for Ashura's Bob Dylan Songfic Contest... Based on the song "When The
Night Comes Falling From the Sky" by Bob Dylan
Note: The lyrics are mostly from Duo's perspective but there are parts
where it's from both of them at once so just keep that in mind.
MAJOR THANKS to Ashura for doing this contest in the first place and also
for being so understanding, and Mairead, for being WAY MORE of a beta-reader
than I ever could have hoped for. ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!!! ^_^v
out across the field, see me returning
Smoke is in your eye, you draw a smile
From the fireplace where my letters to you are burning
You've had time to think about it for awhile
Heero glanced out the window, sick of staring blindly at the poisonous
fire. Idly, he wondered where he was right then. He looked back
to the orange flames and tossed another sheet on the fire, watching as
the white lined paper curled and burned black and red beneath the flames.
The messy handwriting disappeared within the smoke almost symbolically.
Disturbingly, Heero felt almost as if while he watched the letters burn,
some part of him cried out from the dark hell that had encompassed him
since he'd heard. Since he'd learned that....
A quick shake of his head, and Heero was certain he had stopped himself
from going down that dangerous track of thought. There was nothing down
that way but fear, betrayal, shame, anger, and.... Well, pathetically
enough, still care, sympathy and concern.
His heavy gaze slowly fell down to the letter in his hand. From somewhere
deep inside him his emotions shrieked to the surface of his thoughts.
Resisting the urge to close his eyes, Heero let them run their course
within his mind, the maelstrom raging forth in a torrent of desperation,
hope and confidence. Narrowing his eyes the slightest bit, Heero looked
up again to stare at the fire until he no longer saw the flames but a
mass of burning, destructive sparks and shadows. No emotion touched his
face, his pose as still as a tragic statue frozen forever in time. However,
inside he was being ripped and shredded with scattered thoughts and half-formed
passions that were so intense they screamed for his attention and shattered
all his control with banshee-like wails. This was how Heero lived his
life; impassively cold on the outside, and dangerously extreme on the
inside. Long ago he stopped asking why and just listened to the whispers
and screams as he let his emotions run their course. Then, when Desperation
dwindled and died, when Hope cracked and broke beneath the rancid weight
of Reason, when even Confidence faltered and ruptured.... THEN he made
his decision, certain that he had already accounted for all sides of the
situation and was reacting accordingly and appropriately.
The fire blazed as another sheet was thrown in, lighting Heero's golden
features in a soft glow that made his eyes seem less emotionless, less
withdrawn, and more....
Degraded by something far greater than he, far purer than he could ever
hope to understand. Something that reached within him when he thought
he had long ago lost any and all hopes of redemption.
A hope for a new life that Heero had never dared reach for....
Laughing violet eyes shot through Heero's vision and for one terrifying
moment he felt like he was plunging into the flames, no longer completely
grounded in reality and instead twisting, flailing, stumbling, dying in
an explosion of severe emotions and almost tangible pain. Desperately,
Heero pulled himself in again, shoving at the flood with all his energy
until, traumatized, he found himself back in the empty cabin, the crackling
of the fire his only companion. He was still in the exact same position,
never having even flinched despite how close he came to losing himself.
All because of those damn violet eyes, that frustratingly happy smile,
that versatile voice....
But not just `Duo'... something more... always something else....
Duo: a comrade, a confidante, a companion. A... a friend. A best
A sympathetic soul. A keeper of his better moments. A smile in the bleakness,
a comforting hand in the nothingness, a light in the ever-present darkness.
It wasn't so strange that the American got to him, really. What was surprised
Heero was how. His eyes watched the flames twist and converge, but his
mind withdrew to focus on that mission a little over a year ago, when
his world had started to change....
^^ Heero suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, halting in the middle of
a sprint. To this day he still wasn't positive why he had quit running,
why he turned to glance at Duo then behind them, as if searching for a
follower he knew couldn't possibly exist.
They hadn't been discovered yet.
