Author: Bane's Desire
see chao. 1 for warnings, disclaimer

A Grudging Seduction: Chapter Seven
Revelations

Upon waking, Duo was immediately aware of a warmth along the left side of his body and that an arm rested on top of the blanket covering his stomach. He opened his eyes and turned his head to see a mop of dark brown hair in his line of vision, noting it was Heero lying next to him. He raised his right arm carefully, feeling the tight pull of the scabs on his healing flesh, and felt for his loose hair. His finger tips found it tossed over his left shoulder and secured tightly in Heero's hand. 'Hum, he really seems to like it,' he thought to himself, then snorted at the very idea that the Perfect Soldier could be attached to something he'd mentioned more than once as being frivolous. The slight sound that escaped him roused Heero from his nap.

"Hello," the shaggy haired teen said, instantly alert and blinking his eyes into focus and taking in the room as if to remind himself of where he was.

"How long did we sleep?" Duo asked, fighting a yawn.

Looking at his watch, Heero answered. "Two hours, fifty-three minutes. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, a bit. How about you?"

Heero rose up on his elbows to look down at the boy next to him. Like last time, the kiss came to Duo without any warning, for suddenly Heero's lips were on his own.

'Think of it as kissing a girl,' the braided teen reminded himself, forcing his body to relax. Once he managed to ease some of the tension from his body, he began to think about and feel what the other boy's mouth was doing and that maybe the girls he'd kissed previously weren't all that experienced because damn, Heero was one fine kisser. His technique was perfect, Duo decided, as soft lips traced his own, seeking but not demanding, wanting but not completely taking. Now if this was a girl he was kissing, one that he really liked, Duo knew he'd probably put his arms around her and draw her closer. Keeping his eyes closed, he followed that mental picture and brought his good arm up and placed it on Heero's waist. Then after a moment, he let it trail upward, feeling the skin under the material of tank top ripple in reaction to his touch. He let his hand linger on the bare shoulder and caressed it as the kiss deepened. Heero's tongue pressed between his lips, requesting entry, and without thinking, Duo opened them to him.

'Damn fine kisser,' his mind repeated as their tongues began to spar in each other's mouth. He found it unexpectedly pleasurable to be exchanging kisses with someone as aggressive and strong as Heero. He usually took the lead when he'd had physical contact with girls, but now he found he kind of liked sharing the control equally with Wing's pilot. Losing himself to the kiss, he moved his hand upward to comb his fingers through Heero's thick and unruly hair and instinctively pulled the strong and firm body closer to his own, groaning as the other boy's weight came to rest more fully on top of his own. And then the pain hit, bringing him instantly back to awareness of his injuries, temporarily forgotten. The moan that escaped his lips was no longer from pleasure. "Oh shit. Get off, quick," he gasped, and was immensely relieved at how rapidly Heero complied.

"Sorry," the blue-eyed pilot said, and though his voice seemed unemotional, Duo heard just a hint of remorse in it.

Duo shook his head as he tried to catch his breath. "Got carried away, I guess," he managed to say, trying to give the boy staring down at him with concern etched on his face a reassuring smile, but with the effort it took to lift the corners of his mouth, he was pretty certain he'd failed.

A few moments passed with neither boy speaking and while Duo composed himself, he also refocused. G had said that he needed to bind Heero to himself. He realized that he might have just blown it, stopping what had promised to be a fantastic make-out session. Find things in common with him, he told himself. Flatter him. Put him on the proverbial pedestal. Those were the things he would do with a girl that he really wanted to get to first or second base with; and it usually worked. But this was different, and he had to question himself as to whether or not the same tactics would work with Heero. He turned his head to look at the boy who had haunted his thoughts lately, only to find that Heero was studying him intently in return.

"Um.. You're a great kisser, Heero. I... I guess you've had a lot of practice."

