Electric Blue (cont)

(help me baby)

Someone give me a sign. Sister Helen used to say if you looked to God, he'd tell you what to do.

The only person who tells me what to do is G. And while the initial is right, if he's the one running the whole celestial show, we're all fucked.

Heero's busy stacking his books, aligning everything at precisely even angles on his desk.

His back is perfectly straight. Another precise angle. 180 degrees.

I wish... I wish he'd bend a little. Just a little, for me.

Are you hiding somewhere behind those eyes?

He turns around suddenly, and looks at me again.

He's not smiling, but he doesn't look angry.

God, he has such... amazing eyes. So blue.

Lots of people have blue eyes. But noone I've ever known had eyes that were... such a perfect, amazing shade.

After looking into his eyes for awhile, you feel like noone else in the world should be able to describe their eyes as blue. Only him.

But it's so... frustrating. He's so frustrating. His eyes are... well, it's stupid, but they're like the ocean. You stare at it, and it's just smooth and flat and blue.

But you know ­ you know ­ there's tons of stuff beneath that calm blue surface. You just can't see it.

He's just like the ocean. I mean, there's not fish and coral and turtles and stuff behind his eyes.

But there's... so much, that he just won't let anyone see.

Won't let me see.

I just freeze everytime you see through me

He speaks suddenly.

"You look at me all the time."

I just stare at him some more.

Christ, I'm supposed to be the loud one. Why can't I think of anything to say to him?

"Why?"

Why. Why do I stare at him.

I have a thousand answers to that question.

You're beautiful.

You're fascinating.

I want you.

I like you.

And I can't think of a god-damned thing to say.

and it's all over you, electric blue.

"Duo?"

My name. He almost never calls me by my name.

I need to say something. Make a joke, or a smart comment, or something.

This is getting way out of hand.

But I still can't... can't speak, can't think... I just stare at him.

I've never wanted to talk to someone the way that I want to talk to him.

And he's the only thing in the world that has ever rendered me speechless.

In too deep, standing here waiting

I need to make a joke! I need to say something to diffuse this, to stop this. It's too intense... it's going to go somewhere I can't take it back from.

If I say anything now, anything that's not some stupid, silly comment, I'm going to say something I can't take back.

It won't be the same again.

I might wreck it... this little bit of... if not friendship, at least... friendliness that we've managed to develop over the last few days.

Help me out here, man! Give me an out... say something... just stop staring at me!

as I'm breaking into, electric blue.

His expression changes ­ it gets even harder, even blanker.

He's pissed at me. He's going to turn away, and open the fucking computer again, and shut me out.

My window of opportunity has just slammed shut on my fingers.

Who the fuck am I kidding? It didn't slam shut on my fingers. I was too damn chicken to get anywhere near it.

He opens his mouth to speak. Here it comes...

"Want to go shoot hoops now?"

I can see, can see that it may be
just a vision of you, electric blue.

Groaning, I throw myself on top of my bed. Dimly, I hear the door slam behind me.

He plays basketball just like he does everything else.

With extreme thoroughness.

Christ alive.

I think I'm going to die.

"I can't believe you're tired already."

Amusement? Is that amusement I hear in Mr. "Life is Serious Business" Yuy's voice?

Of course.

He's laughing at me.

But it's ok.

I grin, muttering into my pillow. "I haven't eaten all day. I'm going to pass out."

He laughs. My God, he actually laughs.

"Baka," he snorts. "You eat enough every day to keep you alive for a month."

I turn my head to glare at him, and my breath catches in my throat.

I thought he looked good before. Now, in a T-shirt plastered to his chest with sweat, shorts, face flushed, hair even more tousled than usual, blue eyes bright with laughter...

Good thing I'm lying on my front. It might be painful, but at least it's hidden.

On my knees, help me baby,
tell me what can I do, electric blue.

Suddenly, I don't know how much more of this I can stand. I stare at him for a minute, then turn my head away, burying it in my pillow.

This is so stupid. I'm so stupid.

But I... want him so much.

Not just in a physical way, even though I certainly wouldn't say no if he were to jump my bones.

But... I want him to smile at me all the time like he was a minute ago.

I want to have conversations like the one we had last night in the dark.

I want to be... close to him.

I want him to like me.