Duo took a few steps before stumbling to a stop and looking behind his
shoulder in surprise. "Heero! C'mon, what're you doing? We need to get
Heero simply stared at him, wondering himself with growing panic why he
wasn't moving, but not allowing anything to cross his face. Almost always,
Heero had discovered, the illusion of complete control was as important
as the actuality. If Duo thought Heero, with the reputation for being
a Perfect Soldier, had stopped for no reason at all, and furthermore couldn't
get his legs to move right then for all the control in the world.... Well,
maybe his faith in him would be shaken. No, not maybe; it WOULD. And it
would be too hard to regain that trust once lost.
He didn't need an uncooperative co-worker, that was certain.
So instead he just stared hard at Duo until the American bewilderingly
trotted back, looking quickly through the shadows. He saw nothing, and
for good reason. Heero knew there was nothing around them, probably not
for miles of endless, labyrinthine hallways.
But he still couldn't make his legs move.
"Heero, knowing you, you've got a perfectly legit reason for stopping,
and are gonna kill me for this.... But since I don't see anything or anyone,
I'm gonna make you go, k?" Duo said right beside him, not touching him
but standing within hitting range. The act gave Heero that much more control
over the situation and something about that made him feel grateful, though
he wasn't sure why. Shouldn't he feel like Duo was humoring him? Pitying
him...? But instead, it felt like he understood, somehow, even though
Heero himself didn't.
So he didn't move when Duo nodded to himself and dragged Heero's arm over
his shoulders. Heero complied and followed as Duo tugged him along, slowly
quickening their pace. Soon, Heero's legs were listening to him again,
and he calmly removed his grip on Duo to run beside him.
Hallways, junctions, secure or open doors, they all breezed by with little
difficulty, but something was still nagging at Heero. Something completely
foreign but somehow he trusted it. "This way," he spoke abruptly, his
voice the monotonous tone that so many wrongfully thought was emotionless.
He had emotions. He simply had expert control over them, so they never
broke the surface.
Follow your emotions.
He always followed his emotions, but not spontaneously like most. Instead,
he watched their movements, their undulating waves that broke apart against
each other until the sea was once again calm.
And that's when he'd act.
So he waited while they ran, trying to follow the panicked twist of his
feelings, but unable to understand what was happening. He sped up, watching
in vague satisfaction as Duo did as well, and forced himself to think
harder. Finally he came to the conclusion that there must have been a
logical reason for his sudden stop before.
So he stopped again.
Duo skidded to a halt and turned around with a mixture of annoyance and
confusion. "What NOW?" he asked plaintively, though the business part
of him seemed to truly be wondering.
"We missed something. The mission is incomplete. We need to finish," Heero
told Duo in a tone that may be considered cold or lifeless to others,
but was simply the act of a person well versed in dispassion.
Duo shook his head immediately, "Ohhhh no you don't, Yuy! I ran
most of this mission, I know we got everything! Trust me. I rechecked
it all over while you were hacking and I know for a FACT that it's all
good. You're probably just being a perfectionist...."
Heero was surprised. Not that Duo would protest, he had expected that,
but that he didn't question the fact that Heero wanted to go back. Instead,
Duo simply wouldn't accept the reasoning. Something about that bothered
Heero, but in a good way. "Mission parameters have been altered," Heero
intoned seemingly uncaringly, turning his back on Duo and barely glancing
over his shoulder, "I am returning to see it through." He began to run
back down the hallway, toward where they had just left. He fully expected
to hear Duo's steps falling in place by his, and the cursing and berating
the American would treat him to the entire way.
Instead, he was met with a snort down the hallway, and a flippant, "Fine!
Go back! See if I care. But I, being the good soldier that
I am, not PERFECT mind you, but good, am going to return these
before we lose `em! Sayounara, Yuy-san! See ya back at the safehouse!"
Heero stumbled and looked over his shoulder in complete surprise just
in time to see Duo wave the disks at him with a cheeky grin, then disappear
down the hallway.
