Hee hee. One of my all-time favorite chapters, and one which I would DEARLY love feedback for (hint hint!!). Lots of raunchiness within!!

by: Shoori

I Know Who I Want... + Part 9

I plant my feet firmly on the floor, lean back against the couch, and survey the room.

None of us are sitting on furniture. We started on furniture several hours ago. Now, we're all on the floor.

I take a sip of my drink, relishing the bitter flavor as I swirl the liquid over my tongue. I glance over to the table in the corner of the room, that holds the remnants of the pizza and subs that Quatre had brought in for dinner. But it's over there, and I'm over here…

I shrug, and decide to keep to the liquid diet, and take another gulp of my drink.

I beam as I look around the room. Everyone's here. That's nice.

Wufei is sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room. Only the heightened color in his cheeks and the sharp glitter in his eye betray his state of inebriation.

Oh yeah. The Wu-man's drunk. There's a first time for everything.

Actually, I've seen him drunk before. But we've never all been drunk together.

That's because Trowa's never been drunk before. But he is now.

I move my gaze to him. His face is flushed, and his hair is rumpled from where he keeps pushing it out of his face. It's mostly pushed to the side, so for once you can see both of his eyes at the same time. Right now, though, they're crinkled into slits, and he's leaning against Quatre to keep his balance as he laughs uproariously at something Wufei's saying.

"It's true!" Wufei insists. "At least, that's what she told me."

"I don't believe it," Heero says flatly.

Wufei bristles, glaring at him. "Why not, kisama?" he shouts.

"Doesn't make sense," Heero insists. "Why would it?"

"Why wouldn't it?" Wufei retorts.

"Thass not an answer," Heero observes, his speech only slightly slurred.

"It would because…of…properties!" Wufei shouts, waving his hands.

"Hey, what're you fightin' about?" I ask curiously, crawling into the middle of the room.

"Wufei's spreading old wives tales," Heero tells me as I stop next to him.

"It's not!" he shouts. "Just because you're jealous of my clan's understanding of how different substances affect the body…"

Trowa bursts out laughing again, and Quatre covers his mouth with both hands to keep from giggling.

Wufei visibly forces himself to calm down, and when he speaks, he addresses me directly. "I was told, in my youth…"

"Who told you that?" Quatre asked curiously.

Wufei glares at him. "I was told," he continues, again speaking to me.

"C'mon, I want to know," Quatre whines.

"…that if a man drinks a quantity of…"


"…pineapple juice a half-hour or so before…fellatio…"

I giggle at the word.

"I really wanna know!"

"…his semen will taste like pineapple."

I feel my eyes open wide at this unexpected bit of information. One part of my mind registers how odd it is that this tidbit is coming from Wufei. The other, larger, part just wonders if it's true.

"Pineapple?" I repeat.

"Pineapple," Wufei confirms, nodding sagely at me.


"That's what I was told," he assures me.

"By who!" Quatre demands, bouncing up onto his knees. His sudden movement jars Trowa, who ends up sprawling rather ungloriously on the carpet.

I grin. This is better than I have imagined. We have never all been drunk together. Quatre and I get loopy pretty easy (and often). Wufei almost never gets drunk, I've seen Heero drunk three or four times in his life, and in all the time we've known each other, I've never, ever seen Trowa take more than two beers in an evening.

But for some reason, tonight we all seem to have decided that now is the time to get trashed. We haven't talked about it, but there's going to be some serious crap coming up in the near future. I guess we all decided that we should have some fun while we still can.

And how. Quatre seems to have decided to bring the contents of two or three liquor stores tonight. Any evening that begins with shots of hard liquor and moves on from there is destined for greatness.

"A woman of my clan," Wufei intones mysteriously in answer to Quatre's question.

"Come ooohhhhnnnn, Wufei," Quatre moans, his voice deepening two registers. "Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

I giggle as Quatre prostrates himself on the carpet in front of Wufei. After a moment, the blond head lifts and he peers at his lover.

"Tell me!" he shouts.

Wufei rolls his eyes. "It was Meiran," he says shortly, flushing.