The Japanese boy continued to peer in his eyes, and Duo found it a bit disconcerting. Then, at last, the dark haired boy nodded. His index finger rose to trace a feathery line down Duo's neck, starting just below his ear and slowly moving past the racing pulse in his neck to the hollow of his throat. With a deep, sultry voice, he replied. "I've been fully trained in many areas having to do with physical intimacy," he replied, straight faced.

Duo stared at him, his eyes widening with understanding, his mouth having fallen open. "You're shitting me. You were trained? By who? That freak with all the metal appendages? Did you have sex with Dr. J?" The American's voice had risen as he spoke and his face displayed not only his shock, but repugnance at the thought of the old man touching Heero's young body.

Heero, in turn, looked repulsed. "You have a very sick mind, Duo. Of course I didn't have sex with J."

The braided teen gave a dramatic sigh of relief. "Thanks for saving me from endless nightmares that image conjured up."

Heero reached over and smartly pinched the boy's uninjured arm, causing Duo to squawk. "That's your punishment for thinking nasty thoughts."

Duo blushed. "Sorry," he said contritely. "So how did you learn all that physical intimacy stuff?"

"In the last few months of my training, Dr. J decided I might need to use other means of infiltrating by seducing people working for and amongst the ranks of the enemy. He also deemed it prudent to prepare me in case sexual assault was used as a method for interrogation should I be apprehended. He hired a series of professional courtesans to instruct me in art of seduction."

Duo's eyes remained large at Heero's words. "Damn, Heero. You were what, fourteen years old? Don't you think that's kind of insane?"

"It was necessary," Heero countered. "As was all my training."

The braided teen was at an absolute loss for words. What could you say to that? "Um, ..." he began hesitantly. "Were they male or female... professionals?"

"Both."

"Young or old?"

"Mid twenties," Heero replied with a slight shrug. "Old enough to be experienced."

"Shit."

"Does this bother you?"

"Hell yes it bothers me," Duo gaped openly at the other boy who seemed much too calm about the whole conversation. "J had no right to do that to you."

Heero looked at him curiously, as if he didn't understand Duo's attitude. "It was training, Duo. They didn't hurt me. In fact, it became quite pleasurable once I understood it."

"'It' being sex."

"Yes." There was a moment's pause before Heero spoke again. "Have you, Duo?

"Had sex?"

"Yes."

"Um... I haven't gotten past second base with a girl," he answered, then realized he needed to clarify to Heero what that meant. "That means I got to feel her up. You know, touch her boobs."

"Breasts," Heero corrected.

Duo shrugged. "But I haven't done anything with a guy before, like I told you in the shower."

Several long moments of silence stretched out before Heero's finger tips began to trace lightly along Duo's clavicle, moving softly across the skin to the rounded shoulder where his fingers worked a series of circles around it. As upset as he was about Heero's training, Duo found pleasure at the touch and felt almost paralyzed, unable to move or speak while those magic fingers moved southward to his pectoral muscles and traced enticing circles there, brushing across his nipple. Despite all his efforts not to make a sound, he hissed slightly while taking a sharp breath of air into his lungs in reaction to it.

"I know what I'm doing, Duo." Heero's voice was deep and sultry, causing the other boy to involuntarily shiver with pleasure. "I can make your first time very, very pleasurable."

Duo wasn't even sure when Heero changed positions, but he knew the exact moment the other boy's tongue licked one of the puckered nubs on his chest. Despite his best attempts to be quiet, small sounds of pleasure passed his lips, and the slight sound brought him back to his senses and that he was losing control. He came abruptly out of his trance-like state and back to rational thought. "Wait, Heero. Stop. Please," he pleaded, pushing the other boy away from his body.

Damn, but his heart was racing again and the lower half of his body seemed to have a mind of its own lately. "I'm just not ready, Heero. All right?" He waited to say more until he got a reluctant nod from the boy above him. "Listen, I'm still hurting and fifteen years old, and while I know there's not specific age for it, I just kind of think I'm not ready for sex yet. When I do finally have sex with someone, I want it to really mean something, not just because it was something to do to pass the time. Do you understand?"