Heero blinked as he turned around and continued to run, wondering why
that unexpected turn of events bothered and yet pleased him.
He was supposed to be the Perfect Soldier. Whether or not he actually
qualified for the position was beyond the point; everyone knew it, everyone
believed it, and therefore it was reality to many.
But apparently not one Duo Maxwell if he felt the need to abandon Heero
who allegedly knew everything about battles and infiltration. The lack
of trust was both disturbing (if Duo didn't trust Heero to make correct
decisions how would he ever follow him in the battlefield sufficiently?)
and strangely comforting (Duo called him a perfectionist, not Perfect.
Duo thought of him as human....).
Heero approached the hallway where it all started lost in thought, until
a bullet whizzed past his head, snapping him back to the reality of the
situation. Dodging to the side, he abruptly ducked and sprinted through
the confusing maze of hallways. Dozens of blurred doorways shot past him
on either side until, when another stray bullet nearly grazed his ankle,
he decided to try another strategy. He ran down a hallway on his right,
ducking into one of the rooms and leaning against the closed door to slow
his heartbeat down. Glancing quickly around, he noted that luckily the
room he chose was completely empty. A few seconds passed before he heard
the soldiers run past his hiding place. A smirk found its way to his eyes
as he waited a full minute then, detecting no new noise, he slipped into
the war zone again. He paid more attention this time, running so fast
his feet barely seemed to touch the ground. He was just approaching the
first hallway when he heard footsteps behind him. He pivoted, dashing
down a different hallway and concentrating on moving even faster than
He breezed past some surprised soldiers down one of the hallways, rewarding
Heero with a trail of shouting voices and an occasional bullet that ricocheted
off the floor and walls around him. Another bullet would have hit him
in the back if he hadn't dodged down a new hallway at the last second.
The shouting continued but slowly it died away. Heero slowed his pace
slightly and was just considering forgetting the oddity and returning
later when he heard a noise that caught his attention. Slowing, he looked
around just in time to see partitions shut off his section of the hallway
from everywhere else. Heero stopped completely, surveying the room for
escape routes. Oz had never used this technology before, which immediately
set his nerves on edge. But before he had a chance to consider his predicament
any longer, valves appeared in the walls, spraying gas out in dense clouds.
Heero covered his mouth, already searching the walls for weaknesses, but
it wasn't long before even his body couldn't stand up to the stress of
the gas after all that running. His eyes slid closed, too heavy to stay
open any longer, as his legs faltered and failed him. Quietly, Heero felt
himself fall to the ground even as he lost consciousness.^^
Heero watched another letter go up in flames, idly waiting for the smoke
to obscure the words before tossing another in. He was running low on
letters. Duo had managed to find him at every switch of venue over that
year of protecting Relena, leaving a new pristine envelope everywhere
Heero still wasn't sure how Duo managed it with all the security systems
and misleading trails he left when he tried to disappear for a while,
but somehow the braided pilot managed it. Each letter tore a new hole
in Heero when he read them, yet somehow he found he looked forward to
seeing the pristine white envelope inconspicuously settled somewhere within
his rooms, with large and messy letters proclaiming "You" or "He" and
no return address.
When they were friends, good friends, before everything got confusing
and hurtful, Duo used to tease Heero relentlessly. "Even your code name
is boring," he'd snicker, "He You. That's all you are... no name... just
a `he' and a `you', Heero Yuy...."
Heero watched as one of the first letters made its way to the fire and
looked down in mild surprise. Only one left; the very first letter he'd
Duo's scent still managed to make it's way from the paper and suddenly
Heero began to remember the rest of that night when his world had started
^^ Heero awoke in the prison cells, angered that he'd let that soldier
get the best of him, but not overly worried. He would be able to escape
without a problem, and if he couldn't, then the appropriate procedure
would be followed.
He would die before he helped the enemy win their war.
It seemed like forever but in reality probably only 15-20 minutes passed
before Heero heard it. Cursing. Panicked shouts.