A silence descends on our group for a moment. Wufei never discusses his dead wife. We didn't even know about her existence for years, not until Wufei opened some kind of school on the Chinese continent in her name. All I know is that she and Wu were married by order of their clan, and that she died before the war actually started, protecting the colony that was later destroyed to free Wufei to fight.

Not a burden on the conscience or anything.

"Oh," murmurs Quatre, a little abashed, peering up at Wufei through his eyelashes. Quatre still has all these coquettish mannerisms, which look a little funny coming from the big guy he's grown into.

Wufei stares at him for a moment, then grins, and grabs the empty glass from his hand. "Drink some more, idiot," he says affectionately, filling the glass from a bottle sitting on the carpet behind him.

Quatre beams at him and scrambles to his knees, dropping a big, wet, loud kiss on Wufei's cheek before settling to the carpet beside him.

"Hey, Wufei, I've got a question for you." I glance at Heero, whose face is set in the overly-intense, owlish expression of concentration that he gets when he drinks too much.

"Yeah?" asks Wufei, when it appears that Heero isn't going to continue.

"You married her when you were thirteen, right?"

Wufei nods.

"It was arranged by your clan, right?"

Wufei nods again.

"Didja ever…you know. Sleep with her?"

Now we're all staring avidly at Wufei. I can tell we've all wondered that, but that's just the sort of thing you don't ask Wufei. Unless, of course, you're a drunken Heero Yuy.

Wufei turns even redder. I start to giggle. The Wu-man's blushing. How cute!

"Yeah, did you?" Quatre demands, poking him in the side.

"You don't know?" Trowa marvels, staring at Quatre.

Quatre shrugs. "I never asked," he admits cheerfully.

"You oughta be with Duo for a while," Trowa tells him in long-suffering tones, rolling his green eyes back in his head. "He asks everything."

I peer at him suspiciously, but he grins at me. He's joking! About my making him tell me stuff. Damn. I grab a half-empty bottle and crawl over to Trowa, and refill his glass. We gotta keep this boy hammered. He winks at me, lifts the newly filled glass to his lips, and gulps down half the contents. Hmmm. Maybe there's such a thing as too hammered.

"He will not be with Duo for a while," Wufei tells Trowa in offended tones. "I won't allow it."

"Oooh, command me, Master," Quatre simpers, sidling closer to Wufei's side.

"I was kidding," Trowa assures Wufei seriously. "I'd give Quatre anything, but I don't share Duo with anyone but Heero. Or Heero with anyone but Duo." He lowers himself to his back on the carpet and addresses the rest of his remarks to the ceiling. "Or Duo and Heero with anyone but Heero and Duo. Or Heero and Duo with…"

"But you didn't answer," Heero reminds Wufei over the drone of Trowa's voice. "Did you?"

"It's none of your business…"

"Nuh-uh!" I shout loudly. "No evasion! Straight answers before the court!"

"Since when am I on trial?" Wufei demands.

"…or Duo Maxwell with anyone but Heero Yuy. Not Heero Jones or Heero Brown or Heero Jackson or Heero Taylor or…"

"We gotta get Hee-chan used to courtroom proceedings," I tell him, smirking at Heero. "He's gonna need the practice."

"Oh yeah. How did that go?" Quatre demands over Heero's loud groan.

"Don't ask," Heero orders. "And don't help him. He still has to answer the question."

"Yes," Wufei says flatly. "Yes I did. Happy?"

"Did you try the pineapple thing?" Heero asks.

"No!" Wufei shouts. "Gods, Yuy, we were children! We barely…"

"Hah!" Heero roars triumphantly. "So you don't know if it's true or not!! It's unproven rumor!"

I stare at Heero. "Did you ask him that just to see if he'd tried the pineapple thing?" I ask him curiously.

He stares at me, uncomprehending. "Why else would I ask him?" he asks, bewildered.

Quatre and I start to giggle.

The droning from the floor continues.

