When You Say Nothing At All (cont)

You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

"Who did it this time?"

Zechs bursts out of the copy room, his face scarlet with agitation. "Who broke the damn copier?"

Everyone looks around guiltily. He glares at me.

"It was you, wasn't it?" he accuses. "How damn hard is it to call the repair guy, Duo?" he bellows.

"Why do you always think it's me?" I appeal, sounding as wounded as I can manage. Shit. He's going to kick my ass.

I hate calling the repair people. They always put me on hold, and ask me all kinds of questions I can't answer, like the serial number of the unit. How the fuck am I supposed to know the serial number of the copy machine?

"Tell me it wasn't," he challenges. "Or better yet... " He turns his gaze on my lover. "Trowa! You've been watching him all day. Don't try to deny it," he adds. "Was he not in the copy room just a few minutes ago?"

Fuck. Busted. Trowa hates it when I don't call the repair guys too.

Trowa just stares at Zechs, but a wry little grin twists his lips. The tall blond seems to deflate as I watch.

"He... wasn't?" Zechs says weakly.

Trowa raises his eyebrows, and rolls his eyes a little.

"Oh." Zechs sounds so depressed. "I... I'm sorry I accused you," he says stiffly, turning and stamping back into the copy room to call the repair guys himself.

I approach Trowa. "How do you do that?" I breathe. And why? But I'm not asking him that...

He smiles mysteriously. "You owe me," is all he says before he turns back to his work.

I grin at his lowered head. I'll have to think of a really good way to pay him back.


(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

We lay on our backs on the blanket, staring entranced at the night sky.

"Look at that," I breathe. "They're all over."

We continue to watch as shooting stars flame across the sky. There's tons of them - probably fifteen a minute. Every time one fades another takes its place. We've been watching them for hours, but there's still more and more.

"Isn't this the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" I demand, turning my head toward him.

He turns his head toward me, and his eyes move over my face. He's silent for a moment, then slowly shakes his head.

No.

He smiles faintly, then turns his face back toward the sky.

He doesn't have to say anything.


The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Lets me know
That you need me

"Are you sure you don't mind?" I press. I know he must mind. He doesn't really like this sort of thing.

"I'm sure," he replies patiently.

"Because we don't have to do it if you don't want," I repeat. "It was just an idea. If you don't feel like it... "

"It's fine," he assures me.

"I know it'll be a problem, and I totally understand if you... "

"Duo." He reaches across the table and takes my hand. "I am fine with the idea of having a Christmas party. I think it's great. We can invite whoever you want."

"Are you sure?" I demand one more time.

He smiles across the table at me. "I know how much you like parties," he says. "It'll make you happy. So of course it's fine."

I beam back at him, and it's a long time before I return to the thorny problem of the guest list. After all, that much wonderfulness has to be rewarded.




The smile on your face
Lets me know
That you need me
There's a truth
In your eyes
Saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says
You'll catch me
Whenever I fall
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

"Hey, it's my man!" I holler across the yard, running out to meet the charging two-year-old halfway. "It's the intermediary, the mover of stolen goods, the dealer extraordinaire... . Chang Ling Fence!" I finish in heavy fake Chinese accent, lifting the toddler and tossing him high in the air.

"Maxwell! I will thank you to neither encourage my son in a life of crime or mock his name," Wufei snaps at me, glaring as he climbs out of the car. Quatre follows, carefully carrying one of those car-seat, baby lugger things with my infant niece the new heiress to Winner Inc. fast asleep inside.

"He doesn't mind... do you, fence boy?" I demand, lifting up the little boy's shirt and blowing a raspberry on his bare tummy. He giggles and wiggles around in my arms and I hoist him over my shoulder as I lead the way to the patio in the back.

"You're getting him all excited... he's never going to calm down," Wufei predicts dolefully as he hurries after us.

After many hours, and lots of chasing games, and much pretending to throw Ling into the lake to Wufei's eternal horror the Wu-man is proven wrong. Ling's out like a light, still sprawled across my lap. Trowa's holding Ariana, giving poor Quatre a little break. A much-needed break, apparently. The poor guy's fast asleep, frankly snoring as he leans heavily against Wufei's shoulder.

"Thank you for playing with him," Wufei says unexpectedly. I look at him in surprise.

"He always has so much fun with you," he continues. "I... sometimes forget that children need to... play. To... roughhouse," he finishes, his distaste obvious as he speaks the word.

I laugh. "Don't worry about it, Wu," I say lightly. "That's what uncles are for."

He nods. "It surprises me when you're so patient with him," he adds after a minute. "I didn't expect that you would be a person who liked children."

I shrug. "They're about my mental age," I quip. The Wu-man's sounding a little too earnest. He gets off on the wonders of fatherhood' kick a lot. The chance to insult me ought to shake him out of it, though.

"You would be a good father," he says, completely unexpectedly.

I stare at him. Who is this man, and what has he done with Wufei? Wufei is suggesting that I be in charge of a whole little person?!