Heero tested his manacled wrists but they weren't giving and he frankly
didn't care as the moment passed to relief at the knowledge that someone
was there to help him escape. The door swung inwardly with amazing force
and standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the flashing red of the alarms,
was one Duo Maxwell, cockily holding a gun toward the ceiling.
"Yo, Heero! Maybe you feel like a vacation and all, but isn't there a
better place to go?" He looked around the dingy cell with an amused grimace
as he quickly approached the relieved and partially confused Heero. "Like,
Bermuda? Bahamas? Somewhere else?" He was grinning and his voice
was still amused, but there was nothing playful about his smooth, professional
fingers working at the locks of Heero's restraints. A few moments later
and the manacles disappeared to be replaced by Duo's warm, comforting,
yet firm grip. He dragged Heero out of the room, who allowed the action
only until they were out of the cell and he was fully in control of his
body again. Together, they sprinted through the halls as fast as the hurried
"So," Duo managed to hold a quiet conversation between the ducking from
the guards and running toward their freedom, "Find what you were lookin'
Heero was about to answer `no' immediately when suddenly he realized something.
Why he had stopped running.
Some part of him had realized that the other 4 Gundam pilots were probably
going to be the only friends he could afford in the war, if he could afford
any. And though he shared commonalities with the others, it was Duo who
seemed determined to surprise Heero at every turn and force him to look
at the situation.
He wouldn't have referred to Duo as anything but a co-pilot before because,
though he knew the others were the only candidates for friendship, he
didn't believe any had reached that level yet.
But somehow, that same small part of Heero that realized the other pilots
could be more than fellow faces on the battlefield, that had also recognized
Duo's potential... that small part had wanted to test Duo.
A soldier would have followed his superior, no matter how crazed the action
A companion would have ignored the stupidity to continue the journey.
A friend would have returned to help.
A small smile formed in Heero's eyes without his realizing it as he looked
seriously at Duo and said in an important tone, "Yes. I did."
Duo glanced over, startled at Heero's reaction, but immediately a sincere
smile split his face and brightened his eyes. "I'm glad," Duo said warmly.
That was all they said for the rest of that mission.^^
Back then, the incident that started a strong friendship, Duo hadn't trusted
Heero but he believed in him. He knew Heero was doing something stupid
and he chose to complete the mission for Heero, who couldn't do it on
his own. But he had returned.
The fact that Duo could carry out the mission first but still return to
Heero was extremely important. It helped both sides of Heero's control:
the alleged Perfect Soldier, but also the confused and emotional side
that supposedly didn't exist despite the fact it ruled most of his actions.
But sometimes even his emotions failed him....
^^ Three months had passed quickly for Heero after his brief imprisonment
by Oz. He and Duo had slowly become closer friends, as well as more efficient
partners in the war. One night after Heero returned from a mission he
found Duo sitting on his bed in the dorm room they were currently staying
"Hi, Heero," Duo said in an unusually subdued tone when the Japanese pilot
entered. Mildly surprised and possibly concerned, Heero simply nodded
slightly at Duo and moved to his side of the room.
He could feel Duo's eyes on his back as he dutifully sat down and opened
his laptop. The American's gaze was burning a hole in his concentration
and making him progressively more nervous. Why didn't he look away? Duo
usually wasn't this reserved....
Almost as if Duo heard his thoughts, the American shifted on his bed and
spoke pensively into the silence, "Hey, Heero... I've been thinking...."
Heero glanced sidelong over but didn't deter his attention from his mission
report. He didn't answer, but then he rarely did, and he assumed Duo would
continue whether or not he spoke.
He was right.
"I guess this may seem out of nowhere to you but it's been on my mind
for awhile so...." Duo trailed off again, his voice quiet and almost...
Heero stopped typing at the thought. Duo acting timid was EXTREMELY strange.