I want to have the right to like him.

And God... I want him to want that like I do.

Please, Heero. Please help me. Please don't do this to me anymore.

I just freeze everytime you see through me

"You're upset."

I can't help responding to the note of concern in his voice. I turn my head to look up at him, and he's standing right by my bed, staring down at me.

He's frowning, but it's not his usual "The Weight of the World Rests on My Shoulders" frown.

He looks... unhappy. Worried.

Worried about me.

and it's all over you, electric blue.

"It's my fault isn't it?"

I stare up at him, but he looks away, staring at the floor. His words are as flat and as bare of inflection as usual, but I catch a hint of... unhappiness? regret?... in the deep voice I've become so sensitized to.

"I'm sorry for... whatever I did. I didn't mean... "

He trails off, but not before I can become completely and totally shocked by the closest thing to an apology I have ever heard from Heero Yuy.

"I didn't mean to make you upset," he says suddenly in a rush, turning away.

"Heero!" I almost shout his name, pushing myself in a sitting position. I don't want him to turn away from me again.

He turns back and frowns at me, and it's his usual irritated frown this time. He's trying to hide again.

I don't want to let him.

"Heero... you didn't upset me," I manage lamely. "I... " I bite my lip, appalled at what I almost said.

In too deep, standing here waiting

He stares at me, the frown smoothing away, and, for once, he looks his age. The weary look so often present in his eyes is gone, replaced by something like... hope?

"You what?" he asks after a moment, his voice guarded.

"I... had a fun day," I spit out stupidly. "I... liked it."

He stares at me for a minute, his eyes darkening slightly. He looks... disappointed? Could he have wanted to hear more?

Is this the Heero Yuy version of a signal? A sign?

I mean... it's not like the guy could ever make a pass, now that I think about it. He's too damn repressed. He probably wouldn't even know how to go about it.

as I'm breaking into, electric blue.

He keeps staring at me, not looking away, and I can see it more clearly now. He's letting me see it, showing it to me.

Desperation. Need.

I am stupid. He wants the same things I do.

And if I'm afraid of rejection... Christ, he must be petrified.

But Perfect Soldiers don't get petrified.

He must be totally fucked up.

I feel my lips start to curl in a smile.

Heero Yuy just played basketball with me for two hours.

And it was his idea.

How much more of a sign from God do I need?

I can see, can see that it may be

"Heero?" I don't know if he'll hear the question in my voice.

But... I'm right. I'm almost positive I'm right.

just a vision of you, electric blue.

He stares at me.

There's a storm over the ocean now. The calm waters are gone, and everything below is stirred up and rising to the surface.

On my knees, help me baby,

I sit up and throw my legs over the edge of the bed. He's so close that we're almost touching. I can feel the heat radiate off his body.

He's so tense he's almost trembling, but he doesn't move.

Come on, Heero. Meet me partway.

tell me what can i do, electric blue.

I push myself to my feet. He doesn't move back, and I can feel his body brushing against mine.

I almost shiver at the feather-light contact.

I lift my hand, and slowly - giving him time to move or tell me to stop or break my wrist - slowly settle the palm of my hand against his cheek.

I brush my fingers over his cheek, feeling the softness of his skin.

Well... he let me do that.

I lean toward him, and slowly move my lips toward his.

We're almost exactly the same height, so I don't have to reach.

It's perfect.

I brush my lips lightly against his, applying barely any pressure at all.

I pull back and look at him.

He's staring at me. The storm is still raging, but it's calmed slightly.

I lean forward again. I kiss him harder this time.

I pull back.

Electric blue

He's staring at me. The storm has stopped, but the clouds are still there. Doubt, indecision, worry... a trace of fear.

I step up to him, so that our bodies are pressed together. Slowly, I put my arms around him. I run the fingers of one hand through his hair, feeling the silky tresses against my skin.

I press my lips to his, hard, and demandingly force my tongue past his lips. I moan into his mouth as I taste him for the first time. I moan again as he tentatively brushes his tongue against mine, the light, gentle kiss sending waves of feeling through me.

Electric blue

I pull back and stare at him. His eyes are closed, but slowly they flutter open.

And he smiles again.

The storm has passed. The clouds are gone.

Smooth sailing.

Electric blue

~owari

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