Heero looked more confused than ever. "You don't want me?" He asked with a frown forming on his face and Duo wondered if his feelings were hurt. "Is it because I've had sex with prostitutes? I can assure you safe sex was practiced and I've been tested and am clean of any sexually transmitted diseases."

"No!" Duo said, trying to reassure the other boy. "You're not listening to me, Heero. I'm the problem, not you." He decided he needed to try another tactic and then it suddenly dawned on him that this was the perfect opportunity to set up his reasons for not having sex with Heero but still binding him to him so he wouldn't self destruct.

"Listen, Heero." He began again with a serious attitude. "Sex is a binding thing to most people. Once you have intimate relations with someone you naturally become more emotionally attached to them, or so I've been told. I've lost a lot of people in my life, people that I cared deeply for. I don't want to lose anyone close to me again. If I were to ... um... have... intimate relations with you, it would be because I care deeply for you. I know myself, Heero, I'd probably become emotionally dependent on you and, if something should happen to you, if you should die, I might not be able to carry on, to function properly. I don't think either of us can promise we won't die, considering who we are and what we do, so what direction would the war go if our side was to lose the two of us?"

"There are no guarantees in life, Duo," Heero interjected, a frown marring his handsome features. "Anyone at anytime can die, and no doubt the battle for peace would carry on without us, maybe for a longer period of time, but it would go on."

"You're right," Duo agreed. "But personally, I don't want to set myself up for any more heartache. You've tried to self destruct several times already. If you hold your life so cheap, you'll never survive the war. Why would I want to become emotionally attached to you if you're going to hit the self-destruct button every time something goes wrong?"

Heero continued to frown, obviously not liking the way the conversation was going. His eyes seemed focused on something distant as he considered Duo's words. Then with a nod of his head, he refocused and replied simply, "I understand," then quickly moved himself off the bed and left the room.

Duo's eyes followed him, not knowing if how the conversation ended was a good or a bad thing. He lay there in the heavy silence of the room going over the conversation they'd just had several times before coming to the conclusion that nothing had changed. Heero had not given him any indication that he was going to stop hitting that damn destruct button in Wing whenever he was cornered. With a weary sigh, Duo realized he had his work cut out for himself.

It wasn't until their evening meal was ready that Heero came back into the room to help the injured teen off his bed, down the stairs and to the kitchen. With a hand gripping his left elbow, the braided teen was led by the other boy to the small, square table with four chairs set on each side. The table was already set with two place settings for their forthcoming meal. A feeling of uneasiness hung between the two that was uncomfortable and continued as Heero dished up the meal from the stove top and brought the filled plates to the table. Duo smiled with gratitude to the chef of the hour for the chicken vegetable stir-fry that sat on a bed of rice.

After taking a bite and finding Heero's meal tasted as good as it looked, Duo ventured to break the silence between them. "This is great, Heero. Where'd you learn to cook like this?"

"Dr. J."

Duo wasn't surprised by the answer. "Never learned to cook myself," he admitted with a shrug. "Not like this anyway. If we were lucky enough to catch a rat or even a rare cat when I lived on the streets, one of the older kids would skin it and then take out the innards. We always had to hunt around for some kind of improvised skewer, a wire or metal pole, and we took turns holding the carcass over a fire to cook it, that is if we were lucky enough to find something that burned. Otherwise, we stole food from markets and ate what we snatched while on the run so that if we got caught there wasn't any evidence, we'd have already eaten it. I really wouldn't call that cooking." he shrugged and put another fork full of food into his mouth and continued speaking, his mouth full. "But don't worry, Howard showed me how to cook the basics over a stove: eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches, maccaroni and cheese, you know, the good stuff." He swallowed and put another fork full of chicken and broccoli into his mouth, then looked up to see Heero's eyes staring steadfastly at him.

"What?" He wondered if he had something stuck between his teeth or dribbling off his chin to cause Heero to look at him in such an odd way. Heero's eyes lingered on his face for a moment, his expression unreadable, then he seemed to come to his senses and waved off Duo's question.