Judging this to be more important than he'd anticipated, Heero took the
time to turn in his seat and regard his friend, silently urging him to
Duo glanced up, briefly making eye contact before he abruptly looked down
at his hands where he toyed with his braid's end. "I don't lie, and I
hate holding things in, so I'm just going to be blunt." Apparently gaining
his courage back, Duo looked up and took a deep breath, holding Heero's
startled gaze with a strong, almost defiant expression. "I like you, Heero,"
he stated, his tone holding no doubt, "I mean, really like you."
Heero blinked in surprise. Confusion swirled darkly through him, almost
drowning out his own voice asking in muted doubt, "Nani?"
Duo narrowed his eyes in determination and continued, "I like you more
than a friend, Heero. A lot more. And... I think you should know."
The confusion surged into a mixture of fury and terror that was so intense
it almost stained his vision a deep blood red. He was furious with Duo
for bringing the subject up, for demanding more from Heero when he had
finally come to grips with him being a friend. He was terrified of going
that extra step, of having a bigger liability than even a friend was,
and also frightened because he didn't even know what he thought about
the subject. He should have been denying the thought immediately, he shouldn't
even have to consider what Duo meant to him! Why had he pushed
it? He had just gotten a friend and now that friend already wanted more!
Heero didn't know whether to yell at Duo or ignore him, but the pilot
of Deathscythe was beginning to look more and more apprehensive as the
silence thickened in the heavy atmosphere. Somewhere deep inside, Heero
didn't like seeing Duo that unnerved, because he was his friend,
regardless of what Duo wanted....
"You are... a friend, Duo," he managed though even admitting that much
aloud was making Heero nervous, as if somehow saying those words would
put him in a position to choose between the mission and Duo. Unfortunately
for Duo, Heero knew what the answer would be. Why didn't Duo just stay
quiet for once? WHY did he have to push it? Heero struggled with how to
explain the rest of his thoughts, but everything was too chaotic, too
jumbled and intensely confusing for him to understand right then why he
wanted to say something more, let alone what it would be.
For one long, heavy moment, Duo watched Heero, who was staring back with
unfocused eyes. Abruptly, Duo smiled and nodded, though Heero noticed
some sadness to the expression. "I'm going to bed. Night, Heero."
Heero paused, taking this as an easy way to regroup his emotions and try
to explain what he felt at some later point. Nodding and immensely satisfied
with that solution, he turned back to his laptop. "Oyasumi,"(1) he calmly
replied, immediately continuing his report.
Quietly, Duo watched Heero for a few more heartbeats before he suddenly
laid down, turned over and promptly seemed to fall asleep.
Only two hours after his friend was lost to the conscious world, Heero
received an extended mission to protect Relena. He took the time to leave
a quick note for Duo to find in the morning before he packed all his belongings
into a duffel bag and disappeared into the night. ^^
A piece of wood in the fireplace suddenly popped loudly, bringing Heero
back to the present. Still somewhat removed from reality, he looked at
the flames and found himself wondering at how powerful they were and yet
how nothing could come close without getting burnt.
At the thought, Heero's eyes fell to stare at the paper before him. The
first letter. The beginning of several that had only added weight to Heero's
confusion and doubt, leaving him bereft of any sense of understanding.
Heero sighed softly.
Sometimes, before and especially after Duo's confession, Heero had felt
so attached to Duo, to his smile and laugh and comforting arms, that he
ached when he wasn't there. Sometimes Heero wanted nothing more than to
just see him, regardless of why or when or how, just as long as he could
touch his friend with his eyes, and maybe even get a glimpse of the boy
hiding in the shadows behind that brilliant grin.
This was one of those times.
And as Heero stared blindly at the letter he found himself looking up,
past the fireplace, gazing out the window as he searched the lazy twilight
world outside for an answer to his dilemma.
The word suddenly breathed through his mind, cutting through his thoughts
and centering on his heart. With a startled blink, Heero realized that
what held them together was their trust and belief in each other. Duo
believed in Heero to make the right decision, and Heero trusted Duo to
understand when he couldn't choose the correct path.