"…and Heero Yuy is only shared with Duo Maxwell. I don't care about other Duos. Not one bit. But they don't get any Heero, I'll tell you that much. They can try all they want, but not one little tiny piece of Heero…"

"Ok, Tro, we get the point.," Quatre interrupts, reaching down to pull Trowa back up into a sitting position. "Noone gets any of Heero and Duo except you and them."

"Yeah," Trowa nods, then blinks around at the rest of us. "So, did he?" he asks, settling his gaze on me.

"Huh?" I reply originally.

"Sleep with Meiran," he clarifies.

"Yeah," I nod.

"…had to cement the alliance," Wufei mutters morosely into his cup. "Make it legal…"

"What's it like?" Quatre asks curiously.

"What?" Wufei asks, lifting his head to look at him.

"Having sex with a woman," he clarifies.

"You've never…" Heero begins.

"I've never slept with a woman," Quatre announces calmly, leaning back and bracing himself on his hand.

I stare at him. "Never?" I repeat.

He shakes his head. "Never slept with anyone but two people," he informs me.

"That's it?" I blink at him, amazed.

"I've only slept with three," Heero reminds me.

"Four," Wufei tells me shortly.

"Four?" I frown, calculating. Meiran, and Quatre of course…

"I already answered embarrassing sex questions," he tells me flatly. "Ask someone else."

"But I know Heero's three," I protest. "He has no embarrassing sex stories…"

"Except for three years with Relena," Trowa inserts quietly, grinning. "That's one big embarrassing sex story."

Heero groans. "Don't remind me," he implores, taking a deep swallow of his drink. "It's not my fault. She got me drunk, and when I woke up she started talking about wedding plans…"

We all burst into surprised laughter. "No way," I marvel, shaking my head. "That's how she got you?"

"You don't think I actually asked her, do you?" he snaps.

"But why'd you agree…"

"What was I going to tell her? ‘Sorry, I was drunk. Stop picking out bridesmaids.' I thought it was a rule or something," he finishes morosely.

I can't help it. I laugh. And laugh. Soon everyone else is joining in. Heero, red-faced, glares at us all. "You're all jerks," he tells us bitterly. That only makes us laugh harder.

"So, what's it like?" Quatre presses.

"Better ask Heero, he has the most recent experience," Trowa quips.

Heero snarls at him. "Just cuz you're off the hook on this one doesn't mean you should put me on the spot," he tells Trowa flatly.

"Are you?" Quatre demands of Trowa.

He turns his attention to the blond. "Am I what?" he asks curiously.

"Off the hook," Quatre finishes. To my amazement, Trowa blushes.

"You have?" I ask him, amazed. He's told us of one or two consensual male lovers that he's been with, but no women.

"Anyway," Trowa hedges, trying to change the subject, "tell him, Heero, what…"

Heero shakes his head. "Who?" he demands.

Trowa shakes his head stubbornly, flushing even redder. "It doesn't…"

"We know her, don't we?" Wufei guesses, grinning. Wow. Wufei asking intrusive personal questions.

I swallow more of my drink, relishing the warm feeling it traces on the way to my stomach as I wait for Trowa to answer.

"Catherine?" Quatre guesses.

"No!" Trowa shouts, glaring at him. "Geez, she's my sister."

"Not by blood," Quatre argues reasonably.

"Doesn't matter," Trowa insists.

"C'mon, you gotta tell," Quatre insists. "Wufei told."

Wufei nods vigorously.

"Heero told us about how Relena tricked him because he's a dope…"

"Hey!" Heero protests loudly.

"'S your turn," Quatre insists.

"I don't see you telling anyone anything, blondie," Trowa growls at him.

"I will when someone asks me something," Quatre responds airily.

"Do we know her?" Wufei demands.

Trowa sighs, then nods his head.

"Do we all know her?" Heero picks up.

Trowa nods again.

"Does she live in Sanc?" I ask.

He nods for a third time.

There's a brief silence as we all think.

"Noin?" Quatre suggests.

I shake my head. "She lives on Mars," I remind him witheringly.

"Some girl you met at a party?" Heero suggests.

"He said we all know her," Quatre reminds him.

"Oh, just tell us!" Wufei shouts. Patience was never Wufei's strong suit.