frozen, motionless, the Zero system began to show him other things, so fast he felt like his head was going to explode.

Quatre. The other pilots. He and Chang sitting by a fire on Earth. Tending Heero's wounds, his first kiss at the peaceful desert oasis . . . Rashid's face as he sent Trowa away. . . ."

"Oh my god. What have I done?"

The combination of memory and self-loathing vanquished the last of Zero's hold over him. Trowa made his mind go blank, just the way the mercs who'd raised him who I murdered . . . ! had taught him. Just the way he always had, even when he was firing at Quatre . . .

With a scream of rage, he blasted through the outer air lock of the colony and went to save his friends.


The Zero system jammed Quatre's ability to feel Trowa, even when he tried. Instead, he had to watch and wait with the others after Trowa disappeared inside the colony. At least he hadn't blown it up.

At least he listened! To me!

Please, Allah, don't let him die!

It felt like his heart started beating again when they saw Wing Zero come out of the colony and streak back to the Peacemillion.

"He did it!" Duo yelled, making the mistake of punching Quatre in the shoulder and sending them both spinning into opposite walls.

"Control yourselves!" Wufei snapped.

"Howard, I think you should see this," one of the crewmen called, staring at a monitor.

"What's going on?"

Quatre didn't wait for Trowa to reach them. He was waiting in the bay when the Zero came through the air lock and launched himself up to Trowa as soon as the hatch opened. "Trowa, you're . . ." He caught the side of the port as his lover's emotions hit him. "Trowa? You . . . What happened? Oh, Allah, you got your memory back! But . . ."

"Yes," Trowa said softly, cloaked in a seething miasma of loathing and guilt. He pushed past Quatre with his eyes lowered and headed for the exit.

Before Quatre could go after him, the other pilots came hurtling in. "What's going on?" asked Trowa as he and Heero collided.

"Zechs Merquise just blew a hole in the Earth with the biggest fucking beam cannon I've ever seen!" Duo told him, eyes full of the dark violence that was only there in battle situations. "Come on, Q-Ball, we got us a planet to save."

Trowa wouldn't even look in his direction as they all headed for their suits, Trowa taking one of the refurbished Tauruses.

Quatre shoved his grief and bafflement down hard, into a cold little corner of his heart. They had a fucking planet to save.

[ch. 30] [ch. 32] [back to Pyrzm's fic]