Idly, Heero looked down at the letter in his hand again, flipping the
envelope over as he regarded the front. `You,' Duo's handwriting scrawled
messily. As he had countless times before, Heero found himself staring
at the upper left corner where the return address should be, finding nothing
Yes, that was a good word for how he'd read the letters Duo sent. Empty,
and... aching. As if he'd lost something that he hadn't even known existed
until it was gone....
He always looked forward to the letters, knowing that just for those few
moments he was with his friend again, his eyes smiling at the jokes Duo
blurted and the enthusiasm he had for the little things that Heero rarely
noticed. Everytime he saw a new envelope, something in Heero rejoiced
and surged forward to examine everything about it, while another part
retreated further and further inside, hurt and rejected at how happy Duo
was without him, and yet angry at himself for even thinking of that. Duo
was his friend. Duo was a liability. It was bad enough the baka found
him, he shouldn't let anything he had to say bother him.
But every letter did. They all spoke of happy days, everything going on
as normal, the regular mishaps colored brightly in Duo's infectious tone.
Never once did Duo say he missed or even ever thought of Heero.
Never once did he imply that Heero meant anything to him anymore after
Never once did Duo leave a return address to invite Heero to reply.
Soon it was painful to see those letters, hurtful to read those content
words and know that Duo had forgotten him so easily.
Because Heero hadn't forgotten him.
6 months into his mission with Relena, Heero had finally realized what
Duo meant to him, what he was trying to say that one night....
`I like you too, Duo,' he should have said, `I really like you.
The way you smile. The way you laugh. The way you support me all around.
The way you make me feel... content.... The way you can stop all my emotions
from beating at me everytime you look at me with that expression that
says you understand. You understand completely....'
But he didn't say it when he had the chance, and he wasn't sure he ever
would have another.
That was why he was here, though.
Heero had just finished his mission with Relena a little over a month
ago, and the last few weeks he was stationed alone in this rustic cabin.
He didn't bother hiding his trail from Duo, and somewhere deep inside,
Heero desperately hoped that Duo would return...
...Because Heero didn't know how to return to Duo....
Well, I've walked two hundred miles
now look me over It's the end of the chase and the moon is high It won't
matter who loves who
You'll love me or I'll love you
When the night comes falling from the sky
A noise startled Heero out of his thoughts and he looked up just in time
to watch Duo close door behind him as he stepped inside, violet gaze staring
deeply into Heero's cobalt eyes. Without realizing it, Heero dropped the
letter that had been in his hands.
Slowly, a relieved smile reminiscent of that mission lit the generally
dispassionate gaze and, relieved as well, Duo smiled quietly back as he
entered the room and closed the door behind him.
"Hey, Heero," Duo said almost timidly as he slid into place at Heero's
side on the wooden cabin floor in front of the soothing, crackling fireplace.
He looked at Duo for a long moment, suddenly unsure of what his emotions
wanted him to do. Inside he was full of a chaotic, living, breathing storm.
It washed away his thoughts and pressed painfully against his heart.
He was happy to see Duo.
He was afraid of losing him again.
He was ecstatic he'd returned.
He was angry that Duo hadn't trusted him.
Suddenly it didn't matter anymore what Heero wanted because Duo took the
initiative. In an abrupt display of affection, he threw himself at Heero
and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, burying his face in his upper
arm. "I missed you, He," he murmured softly into Heero's skin.
The Japanese pilot blinked once before his emotions suddenly all screamed
for the same thing. With deliberate calmness and certainty, he pulled
Duo in for a strong hug. Returning a hug was unassuming. Returning a hug
wouldn't push Duo away again... right? "You left," was his answer, but
in those two words all his emotions shrieked to the surface, leaving his
voice soft, breathy, and wavering. You left me alone... why?
"I... I know...." Duo replied in a subdued voice.