"Have you ever thought about it?" Quatre asks sleepily, his eyes opening slowly. He still looks pretty groggy.

"Thought about... "

"Having children," he finishes for me. He looks back and forth between me and Trowa. "Have you guys talked about it at all?"

"No," I say quickly. Kids? Us?

A... family?

I've never had a family.

I have someone who loves me. I never thought I'd have that much.

I look over at Trowa, and he's staring down at the baby, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Not at all?" Quatre presses.

"No," I reply. Trowa looks up, and our gazes meet.

"Not... yet... " I say slowly, and watch his mouth curve in a small, almost abashed smile, before he looks down at the baby again.

Wow. Intense.


(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all
You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

It's our third anniversary. I hope he likes his present.

I wait for a moment, then slowly follow him into the dining room.

He's kneeling on the floor, the little puppy curled up in his lap. He's gently rubbing the soft ears, and as I watch, the puppy tentatively swipes his fingers with a small pink tongue.

Trowa looks up at me and I smile as I see the pleasure shining in his eyes.

"I thought it would be good practice," I grin. "See if we can really take care of something."

He grins, before returning his attention to the dog. I seat myself, and contentedly drink my coffee as I watch Trowa and the puppy roll around together on the rug.

It's so nice to witness the beginning of a life-long friendship.


The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Lets me know
That you need me

"That's fine," I snarl, slamming the door behind me as hard as I can. "Just don't fucking bother to tell me anything, Trowa... "

"I didn't want you to get excited when it might not work out," he says tightly.

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that?" I shout.

I could have had it. The colony that Maxwell Church was on. There was a possibility that the L2 leaders were going to sell it off to a private concern.

I could have had it. But he didn't fucking tell me.

"They hadn't made the decision as to whether or not they were going to auction it off," he says tightly. "And they didn't, obviously... "

It's going to be scrapped. All the people are going to be relocated, and they're destroying it.

Father Maxwell and Sister Helen worked so hard to make that colony a good place to live... and they're just destroying it.

"So you didn't even tell me!?" I shout, as loud as I can.

I'm not really angry at Trowa. I'm angry at the nameless, faceless assholes who are trashing the colony. But they're not here, and Trowa is.

"What else are you hiding from me?" I shout accusingly. "Huh, Trowa? What else do you feel doesn't need my attention? What else are you lying to me about... "

I may have gone a bit too far there. Something I can't name something I've never seen before flashes in Trowa's eyes. It's only there an instant, then it's gone... replaced with nothing.

Shit. He hasn't looked like that since the war.

"Trowa... I'm sorry. I... "

But I'm apologizing to nothing. He's gone.

I swear, and dart across the hall, following him. I finally catch up with him outside. He's half-way to the lake when I grab hold of him, clinging to his sleeve and refusing to let go.

"Trowa! Stop! I'm... I'm sorry, Trowa. I know you don't lie to me... I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm just... upset about the colony, and... " I sigh. It's like holding on to marble. "And I didn't like it that you knew and I didn't," I admit unhappily. "I don't like when you don't tell me things."

"I would have gotten it for you if it had gone up for auction," he says remotely.

"I know," I assure him. "I just... want you to tell me things, not just try to handle them on your own," I say softly. "When you do that, I feel like... like you don't need me."

"You think I don't need you?" he repeats, and I hear the incredulity in his voice. "Duo, I... I always... " He turns and grabs my arms, pulls me to him and lowers his head to mine. He kisses me hard, bruisingly, but I don't protest or pull away. I let him kiss me, I kiss him back, I fall to the grass with him and let him reassure me as to how much he needs me after all.

And he does need me. He tells me so, very loudly.

Many times.

Good thing we have no close neighbors.


(You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all

Panic.

I'd wondered what I would feel at this moment, but now I know.

Utter, screaming, panic.

I stand at one side of the little white piece of furniture, and stare down into it.

How could something so small cause me such terror?

This is all Quatre and Wufei's fault. They got us into it. Waving their cute kids around and babbling about the joys of parenthood...

They didn't mention that it came with stark, naked fear.

We should have done like Zechs and Heero and unequivocally and repeatedly refused, but no. We had to buy their line of crap. Fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Shit. He's so tiny. So many horrible things could happen to him if I screw up.

And I screw up a lot.

But this time he would suffer for it.

My son...

My son.

I have a son.

And I have Trowa.

I have a family.

I look up slowly, the tight panic in my chest slowly fading away, replaced with a feeling of amazement.

I stare into Trowa's eyes, and see reflected in them the same wonder I feel.

He smiles at me, slowly, then his lips move soundlessly.

I love you.

I stare at him, and the wonder blossoms to life inside me.

I love you, too, I mouth back.

We've never said that to each other before. It's been understood... but we've never said it to each other before.

We still haven't said it, I guess. But we will.

But this time, this first time, as we stand for the first time over our sleeping son, we don't have to say it out loud.

What we have is too pure for words.

We just... don't have to speak, he and I.

Ever.


You say it best
When you say
Nothing at all)

~Owari~

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