Duo sighed in frustration. "Jeez Heero, are ya gonna give me the silent treatment all night? Come on, man, help me out here a little bit. I'm just not up to carrying the whole conversation tonight."

He was about to give up, but Heero's penetrating eyes didn't look away from him, but they seemed to be looking for something... within Duo, maybe trying to understand him a bit more.

"Do you plan on surviving the war, Duo?"

Heero's sudden question caught the normally quick-witted boy off guard. He looked from Heero's expressionless face down to his plate, which he studied for several long moments as he thought about his reply. Slowly, he raised his eyes up to look at his teammate. "I didn't really come into the war with a death wish, not for me that is," he replied with a skewed grin. Then getting more serious, he continued. "I don't think I want to die before I find out if life really is any better than what I know from the streets of the hell I grew up on. But if I have to die during battle, trying to bring peace to the colonies, then so be it."

"You've tried to self destruct also."

Duo raised an eyebrow, wondering how Heero had found out about that failed incident. Here again, he noticed that Heero wasn't asking if he had or not, but that he stated a fact. "How'd you know about that?" There was a bit of challenge to Duo's whole demeanor. He didn't know if he felt comfortable with someone knowing him as well as Heero seemed to.

"I have my ways."

That was all there was to his answer, and Duo realized Heero was not going to elaborate. He could probably weasel it out of him, but tonight he just didn't feel up to it. The scabs that were forming on his thrashed skin were tight and itchy and his body and head were aching and throbbing. So instead of arguing, Duo sighed and returned to focus on his meal, determined to fill his empty stomach before going back upstairs to bed.

Silence passed for several minutes with only the sound of metal forks hitting the ceramic plates as the two finished their meal. "What if I told you that I feel the same? That I don't want to be emotionally attached to someone who believes they are expendable?"

Duo looked up at Heero with an expression of shock on his face. He knew how little value Heero held his own life, other than his being a soldier and trying to single-handedly win the war, but did Heero really believe that of him? He wondered what he'd said or done to have led the other pilot to come up with that interpretation, that he didn't believe his life had value, that he believed the war was the only thing he lived for? Damn, he thought, that was supposed to be Heero's line of reasoning. "Is this a case of the pot calling the kettle black?" he asked, a grin starting to form.

Heero, for his part, continued to stare at him soberly, waiting for an answer to his questions. Another crossroads, Duo thought wearily. He hoped that Heero was beginning to question the validity of his past belief, that one man's life is cheap when spent in a just cause for the betterment of mankind. Duo's thoughts had, at one time, run along a similar line of thinking, believing that an orphaned thief from L-2 would not be missed in the grand scheme of things if he should die. But his feelings about that had changed slightly over time, as did his life. Now, as the pilot of Deathscythe, he knew his death or capture would cause him to be sorely missed by his fellow pilots and have an effect on the war effort. As long as Deathscythe existed and the colonies were oppressed, he had a job to do and there was a definite purpose for his life. He was determined that he alone would pilot the black gundam, harbinger of death, destruction, and eventually, hopefully, peace and hope to the people of the colonies. As for the future? Well, he didn't have a death wish, but it was to gray and blurry for him to spend too much time thinking about it. He figured it was better to worry about today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

"My life isn't cheap anymore, Heero." Duo finally answered the other boy's question while looking up into the dark blue eyes patiently waiting. "I'm the pilot of Deathscythe, and at the moment, that's what matters the most. I think the only reason I'd ever try to self-destruct again would be if my gundam was in risk of falling into the enemy's hands. But I would make damn well sure that I was all out of options before I hit that button."

Heero nodded, he understood Duo's line of thinking all too well. "I feel the same," he said quietly.

The conversation ended with the meal, and Heero cautiously followed behind his wounded companion as he made his slow and careful way back up the stairs to the bedroom and his bed.

[ch. 6] [ch. 8] [back to Singles a - k]