Heero tightened his grip on Duo before reluctantly pulling the American's
warmth away from him. He kept his hands firmly on Duo's shoulders but
held him at arm's length so he could clearly see him.
Duo looked away uncomfortably under the scrutiny, somewhat nervously licking
his lips. His hands were clenched in fists, his skin paler than usual,
and slightly sunken in. His hair was a mess, including the prized braid
that was currently lumped ridiculously against his back. His clothes were
dirty and his skin was covered in a fine layer of dirt.
Heero took all the details in and categorized them within seconds before
he looked up at Duo's face with a heavy gaze until the trapped amethyst
eyes looked back at him with a slightly haunted expression. Heero squeezed
Duo's shoulders encouragingly but spoke only one word.
I can see through your walls
and I know you're hurting
Sorrow covers you like a cape
Only yesterday I know that you've been flirting
With disaster that you managed to escape
Duo stared at Heero, caught in his strong gaze, and found himself babbling
almost without realizing it. His words broke through the silence of the
room quickly, shakily and yet confidently, as if he had to say this all,
right now, before he could forget anything or lose his nerve. Before his
mind had a chance to stop him.
"We were friends, Heero. Really good friends. And I felt really important
having you there, like it didn't matter anymore if people knew anything
about me `cause you cared about all the stuff I wanted you to, and didn't
care about the rest of the shit that came with it." Duo averted his eyes
to the fireplace.
"So I thought I should be honest. When I realized you meant more to me
than a friend, I started to think maybe you felt the same. I was analyzing
every move you made, wondering if it was a `friend' act or a `more' act,
and it was driving me crazy! So... you know... I told you... and.... I
mean I understand that you had a mission and were busy and all but you
suddenly didn't seem to want anything to do with me...." Duo hesitated
then looked back at Heero with truth shining from his eyes.
Heero was unsure how to respond so he stayed silent as he waited for Duo
to continue. After a few moments, Duo ran his fingers uncomfortably through
his bangs then pulled his braid in front of him to idly stroke.
"I watched over you for awhile, keeping my eye out for broadcasts that
might have you in the background, doing idle check-ups. I knew something
was bothering you, it's kinda hard for me to ignore that anymore. But
I was still angry with you, and hurt, and confused. And to top it off,
the person you'd run to was the last person I wanted to feel jealous of.
The fact that I couldn't help the envy only made me feel more guilty and
angry with you for forcing me into those emotions, even though you didn't.
So I decided I'd get back at you... sorta...." He watched the fire crackle
and pop and smiled faintly as he finally realized what was in there. Slowly,
his eyes slid to regard the first letter that was still lying on the floor
in front of Heero. He moved away from Heero long enough to gently pick
it up and examine it with a quiet, almost fond, expression as he spoke
softly. "So I mailed you those letters, and sometimes sent them to Relena
to give to you. Talked about my day like nothing had changed since you
were gone, like it didn't matter to me at all whether you lived or died."
Duo glanced sidelong at Heero, "I didn't really lie," almost immediately
he looked away again, "But I didn't tell the full truth either. I mean,
yeah, I was doing all that stuff. But I missed you. More than I thought
I'd ever miss anyone. And... it scared me.... I kept thinking you could
die anytime and I'd have no say in it. I know we're soldiers, Heero,
but behind that we're also people... maybe even children... and the child
in me kept thinking... you'd...."
Duo trailed off as he unseeingly dropped the letter to the floor again,
staring at the fire for one long moment. Heero stared at Duo with a million
thoughts running through his mind. Duo didn't hate him still, but he was
confused on if he still liked him or not. He was still leaning against
him, so he must, right? And he spoke of being afraid that Heero was going
to die... but was Duo back only because he didn't want Heero to die before
he could say a few more things, or was he back because he still liked
One thing was certain to Heero: he still very much liked Duo....
Suddenly, he looked back at Heero and the importance in his gaze made
the Japanese pilot stop everything he was doing and just stare back. It
was almost as if words passed from Duo to Heero without being said....